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doctor insidious's blog

3:42 PM on 04.29.2010

Contestoid: design an Android game, win virtually nothing!

Just yesterday I received my new cell phone: the HTC Incredible. It is awesome. Very fast, nice touch screen, etc. However, I am quite disappointed with the amount of good free full games on the Android market. As far as I can tell, there are none, really. So I thought to myself: I can program, I know Java, why don't I make a game? Trouble is, I suck at designing games. The best I could come up with was a Rez clone, and that's not what I want. So here I present you a contest: DESIGN A VIDEO GAME AND WIN SOME THINGS MAYBE.

Here are the rules:

1.) It has to be original, no Rez clones.

2.) It can be something really really hard to do, it'll just take longer to make, or it may never get finished at all.

3.) Something appropriate people. I'm dedicating this game (if it gets finished) to Anthony Burch so yeah.

4.) When designing the game, look to Rev-Rants for ideas. The stuff he came up with was really interested and it would be cool to be implemented on a mobile device blah blah pretentiousness.

5.) Describe your game completely, leave no room for me to make decisions on design

6.) I would prefer the game to be low-poly count 3D, that way I can make my own 3D engine and mess with 3D projection. However, this is not a requirement; the game can be 2D and high-poly count 3D if it is required.

7.) Some online play would be nice, but not required


1.) A Jessica Chobot (or whatever her name is) Figma. I got this thing at wonder con because the Sam and Max one was like 25 dollars more. Worst mistake of my life.

2.) A personal letter from me and about 5 dollars USD. Yah whatever.

Ideas will be judged by the most interesting concept or most fun to implement, whichever comes first.
Judging ends after 20 replies or 5 days, whichever comes first (prolly the 5 days).

Thanks to my brosticean Tray Ben. He is a cool guy.

Now GogogogogoDoNothing!

I guess this means I'm indie.   read

5:18 PM on 04.09.2010

I have nothing to lose

Hey there, I'm the man with nothing to lose. You may remember me from the blockbuster movies Die Hard, Die Hard 2: die harder, Die Hard with a vengeance, Die Hard 4, the soon to be released Die Hard 5: Obamacare, and numerous others. I was also in a couple of Bruce Campbell movies, some of those shitty webcomics you read online, countless graphic novels, and even some Japanese anime (which were very hard to act in, what with the breasts and all). I was also in a couple of video games, but I'll get to that later.

Anyway, I would like to tell you about myself. Contrary to my name, I do own things. I have a job (though it's not very glamorous, usually a policeman. I tend to be married, have a couple of kids, but the fact remains the same: I could die at any moment and I wouldn't even care.

I have also been known to be a chemist.

Life is pretty hard for me, having nothing to lose and all. Usually I would just like to sit down and have a cup of coffee, but then suddenly someone just has to murder/kidnap my entire family. How annoying is that? Well, it's not always my family, but most of the time it is. Sometimes it's a nuke in the center of a city that needs to be disarmed, or perhaps some terrorists hijack the building I'm in. Point is I just can't get away. And this is a problem. It's as if I have an unbreakable bond with chivalry.

At first I thought that getting video games would be good for me. Suddenly, the world gets more interesting. No longer am I just a policeman, now I'm a policeman who pops pills like skittles and can make everything go in slow mow (both of those are probably related). But I'm not just a junky policeman, I'm also a soldier! Sweeping across a vast landscape of dead bug thingies, the slightly different shades of gray and brown shifting constantly as I try to find my kids and my wife Maria or whatever her name was that time.

That's right, it was Dom who had nothing to lose

I don't have to be a human though. With video games, many times has the inability to lose anything of significant value traveled trans-species. More times than you may think, in fact.

Sonic, the hedgehog with nothing to lose.

However, as it turns out, I deeply regret my decision. Not because of the lack of employment, no, quite the opposite. I have way too much employment. It seems like every single company wants to jump on the "losing nothing" bandwagon. It's understandable to think that people would want more no-losers in this economy, but come on, the moment I got the call from SingStar, I knew it had to end. I have so much money saved up from my work right now that if I were to donate it all to Guam, 50% of the world population would know where the hell it is.

Singy Mc. Star-Star, the ultimate man with nothing to lose. Also kind of a douche.

So please, developers, I'm tired of it. The people are tired of it. Even people who don't play video games are tired of it (not entirely due to my large influence over them). Why can't we do a game about a man with everything to lose for a change? My cousin is perfect for the job. I'm begging of you.

I bought this game for 90 cents at the local Fry's electronics and it wasn't worth it.   read

4:23 PM on 04.02.2010

Getting back to work and all that (NVGR)

Take note, most of this won't make sense to you if you haven't read any of my previous blogs.

