EXCESSIVE MALE NUDITY.

We're all faced with moments in our lives where we have to frequent areas with other naked men. Going to the gym, gay raves, orgies, bukkake conventions, and the like.

But none are so unique to Japan as the public bathouse. Shunned frequently in America for the long associated stigma that Highway Rest Stops also carry, the public bathouse is actually quite commonplace in Japan and comes in several different varieties. We're covering two of them today.

The onsen.

I think it was my third day there when Fenris broached the subject of an onsen. I'd heard about them, you've seen pictures or in animes, or people sitting, nekkid as jaybirds in rock filled pools. These are real in Japan. They're not just gratuitous opportunities to show cleavage in anime.

Located in the outer reaches of Yamagata City is the Zao Onsen.



It's located near the base of Mt. Zao. We had attempted to go there back in 2005, but were sidetracked by being stranded on a mountain.

This time, we drove, in a car. Masters of our destiny we are...

So we pulled up, and apparently this place is mainly open during the summer months, due to the fact that the Hot Springs get progressively snowier, and 12 degree weather is nothing your naked ween should ever be exposed to.


This whole area's a mountain town, lotsa ski resorts and the like. I picked up a few of Lemon's prizes in this gift shop that's on the right, behind the Kirin machine.


Fenris and the GF


This is the ski resort half of the place. Not much to do when there's no snow, ya know?

We descended the stairs into this place.


The canopy is covering up all the male nudity, as seen in the first picture.

Once you actually hit ground level, there's this massive fence blocking your view of all the penii. The women's bathing area is in the back, and completely obscured from view. I tell ya though, all I heard coming out of that side of the place was the sound of women making out excessively and giggling.




This is the run off of the onsen. It trickles down stream, and it's steaming when it's cooler outside. It was probably in the mid 50's when we did this.

Did I mention that this hot spring was a SULFUR hot spring?

Oh! Yeah, it was.

In case you're unfamiliar with the smell of sulfur, it smells like hot rotten eggs. You know those times when you eat too much cheap Mexican food and you have to run from your own gas? That smell.

It was permeating the air. Everywhere. And supposedly if you sit in it nude, you'll get softer skin.

I also heard rubbing dog poo in your hair increases the volume.

Anyway, the procedure is you shell out 500Y, go in, take off your clothes, and walk down a really steep staircase to sit on some rocks in a pool. Here's how it went for me.

I'm standing next to my best friend, who's casually getting naked. I'm slowly taking my clothes off, reminding him constantly to not look at my junk. He reiterates that he won't. I wasn't aiming to check out Fenris Jr, that's for damn sure.

We have no towels, and I have to walk down two flights of stairs nude, and then get into a pool of cloudy water full of old Japanese men who are also nude. What they say about Japanese men and penis size is totally true. I was suddenly the Ron Jeremy of the pool.

So, you're probably wondering, how do you deal with a ton of naked men sitting around you? Fortunately you don't, because there's no greater naked man repellent than a pair of naked gajin polluting your onsen water. I sat in there for about 10 minutes before the heat and smell overpowered me. The smell is REALLY overwhelming and I think people with weak stomachs would be best to skip a sulfur onsen.

I got out and went back to go change and there was a noticeable softness to my skin, so it did have it's intended effect, but I also noticed that I reeked of sulfur. After you get out of the bath, the reccomended course is to enjoy some seasonal Konnyaku jelly balls with hot mustard.

Konnyaku is a jelly substance, similar to tapioca or jello and is frequently used in Japan as a filler or diet food since it expands in your stomach when you eat, making you fuller feeling without consuming lots of calories.


I know, there's nothing that makes me hungrier than jellied grey matter. Mmm.

This particular konnyaku is boiled in soy sauce and peppers, which adds a spicy flavor to the proceedings. I paid for a skewer of Konnyaku balls (3 balls) and a slathering of wasabi mustard. Guess what? It tastes even worse than that picture above makes it look. I ate about half the first ball, and politely smiled and described it to the lady as interesting flavored. Then I handed the stick off to Fenris' GF and politely chugged a Pocari Sweat to get rid of the taste in my mouth.

I told Fenris' GF that the sulfur smell was too much for me and I couldn't handle eating anything right now. But honestly, I could've, but eating food that looked like a hairy dirty jello ball was not high on my delicious treat list.

So we soon departed to see some local sights. On the way out I snapped a few more pics.


Shinto religion works off of monetary guilt. Just so you know...



The Indoor Bathhouse

If any of you have ever gone to a gym, say Gold's Gym, 24 Hour Fitness, what have you, some of the nicer gyms have some of these features to enjoy at your leisure there. Except in Japan, it's mandatory that you do it nude, no towel.

Before you actually get in any bath at a bathhouse, you have to take a shower first.

We sat on a stool with a bucket of water and a shower head, basically a foot off the floor, totally buckass naked, taking a shower. After we finished soaping each others nipples we caressed our... Wait, wait, whoa. Sorry. Wrong story.

So, you rinse off and they have a cornucopia of different bathtubs to squat in and soak up some water.

They had hot, hot with jets, cold, ICE COLD!, Subzero testicle shrinker, and electrified. Yes, electrified water. If you've ever stuck your tongue on a 9v battery, it's like that but all over and you're nude.

I would recommend it to people just to feel what it's like. It's definitely unique. So we swapped around in some of the baths for a bit. The cold one was a treat, because it was fucking cold. They don't tell you you're not supposed to scream like a girl when you get in the cold one, but I did anyway and several people in the other baths laughed at me. I guess they thought I couldn't read, but I knew full well what I was doing, I just expected to see ice cubes in ice water, apparenly you don't have to.

They had an outdoor area that was nice. It is fenced in, but it's basically this waterfall thing where you lay on a slab and water trickles down you like a waterfall. Very different and refreshing.

After we bathed and steamed again, we dressed and I found out that someone stole my fucking shoes from the cubby hole I'd stuck them in. Bastards.

To make me feel better for it, Fenris lent me a spare pair of his shoes and bought me some Japanese porn. What a fella.