It's been a while since I've written anything on Destructoid that wasn't an embed tag followed by a sentence, but this Monthly Musing article struck a chord with me, even moreso than the "I suck at games" topic from last month. Online communities and the people that inhabit them have always gotten flack for both adhering to stereotypes and making asses of themselves.

And yet, somehow Destructoid has managed not to fall into this pit of despair. It's no secret that I'm a complete and total Destructoid fanboy, (and it's even less of a secret that I hate Kotaku) but what has the Destructoid community done to earn my devotion and respect? And why aren't other online gaming communities treated in the same respect?

Destructoid completely and totally honors free speech. Whether you're claiming CTZ hates black people or saying that Brad Nicholson eats children for breakfast, you won't get banned (or disemvoweled; seriously, what!?) for saying it. And that's how I believe online communities can better themselves- by allowing their members to speak freely about anything, whether it's as simple as "omg this is not news u guys" or as long winded as "jim h8s sony jim h8s sony jim h8s sony jim h8s sony, etc." Censorship only creates controversy, and the last thing anyone wants to see is a large user base fall out because of it.

However, it's a two-way street for a reason. The members of online communities need to realize while that free speech means you can voice your opinion without getting a banhammer beatdown, there's a right and a wrong way to do so. The perfect examples for both can be found in the Destructoid review of Prototype. (If you made the mistake of not commenting intelligently, I'm not blocking out your name. Suck it up.)

The right way to voice an opinion is to calmly state your opinion. All caps are a huge no-no. Unless your caps lock is mangled or Billy Mays died yesterday, you're better off not yelling at others who will in-turn, hand your ass back to you. Being diplomatic and calmly refuting what the original post says is much better than calling them names and hiding behind the anonymity of the internet. Also, you notice how both of these comments start? "I found/I thought..." It's never an outright "THIS IS WHAT IT IS." Your opinions belong to you and no one else.




The wrong way is much easier. It doesn't take too much effort to be a douchebag, so a sentence or so should do it. State your opinion indirectly, claiming that your word is law and anything else is tyranny. Always make sure to come back to the post you commented on so that you can yell at people who yell at you, otherwise, no one will take you seriously. Don't worry about grammar or spelling, though. No one's going to take you seriously if you can spell words at a 2nd grade level.




Learning and honoring the right way to use your powers of free speech is much better for everyone. Anyone would rather hear a calm "I disagree" than an ouright, raging "FUCK YOU ARGHHHH!"

Online community managers aren't in the clear, though. While you realize the right and wrong ways to voice opinions, just because someone talks like an asshole doesn't mean you need to clear them out of the way. Banning and disemvoweling for flaming and trolling isn't going to help the situation anymore than finding out where they live and punching them in the face would. I understand that bans are a necessary part of keeping a community running, but you should probably keep that for spam and comments that are meant entirely to disrupt a discussion or break the site.

Long story short, it's up to both the people who inhabit the internet and the managers that keep them in line to ensure that the internet doesn't turn into a giant wasteland of spam and irreverent thought. If you're going to be part of a community, treat it like you would a crowd of people. Don't be a dick and say they're wrong for voicing an opinion. That doesn't mean you have to be subservient; the great thing about free speech is that it has little consequences. Getting into a nice discussion doesn't have to become a war or words unless you make it so.

Kings and queens of the banhammer, learn how to wield your hammer (teehee) without being a tyrant. Don't disemvowel or ban people for saying what everyone's thinking. (e.g. This is not news, you're a racist, this is so biased, this is crazy wrong) or for disagreeing with you. Flaunting and threatening with the banhammer is as useful as adding "COMMENT HERE: REMEMBER THAT I CAN BAN YOU" to the end of every post, which is, well, not useful at all.

If everyone learns to follow these rules, the internet (and by consequence, the world) can be a better place for everyone. Except WiISucks.

Dtoid has broken records before;

first gaming website with the letters "D", "E", "S", T", and "R" in sequence run by a man named Yanier,
first site community blogs
first site to hold three separate alt-RLs that had nothing to do with video games prior to their existence (cashwh0re, batmeng, foxtoid)
first site to employ a shark

But never a record regarding artificial intelligence. Today, Destructoid dot internet makes history as the first website ever to have a virtual fan. 8-27-09; Never forget.






I meant Milo. Don't forget this. Not like you can- you're a compooter.

BRING BACK THE "BRUTAL".

"But Lemon, why did you print out a large photo of Nick "Brutal" Chester's head?"




And since there's no point in making a second blog, LOOK WAT I DID U GUYS.

I haven't read or seen much about Ponyo. To be honest, I didn't know it existed until about a month ago, when Tactix told me of Miyazaki's magic fish coming to the big screen. I was never excited for it either, even after I heard about it, because to be honest, I didn't know what to expect. I know everyone was going batshit for the film, and I had seen the cast list (Featuring the Jonas Brothers' brother and Miley Cyrus's surprisingly less annoying little sister) and I didn't get it. To be honest, I still don't.

I've never seen anything Hayao Miyazaki has done (I think I caught Kiki's Delivery Service on Cartoon Network once, but I can't remember anything about it.) but I've heard the numerous praises for films like Howl's Moving Castle and Spirited Away, and how beautiful the music was and how great the animation is, and while the clip I saw for Ponyo looks a lot like previous Miyazaki works, the music is a bit... uh, different.