Well, Wondercon's tomorrow. It's actually today, but no one ever goes on a Friday, plus I have school, so I'm going tomorrow. I'm pretty psyched.
But that is not what I wanted to talk about, no, I wanted to talk about something much different.
God I'm tired. I guess school does that too you.
(I don't want to talk about that either).
As some of you know, I am, or was, programming a game engine. I think the last post I did on it was a while back, and in that post I showed you a bit of the language I was creating.
As good at programming as I may have sounded in that article, I was shit at it, and because of that I have scrapped that project and I am now, under the sponsorship of the school (the class I am in now's main homework assignment is pretty much "do what ever you want"), I am working on it again. The previous language I had written was horrible, it used a stack of 1000 variables, the syntax was unbearable, and I didn't expect anyone to use it. I didn't even know how to use malloc, much less pointers. The new language I am creating (a very large amount is done), in contrast, is very, very, good (excuse my humility). No, it's not that good, but it does employ some very fucking clever shit for OOP and arrays, which I will tell you about as soon as it's implemented, is garbage collected, and supports multithreading. Anyway, here is a sample piece of code for you, one that I will probably spend 10 minutes on. All for you. Lucky bastards.

# In file main.rua This is a comment.
defunc addFive(* def aPointer)
abcd(= aPointer + aPointer 5);
defunc returnAddFive(def aLocalVar)
abcdreturn (+ aLocalVar 5);

(= def notInAFunc (* rand() 100));

if (|| (&& (!= notInAFun 5) (> 3 notInAFunc)) (== notInAFunc 2.667)

And there are else statements and whatever. God I'm tired.   read

4:08 PM on 02.16.2010

It's my birthday today

Yah today is my 15th birthday.
Goddamn what to do?

12:45 PM on 01.04.2010

Programming Advice #1

I am bored. Sitting here in the middle of class, you would expect I'd have something to preoccupy myself with.
I don't. This class is called "Intro to Java", and it's the only programming class I was able to take freshman year. From what you've read in my blog so far, would you consider me a "beginner" programmer? God I hope not, I've worked to fucking hard for that.
Anyway, this brings me to the meat of my blog. I came up with an adage for you aspiring programmers, and I liked it. I decided that I'd come up with more and share them with you, like a weekly/monthly thing. So anyway, here's the first one (I really hope I didn't subconsciously steal this from someone):
"Assume the users wants to do everything and nothing and has no idea how."
This compact statement tells of the importance of three things:
-Memory management
-Program protection
-User interface

He wants to do everything, memory management:
Most newbie programmers don't really consider how important this is. He will allocate a block of memory and say "This is how much input you can enter" (creating a character array). This would be like if the people who made Open Office decided that one can only type up to 1,000 pages, and that was it. Sure not a lot of people want to write a book that long, but there are still people who want to.
case in point...

He wants to do nothing, program protection:
This is pretty obvious. Remember, when you are writing a program, don't forget: Error checking, Error checking, Error checking, Error checking, Error checking. What is error checking? Well, say you write a program that gets a random integer and divides it by an integer taken from input (why? No idea). You could right your program seemingly perfectly, but in the end, what if the user enters the number zero?
you can't divide by zero!

How the hell?... user interface:
Don't let other people tell you otherwise: If you have a great program with terrible user interface, you are only doing have the job. Programs should be easy to start and get into, or at least include a manual. What would it be like if when you started up a video game you had to press the A and B button to move through the menu and press down the left analogue stick to select the menu item. While all of you people would be kinda interested messing around with it, I'd be in another room, KILLING MYSELF.
This is good UI (thank god for emacs):

So I hope all you beginning programmers were interested a little bit. I certainly like the quote.
One last thing, how did the word "noggertits" (see last blog) become popular (kind off not really)?! I'm a go and drink some hard cider.   read

2:12 AM on 01.01.2010


i have noggertits what do?
aslo new year sucogk   read

10:38 PM on 11.17.2009

Designing a game engine, part 1.5 (short blog)

*Note, I am writing this blog in haste because I have a lot of stuff to do I have school tomorrow so please excuse all run-on sentences. That was a joke, but seriously, I didn't have time to really proof this too well.

