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7:52 PM on 10.16.2009

Overdue Review: Dawn of War II

(In this brand new series I may or may not be doing I'll review games that are in a sense old. Since we as gamers have really short attention spans and everyone of us as ADD ADHD and drink Mt. Dew by the gallon.)

Ok I'll try to make this short since I'm going to be busy playing it.

Warhammer 40000: Dawn of War II
Developer: Relic Entertainment
Publisher: THQ
Released: February 19, 2009
MSRP: $49.99, $19.99 on Steam

It's 20 dollars on Steam.
Co-op Campaign
Awesome competitive multiplayer
The Last Stand

To start controls are standard fair with the keyboard and mouse setup. And the UI while nothing flashy works well. Graphics and physics are really good for an RTS and you can zoom all the way in to see the more brutal execution animations up close and personal. Though the requirements might seem steep the game scales pretty well all things considering.

Comp Stomp modes have been, in my opinion, on of the best recent trends in gaming. With Horde and Firefight being huge successes Relic decided to get into the fad. And why not through in some intense bloodthirsty AI and some high-scores to go after and you got a formula for awesomeness.

Last Stand has already been touched upon so I'm not going to say too much but that it is really fucking intense. The only negatives I would give it, is that there isn't a Tyranid Hero, Games for Windows is SLOOOOOOOOOOOW, and the fact that currently there is only one map. I'm sure Relic is going to release more though sooner or later. There are some awesome surprises though enemy wise so be prepared.

The campaign is truly epic and the co-op seamlessly integrates into the experience. If you go solo you have command of 4 units and with a partner/hostage/prostitute it's split in half with each of you commanding 2 units. The only unit you must have in your 'party' is the force commander which is a must really, considering the upward battles you face. Negative wise there are only 3 maps per planet making it 9 in total so you'll be able to memorize these levels pretty easily. Also the missions don't have that much variety only mixing between protection missions where you need to protect generators through multiple waves of enemies or seek and destroy missions where you must kill a head boss at the end of the map. Though you are scored through things like speed and troop loss.

And don't even get me started on wargear. If you're a loot whore in games like WoW or Diablo you'll be right at home with this, which reminds me this campaign kind of does play like Diablo so if you like point and click but have never really tried and RTS maybe this will get you into it.

Multiplayer is pretty tough. There is a learning curve but this isn't Supreme Commander. I do HIGHLY recommend you do some skirmishes against the computer though before you jump in though to get used to the interface. You make a few to many mistakes and your ass will be on the losing side of the battle report screen. If you're a veteran of other RTS and are good at micro you will love the competitive aspect since there are only two resources in the game and you win by being aggressive. Smart but also you have to constantly be on the offensive. If you played the amazing Company of Heroes series you'll be right at home, and while the space marines might play like a 40K version of the Allies the other races make this game completely unique. And you can fight anywhere through 1v1, 2v2, or 3v3 and use any comination of comps and humans alike.

If you like RTS MIDILY get this game. It's as simple as that. With three modes of play and the Chaos coming soon there isn't a better time to pick this game up. And you too will soon be killing heretics IN THE NAME OF THE EMPEROR!

Score: 9 -- Superb (9s are a hallmark of excellence. Blah. Blah. Blah. Go Buy Now!)   read

10:44 PM on 08.31.2009

I Suck At Games: Losing

Yeah mother fucker I said it. When it comes to gaming I am God. I pwn n00bs like it's fucking bitches. And trust me I fuck plenty of bitches.

Fatal1ty? Yeah I rape him. Your 12 year old cousin? I teabag him all night. I make your mom cry when I spam Shoryukens with Dan and still win. I beat Ikaruga and Through the Fire and Flames blindfolded. AT THE SAME TIME.

Then, well then there is you. The “HARDC0RE 1337 MASTER” well let's just say I want to keep this article clean. You know for the kids

You might be asking yourself, “Emotoaster, just how do you do it?!11one?” Well I'll tell you cock sucker it's because I'm secretly Jim Sterling's father. Yep you mother fucker that's right. I get ALL the high scores and pussy that's why I'm awesome.

The End.   read

10:48 AM on 08.11.2009

Quick Hits 8/11/09 Part 1 - ALL CAPS EDITION!

(In Quick Hits I rate weekly anime series generally with Thumbs Up, Down, Meh or Dropped. If I can get through the series expect a full review on it sooner or later. Oh and I might be an episode ahead or behind or whatever so this is your warning SPOILERS MAY OR MAY NOT BE POSTED IN THIS SHIT.)

Wow, so ugh...yeah I've been a tad busy with the whole packing, and working, and responsibility. I have not been lazy or wasting time playing The Best Thing Ever! (Love half off Steam Weekends!!!!!) Why do you accuse me of such a thing? ANYWAY on to the fail that no-one reads!

