In what is the coolest jobs I've ever had, I write about toys for a living. All day, nothing but toys. It's amazing. When I'm not writing at work I'm writing at home, either working on my screenplay or my children's novel. When I'm not doing any of that I try to get in some video game time. I'm currently rocking Nintendo only consoles because dammit, I love Nintendo. More than Nintendo, I love platform games. Even though my favorite game isn't a platformer (The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker), it is my favorite genre of games.
Follow me on twitter at www.twitter.com/thekillerbees and add me to your 3DS Friends List (1633-4277-3240 and let me know so I can add you to mine.) I'd love to meet some people who want play some Kid Icarus, Resident Evil: Revelations and Mario Kart 7.
I think itís pretty clear that Sony really did E3 right this year, with its focus on games, indie developers and keeping consumer gaming rights the same as theyíve been for the past two decades. Microsoft needed a lot of good mojo coming out of this presser and it just couldnít overcome the negative stigma surrounding the console, especially in light of the Sony presser.
But thatís not what this blog is about. Itís about why should I or anyone else bother buying either of these systems this holiday season. This isnít going to be a pro Wii U write up, though that is the console I will be getting this December. This is about how most of the best games announced Monday will be on current gen consoles. If you are someone who actively trades in games, what point is there to getting a PS4 or XBox One this holiday season? Are the exclusive launch titles enough to make you want to take that plunge right away? Letís take a look at them:
Exclusive PS4 Launch Titles so far-
Killzone: Shadow Fall
Exclusive XBox One Launch Titles so far-
Kinect Sports Rivals
Dead Rising 3
Now this could change quite quickly, but so far no more than four titles. Now look at the games that will be on the next gen systems and the PS3 and/or 360 this holiday season:
Assassinís Creed IV Black Flag
Call of Duty: Ghosts
Need for Speed Rivals
Zumba Fitness World Party
Skylanders Swap Force
The biggest franchises in the world are represented there. And those are just this holiday season. Even games further down the road, like Titanfall, Destiny and Final Fantasy XV; will be coming to current gen consoles. Then there are the titles that the PS4 and XBox One will NOT be getting. Neither company has so far announced next-gen version of the following games:
Grand Theft Auto 5
Batman Arkham Origins
Beyond: Two Souls
Splinter Cell: Blacklist
South Park: The Stick of Truth
At least two of those are bound to be huge selling games.
Iíve already read about people reserving their PS4 or XBox One, but I have to ask is there really any reason to do it this holiday season? Letís look at it from a price point. Say you donít want GTA 5 or Rayman Legends, but you do want to get five games this holiday. Based on California taxes, five games will roughly cost you $330. If youíre getting five current/next gen games, that will cost you $770 on the PS4 and $880 on the XBox One (and $710 on the Wii U pending a price drop). That doesnít include the price of playing online.
So once again I ask, if games are what you care most about, are Killzone, Forza, Ryse and Driveclub important enough titles to get you to take the plunge early? If you play games online, wouldnít you want to play with a bigger pool of people on the current gen systems over the smaller pool with the next gen? Do any of those specific next gen titles have anything major over their competition (Killzone Vs. Call of Duty, Forza Vs. Need for Speed)?
There is injustice afoot and I am here to speak out against it. Here it goes:
Bane is a terrible character in Injustice: Gods Among Us.
There! I said it. With no other injustices to fight, I must go back to my writing room until next... hold on whatís this? Nintendo got rid of a bug in a game that allowed for male same sex relationships? To the moral high ground! How dare Nintendo fix an error in a game that allows for same sex marriage! Why fix it? Capcom didnít fix that part in Dragonís Dogma where you can get a little girl to give you a blowjob. They should stand by the error as a clear message to gamers that they refuse to fix bugs in their games if the bug does something cool like let a guy get pregnant. Clearly the bug is nothing but an homage to the underrated Junior starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. I canít believe Nintendo would do something like this, I canít... I canít... I canít, as a fa**ot myself, find a way to give two shits otherwise about this controversy.
As itís been pointed out before, the same sex male marriages in New Life presented a wide array of technical hiccups and issues that can make the game run poorly. But you wouldnít have known that reading about the story online because the only issue people seemed to cover with this bug is that it allowed for gay marriage, not the fact it can ruin your game. Just like with any other game ruining bug, it needed to be fixed. Would I have liked for Nintendo to include gay and lesbian relationships in this game? Sure, why not. In the same way I would have liked it in Fire Emblem Awakening. It would also be cool to have a gay option in games like Harvest Moon and Rune Factory. The truth is, Nintendoís failure to implement GLBTQ characters into their games is more an issue of what country they are from than with Nintendo itself.
