"Please don't... Please... do not do that."


I talked to her. I laid a gentle hand on her. I begged, I pleaded... I sat there on my knees and stared at her, lovingly but with a sense of urgency on my face. I let out the most frustrated sigh ever known to man and felt my heart sink like a freshly torpedoed sea vessel. The muscle below my right eye began twitching uncontrollably and it helped eject a single tear that had built up on my bottom eyelid. And as it streamed down my cheek I leaned back with my arms outstretched, lifted my head towards the heavens and uttered "Why?... Whyyyyyyyyy?"


My XBox died a couple weeks ago. No warning sign. No "Dear John" letter. Not even one final fling for old times' sake. I hit the power button only to be greeted by three little flashing red arcs... the infamous Red Rings of Death.


Later on that night I cried and became borderline-suicidal over its demise. I held it in my arms, performed CPR, said things like "Don't you leave me... *sniffle*... I'll never let go," and went though an entire box of Kleenex as I sobbed and shared stories of the good times we'd had together to a living room full of friends. I then surfed the web looking for similar horror stories and possible remedies, and found three options.


So while everyone was out in the living room I roamed to the bathroom to grab towels. I came back out to other room where my big-screen and gaming accessories are situated. I wrapped my lifeless XBox in four towels... whispering gently "You're gonna be okay... You're gonna make it" through a tightened jaw and quivering lips.

While it was wrapped I waited patiently, pacing like a family member outside the ICU in a hospital.

I picked up my acoustic guitar and played a soothing Jack Johnson tune to it.

I put my ear up to it, and felt for a pulse.

The withdrawal symptoms had already begun. I tapped my foot repeatedly and chewed my nails. The thought of all my buddies playing round after round of Halo without me promptly forced rage-filled jealous thoughts.

Long story short, it came back to life. She came back to me... for a little while anyway.




The rings showed themselves again and I'm sending her in. I got the shipping label today, and Monday I'll place her in a box and mail her away to operated on.

I'm trying to cope. Sergio Mendez's "Never Wanna Let You Go" will be playing in my head as I leave the post office, wishing her a safe and prompt return. In the meantime my friend Blue will be running the show. IT's true, folks. You don't know what you got 'til it's gone... Tell you're console you love it before it's too late.