doctor insidious 's blog
click to hide banner header
Hi, my name is Matt, but you can call me doctor insidious, because that is much more awesome.
My top ten games:
9. Sam and Max
8. Gears 2
7. Tap Tap Revenge
6. We <3 Katamari
5. Castle Crashers
4. Persona 3
3. Braid
2. Crayon Physics
1. Cave Story

I am one of the few people who actually know how to program in this world. And by program I mean know how to use pointers.

#include <stdio.h>

#define COCKS 0

int main (int argc, char **argv)
printf("Hi I'm doctor insidious\n"
"This is the most useless program I have ever seen\n");
return COCKS;
Following (12)  

Just yesterday I received my new cell phone: the HTC Incredible. It is awesome. Very fast, nice touch screen, etc. However, I am quite disappointed with the amount of good free full games on the Android market. As far as I can tell, there are none, really. So I thought to myself: I can program, I know Java, why don't I make a game? Trouble is, I suck at designing games. The best I could come up with was a Rez clone, and that's not what I want. So here I present you a contest: DESIGN A VIDEO GAME AND WIN SOME THINGS MAYBE.

Here are the rules:

1.) It has to be original, no Rez clones.

2.) It can be something really really hard to do, it'll just take longer to make, or it may never get finished at all.

3.) Something appropriate people. I'm dedicating this game (if it gets finished) to Anthony Burch so yeah.

4.) When designing the game, look to Rev-Rants for ideas. The stuff he came up with was really interested and it would be cool to be implemented on a mobile device blah blah pretentiousness.

5.) Describe your game completely, leave no room for me to make decisions on design

6.) I would prefer the game to be low-poly count 3D, that way I can make my own 3D engine and mess with 3D projection. However, this is not a requirement; the game can be 2D and high-poly count 3D if it is required.

7.) Some online play would be nice, but not required


1.) A Jessica Chobot (or whatever her name is) Figma. I got this thing at wonder con because the Sam and Max one was like 25 dollars more. Worst mistake of my life.

2.) A personal letter from me and about 5 dollars USD. Yah whatever.

Ideas will be judged by the most interesting concept or most fun to implement, whichever comes first.
Judging ends after 20 replies or 5 days, whichever comes first (prolly the 5 days).

Thanks to my brosticean Tray Ben. He is a cool guy.

Now GogogogogoDoNothing!

I guess this means I'm indie.

Hey there, I'm the man with nothing to lose. You may remember me from the blockbuster movies Die Hard, Die Hard 2: die harder, Die Hard with a vengeance, Die Hard 4, the soon to be released Die Hard 5: Obamacare, and numerous others. I was also in a couple of Bruce Campbell movies, some of those shitty webcomics you read online, countless graphic novels, and even some Japanese anime (which were very hard to act in, what with the breasts and all). I was also in a couple of video games, but I'll get to that later.

Anyway, I would like to tell you about myself. Contrary to my name, I do own things. I have a job (though it's not very glamorous, usually a policeman. I tend to be married, have a couple of kids, but the fact remains the same: I could die at any moment and I wouldn't even care.

I have also been known to be a chemist.

Life is pretty hard for me, having nothing to lose and all. Usually I would just like to sit down and have a cup of coffee, but then suddenly someone just has to murder/kidnap my entire family. How annoying is that? Well, it's not always my family, but most of the time it is. Sometimes it's a nuke in the center of a city that needs to be disarmed, or perhaps some terrorists hijack the building I'm in. Point is I just can't get away. And this is a problem. It's as if I have an unbreakable bond with chivalry.

At first I thought that getting video games would be good for me. Suddenly, the world gets more interesting. No longer am I just a policeman, now I'm a policeman who pops pills like skittles and can make everything go in slow mow (both of those are probably related). But I'm not just a junky policeman, I'm also a soldier! Sweeping across a vast landscape of dead bug thingies, the slightly different shades of gray and brown shifting constantly as I try to find my kids and my wife Maria or whatever her name was that time.

That's right, it was Dom who had nothing to lose

I don't have to be a human though. With video games, many times has the inability to lose anything of significant value traveled trans-species. More times than you may think, in fact.

Sonic, the hedgehog with nothing to lose.

However, as it turns out, I deeply regret my decision. Not because of the lack of employment, no, quite the opposite. I have way too much employment. It seems like every single company wants to jump on the "losing nothing" bandwagon. It's understandable to think that people would want more no-losers in this economy, but come on, the moment I got the call from SingStar, I knew it had to end. I have so much money saved up from my work right now that if I were to donate it all to Guam, 50% of the world population would know where the hell it is.