Actually, scratch transgendered from that list. Nintendo has a long history of transgendered characters in its games, starting with the most well known in Birdo. We all know the story, Birdo is a man that wishes to be known as Birdette. This was changed when the game was released in North America so that Birdo was only known as a girl. Ignoring the fact that most of the transgendered people I know wish to be referred to as the gender they identify with and not the one they have the parts for, this practice of de-tranifying characters in Nintendo games has pretty much continued ever since. While many may see this as NoA straight-washing its games, I feel people should realize that these transgendered characters are comedic relief in the Japanese games. Itís supposed to be funny that these girls are dressed like boys or these boys are dressed like girls. Many transgendered characters in video games from Japan are the equivalent of gay men in early Hollywood films: they are there for you to laugh at, not laugh with.
We here in America like to think (at least those of us who support it) the tide is turning when it comes to the issue of gay marriage. 58% of the population supports it and that number is growing. 11 states currently allow same sex marriage, Minnesota is set to be number 12 and it may be legal across the country depending on how the Supreme Court rules. A number of other states recognize civil unions.
Guess how many Prefectures in Japan recognize same-sex marriage? None. Thatís right, the home of tentacle porn and used panties vending machines doesnít recognize two ladies getting hitched.
Here are some other fun facts:
Japan doesnít provide any family rights for same-sex couples.
Gays can serve in the military, but they can also be fired from their job for being gay in many parts of the country.
Same-sex couples receive no protection from the law in domestic abuse cases.
Japan didnít recognize sex changes until 2008.
Tokyo didnít host its first major gay celebration until a few weeks ago.
I was unable to find any information about the status of adoption rights for same-sex couples or GLBTQ individuals, though that country is running out of kids as it is.
Japan has made some concessions to gays and lesbians when it comes to gay marriage. If a Japanese National marries a man or woman from a country that does allow gay marriage, the country will recognize the marriage. Itís similar to what New York had in place not too long ago. Tokyo Disney allows symbolic same-sex marriage ceremonies, something Disneyland here in California doesnít allow and thatís the gayest fucking place on Earth.
So I get back to my original point: Would it be nice if gay relationships in New Life were a feature instead of a bug? Sure, in the same way I wish gay relationships in western RPGís amounted to more than just fuck-anything-that-moves. For as old fashioned as Nintendo is, itís in a country that is even more old fashioned. Letís hope that as gay rights expand in the real world they also expand in the fake ones that exist in my 3DS.
One last thing. To all the people who say Nintendo is doing this because this game could be played by children:
The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past is easily one of my favorite video games of all time. I've already done multiple play throughs and if I have my way it will be the last game I play before I check out of this big blue planet. It's not my favorite Legend of Zelda game. That honor rightfully belongs to The Wind Waker, but A Link to the Past is a close second.
For years we've been teased about a possible remake of the game using 3D graphics in a top down setting. Today we got what is the closest yet to a remake of that game with an official sequel. It's been 20 years since A Link to the Past first graced my SNES, and I have to say after watching the trailer of the game... I'm not as amped as I should be. It has nothing to do with the graphic style. In fact I love that they are trying something new. While it may be way too early to make a judgement like this, my biggest worry for this game is that I've been there before. I've been to this version of Hyrule before. I've mastered it. I've made it my bitch. This map is forever stitched into my mind. I love going there when I play A Link to the Past, but I can't say I'm super stoaked to go there again in the sequel.
Every other Zelda sequel has introduced gamers to a new version of Hyrule or some other land. Exploring it and finding its nooks and crannies is part of what makes each new Zelda game feel so fresh. There is no feeling better than discovering an island in Wind Waker, a cave in Twilight Princess or the cow cave in Ocarina of Time. I know all the secrets of A Link to the Past, and the very little Hyrule game play we saw showed us parts of the countryside we've seen before. I'm sure there will be new additions, but I don't want a sense of deja vu throughout my entire experience.
There is also the problem with the fact the map in A Link to the Past is small compared to newer games in the series. It's also limited. Say what you will about Spirit Tracks, that game had some variety when you explored New Hyrule. We've scaled snowy mountains, walked into the heart of a volcano, dived off of waterfalls and traveled across oceans big and small. I would hate for my trip back to this version of Hyrule to feel underwhelming compared to the great Zelda games Nintendo has produced in the past 20 years.