So, to whoever okay'd the American version of Ponyo (which is out in theatres now)-

What the fuck is this?

(Welcome to Zombutler & Lemon Discuss, a whenever-the-fuck-we-find-something-interesting-to-talk-about-ly article where everyone's favorite Dtoid community members (and Zombutler and Lemon) discuss the news, funny things they find on the internet, and their love for music. In this weekend article, Zombutler and Lemon talk about things that happened in the internet this week, including an ass-catching viral ad, black kids in Apple Stores, and the Twitter MS-DOS attack.)

Lemon: Welcome to this week's episode of... shit, I forgot what it was called.
Zombutler: Arrested Development.
Lemon: Right. Arrested Development. I'm Ron Howard...
Zombutler: ...and I'm Queen Latifah...
Lemon: and this week, we planned to talk about what happened in the world. Unfortunately, no one gives a shit about that stuff, so instead, we're talking about things that happened on the internet.
Zombutler: yayyyyyyyyyyy internet
Lemon: God, I love the internet. I spend about 30 hours a day on the internet, and the other 7 hours, I'm wishing I were on the internet. But we're not here to talk about me. (Not this week, anyway)
Zombutler: Guess what
Lemon: Chicken butt.
Zombutler: This week in the internet, Samit Sarkar used the word fiddlesticks in an update on the "twitter"
Lemon: That crazy Summit Soccer doesn't know anything about the English language.

Yesterday, I saw a video of a guy catching a netbook with his butt.



It made me laugh, but it was clearly fake for a number of reasons. First of all, everyone in the video was wearing a blue spandex unitard. Two months ago, I made the point of purchasing every single blue unitard, leopard print underwear, and 30 tons of lotion on a credit card American Express gave me in the mail. Either these guys stole one from me, or Amazon was holding back their stock, which is just dickulous. (It's only ridickulous if they do it again.)

Secondly, the netbook in his anus was an MSI wind, which is also bullshit, because no one bought one of those. Especially not five of them. I think I would've heard about that on Gizmondo.com.
Zombutler: I think it's real, because I want it to be. I wanted Stephen Colbert to become president, and it happened, along with a bunch of other things.
Zombutler: Like pubic lice.
Lemon: Or Hannah Monta- wait, no, you're not getting me this time. Pubic lice for me, too.
Zombutler: How can we determine if this is for reals or for not reals?
Lemon: I'll ask Jeeves.
Zombutler: k



Lemon: Jeeves said it was 2 legit 2 quit. That guy really can catch a laptop in his butt. Skillz.
Zombutler: FUCK. Well, since I knew we were going to be discussing this, I took a trip down to the apple store to purchase a computertop to insert in MY anus, but instead I forgot I was poverty. Then my mom and dad made this video,



Zombutler: I GOTTA FEELIN, OOOOO OOOOO
Lemon: You have to what?
Zombutler: THAT TONIGHT I'M GONNA GO TO CHILI'S, OOOO OOOO
Lemon: I'm afraid to click on that link, because I've never heard of "youtube.com". It sounds like something that would give me herpes if I open it. (Or at least like the thing that gave me herpes when I opened it, I think her name was Ron Work-something.) I know what video you're talking about, though. It was on Kotaku earlier.

That little black kid has got some spunk. I do have a problem with his shirt though. It says yellow is the new black, and that totally fucks with my understanding of the color wheel. Like, where am I gonna put the yellow on the color wheel, then? Does it go in place of the black? Is his shirt an insight into the current racist attitude plaguing Asian Americans, where they are being treated poorly in the same mindset of the African Americans of our parents yesteryears?

Or is it a subtle penis joke i don't get?
Zombutler: uh
Zombutler: so I heard that twitter was destroyed by Oprah last week, tell me more about that, Regis.
Lemon: Yeah, I heard it was something about a DDOS attack. What the fuck? I didn't know people still used DOS. Or that it could be used to take down the internet.
Zombutler: Oprah is the new internet. You heard it here first.
Lemon: Oprah gave me free chicken at KFC once. But only once. So fuck you, Borpo.
Zombutler: I heard that Twitter wasn't the only thing to be attacked this week. Is Dane Cook still alive? Because he is hilarious.
Lemon: Dane Cook is a comedy wizard. Like Adam Sandler. Or Benito Mussolini. If someone were to attack him, it'd be Vanaked Anne Hudgens. You see what he said about her during the Twilight Choice Awards?
Zombutler: Yeah, something about vampires, right?
Zombutler: Wait no, I think that was Jay Leno. Continue.
Lemon: He said something about her keeping her clothes on. Get it? If you don't, it's funny because that's the opposite of what she needs to do. It's called reverse biology!
Zombutler: ygoloib?
Lemon: Exactly!



Zombutler: Awesome. Hey lemon?
Lemon: What's up, my African counterpart?
Zombutler: She is watching you masturbate.
Lemon: Well, I'd hate to upset her by doing something else. I guess that's it for another episode of Arrested Development Discuss. I'm electro lemon...
Zombutler: and I'm me.
Lemon: Audios!
Zombutler: Aloha.