Singy Mc. Star-Star, the ultimate man with nothing to lose. Also kind of a douche.

So please, developers, I'm tired of it. The people are tired of it. Even people who don't play video games are tired of it (not entirely due to my large influence over them). Why can't we do a game about a man with everything to lose for a change? My cousin is perfect for the job. I'm begging of you.

I bought this game for 90 cents at the local Fry's electronics and it wasn't worth it.

Take note, most of this won't make sense to you if you haven't read any of my previous blogs.

Well, Wondercon's tomorrow. It's actually today, but no one ever goes on a Friday, plus I have school, so I'm going tomorrow. I'm pretty psyched.
But that is not what I wanted to talk about, no, I wanted to talk about something much different.
God I'm tired. I guess school does that too you.
(I don't want to talk about that either).
As some of you know, I am, or was, programming a game engine. I think the last post I did on it was a while back, and in that post I showed you a bit of the language I was creating.
As good at programming as I may have sounded in that article, I was shit at it, and because of that I have scrapped that project and I am now, under the sponsorship of the school (the class I am in now's main homework assignment is pretty much "do what ever you want"), I am working on it again. The previous language I had written was horrible, it used a stack of 1000 variables, the syntax was unbearable, and I didn't expect anyone to use it. I didn't even know how to use malloc, much less pointers. The new language I am creating (a very large amount is done), in contrast, is very, very, good (excuse my humility). No, it's not that good, but it does employ some very fucking clever shit for OOP and arrays, which I will tell you about as soon as it's implemented, is garbage collected, and supports multithreading. Anyway, here is a sample piece of code for you, one that I will probably spend 10 minutes on. All for you. Lucky bastards.

# In file main.rua This is a comment.
defunc addFive(* def aPointer)
abcd(= aPointer + aPointer 5);
defunc returnAddFive(def aLocalVar)
abcdreturn (+ aLocalVar 5);

(= def notInAFunc (* rand() 100));

if (|| (&& (!= notInAFun 5) (> 3 notInAFunc)) (== notInAFunc 2.667)

And there are else statements and whatever. God I'm tired.

Yah today is my 15th birthday.
Goddamn what to do?

I am bored. Sitting here in the middle of class, you would expect I'd have something to preoccupy myself with.
I don't. This class is called "Intro to Java", and it's the only programming class I was able to take freshman year. From what you've read in my blog so far, would you consider me a "beginner" programmer? God I hope not, I've worked to fucking hard for that.
Anyway, this brings me to the meat of my blog. I came up with an adage for you aspiring programmers, and I liked it. I decided that I'd come up with more and share them with you, like a weekly/monthly thing. So anyway, here's the first one (I really hope I didn't subconsciously steal this from someone):
"Assume the users wants to do everything and nothing and has no idea how."
This compact statement tells of the importance of three things:
-Memory management
-Program protection
-User interface

He wants to do everything, memory management:
Most newbie programmers don't really consider how important this is. He will allocate a block of memory and say "This is how much input you can enter" (creating a character array). This would be like if the people who made Open Office decided that one can only type up to 1,000 pages, and that was it. Sure not a lot of people want to write a book that long, but there are still people who want to.
case in point...

He wants to do nothing, program protection:
This is pretty obvious. Remember, when you are writing a program, don't forget: Error checking, Error checking, Error checking, Error checking, Error checking. What is error checking? Well, say you write a program that gets a random integer and divides it by an integer taken from input (why? No idea). You could right your program seemingly perfectly, but in the end, what if the user enters the number zero?
you can't divide by zero!

How the hell?... user interface:
Don't let other people tell you otherwise: If you have a great program with terrible user interface, you are only doing have the job. Programs should be easy to start and get into, or at least include a manual. What would it be like if when you started up a video game you had to press the A and B button to move through the menu and press down the left analogue stick to select the menu item. While all of you people would be kinda interested messing around with it, I'd be in another room, KILLING MYSELF.
This is good UI (thank god for emacs):

So I hope all you beginning programmers were interested a little bit. I certainly like the quote.
One last thing, how did the word "noggertits" (see last blog) become popular (kind off not really)?! I'm a go and drink some hard cider.

doctor insidious
2:12 AM on 01.01.2010

i have noggertits what do?
aslo new year sucogk