Well, I think most of the seven of you who remember last blog post recall that I was programming a game engine using the GNU library guile, which basically is a Scheme interpreter for C code. Well, unfortunately guile is not reentrant, meaning it can't handle multiple threads. What are threads? Threading is a concept in which allows multiple processes to be handled at the same time. This is critical for game engines, because a good game engine has to handle both user input and drawing stuff on the screen at the same time. This forced myself to write my own interpreted engine from scratch. I started yesterday, and finished today (aside from missing primitives the most important being "if"), and thought I'd show you guys the result. Note: PLEASE DEAR GOD DON'T MODEL YOUR LANGUAGE AFTER MINE. Not because of copyright or anything, but because you wont have good time trying to use it.
This is a number, return that number.
Simple enough, right? Well, it gets more complicated...
*1 4 5
This is a primitive followed by some numbers. This primitive, *1, adds the 2 numbers in front of it. To add multiple numbers, one must do something like:
*1 *1 5 5 5
This returns 15. Other useful primitives include *0: '=', *2: subtract, *3: multiply and *4: divide. One who has taken geometry at one point can compare primitives to postulates.
*0 @1 5
This assigns the '5' to the 1 place in the variable stack. Notice how I don't say the "first place" in the variable stack. That would be 0.
*1 @1 3
This is equal to eight.
[2 *1 6 7]
This defines the procedure '2'. Most of you will probably think: didn't he mean to write "functions"? No, there's a difference in my language. Functions take arguments, procedures do not. You can not pass arguments in my language. There's a reason for this, but it's more like an excuse.
Calls the procedure 2 and returns 13.
*1 *3 $2 @1 5
Returns 70
Well, that's pretty much it. I just finished so I thought it would be cool to show you. I remember you all got a kick out of the (x86?) Assembly I showed you, so I thought I'd make the language as annoying as possible to express. Finally, the game engine will be called: The Berry Engine, named after my good friend TheRedPepperofDoom, who's birthday is tomorrow. Happy birthday!   read

5:44 PM on 09.21.2009

Designing a Game Engine: A quick, condensed guide

Preface: I would say I'm good at programming. Well, no, decent really. I'm only a freshman in high school, you see, but I still am quite good (In my opinion). Well, good enough to want to get better that is. Recently, my quest for becoming a computer scientist has shown me a C library called Guile, a GNU interpreter for programs. I had an idea, and decided to share it with you. By the way, I was going to work on that game I told you all about, but nobody really cared so I had no justification to do so. Any way, lets begin: (Also if you don't want to go through the trouble of actually learning to program, but still want to use this, wait a few months and I'll have made it probably)

What is a game engine?
Most of you are reading this probably because you want to make a video game, and you've been to a few sites and have seen the term "Game Engine" thrown around. Well, what exactly is a game engine, and how do I make it? It's really simple. defines a game engine as: A software system designed for the creation and development of video games. That is pretty much it. The beauty of a game engine lies in that when you have one, you don't need to mess around with opengl, frame buffers, and most importantly, pointers. God I hate segfualts. Any way, a good analogy for a game engine is that the game engine is the CPU and the operating system system is the game. The game runs off of the game engine. How do you make one of these things you ask? Well, It requires low-level programming, and the high-level programming. You might be better just purchasing one online (,, however these tend to be REALLY expensive, as they are not focused on indy devs. There are some free ones out there, specifically, which is both a 3D modeler, but as well a game engine which runs python, one of the easiest programming languages to learn.

I lost you at high/low-level programming. What is that?
High/low-level programming only refers to the amount of abstraction between the programming language used and machine language. That may seem a bit confusing, let me explain: Low-level (C, assembly) programming languages run faster, but the code for something simple (for this example, the Fibonacci sequence) ends up looking like this (assembly program):

mov edx, [esp+8]
cmp edx, 0
ja @f
mov eax, 0

cmp edx, 2
ja @f
mov eax, 1

push ebx
mov ebx, 1
mov ecx, 1

lea eax, [ebx+ecx]
cmp edx, 3
jbe @f
mov ebx, ecx
mov ecx, eax
dec edx
jmp @b

pop ebx

It would be pretty much Impossible to write an engine this way. In contrast, Higher-level (python, scheme) programming languages substitute speed for clarity (scheme program):

(define (fib n)
(if (< n 2)
(+ (fib (- n 1)) (fib (- n 2)))))

Although you probably don't know what this is either, unless you went to MIT with the intent to get a degree in computer science, or actually have a degree in computer science, but you can tell that its a lot simpler.

The right tool for the right job:
Let me ask you a question: what would be better for writing a game engine with a game, a lower level or higher level language? The answer is neither: you use both: For writing the actual language itself, I would HIGHLY suggest C. It's low level, not completely crazy when it comes to syntax, has good graphics library support, and will help you improve your programming skills in general. For the language the games are written in (and then interpreted by the engine), I would use scheme. There is a great GNU library out there called Guile, as mentioned earlier, that would save you the hassle of writing your own interpreter. Also, scheme is good for learning the basics of recursive and iterative programming, a key part of programming.