Obviously, it's still early. The game doesn't even have a subtitle yet and there is bound to be a hook to the game that we just don't know about. All I am saying is that I don't want this sequel to just be a retread of the first game, ala Final Fantasy IV: The After Years. The addition of a Dark Realm-like place would be nice, but I don't want it to just be a pallet swap of the regular map.
Can you guess what game inspired this post? Thatís right, the recent launch of Dead Space 3 has inspired me to reflect on this past generation to look at some of the poorest video game launches gamers have been subjected to.
Given video gamingís 30+ years of existence, youíd think weíd eventually arrive at a point where every video game launch is a smooth experience for gamers. Unfortunately, as we learned with SimCity, itís not the case. Sometimes the launch is bad for gamers, sometimes itís bad for publishers and sometimes the bullet goes through both heads. Dead Space 3 was a poor launch for EA because of the unfair sales standards they set for the game. Add in the fact that itís a co-op shooter instead of a horror game, something fans didnít ask for, and you had the makings of a launch that may have killed the franchise (for now). Thatís a recent example, but there are several more that have left an impact on gamers and gaming alike.
Itís too early to say whether SimCity will be successful. Most people would argue that itís an absolute failure and it certainly looks that way right now. But EA might be able to turn it around and have a product that you can actually play (crazy thought, I know). What canít be argued is that SimCityís launch has been an absolute disaster. Fans are revolting against the company, EAís PR firm is smacking fans in the face with their dick and reviewers (at least one reviewer) is actively changing their scores of the game as this crisis goes into week two. Word has it EA has ceased its advertising campaign for the game until it gets fixed. Whenever that happens it remains to be seen if fans will forget about the debacle and embrace this game, which is reportedly great when its running at full steam.
It may not be the first game to require always online even during the single player campaign, but it certainly is the most prolific. Diablo IIIís first week woes included the dreaded Error 3006 message that was a plague for players for the first couple of days after launch. Like SimCity, most critics agree that Diablo III is a great game trapped behind a regressive DRM model. Diablo III had the benefit of gamers not knowing how bad it could get with always on DRM, or at least not remembering. Activision/Blizzard sold more than 12 million copies of the title as a perfect way to beta test for the PS3/PS4 launch later this year. Many people learned their lesson and refused to allow history repeat itself for them with the launch of SimCity.
Final Fantasy XIV
Like basically every other major Final Fantasy title in the PS3/360 era, Final Fantasy XIV was in development for years. Though Final Fantasy XI didnít sell as many copies as other games in the franchise, it was Square Enixís most profitable title ever. So it was no wonder they would try and replicate that success with another Final Fantasy MMO title. Unfortunately, pedigree and ample development time couple save a game that was broken. Not ďfundamentallyĒ broken or ďessentiallyĒ broken, the game was/is flat out broken. The game sold less than one million copies worldwide and was so reviled, Square-Enix issued an apology for the quality of the title and Yoichi Wada went on record saying he believes the game hurt the Final Fantasy brand. The game relaunches sometime this year as Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn, but there is no guarantee it will be successful. Especially with the well liked Dragon Quest X launching on the Wii U this year.
SimCity isnít EAís first disastrous launch of an online title. More than a decade ago Ultima IX: Ascension was causing the blood of gamers to boil with its mess of a control system and ample game-crashing bugs. EAís ďfixesĒ only made the experience that much more worse. The game eventually had to be patched by the developers to make it barely playable. Ultima used to be one of the most beloved franchises in gaming. Now you rarely hear about it thanks to Ultima IX.
Every website that even barely mentions video gaming will at one point sing the praises of Valve. In 2004 it was a very different story. In hindsight the idea of launching a hotly anticipated shooter and a new digital distribution service at the same time is insane. But thatís what Valve attempted in November of 2004 when it tried to officially launch Steam and Half-Life 2 at the same time. They basically failed. Servers were overloaded by gamers playing the single-player mode (always on DRM), the online validation was busted and frequent crashes brought everything to a screeching halt. Thankfully, Half-Life 2 was a game worth waiting for, otherwise Valve might not had survived that first massive hiccup.
de Blob 2 & Epic Mickey 2: The Power of Two
de Blob for the Wii was a minor hit on a system that needed its fair share of them. This new IP brought gamers to Chroma City where they were tasked with turning this monochrome dystopia into a colorful metropolis alive with art and music. Aside from a poor decision to map jumping to waggle and the occasional hour and a half long levels, de Blob succeeded at reaching the Wii audience and reportedly selling around 700,000 copies.
