I am sure you know by the title exactly what I am referring to if you happen to own a 360 and play basically any first person shooter over live, and if your anything like me your are sick of getting spammed with messages during matches from some whinny punk offering you some digital bullshit in exchange for moon money Microsoft Point transfer.
All to often I am in a match of Modern Warfare or Halo with all of my buddies when we all get a simultaneous message from these scammers telling that they can make our lives complete by getting us Recon Armor or to Prestige Ten for the low low price of 1600 banana dollars.
Until a couple days ago this was the usual pattern of speech the scammers would pull, but then there was a change in one someone had scammed the scammer. I laughed pretty hard when I heard this kids message "To all recent players I am hosting a ten prestige match so join my party or message me if you want to join, but you have to pay before hand because I got ripped off the last match I hosted."
Finally someone bringing some justice to the d-bags who are swindling little kids out of their hard earned Farmville Dollars Microsoft Points. This is point where I thought instead of ignoring these messages from the assholes of live I should unleash a little justice on them.
But how to go about it?
Option #1: Douche the Doucher- Simply put try to scam them by making them give you their profile info, by saying you know how to transfer Chucky Cheese Tokens Microsoft Points from one account to another.
Option #2: Simple Jack-Assery- This one is pretty self descriptive, all you have to do is become a complete jackass and ruin there live life by following them into matches messaging all the people in the lobby you are both in telling them he's a scammer and then proceeding to rape the scammer in the match tea-bagging him when ever possible.
Option #3: The Banhammer- This is kinda the same as option two but instead of making the scammer hate his time Xbox Live you end it by telling all of your friends to report his ass and providing you have enough friends the banhammer will either take effect or Microsoft will watch him as carefully as my dog watches me pour her food into her bowl.
Option #4: Fist Meets Portal- If you are an individual that posses the unique ability to throw you fist into your head set causing an inter-space rupture that cause your fist to travel to the said scammers face I encourage you to use this method but alas not everyone posses this talent.
So the next time you come across a scammer I encourage you to follow one of the options listed above and hopefully one day all gamers can go a day of gaming with out having to listen to these d-bags.
I thought long and hard about this month's blog topic especially because it is my first blog on Destructoid. But lame sex puns aside, I thought the best example of sex and video games could be shown through my friend JClark.
Arguably the premier source of knowledge on titty games JClark is never seen with out without at least two or three titty games in his duffel bag of gear that he hauls to our LANs. It is always a great to see him pull out Dead or Alive Xtreme 2 and Onechanbara at the LAN as he searches for his copy of Halo 3 or Modern Warfare and see the people that don't know him stare in disbelief and ask "Why would you bring titty games to LAN?"
Not only does the man tote these games where ever his 360 goes but he has actually beaten them! Any person who can legitimately say that they have unlocked every swimsuit in DOAX2, every outfit in Onechanbara, and as far as I know has played every titty game that has been released on the 360 to date. Even his most recent game Bayonetta is basically a titty game, even though he claims it has nothing to do with titties or sex, even though it's protagonist is based on a super model with unrealistic proportions whose clothes disappear during certain parts of combat due to the fact that her weapons and clothes are derived from her hair. So clearly while fighting aspects are present in this game the focus is sex.
Even through all of the bull sh*t we give him he maintains his always jovial state often quoting Dave Chappelle when people really start busting his balls about playing and owning so many titty games by saying "What can I say, I'm just a nigga that loves titties."
So while many gamers may have voyeurism or terribly awkward sex scenes, specifically Dragon Age: Origins, come to mind when they think of sex and video game, the first thing that always comes to my mind is my good friend JClark the Titty Game Master.