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6:34 AM on 01.03.2009

The Evil of Gift-Cards....(NVGR)

Americans are so selfish.

"Hey Tyler, I know/love you enough to give you a gift, but I don't trust/love you quite enough, and I want to make sure you spend my money at this specific place." No offense to the literally thousands of people who have given me gift cards over the years, but FUCK YOU! Give me cash or give me death, I'm pretty sure that's what Patrick Henry meant to say.

I'm not a junkie regardless of what the University of Texas Propaganda Machine might lead you to believe. I'm not going to spend your money on drugs and/or hookers unless I'm really really really bored. Understand that gift-cards are a huge scam for many reasons.

Can you see the metaphor I'm throwing down?
Number first: either the gift cards are lost or not used until they have expired. Number B, the gift cards are for places I would never frequent, like Starbucks, a giftcard I've gotten on at least 8 seperate occasions yet I never drink coffee of any kind. If you don't know me well enough to know I don't drink coffee, please just spend the money on yourself and stop projecting on me.

Lesson 3: many people will forget/throw away their giftcards with 3 to 8 dollars left over because again they didn't want to shop at the store in the first place. Also the establishment won't give change back or you don't have enough money to buy what you want so you end up paying the difference.

For all these reasons and more realize that the sole reason gift-cards exist are for companies to fuck you in the ass. You might as well just walk up to best buy and give them your money. "But Tyler, I'm responsible, I use my gift-cards to the max!" Of course everyone <i>intends</I> to spend their plastic money, but the reality is companies wouldn't push them so hard if they weren't making money. Form follows function, and in 'America' the function is to make money. If you don't know this by now then see you in hell comrade.

For some reason giving money has become taboo or impersonal in this day and age.
"Thanks Aunt that I see once a I year! I do like video games, music, movies, and expensive electronic equipment, how'd you know?!?!."

In conclusion I guess I'm in the minority. I give gifts that I know for a fact that people want, or I think will enjoy. So before you waste yours and my time by getting a gift-card remember: money is a gift but gift-cards are an obligation.[i]   read

8:22 PM on 11.13.2007

Mario's Mid-life Crisis

I was playing SMG today and something caught my eye that I hadn't noticed before. Mario's signature mustache is black, but his hair is BROWN! Could it be that our pogo personified plumber has issues and dyes his mustache? Do horses wear socks? Is anybody listening to me?   read

3:27 AM on 08.26.2007

Halo 3 is disappointing, but nice looking

Watching the first 20 minutes of Halo 3 played by a whore I couldn't help but be reminded of a mime I saw on American Idol a few nights ago. HEY I DON'T WATCH IT OK! (JOKE ALERT) I just happened to be flipping through the channels when my remote ran out of batteries! (seriously I don't watch that show ok)

Now, the thing about Halo 3 is that it seemed, more or less, like a mime. Of course, it was a very nice-modeled, well-rendered mime with nice stripes, but nothing more. The game, much like my mute-deaf cousin who is stupid and dead, lacks life.

The gameplay looks like your standard Third-person fare, which is to say that I didn't see anything great or remarkable. There's a variety of weapons and abilities to use, but my pussy didn't get wet or tight because of them. Gameplay is kind of hard to judge with a blindfold on and hopped up on goofballs or an actual controller in my hands, so I'm going to reserve judgment on that.

But here's my judgment anyway.

At worst, Halo 3 is disappointing. The best reaction I've heard all day was this: "It wasn't that bad, just more of the same." If "not that bad" is all you've got going for you ...

Ho hum.   read

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