Epic Mickey was a hotly anticipated title for the Nintendo Wii that had been teased about for what seemed like years. Promotional art for the title inspired the imaginations of gamers everywhere and more than 1.3 million people paid out $50 to play this game when it launched. Though it wasnít the greatness most were hoping for, the game did have a solid foundation on which to establish a great franchise.
de Blob 2 & Epic Mickey 2: The Power of Two bombed at retailers. de Blob 2, despite being a better game than de Blob, failed to sell even as many copies on multiple consoles as the first game did on one. Epic Mickey 2 was, by all accounts, an atrocious game that sullied the already dusty name of Epic Mickey. Playable on the Nintendo Wii, broken on the Wii U and middling on the PS3/360, Epic Mickey 2 also failed to reach the retail highs the first game did, even with the help of the 3DS spin-off. Both de Blob and Epic Mickey have, for now, been put on ice right next to Walt Disneyís head.
Heroes of Ruin
Proof positive that you shouldnít release a demo if your demo is terrible (see Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed 3DS and Castlevania: Lords of Shadow - Mirror of Fate), Heroes of Ruin ruined any good will towards the game when it released an absolutely boring and dull demo before its launch. The idea of playing a dungeon crawler on the 3DS was enticing to many gamers up until that point. After that demo was out, the game released to abysmal sales. In October of 2012, n-Space said it was disappointed by the sales for the game, mirroring the sentiment carried by anyone who purchased that game... or Roller Coaster Tycoon 3D.
I never played Hellgate London, but I had a friend who played it. Or at least tried to play it. Aside from being booted off every 45 minutes or so, I watched as he played a game that continually looked like it was near post-alpha form. The game was buggier than the underside of a wet log with ugly texture pop-in and broken missions. Not everyone can develop a successful MMO. Hellgate London proved that not everyone should try.
Fire Emblem: Awakening
Maybe it was the unanticipated demand or problems with production, but Fire Emblem: Awakening's launch had an issue Nintendo is all too familiar with: supply problems. Not even close to enough retail copies were available for launch. The game had an unintentional staggered launch as many stores across the country failed to get the game on release day. At my local Gamestop, only five of the 13 pre-orders were filled on the first day while everyone else had to either wait or download it. I did get my copy that first day, but if there is any issue that shouldnít be an issue in 2013 itís a supply issue. Then again, it all could have been a great plan to push people to the eShop... but I doubt it.
The War Z
No matter how bad you think SimCityís launch has been, nothing can compare to the disaster that was and is The War Z. Not only did Hammerpoint Interactive sell a broken game, but the developer eagerly lied to its customers about the features in the game. Players versus environment? Nope. Hundred player servers? Ha! Add in the fact the game was ďFee-to-PayĒ and gamers took their frustrations to the Steam forums. Like any good gaming mogul in training, Sergey Titov said that a majority of gamers were enjoying the game without issues. Which totally must be true because the game was pulled from Steam, who as we all know frequently pulls games because people love them too much.
It seems after a two year recharged, the Nintendo Doom-and-Gloom Machine was operating at full power this week. After Nintendo reminded gamers why they need to own a 3DS on Thursday, Friday was reserved articles and blog posts from everyone under the sun who thinks Nintendo is going to fail. More specifically, that the Wii U is going to fail. Right here on Destructoid, Elektrodragon went so far to say that Nintendo had already written off the Wii U, just three months after its launch. Apparently, the Wii U is the new Rokr or Kin or Xperia.
For the longest time Sony and 360 gamers who wanted to play Mario and Zelda but didnít want to have to buy a Nintendo console to do so have been calling on the company to go third party or hoping they would fail enough to be forced to go third party. Or as they say, go the route of Sega even though the situations the two companies face are nothing alike.
But what if Nintendo did that? What if, after realizing the Wii U was an utter failure that only babies and fa**ots buy, Nintendo decided to give up and just go third party. What would the gaming world look like with just Microsoft and Sony and the 3,267 Android consoles that everyone seems to be making these days. What would that look like? Come with me. Unlock this door with the key of imagination. Beyond it is another dimension: a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. You've just crossed over into... the Nintendo Console Free Zone!!!!