The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya (Season 2) has been a downer but I'll let you in on a little secret, ENDLESS EIGHT IS FINALLY FUCKING OVER FOLKS! Praise be to Haruhi since this bullshit is done with. Yes it's anticlimactic yes it was overdone, yes it was boring, but you know what seeing this face

was almost worth it.

I don't know if I'll let this shit go. I mean 8 TIMES! That's a little redundant. I mean 8 TIMES! That's a little redundant. I mean 8 TIMES! That's a little redundant. I mean 8 TIMES! That's a little redundant. I mean 8 TIMES! That's a little redundant. I mean 8 TIMES! That's a little redundant. I mean 8 TIMES! That's a little redundant. I mean 8 TIMES! That's a little redundant.

I just hope the next arc is good so Haruhi can be be saved and Japan doesn't burn to the ground.
Two excited peni...Thumbs Up.

Now last post I mention how CANAAN didn't really drawl me in and was just plan confusing as fuck, well by episode 3 everything starts taking off. Yes it still overblown and confusing as fuck but now at least I'm intrigued.

I just wish CANAAN didn't look like a 12 year old boy that hangs out with a mentally challenged friend but hey I'm sure everyone on the internets likes that porn premise.

Thumbs Up. If you are still on the fence watch up to episode 3 to pass judgement.

Princess Lover! has been one of the few bright spots so far this season. I mean how can you not like this harem unless you just hate the genre. All you need to know is rich school + tits.
If anything just watch for Saber 2.0.

Mmmmm Saber.

Every girls is clichéd but in a good way and I like all the characters. It reminds me a lot of Ichigo 100% which is one of my favorite harems I still don't know who the end girl is and I think that is really what sells this show. Thumbs Up.

Now we got NEEDLESS. (WTF's with all the caps people?) The animation is starting to get bad and the series as a whole is just starting to ware thin.

Blade keeps things interesting though. So I'll give it a few more episodes but it might be the next show I drop. Thumbs Down.

BTW I didn't forget about Fight Ippatsu! Juuden-Chan!!, shit suxs and has been Dropped and BANNED.

To Be Continued.
Later this week I'll post part 2 since I haven't even updated you on the awesome that is Bakemonogatari and some other shows I picked up and I know all of you readers are dying for more.   read

10:53 PM on 08.04.2009

OMG! OMG! OMG! Dethklok+Mastodon=WIN!

Just saw the promo on CN and...HOLY FUCKING SHIT! I've been dying to see Mastodon live for about 2 years now but the problem is THEY NEVER COME TO FLORIDA!!!!111111 So instead of seeing them with the fail that is Slipknot last year I went and saw Dethklok and was completely blown away. I wish I had pics but the security was tight.

Anyway Brendon Small is fucking awesome and now I get to see him shred WITH Mastodon! I really can't think of a better lineup plus High on Fire! I mean this is a must see show! Oh and if you haven't listen to them youtube, torrent, or PLEASE BUY The Dethalbum and Crack The Skye. Oh and hey the Dethalbum II drops in September so look out for that!

Here are the tour dates!

We will return to our normally scheduled fail as soon as I recover from the possible comatose state I'm in now....   read

2:10 AM on 07.29.2009

Otakcon 2009 Fansub Discussion Panel

Just a quick post. ANN is streaming the entire panel and I thought it was really interesting discussion. I think civil discussions like these are what will bring the industry closer together. Now everyone go fuck off plz.

DISCLAIMER: This video is about an hour long but is broken into 6 parts. Q&A starts at video 4. Also beware of the Dragonball: Evolution Ads they all suck but hey at least we now know there is a 'Z' version. Yeah I see what you did there 20th Century Fox. And ANN gives you the decent option to mute the fuckers.   read

3:03 AM on 07.22.2009

Quick Hits - Week of 7/22/09

(In Quick Hits I rate weekly anime series generally with Thumbs Up, Down, Meh or Dropped. If I can get through the series expect a full review on it sooner or later. Oh and I might be an episode ahead or behind or whatever so this is your warning SPOILERS MAY OR MAY NOT BE POSTED IN THIS SHIT.)

Ah summer, the season full of sun, fun and tits. Lots and lots of tits.

It seems the summer anime season is no different and chalk full of em! With shows like Haruhi (Mikiru), Spice and Wolf (Horo), Bakemonogatari (Hitagi), Princess Lover (every girl) etc. etc. NEEDLESS (lol) to say I'm enjoying most of the shows I've decided to watch so lets get this shit started.

Lets start with what seems like what everyone has been ranting and going batshit insane over and that is The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya and Endless Eight. I got to say while I enjoy the premise and the sheer balls it takes for keeping this up for FIVE episodes (so far...) this has to END!

