I punched a baby in the throat yesterday after my Xbox died. Wait what blog is this? Oops never mind, I thought this was the anger management blog.

knock knMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

penis

that is all

My vagina has a first name

it's king3vbo

If you force a prostitute to have sex with you, is that rape or shoplifting?

...I hate you.

@pendelton

i fucking lol'd

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IvtO48alHg

I don't know if you watch The Wire, but I'm gonna paste this here anyway

You already have more comments than I did haha. That's what I get for posting mine at midnight.

Two peanuts were walking down the street and one of them was a-salted.



Nothing?.....Didn't think so...

Alright, here's whats going to happen. I'm going to go ahead and shut this contest down, and declare myself the winner. Because I get to keep my 3 months of xbox live by default. And I'm the funniest.

So I was in an all-male a cappella group in college, and every winter during the break we would go on tour for two weeks. We would travel from city to city, singing at high schools and stuff during the day and then imbibing copious amounts of alcoholic beverages at night.

A few days into tour, my friend Brian was backing his Subaru Forester out of a space in a parking lot, but couldn't see out the rear windshield because of the mountain of luggage. This caused him to back out a little too far. The rear bumper of an enormous pickup truck punched his rear windshield, which simply crumbled and fell into his car. The truck looked completely untouched, aside from a broken taillight.

We couldn't wait around for the owner of the truck, so Brian taped up his windshield as best he could, cleaned up the glass, and left a note with his insurance and contact information for the pickup's owner. (Years later, Brian confided that the owner had never gotten in touch with him. My other friend Chet leaned over and said, "Oh yeah, I took that shit off the truck as soon as you walked away.")

The morning following that debacle, Brian decided he would head to the next destination on our tour very early, ahead of the group along with a crew of volunteers, in order to find a Subaru dealership to patch up his wounded vehicle. I volunteered, because the next stop was Chicago, which I was eager to explore, and arriving early would give us extra time to do so.

We arrived in Chicago mid-morning, dropped the car off at the dealership, and then set out about the city. We quickly found a map of the area, and saw an aquarium. Every city seems to have one, and generally speaking, they're all the same, but of course you have to visit them anyway if the opportunity presents itself. We set walking towards the aquarium, which was much farther than it appeared on the map. Another detriment was that we ran out of sidewalk and had to begin crossing major roadways on foot. At one point, as we stepped over a guard rail in order to prepare for one of these crossings, one of our number, Jason, decided he was skilled enough to balance atop the guardrail. This illusion was quickly dispelled as he tumbled off and rolled into traffic. Fortunately, the vehicles had stopped awaiting a light up ahead. Unfortunately, this gave every car with a clear sight line of Jason a show. Drivers could clearly be seen practically pissing themselves, and some even opened their windows to point and heckle, despite the chill January air. None of them asked if he was alright.

We arrived at the aquarium, tired but still in high spirits, though this feeling was quickly diminished as we saw the line for the aquarium. Longest. Line. Ever. I've seen shorter lines at Disney World, and it wasn't moving at all. They must have been giving away a free dolphin ride or shark feeding with every ticket, because everyone in Chicago and their mother was at that aquarium. Just beyond the aquarium though, was a glimmer of hope. A planetarium, which we had somehow missed on the map, sat only a short walk away! Our energy restored by this windfall, we quickly hustled over to the aquarium and set out to purchase our tickets.

At the front desk, we were faced with a choice: The planetarium had some sort of IMAX-esque shows available, and we of course needed to see one. Our options were TimeSpace or Space: IN YOUR FACE! After a quick debate as to the merits of each, we decided on TimeSpace, an adventure through both Time and Space.

The planetarium was much as you'd expect, planets and stars and spacecraft. Finally, the time for our show arrived though, and we headed to the theater. The theater was a cavernous, circular room, with rows of seats radiating out from a projector in the center, which looked up at a domed ceiling where the movie would be shown. The seats were wildly comfortable, and reclined back so you could watch the show without creating severe neck problems later in life.

While at first we though these seats to be a boon, the severe comfort we found ourselves in soon grew to be a problem. It had already been a long week, and we had gone to bed late the night before and gotten up very early that morning. The show began, starting at the creation of the universe and continuing on through time, eventually reaching the Earth and the development of life there. We were somewhere in the middle of the Aztec temples at Tenochtitlan when I lost consciousness.

I didn't just sleep. I was comatose. I entirely lost awareness of my surroundings. It the theater had collapsed around me, they would have dug my body out the rubble and seen that I died mid-snore. My companions dozed a little as well, but to nowhere near the level that I did.

Picture yourself in a complete void. No light, no sound, no sensation. Your eyes slowly open, and you blink until the world around you comes into focus. In front of you is a single, all-encompassing image of a space station, floating in the blackness of space. It is the only thing you are aware of, and you feel as if you too, are floating in the starry void. Suddenly, an eerily metallic female voice echoes through your consciousness:

"It is the year 2321. The space colony Kronos-Ra has just seceded from the Earth Protectorate."

Your entire being has just been shaken to its core. Only moments ago, you were in the year 2006, and man hadn't set foot on the moon in 40 years, let alone set up colonies orbiting the outer planets. The voice continues its explanation, but you can't comprehend. Your mind only screams, "WHAT?!?!"

The first realization that strikes you is that you have screamed this last desperate question aloud. The second is that you are not in space in the year 2321, but in a planetarium theater in 2008, and most of its occupants have taken their attention from the screen to stare quizzically, and perhaps cautiously, at you, perhaps wondering which of them you planned to kill first. You slowly sink as far into the seat as you can, trying in vain to avoid their prying eyes, and watch the rest of TimeSpace in uncomfortable silence.

I have not been back to Chicago since.

Hello friends,this is a nice site and I wanted to post a note to let you know, good job! Thanks
Best regards, Natali, CEO of listen to music and
free online music