We start by looking at the company that saved the video game industry, a fact many people seem to take for granted in this age. Without a console or handheld for the Nintendo, it is forced to go 3rd party to survive. Just days after Nintendo announced the end of the Wii U and 3DS, it announced the next Super Mario and Legend of Zelda games will be released on both the PS4 and NexBox, as well as Steam. Gamers rejoice! Finally theyíll get Mario on the most powerful console available just like in the N64 days. And who canít argue with a super, high tech Legend of Zelda game? Nintendo instantly becomes the number one third party in the world. Itís also announced that Nintendo will release Pokemon X & Y on the iPhone and Android devices. Gamers once again rejoice as Patchter has an orgasim at the thought of being right for once. Clearly, everybody is a winner here with gamers finally getting the games they want to play on the devices they want to play them on.
At the same time, Nintendo cuts its profit forecast and announces up to a year or more in losses because of the move. With no console or handheld to sell, Nintendo loses out on those lucrative licensing fees publishers had to pay to get their games on a Nintendo system. For the first time ever, Nintendo is forced to pay licensing fees on its games to the system manufacturer. With Nintendo supporting smart phones, it also has to cut its earning potentials from a top franchise like Pokemon. Where past Pokemon titles could bring in $300 million or more at a cost of $34.99, Nintendo will no doubt have to price its games more in line with Square-Enix iOS prices or lower. Pokemon now goes for $8, minus the 30% itís forced to pay Apple and Android with each sale. The same situation applies to any mobile game Nintendo puts out. Animal Crossing New Leaf, Mario & Luigi: Dream Team, Luigiís Mansion Dark Moon, Mario Golf: World Turn, Harmoknight, Dylanís Rolling Western and Lego City: The Chase Begins will all face similar profit forecast drops and reduced prices on mobile devices. With a terrible interface, lesser known Nintendo IPís become harder to find.
As part of its new transition, Nintendo can no longer focus on low income properties. While Mario, Pokemon, Legend of Zelda, Animal Crossing and other top tier titles are safe, some of the smaller Nintendo brands are not guaranteed. Future Star Fox, Fire Emblem, Advance Wars, Style Savvy, Kirby, Xenoblade, and Wario games fall into question. In order to keep up with the demands of an ultra-powered system like the PS4 and NexBox, Nintendo is forced to focus on its main properties, along with the occasional lesser IP. Revivals like Punch Out!!, quirky titles like Rhythm Heaven or titles like The Legendary Starfy are out of the question. Even Metroid, with the poor-ish performance of Metroid: Other M, is no guarantee in this third party future.
Mario becomes a bigger star for the company as the plumber is shoehorned into any game that will have him. Nintendo drops its partnership with Sega and releases Super Mario Olympics. Sega tries to compete with its own Olympics game and fails. Mario Kart will now feature Mario characters as well as Kratos, Sly Cooper and Sweet Tooth on the PS4 and Master Chief, Theresa and Banjo Kazooie for the NexBox. Nintendoís biggest game is the dual launch of Super Smash Bros. for each system with console exclusive characters. Mario Party 10 features a similar situation, but itís not as successful. Nintendo is able to survive, however a shell of its former self. The company is hit with layoffs as small unprofitable second parties are sold off and rising development costs force Nintendo to put many more people on fewer games. But hey, we get our Zelda on our PS4, and thatís all that matters right?
Without Nintendo consoles, other developers and publishers begin to falter as well. With no 3DS or Wii U, smaller developers have to make a tough choice on which systems to support. Atlus developed a majority of its games for the DS and 3DS. Atlus only developed one game for the PS3 and 360 in Catherine. Without the 3DS and Wii U, with their lower development costs, Atlus has to move all its games to the Vita. Because of the single screen, Etrian Odyssey is either altered or dropped altogether. Seeing as Nintendo is sending Pokemon and its portable games to mobile devices, sales of the Vita do not jump. Atlus is forced to trim down its prospects as a developer. Persona 5 is the only guarantee, while unique titles like Code of Princess become a thing of the past.
The same situation is repeated for many other developers who rely on Nintendo. Unable to properly monetize the Cooking Mama IP on mobile devices, Majesco finally kicks the bucket. Platinum Games folds, Sega has a difficult time with most of its games, Zoo Games and 505 Games abandon consoles altogether for mobile devices and Natsume drops development of all titles except Harvest Moon. Without Nintendoís partnership, Square-Enix ends all attempts to market Dragon Quest in the West. Skylanders sees a massive profit drop without Nintendo consoles. XSeed and Rising Star Games shutter. Prope goes under, as does Marvelous Entertainment and every small Japanese developer it supported. Many of the small, niche games that people seek out get cancelled; but hey, I get to play Mario on my NexBox, so itís all good.