For those, few readers ;_;, that don't know the new season of Haruhi has started and the first episode was awesome. It was great to have the old gang back and everything was perfect. There was costume raping, Haruhi being Haruhi, Kyon being Kyon, Yuki being awesome, Itsuki being gay. Life was good. But then...then Endless Eight started.

It's basically Ground Hog day without the awesome. Each time Kyon get's a little bit closer to figuring out how to stop it but fails and it starts all over. I won't say more than that but the little details added while interesting don't add that much to warrant an entire episode. I have to go with Thumbs Down unless Kyon mans up and fucks Haruhi or something. Watch one or two episodes if you are into Haruhi and haven't seen the new season yet. I'll let you know when the hell is over with. Since I'm a masochistic and all. ;_;

That leads us to what I consider the best show of the season so far. The Eden of the East for this summer and that would be Bakemonogatari, or Ghostory. You should be watching this since there is


Awesome tsundere dialog
Fantastic Animation
Interesting Supernatural setting
And let's not forget the staples. Seriously if this gets licensed Staples or Office Max or whatever they should sponsor this.

Episode 1 is a great intro and has tons of surprises plus the main lead isn't a bitch.

Half of Episode 2 involves Hitagi taking a shower and attempting to get dressed!

Episode 3 introduces this loli that messes with Araragi (the lead).
Hell Hitagi even says while getting dressed, "Could you not spit while you talk? STDs from hookers are contagious.” HOW COULD YOU SAY NO TO THIS?! Anyway THUMBS UP! WATCH THIS SHIT NOW!

Now we move on to Fight Ippatsu! Juuden-Chan!! All I can say is if you like girls pissing while having an orgasm to electricity then this is the show for you. It takes me a lot to drop a show but I'm on the edge...I'm going to give episode 2 a shot later this week, so we shall see...
You can even watch it legally on Crunchy Roll.

Princess Lover is a typical harem, but I'm liking the lead so far and hey it helps that every single girl can probably suffocate a normal person with their fun bags.Plus there's a Saber clone and takes place in a rich high class school/club like Ouran and that's fucking awesome.

Thumbs Up!

Now we got the Action/Comedy of the group in NEEDLESS. I liked the first episode and Blade is fucking awesome (see picture below).

The other character, Cruz, sucks though and brings the show down with all his bitching. Try to ignore his punk ass. This is the new shonen on the block. So I guess that it is needed. And some of the gags are actually funny as hell and episode 2 will make Gurren Lagann fans ROFL!

Episode 2 kept the awesome but Episode 3 was just mediocre though it does introduce a new character for Blade to fuck with and that's always welcomed. I will watch a few more but I got to give it a Meh. If there is moar Blade and less Cruz then this will get the upgrade to Thumbs Up.

Last but not least is CANAAN the major action blockbuster of the group. It involves conspiracies and drugs and super assassins that can kill everyone before blinking...nothing you probably haven't seen before. I just don't like the show. Its the Transformers 2 of the summer season and is just trying to do WAY TOO MUCH.

Yeah everything is shiny and shit but CANAAN doesn't hold my attention which if weird for an action show. This could change though so I'm going to give it a Meh.

SIDE NOTE: I also might be picking Tokyo Magnitude 8.0 but as you can see alright go a lot of stuff already so we'll see. If you have anything you want to recommend then just drop it in the comments. Sorry for the long post but I'm covering mulitiple episodes and there are more pics at the end of the post.   read

2:31 AM on 07.16.2009

Holy Shit Balls - Sengoku Basara

OK, well this is my attempt to start blogging more and since Japanator doesn't have C-Blogs (yet?) Dtoid gets this, so suck on it bitches! (And hopefully I will be doing one of these once a week sucks to be you readers.)

Anyway everyone needs to see the most amazing thing that is Sengoku Basara! This is (definitely) how it came about,
1. Capcom needs money (it is a video game franchise)
2. The franchise hasn't been whored yet, I mean Devil May Cry got an anime for fucks sake!
3. Has explosions, tits, and shit.
4. ???

And surprisingly it works. There is no deep over blown Final Fantasy plot here. This is Dynasty Warriors anime style. If that doesn't put a retarded smile on your face like this guy then you simply WILL NOT LIKE THIS SHOW!

Plus there is a character that spits out random Engrish, has an eye patch, uses six that's right SIX swords, AND rides a horse with motorcycle handle bars and EXHAUST PIPES!
This guy could give Kamina a run for his money.

All you need to know is that there are a shit ton of countries fighting over Japan or Taiwan or some shit but most fight for HONOR or GAR! Except for this group of assholes and this fag furry looking dude that wants everyone to hug...BUT WE WON'T GET INTO THAT! I mean come on we even get ninjas...AND NINJAS WITH TITS!

