Been around the block a bit. Slowly getting back into the games. Some people know me, actually, very very few know me.
Gaming since I was a kid. As I aged, found out I can write a bit better then the other kids. Developed the craft and skill. Never developed the skill into a fine espresso. Nay, it more like a really clear gas station cup of joe. Swill, at best. I just like writing, talking, discussing. Hence my attendance to this particular blog.
I rarely have time to play games, so when I do I tend to play shorter games or games that I can pick up and go. I have a particular inclination toward Left 4 Dead 2.
Currently I only game on my PC. Thank god for Steam. I have a 360 but, it collects more dust then my filing cabinet.
Hobbies? Writing, gym, games (naturally), movies, and music.
Interests? Literally anything?
Dream birthday plan? Movie theater Super Smash Bros Brawl tourney, after I've sat on a patio for 3 hours drinking beer, only to later go to a hotel with my other half to enjoy her company whilst I sip a Merlot and dine on a rare steak. Later, after enjoying her body, I would like to find a place to watch the sunrise. Stare at the sun break the dark, and shine a light on another year.
I like writing, if you haven't noticed.
I frequent the gym because Dorian Yates at his prime is what I would like to achieve, physically.
I cook. Okay, I TRY to cook, not great, decent. Alright, I burnt milk. Twice.
Movies and music and reading all fall into things I enjoy as well. Primarily because art in any form I believe can bring the "art" out of you, it just depends on what it brings out. Go listen to something that makes you angry and then write a fight scene for a movie. You'll write far more eloquently than if you were to listen to Collie Budz's "Herbs Come Around"
Movies can make you view the world differently. Least that's my opinion on it. Heck, they can even teach you different techniques to character development. Look at the characters out of Joss Wheadon's Firefly and the characters out of Final Fantasy IX. They aren't the exact same characters, god no, but the idea of a character supposed to be acting one way, all of a sudden is the complete opposite after you get to know them. Brilliant.
Reading is simply sharpening your pen. “My brother has his sword, King Robert has his warhammer and I have my mind...and a mind needs books as a sword needs a whetstone if it is to keep its edge. That’s why I read so much Jon Snow.” - Tyrion Lannister
As of writing this, I have already written my intro post on the forums and I already finished my intro blog post. I haven't submitted the intro blog post yet. I've been sitting on it for a week and a bit now.
Why? Failure. Acceptance.
So in my younger years, I was never really accepted into the main group of "friends" that every one hung out with. Maybe my skin colour, maybe I was just weird, maybe it was my own insecurities. So instead, I watched from a distance, I watched everyone. Essentially I was doing what the vast majority of the internet calls "lurking". I "lurked" in real life. It's lonely.
[sub]"Maybe my skin colour,"...[/sub]
I think all the lurking formed the way I even play games; I always picked the sniper.
That feeling of always being rejected and unwanted always held me back. At least it held me back artistically. And by artistically I mean writing. And by writing I mean the garbage you're reading now. Primarily because I'm so damn terrified of rejection.
Don't get me wrong, I still wrote. I just never showed anyone. My other half of 4 plus years now has never seen a word I put down on paper. Actually, now that I mention it, she's never seen my writing, nor have any of my previous "halves". I wrote down my thoughts, and my thoughts were MY thoughts. Crazy, bewildered, uninhibited, provocative, touching, hateful. Who would accept that kind of burden knowing that lies under the surface?
No one really accepted me as a kid. Lost confidence. Now as a functioning adult I suppose I've matured to the point of not caring or I grew up passed my insecurities (unlikely). I still fear the rejection, but I guess if I do get rejected, I'm simply not good enough and I have to improve. No more holding back. No time for regret.
[sub]"This is the truth! This is my belief! ...At least for now." - Belthasar in "The Mystery of Life" Vol. 841 Ch. 26[/sub]
I suppose I learned a little while ago that one has a finite amount of time to spend on this plane. In my "real life" I started going outside my boundaries to explore the world a bit. I literally went on a 3 day vacation out to a cottage. Hey, I never said it was big or anything, but to me it was a huge step. I'll write about that trip later.
I'll put my pen down to the paper like I always have, but this time I'll show you people, and maybe my other half. I have little time left and I have more exploring to do. This is apart of it. If it isn't good enough, so be it, I was never meant to write. At least I can say I tried. Heh.
I'll make my thoughts, I'll type them away, wear down my keyboard.
Write. Write. Write.
I'll post my intro blog right after posting this.