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water lymon avatar 10:04 PM on 11.13.2007  (server time)
Blackie's On A Rampage pt. VI: Miscellaneous Terminology

[Welcome to Blackie's on a Rampage, a continuing series that stole the success of its short-lived Roman numberals from Final Fantasy XXIVCL: Eternal Death Lock of Sunshine Peace [variable] of Royal Lasting Forever™. This series is mainly my way of bitching about things incessantly, although my opinion doesn't matter for shit, and trying to see the views of certain topics from people on Destructoid.]

I've been reading/lurking Destructoid for over a year now, and in the time, I've gotten to know everyone here, and its great. I couldn't ask for a better place to go and complain about stuff I don't like, even if the majority of the replies are Puppet yelling "gtfo off mah internets furfag". Aside from the fact that that sentence makes as sense as fucking ET, I don't care when sentences come out like that. However, for some reason, I get mad when certain words are used it a horrible context, most of them applying to, and coming from, gamers. Of course, this is just the grammar Hitler in me, trying to escape from the wall-padded fortress of solitude that is my mind (COKE AND PEPSI ARE THE SAME THING!) , but seriously, there are a few words that just seem completely out of place when used. Although I'll spend most of this blog complaining about the word 'gamer girls', that subject has been drawn out as much as Mario/Peach porn, so I'm discussing this in multiple parts. Hit the non-existant jump (just scroll down.) to read exactly why I think there are 3 terms that need to be black balled from the internet as a whore. Thats not a typo, just a Freudian slip.

'girl gamer'
Of course, the majority of you will assume "lol, girl gamur is old topic, u r lookin 4 page views", but thats not it. I've given up on trying to convince idiots that girl gamers aren't special just because they have boobs, but whatever. The main problem I'm trying to encroach on is the term itself. 'Girl gamer' is not a valid term. You want to know why? Psh, semantics. But seriously, because there's no such thing as a girl gamer. Lemme explain; What do gamers do? They play games. Using this logic, then anything that is used as a single term counts as part of that word. Using my Bizzaro world logic, that means that girl gamers play girl games. There is no suck fucking thing as a girl game. No. Such. Thing. If you direct me to one place where a game has been tagged under the 'girl game' genre, then I will retract my statement, and suck your balls, Imaginationland pt. I style. Okay, so I won't suck your balls, but that doesn't matter, because this doesn't matter, since I almost guarantee that this genre has not been recognized by anyone. FPS gamer makes sense. RTS gamer makes sense. Shitty gamer makes sense, in the adjective form, but when you use the word 'girl gamer' all as a noun, you're trying to discriminate yourself by saying you're not a normal gamer. Well guess what?

You are.

Just cuz you have two boobies doesn't mean that you're any different than those of us with cocks. Get off of your fucking pedestal. You're a gamer. I'm a gamer. We're all just gamers. I don't care if you think that you need to create a site for your gender just to feel important, or glue Nintendo 64 controllers to your chest to feel like a real gamer, because as soon as you do that, you'll be treated the exact opposite way. By making yourself seem 'different' from the guys that play games, you're making yourself seem a) stupid, and b) like an attention whore.

Case in point:
Alright, seems just like what I would expect.
... No comment.

I understand the whole "creating a support network for women who hate being objectified by gamers that are men just because they are gamers too" thing, but are you seriously blaming all men for what rarely happens and is definitely over-exaggerated? What have men done to girl gamers that needs a support site? No rape jokes plz. And if you don't like being 'objectified', then a) don't seperate yourself from the herd of male gamers, and b) don't glue fucking controllers to your chest. </end rant>
[p.s. Feminists, please remove the stick from your ass. I don't mind trying to protect values, but god damn it, when shit like this happens, you know its time to let go.


I will first admit, that I did not come up with the majority of these main ideas, but I would like to expand on something that is funny, but true. Where the hell did the term gameplay come from? Allow me to explain, using the "See? Man ticks!" that Nex has become so fond of: Game is a noun. Play is the verb that you use with said noun. If gameplay is something that can be described as good, then any type of two-part compound word can become a proper term. Here's what Alex Kierkegaard has to say about it:

This book has good bookread.
This record has good recordlisten.
This movie has good moviewatch.

So yeah, I've just made up three new words: bookread, recordlisten and moviewatch. Now these words may sound stupid to you, but that's not all there is to it. These words are also useless. To demonstrate this point I'll rewrite the above sentences without using them. So here goes:

This is a good book.
This is a good record.
This is a good movie.

See where I am going with this? Just keep in mind that people have been discussing books, records and movies in the English language for a long time, without ever feeling the need to invent ghastly word-constructs like "bookread", etc.

Now some will be thinking, "But, man, there are just things I want to say that can't possibly be expressed without using the word gameplay".

You are wrong. There is nothing one might want to say that can't be expressed without using the word gameplay. I could start going through random videogame publications picking examples, but I'll just do one of the most frequently-occurring ones and I'll trust you to figure out the rest.

He's completely right. And thank god he's said it for me, because I agree, almost 100%. Even though its not terminally right, its become such a common word in gaming, and its here to stay. You can stop reading here if you want and go do some good masturbation[i]jack-off[/url].

gamer t-shirt slogans in general
Yeah, I had to do this one. These. Fucking. Suck. Like, there are a few gems from real gamers, but when the general public tries to cash in on our past, you know we're focused on market economies way too much. For example:

What the fuck does that even mean!? Like, seriously! Who the fuck decided it was good to turn Zelda (yeah, not even Link, the motherfucking princess ZELDA) into an adjective? Whoever created this shirt: I hate you. So much. I reread this article by Colette the other day, and thats mainly why I'm complaining, but Jesus H. Christ, someone explain to me what the shirt creators were smoking when they made these. Chimp My Ride? Mario, the whore? Look, if you're going to create merchandise, don't try to market to the 2% of the population that thinks these are clever. Market to the uprise of gamers who will find a shirt like this freaking amazing:

Awesome, right?
Like my writing? Click below!

Blackie's On A Rampage
5: Special Edition: Thanks Niero!
pt. 4: Podtoid™
pt. 3: Community Blogs
pt. 2: Apple Inc™
pt. 1: Music

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