While this may take place in feudal Japan people are throwing fireballs and lighting like this is Naruto. Which leads to some awesome fights and while it isn't realistic it does remind me of other great overblown fighting sequences like in Gurren Lagann. Shit explodes left and right and the body count for no name characters probably gets to the millions by the end of the series.

The animation by Production I.G. (Ghost in the Shell, Eden of the East) is solid though the earlier episodes are the best in that sense. The voice acting is good and gets you pumped, and most of the characters are memorable. I will say that the story does drag when they do decide that the plot is important and they need to talk about how this philosophy is better or some bullshit but that is why you have a fast forward button! The cast gets a little bloated but hey that's what dramatic death sequences are for! And come on, how can you not like the show when it has a guy riding TWO horses up a 90 degree wall? It's as if this show was made for Sterling...

The 12 episode series has been licensed by Funimation, but those that know how to use Google can find it. I personally can't wait to hear the cast in English. Plus a second season has been annonced. If you are looking for something a little more DEEP you may have to look somewhere else. Especially if you aren't a 4 year old. But hey this series doesn't take itself seriously and has plenty of style, comedy and action to go around. Everyone should give at least the first two episodes a shot.

I give it 8 over-the-top explosions out of 10. You probably won't buy it but hey it's a fun ride all the way through.   read

12:19 PM on 06.02.2009

Holy shit balls new Old Republic Trailer!1


Everyone knows this is CG bus still looks absolutely amazing. Can't be said enough. I really think this game will give WoW a run for it's money. And on a side note WHY COULDN'T THE SHOW OR PREQUELS BE THIS FUCKING AWESOME?

[embed]134499:19775[/embed]   read

8:11 PM on 11.09.2008

Jacked-UP! Contest Entry.

So here it is. I hope it is awesome!

Side Note: I am the one getting tackled and those punches fucking hurt.   read

10:14 PM on 03.16.2008

Happy Birthday future dictator of all the known world.

All I got to say is Happy Birthday Neiro and the robot, and hope it doesn't end up like mine...

Also cocks.   read

2:20 AM on 02.07.2008

Good Idea, Bad Idea: Grenades

Now many of you just by clicking on this c-blog maybe asking yourself, “Who the fuck is emotoaster?” I have only one things to say.
1.I'm not Robert Summa.

A lot of gamers seem to take these things for granted, but can you blame them? They have been around since the land before time. I find though that in certain games they are just done horribly, but other times when done correctly make a game that much more intense and fun.

So lets start with the good.
One game that comes to mind, to me, is Halo. Not only do the grenades help flush out your opponents but they can also be a tool for fun aka humiliation. Theres nothing like seeing a sniper run away, like a girl only to see him get stuck by your plasma.

Bungie did a excellent job of tweaking the grenades overall power as well. I find its pretty hard to die with one nade but it can work and it is a great tool to at least take some of their shields down so you can finish them off and T-Bag them or flip that ghost thats been annoying the fuck out of you. It also isn't too easy to just run around and stick everyone. It's balanced.

And now the bad.
The first game that comes to mind is Call of Duty 4. (Yes I went there.) More and more frequently I find myself getting killed, then spawning only to have a random grenade go off on me. I know this is a random grenade throw because I saw them through it with the kill cam. And before you start telling me to “STFU n00b!” and “Learn2Play!” go play a few rounds of either CoD4 or Rainbow Six:Las Vegas and not tell me that there isn't one time you found them cheap or irritating. That is my biggest problem, and it only seems to be with “realistic” FPS games, but it comes off as cheap. I stopped playing Rainbow Six on Live, because I couldn't walk through a door without a frag going off. And when that happens it just turns into a camping fest or just spamming GGGGGGGGGG. Now that doesn't happen 100% of the time but I feel that it happens a tad too much.

Weren't grenades brought into gaming to help eliminate excessive camping and to flush out your opponents? Not be a FREE ticket to boosting your E-Penis. Infinity Ward tried to balance the game with that grenade indicator but it just doesn't seem to be enough.

When used well though grenades can really help bring strategy and just more ways to blow up that n00b, but when done wrongly it seems like it is just a tool to get a free kill.

So what do you guys think am I retarded or what?

P.S. Blood for the Blood God and also cocks.

(emotoaster is not an associated editor or c-blogger. He is a figure of your imagination and telling him to go away or STFU will only feed his incurable rage and hunger.)   read

12:30 AM on 01.01.2008


Alright fuckers heres my first blog. Thats it! Teh ends. Also hope everyone else has a awesome New Year and Happy Birthday Jim Sterling, you cynical son of a bitch. I <3 you.

Also cocks.   read

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