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8:11 PM on 07.23.2013  

Failure.

Howdy folks,

As of writing this, I have already written my intro post on the forums and I already finished my intro blog post.  I haven't submitted the intro blog post yet. I've been sitting on it for a week and a bit now.

Why? Failure. Acceptance.

So in my younger years, I was never really accepted into the main group of "friends" that every one hung out with.  Maybe my skin colour, maybe I was just weird, maybe it was my own insecurities.  So instead, I watched from a distance, I watched everyone.  Essentially I was doing what the vast majority of the internet calls "lurking".  I "lurked" in real life.  It's lonely.


[sub]"Maybe my skin colour,"...[/sub]

I think all the lurking formed the way I even play games; I always picked the sniper.

That feeling of always being rejected and unwanted always held me back.  At least it held me back artistically.  And by artistically I mean writing.  And by writing I mean the garbage you're reading now.  Primarily because I'm so damn terrified of rejection. 

Don't get me wrong, I still wrote.  I just never showed anyone.  My other half of 4 plus years now has never seen a word I put down on paper.  Actually, now that I mention it, she's never seen my writing, nor have any of my previous "halves".  I wrote down my thoughts, and my thoughts were MY thoughts.  Crazy, bewildered, uninhibited, provocative, touching, hateful.  Who would accept that kind of burden knowing that lies under the surface?

No one really accepted me as a kid.  Lost confidence.  Now as a functioning adult I suppose I've matured to the point of not caring or I grew up passed my insecurities (unlikely).  I still fear the rejection, but I guess if I do get rejected, I'm simply not good enough and I have to improve.  No more holding back.  No time for regret.


[sub]"This is the truth! This is my belief! ...At least for now." - Belthasar in "The Mystery of Life" Vol. 841 Ch. 26[/sub]

I suppose I learned a little while ago that one has a finite amount of time to spend on this plane.  In my "real life" I started going outside my boundaries to explore the world a bit.  I literally went on a 3 day vacation out to a cottage.  Hey, I never said it was big or anything, but to me it was a huge step.  I'll write about that trip later.

I'll put my pen down to the paper like I always have, but this time I'll show you people, and maybe my other half.  I have little time left and I have more exploring to do.  This is apart of it.  If it isn't good enough, so be it, I was never meant to write.  At least I can say I tried.  Heh.


I'll make my thoughts, I'll type them away, wear down my keyboard.
Write.  Write.  Write.

God speed...
draycott

PS
I'll post my intro blog right after posting this.   read


7:53 PM on 07.19.2013  

Bringing back the Hotness

*Que Intro dancers and music*

Howdy folks,

So I used to come around these parts years ago, I left due to life interfering with enjoyment.  Girlfriend, family, work, career, school.  I'm a bit of a workaholic so I stopped doing what I enjoy, games, to focus on career and the like.  Well now I'm rather comfortable in my career and now I'd like to play some games.  Apart of that is this little corner of the web.

Not sure what to put in an intro so lets fire off some facts and get through all that jazz. I'm a mechanic by trade fixing cars, I absolutely hate cars but I see it at a job/career nothing else, I live in Canada (specifically within the Greater Toronto Area), I'm Tamil from Sri Lanka, I prefer PC gaming over anything else, I lurk (I lurk like a champ), I tend to have a hard shell but gooey inside, I've been with my other half for 4 and a half years, I will always be bored, I'm "healthy" (smoke cigarettes, drink twice a week, gym every other day, 8 hours of sleep, eat every 2 hours), I was born and raised a Roman Catholic converted to Buddhism after I read the Bible for the third time and then gave up Buddhism for Agnostic because of science (you monster), I like my beer gold with bubbles and my women to be talkative.

I listen to music pretty much constantly.  Even in sleep.  Actually I think music is extremely important to the "soul". As such I dowse myself in as much music as possible.  As such, the above is an example of one genre, the below is some more examples;

I like my electronic music


Some days are a bit dated


Others remind me of Lisa Simpson


While on the other hand some of it is a bit experimental


As for music I could go on forever, I have about 200GBs of music in my computer and my collection grows each month.  Also, I do like my Super Eurobeat.  Pamela just has a way to send chills down your body when you floor the gas the upheaval sends you across the road sideways.

I do like my anime as some of you might have been able to tell.  I'm not as well versed in anime as I'd like to be, but I do love FMA both original series and Brotherhood

Movies? Oh dear lord I love my movies.  I still have alot of movies to watch, older ones particularly, like Godfather 3, Borat, or Enter the Dragon. Yeah I know I have never watched Enter the Dragon, I'll get to it I swear.

TV? Buh, pretty much what every one else is watching. [i]Game of Thrones, Dexter, The Walking Dead.

[/i]Games? The three games that made the biggest impact on my life are, Final Fantasy 7, Chrono Trigger, and Grandia. So much so I'm currently designing a tattoo with my other half (she's a graphic designer) that incorporates all three and I'm putting it on my left shoulder cap.  It's going to be a stone wall with half a circle and the number "1" on it. Once I draw it I'll make a whole blog post about it.

I'm not sure where else to take this introduction. I'm just writing for writing's sake.  Speaking because I can. Write because I can write.  Actually, I know exactly why I'm writing so much, I don't want to go to the gym.  It's shoulders day today and I'm already tired as hell from work. Time to get the hype music on.



Add me to Steam, all the info is there on the side, I'll see y'all around the bend.

Cheers,
draycott   read







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