Without a Nintendo Console or Handheld, there are fewer opportunities for developers to put out games. With the absurd costs of making games for the next generation, developers and publishers have to focus resources on the few cash cows. Games like Bravery Default will no longer be made. Many more developers will be crushed under the weight of their inflated budgets. Many believe the next Sony and Microsoft system will have ďPixarĒ quality graphics. Brave cost $185 million dollars to make and itís only one and a half hours long. How much will a sandbox title like Saints Row 4 cost on the next generation systems? What about an open-ended RPG like Final Fantasy? As development times get longer, Playstation and Sony gamers will face something that is rare for them: dry spells of game releases. Eventually, due to rising costs and lower profits, as well as the elimination of Gamestop and Gamefly due to the blocking of used game sales, the entire industry crashes, the world economy loses billions of dollars and tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of people are out of work.
There is a silver lining. Thanks to systems like Ouya, indie development grows and the industry is born once more, this time at a smaller scale. Itís also an industry where Mario games are no longer made, where Halo is a thing of the past and where Gran Turismo can only be played on your old PS3. Itís a silver lining all right, because the gold standard of the industry is gone. Without Nintendo, innovation beyond graphics dissolves as there is no need to try anything different. Though without Nintendo, our entire world will be different. This has been... the Nintendo Console Free Zone!!!!
First of all: yes, I know the title sounds like flame bait and the work of a pissed off Nintendo fanboy. Part of it is, I suppose; but mostly itís just Iím sick and tired of Ubisoft. The Rayman Legends issue is one of many I have with a developer that continually teases us with Beyond Good & Evil 2 by saying theyíll make it if you buy said game. I donít know about you, but I donít negotiate with hostage takers and I certainly donít give them my money. Itís a shame too because I was really looking forward to buying ZombiU when I got my Wii U, but Iíll have to pass altogether. Iím sure the multi-platform release for that game is right around the corner anyway.
Today Wii U gamers learned that the Wii U era will be no different than the Wii era when it comes to 3rd parties. Weíll see tepid support for the next six years with several exclusives that are sure to be dynamite. Weíll see more games pass us by, or as in the case of Assassinís Creed III, Wii U gamers will have to wait longer to get what the other systems have. Though it pains me to say that the last Ubisoft game Iíll buy is Just Dance 4 (because I did just buy it... itís a good workout), I have to stand my ground and say enough is enough even if Iím the only person saying it. Will it make a difference? Fuck no, Assassinís Creed III sold 12 million copies, 11.8 million of which were not on a Nintendo system. If I can survive one console generation with poor third party support I can survive another one. So this September Iíll probably be buying a Wii U. What I wonít be buying is Rayman Legends, even if that means hurting the developers. Instead, Iíll be doing one of the following seven things:
1) Playing Project X Zone
Like Tatsunoko vs. Capcom before it, Project X Zone is a game that has no business being released overseas. And yet this summer weíre getting it. The 3DS is already my favorite current gaming system and niche games like this will only make me love it more.
2) Seeing Machete Kills
The first Machete was a glorious, gory romp. I expecting nothing less from this sequel featuring Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen and Sofia Vergara. Thatís right, Iíd rather support a Mel Gibson movie than a Ubisoft game.
3) Listening to ARTPOP
Yes, Iím a Lady Gaga fan. Well, Iím a fan of her music and itíll be nice to have an album by her that sheís really taken her time with.
4) Reading Dr. Sleep
The sequel to The Shining is hitting bookstores in September and I am going to hate-read the shit out of that thing.
5) Watching The Arsenio Hall Show
Wuff! Wuff! Wuff! Wuff! Wuff! Wuff! Wuff!
6) Going to Disneyland
My credit card is supposed to be paid off by this August. To celebrate, Iím going to treat myself to a day at the happiest place on Earth. And after I leave the whorehouse, Iím going to Disneyland.
7) Catching up on Dexter
Americaís favorite serial killer is back for one final season this year, and Iím about four seasons behind. No doubt I will be catching up with Dexter before I watch the final episodes.
Iíll probably also find time to clear a few games out of the oleí backlog, catch some fish in Animal Crossing (if itís released by then) and maybe get around to reading the Millennium series. And if I magically finish all that within the month and find myself with nothing else to do and $60 to spare, I will spend the rest of my time researching charities in need of that $60. Sorry Ubisoft, I am not a crackhead with a video game addiction, I am a consumer that you have failed to appease; and Iíd rather give my money away than give it to you. That includes the upcoming Assassinís Creed movie (sorry Michael Fassbender, you big dicked bastard).