Graphics library waaaaahhhh?
A graphics library is what you would use for drawing stuff on the screen, making GUI, and the like. The two main libraries are: openGL and DirectX. While both equally as powerful, openGL is cross platform, however it is lacking in anything besides graphic tools (I think). DirectX, while only available for windows, provides a suite of tools, and in fact, MS Vista's desktop was actually written in direct 3D, the DirectX 3D library, and that is why I use Kubuntu now among other things. Both openGL and DirectX are viable options, but since you probably want you game engine to be cross platform, you probably shouldn't use either. Yes, openGL is cross platform, but I'm pretty sure you need to tweek the code quite a bit. I suggest SDL (Simple DirectMedia Layer), a cross platform library available for: SDL supports Linux, Windows, Windows CE, BeOS, MacOS, Mac OS X, FreeBSD, NetBSD, OpenBSD, BSD/OS, Solaris, IRIX, and QNX. The code contains support for AmigaOS, Dreamcast, Atari, AIX, OSF/Tru64, RISC OS, SymbianOS, and OS/2, but these are not officially supported (taken from It's not an actual graphics library, but instead a tool set that provides easy cross platform compiling and has a large tool set for things such as controller input.

Well, that's all for now young folk, I hope you enjoyed my commentary. By the way; IF YOU STEAL MY IDEA FOR A GAME ENGINE THAT USES GUILE, I'LL HURT PEOPLE. Oh, one last word of advice, when learning to code for Linux, USE EMACS RAAAAAHHHH.

End part one.   read

6:50 PM on 07.22.2009

Shocking new evidence proves that Gordon Freeman is getting even more rugged (shortblog)

Gordon Freeman is known to be the most sexy, rugged, and smart video game character ever made. from the the glasses to the crowbar, everything about Gordon screams "Ima fuck you up then fuck your mother". However, 5 days after returning to earth, It seems that Gordon Freeman is becoming more rugged by the minute.

How interesting   read

1:16 PM on 06.14.2009

Mr. Destructoid heads being sold as... Toilet paper holders?!

Unfortunately I have no trailer of my video game for you guys today, as I didn't think it would be all that complicated to make. I was wrong. Instead, I offer you a shocking find on the Gizmine site, as it appears to be they're selling Mr. Destructoid head shaped toilet paper holders, dubbed as: Robot Toilet Paper Holder. If your the kind of man that fancies having Mr. Destructoid on the paper in which you wipe your ass with, then you may enjoy this, however it only comes in the colors; black, red, yellow and white, with green apparently being too uncool for their super-snappy awesome site.


11:02 AM on 06.12.2009

D game Dev blog number: I can't remember

Well, it sure has been a while, hasn't it? Well, despite my apparent absence in the world of Not-fail blogging, I have returned to give you a quick update on the "d" game, with a few announcements. first off:
It's not called D game! Anymore!
No in fact it's called "Warning 10,000" (which is over 9,000, heh heh). The name is a ripoff of the famous indie shooter called "Warning Forever", because I'm not clever enough to come up with one of my own.
But Dr., how does that name relate at all to growing up and puberty? My answer:
That's right! The new game has NOTHING to do with the growing up! As all you astrologists/physicists may have been tipped of, the game is about being a particle in the sun and journeying up to the surface, then lighting up the earth! Oh, one more announcement:
The subtitle is: Let's best the sun!
The reason why will be given in tomorrow's post, along with game play videos and other information. Now I leave you with a screen shot:

7:11 PM on 05.19.2009

GP2X WIZ Unboxing! Yay!

Well guess what arrived today? It's my GP2X Wiz (that I waited like three months for)! Here is a video I made of unboxing this beauty, I hope you like! I know you guys hate blogs with just a single video in them, so I put a review in here as well. Sorry for the low quality, had a lot of trouble doing this covertly. I'm especially sorry for the grammar mistake in the beginning, I'm not having a "smart" day.
The Wiz is really great, very well worth your money. All the complaints I have heard of Wiz seem so completely invalid to me; the issues with the dpad is totall BS, the screen tearing issue is unnoticeable, and, um, I can't think of any other known issues. In the video I mention that the touch screen is solid, and wow, does that really help when playing games. The fact that it's open source means that I'm soon going to be able to take my entire collection of sonic games on the road, thanks to a large community ready to make emulator after emulator for it. In fact, I'm considering taking a PS2 emulator, shaving it down until it can only play one specific game at full speed, and dub it as "Katamari Player", so I can take that too on the go.
But I'm rambling now. It's an easy 9/10.

Score: 9 -- Superb (9s are a hallmark of excellence. There may be flaws, but they are negligible and won't cause massive damage to what is a supreme title.)


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