Earlier today, I sent an email to the Consumerist about the bullshit I've had to deal with with Apple's customer service and its hardware. Upon recieving the email, I recieved advice back, saying that I should be a lot less understanding and a hella lot more pissed off. They gave me Steve Jobs' direct email, and I promptly sent an email to Steve Jobs complaining about the bullshit I've had to go through.

Though I must give credit where credit is due, I originally had the idea to send out an email from DVDdesign's letter to Microsoft and from the Consumerist's Guide to Fighting Back. The letter is attached below.

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[i]To: Steve "Fuck Yo' Consumer Market, Nigga" Jobs
From: Count Blackula[/i]

On April 10th of 2007, I purchased a 2GHz MacBook, right after they had fixed the model's processor and increased the Superdrive speed. Throughout the entire span of 10 months I've had my MacBook, my computer has seen end to end problems, and I'm usually back at the Genius Bar once a month, if not twice. I assume that I'm not the only one that has had the problems with the discoloration of the white casing, but I did have a few problems that I had not heard of before.

In January, I took in the MacBook to get it fixed, only to recieve a completely new MacBook two weeks later when they could not fix my laptop. Everything seemed okay at first, but upon taking it home, I was greeted with a real problem: a fourth of the keyboard did not work. The entire far right side of my keyboard seemed to have broken- before I had even used the new MacBook. I figured I'd find a way around it, by copying and pasting the few letters and symbols that I could not use. While this was definately inconvienient, the problem became much worse when I was unable to back track my words, and the delete key had broken off completely somehow.

I live with the problem for a while, as I could easily highlight and backtrack without much difficulty. The real problem came when I noticed, only 1 1/2 later, that my case had started to crack open, and discolor, though only in use for a short amount of time. I also learned that the battery loadcycles had died, and that I couldn't use the laptop unless plugged in, making the MacBook nothing more than a really small desktop. The last straw came when my so-called Superdrive refused to read the brand-new copy of Leopard I bought. I had to do something. So I took the laptop back to Apple's Genius Bar to fix my problems once and for all.

However, upon leaving there, I found myself with an even bigger dilemma.

The problems my laptop encountered could not be fixed in a day, so they took the laptop and sent it to the repair center. It was at this point that I was told that I would recieve the laptop in 8 days, with a fixed optical drive and a repaired casing and keyboard. That was February 10th. At the time of writing, its February 29th, a full 19 days later, and I have not seen my laptop since. Around Feb. 19th, Apple left me a voicemail saying the following:

"Upon further inspection of your MacBook, we have discovered that there is some irrepairrable water damage in the main chassis of the computer. Seeing as how this is not covered by your warranty, we will only be able to hold it for 5 days, and can fix it, provided that you pay a parts repair fee of $800."

$800!? $800 to fix a $1,200 laptop? For the price it takes to repair it, I could just sell the parts of my MacBook and buy (and upgrade) a top of the like Mac Mini. Hell, I could even just spring for the difference and buy an iMac. Of course, there's the issue of the warranty I purchased - a 3 year parts & labor warranty, which of course, has not expired. Upon looking up the warranty on Apple's legal site, the only warranty issue I could possibly be in breach of was this:

"This warranty does not apply: (a) to damage caused by non-Apple products;"

I make a point of being careful with my keyboard, even going to far as to not touch the thing after I've eaten until I've thoroughly washed my hands and guaranteed that I can't get food stains on the keyboard. When I turned it in to Apple, the entire thing was completely clean. The only possible way I could've gotten water inside of the computer is with the iKlear polish sold directly from Apple's website. I bought this polish around the time I first experienced problems with my laptop, and I've cleaned the keyboard and screen with it as often as I've needed to, just as the directions say. If Apple has found evidence of water in my computer, it came directly from this polish. Long story short:

Apple is making me pay $800 for water damage caused by an Apple product.

This isn't the first time I've had a problem with an Apple product, and just last September they asked me to pay $450 for case damage. Upon talking to Apple, they removed the fee, citing that "there was a miscalculation." This time, I'm not going through that crap. I refuse to pay 800 dollars maintenance when not only have I bought the 3 year warranty directly from Apple, but said damage was caused from an Apple product. I'm sick of this.

I've been trying to be completely understanding about this whole matter, but this is the last straw. I demand a replacement laptop as soon as possible, for I did not do so much as place any liquid other than the iKlear that Apple sells. If this liquid did so much damage that they cannot fix my laptop without paying bullshit extraneous fees, then not only should i recieve a replacement laptop, but I believe that you should warn all consumers of the possible damages that can be caused by the iKlear polish.

I've been sitting back for about a month now, and have heard absolutely nothing on the status of my laptop. I demand a replacement laptop be sent to me as soon as possible if Apple is unable to repair what was ultimately their fault.

I don't know the repair ID, as I cannot currently find my Genus Bar Work Confirmation form, but for reference, the serial number is ***********.
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Also, here is your late night "FUCK NO!!!" for the night:
Did you know that the model for Portal's Chell is named Alesia Glidewell?
Did you know that her past and future modeling works include:


I'll leave you alone to cry now.