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i'm black yall i'm black yall i'm blackity black cuz i'm black yall.
etfp | 4:19 PM on 09.07.2008 36 comments




generally being a black man in a multicultural america, i'm usually reminded of race everyday. it isn't as bad as many people would expect. however, i've been on this earth for 29 years and 2 weeks and it gives me a chance to analyze certain aspects of culture as i see fit.

so now recently i've been turning my attention towards video games. why? well video games don't have the same standards as movies and tv. video games don't necessarily have to be pc while movie execs and tv producers are questioning everything about the product. there are focus groups for video games but there aren't sponsors. if you put a stereotypical character like cole train from gears of war in a game, you don't have groups protesting the sales of the game at walmart.

(side note: i personally don't find cole train stereotypical as far as race is concerned. he was a football player. most of them act like that.)

so in the past few days i've been pretty much going through a majority of the games i own (and don't own) and have played in the past and decided to write about certain characters. if they were done right. and what could be better done.



barret wallace (final fantasy VII)

who is he?

stereotypical, potty mouthed leader of the eco group AVALANCHE in the city of midgar. and he uses a gun. smh. a gun.

how black is he?

well, since black people curse a lot and use broken english. i suppose he's pretty effing black. i swear at one point i saw him say "i say we go ova tuh duh shinruh towa to take caruh doze deah turks. yessuh, cloud!". also he had a really bad temper, beating the crap out of anyone that opposed him. which is pretty black. but i guess it could be pretty italian of him too. and he HAD A GUN FOR AN ARM. you can't really tell from the terrible polygon graphics but he actually turns it sideways like the real gangstas do. and in advent children, he had cornrows.

but he wasn't all bad was he?

no of course not. you'd suppose he was pretty intelligent, seeing he could recruit people into AVALANCHE to follow his cause. he was also a great protector as evidenced by taking marlene after dyne supposedly died *spoiler alert*. he was a very loyal friend and partner, sacrificing himself for the greater good when needed. AND HE HAD A GUN FOR AN ARM.

how could you make him better?

i'd seem like a fool if i wanted a character changed from a game that was made over ten years ago. i'd like it if he spoke like everyone else. considering he was in a mining town, maybe everybody else talked like that too. (wait...he was the only one that talked like that? well...that's fucked up) but hey, you have to take what you get. although barret is sinfully stereotyped, he's still a great character and there's more to him than the broken english, the cursing and the GUN FOR AN ARM.

blackness accuracy: 5 out of 10 earth wind and fire albums.

although there's a lot of stereotypes throughout, i'd still have to give him a pretty average score. points are definitely knocked off because he didn't die in the story. that's worth about a million blackness points.



staff sergeant griggs (call of duty 4)

who is he?

second in command behind lieutenant vasquez and SAW gunner for the marine force recon. he nearly dies in the *spoiler alert* nuclear explosion in that "unnamed middle eastern country" and joins capt. price's team to find zakhaev.

how black is he?

oh yeah, i'll tell you who he definitely is. he's definitely the hardcore black marine you'd meet in real life like i did when i was in the marine corps. he was about business but knew when to have a laugh. what i like about this character that there's really no big whoop because there's a black character in a game. he's part of a cohesive team brought together to take down a one armed russian with nukes. and isn't that what we all look for in life?

but but...he rapped at the end. isn't that a stereotype?

it seems like a stereotype but not let's get TOO naive here. black people know how to rap better than most white people (eminem, evidence and aesop rock notwithstanding). and yes i know he turned on rap music at one point (sean price, even) but what black person do you know under the age of 30 that doesn't like rap music? i sure as hell don't.

how would you make him better?

i wouldn't do a damn thing. i explained it above. his blackness wasn't put out there for people to pick apart. he wasn't the only person in the game cursing and beating the crap out of people. sure he was the only one rapping but i don't think anybody wants to hear capt. price rapping. which i'm sure will be a hoot.

blackness accuracy: 8 out of 10 fried fish dinners with hot sauce.

this was a perfect black character in a near perfect game. i'd say he's one of the first black supporting characters where i actually enjoyed his performance. and considering the fact that it was played by mark grigsby, the lead designer of the game pretty much explains it. the character nailed it. until he died that is. (the game came out like a year ago, screw your spoiler warning).

well that's it for right now.
i'm going to update with hopefully two black characters a week and if you can think of some for me to grade, let me know. i'm open to suggestions.

thanks for reading.



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36 comments | showing # 1 to 36

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pendelton21's Destructoid Blog
Fascinating read. Also, CB4 is one of the best movies ever made.
Electro Lemon's Destructoid Blog
Ooh. You know, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but we here at Destructoid don't.. how can I put this nicely.. allow black people to blog. :/
etfp's Destructoid Blog
@ GYNECOLOGIST COBRA: but i come bearing friends DVDs, and mayonnaise, and look...a "save darfur" button. :o(

pweeeez?
etfp's Destructoid Blog
@ PENDLETON21: thanks for reading.
gotdurnrite's Destructoid Blog
Great read. I feel that my blackness has been elevated. Hold on let me check my levels. Yep, just reached Black Panther.
Spitfire's Destructoid Blog
fuck ya CB4. That clips needs to play anytime someone brings up racism.
Tubatic's Destructoid Blog
I've got run off and do some black guy stuff, but I'm interested in what you have to say as it may be relevant to my interests.
Def JM's Destructoid Blog
I see we have the same the interestes other then the fact that I dont work at a computer store.
Kryptinite's Destructoid Blog
There's black people on Destructoid? What is the world coming too.

Nice read.

You have to do the dude from Crackdown in one of these.
NihonTiger90's Destructoid Blog
At first, I thought this was a Lemon blog based on the title.
MrFwankie's Destructoid Blog
Great read. I'd also like to know what you think about Sarge (from the Halo series) and/or Drebin from Metal Gear Solid 4.
10BobMarleys's Destructoid Blog
What about Master chief? The guy at EB Games told me he was black....
ZServ's Destructoid Blog
Stay away from Necros, or at least have a lighter ready. he's bad to blacks.
Also, you're amazing.
Question, btw. Why do (not trying to stereotype, just like some of fellow blacks) blacks get pissed off about being called black, and not african american? Seriously, whats the problem? I'm a whiteboy and dammit, i hate being called Caucasian.
Y0j1mb0's Destructoid Blog
Good read my good man.

Also, blackness accuracy of this Blog: 4 of 10 three piece Church's Chicken Dinners. Much too insightful and concise to garner authetic black accuracy.
TheDreadHawk's Destructoid Blog
This is a niiiice post. I look forward to more. I am so white it's not even funny. I even have a sunburn right now!
blehman's Destructoid Blog
Blizzady, blackity, black, black y'all. Nice read.
etfp's Destructoid Blog
@ Y0J2MB0: but if my black conversion chart is correct, 4 out of 10 three piece churchs chicken dinners is equivalent to 8 playings of electric slide. so its still pretty black. but depending on where you live, 8 electric slide playings is equivalent to 2 spinner rims. so nevermind.
Mxyzptlk's Destructoid Blog
Needs more blackity blackness.
Zen Albatross's Destructoid Blog
This is easily the most amazing thing I've read in months. Come to PAX next year so I can buy you a beer.
Tubatic's Destructoid Blog
@EFTP

You've got to take the Cha-Cha Slide variant into account though. Not to mention the "Supaman!!" oscilation (theoretical or not)

Also, I look forward to more of these, very enjoyable read! How about the dude from Chrono Trigger that ran the gang in the future. He was the first black video game character that I remember that wasn't an athelete.
etfp's Destructoid Blog
@ ZEN: i really wanted to come out to pax this year too. i had a place to stay and everything. but alas. i've been building a new computer and my new computer >>>>>> interacting with real people. i'll hold you to that offer, btw.
vonneuton's Destructoid Blog
Dr. Eli Vance?
etfp's Destructoid Blog
@ VN: oh definitely. he's fit for future entries. i wanted to wait for episode 3 but i might die from old age and/or anxiety by the time it comes out. i also want to include alyx. she's biracial but she's a great character i want to get into (that didn't sound right)
Sharpless's Destructoid Blog
I came here for blackness. I was not disappointed.
etfp's Destructoid Blog
@ SHARPLESS: i'm honored to supply you with awesome amounts of blackness.
Electro Lemon's Destructoid Blog
Mayonnaise, you say? Hmm. Well alright then! Just roll around in this sack of flour, no one will ever be the wiser.


Great blog, though. And yes, more Crackdown agent!
Samit Sarkar's Destructoid Blog
I now feel blacker for having read this. Thanks for the edumacation!
Rucksack's Destructoid Blog
@eftp

This is a bit off topic, but you blog brought it to mind.

I think another interesting question is why do must anime character have Caucasian features?
Das Inchworm's Destructoid Blog
...just posting cause im black. every other black guy was doin it.
SnakeDude4Life's Destructoid Blog
As long we are getting in to race:

I'm cuban.

Not a lot of cubans in games...
etfp's Destructoid Blog
@ SNAKE: you could count the cubans in kane & lynch, i guess. well wait. you got MLB and FIFA right? but we're not counting sports figures are we? because we've both pretty much cornered that market. tight.
Scrixx's Destructoid Blog
What about Dominicans eh.

Or Italians (well there's a lot), but i'm both, so you don't See too many mixed Dominican/Italians in a game, or any interracial products of humans..
Colette Bennett's Destructoid Blog
WAHAHAH! Brilliant! I love your blackness rating comparisons!
roland9000's Destructoid Blog
the blackness ratings were a pro move, my favourite sterotype is the mad black ball breaking police cheif from films...

blackness rating 5 out of 7 fake gold chains
Kayka's Destructoid Blog
"blackness accuracy: 5 out of 10 earth wind and fire albums. "

hahahahhaahahhahahaha
galagabug 's Destructoid Blog
that was long.

blackness accuracy = blackuracy.


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 about me

i'm a late 20s gamer for an affinity for the retro stuff. old school but still love the new school games. i currently own a ps3 and a wii. don't ask why i don't have a 360 yet. maybe because i'm a masochist.

favorite games of all time:

- all of the metroids including primes.
- final fantasy 6 and 7
- chrono trigger
- GTA:SA
- the zelda series
- einhander (the perfect game IMO)
- street fighter II (and the alpha series)
- bad dudes
- goldeneye
- super mario kart
- metal gear series

i curse too much. drink beer 3-4 nights out of the week. work for a computer store. and play emulated games all the damned time.

 mii friend code:
dnegative@gmail.com

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