In what is the coolest jobs I've ever had, I write about toys for a living. All day, nothing but toys. It's amazing. When I'm not writing at work I'm writing at home, either working on my screenplay or my children's novel. When I'm not doing any of that I try to get in some video game time. I'm currently rocking Nintendo only consoles because dammit, I love Nintendo. More than Nintendo, I love platform games. Even though my favorite game isn't a platformer (The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker), it is my favorite genre of games.
Follow me on twitter at www.twitter.com/thekillerbees and add me to your 3DS Friends List (1633-4277-3240 and let me know so I can add you to mine.) I'd love to meet some people who want play some Kid Icarus, Resident Evil: Revelations and Mario Kart 7.
Twas the day after Christmas, and crackedbat was drunk
Off of Redbull and Vodka, Red Stripe and spunk
With his eyes the color of blood
and his face so damn pale,
he decided to sit down
and write about gaming wins and fails.
See 2013 was a great year for fun,
from Fire Emblem to Mario,
there was something for everyone.
While Destructoid decided to shut out the 3DS,
crackedbat canít do that,
because this year was its best.
And while 2013 gave us much reason to cheer,
there are also those few games that made us all jeer.
So without further adieu,
and completely in rhyme,
crackedbat will tell you the Best and Blurst things,
about the last 12 months time.
We start with the good, before we get to the bad,
with Barbara & Her Sisters,
them bitches be rad.
They made Rayman Legends such a joy to play,
theyíre crackedbatís favorite new characters on this Boxing Day.
But not every character can experience such glory,
just ask the entire cast of Natsumeís Hometown Story.
These people were a drag, with personalities that blew,
theyíre the blurst characters that crackedbat wished he never knew.
From the people to the story,
though some gamers hate it,
Bioshock Infinite, crackedbat thought was the greatest.
While the game a chore to play, the story was fresh
with parallel worlds, and idea that will soon be done to death.
The setting was great, with a MacGuffin or two,
from beginning to end,
crackedbat was stuck like glue.
Speaking of glue and how it keeps you in,
Recca Summer Carnival 92,
was the game he just couldnít win.
But crackedbat kept playing, no matter the odds
because this little shooter,
is straight-up boss.
Itís the best little time sink, this game ainít crap
unlike that goddamn sinkhole called the Injustice App.
Here is a ďgameĒ that begged you to pay,
to win and unlock shit without having to play.
This is a terrible trend,
where you must slog through 55 hours,
to unlock an outfit.
But enough with that turd, letís get back to the goods
A Link Between Worlds sent us back to Lost Woods.
While the game could be more daring,
worth no more than a 7,
the Item Rental System was absolute heaven.
Itís a great innovation that changed how you play,
unlike parkour in Sonic Lost World,
that shit was gay.
Thank you little blue man for running off that ledge,
Wasnít copying Galaxy was supposed to give you an edge?
But guess what? It didnít.
Your game plainly sucked.
50 bucks crackedbat is never getting back,
his wallet is fucked.
Speaking of bad, Jett Rocket 2
exactly what did they think this game was gonna do?
At least the first game had a plastic sheen to distract,
this game is a mess from the very first act.
Taikai Atoll 1, the first level of game,
did nothing to inspire,
instead itís just lame.
Now Hands-On Hall, thatís how you make a level,
from beginning to end, an experience to revel.
With stealth aspects, platforming and finding your way around
this may be the best ever Mario level, hands-down.
Speaking of 3D World itís the best of the year,
with every new level giving you reason to cheer.
crackedbat enjoyed the variety and the music of Switchboard Falls,
this game brought the excellence
... this game has balls.
If you havenít played it you should,
let crackedbat tell you in rhyme,
Super Mario 3D World is the greatest game of his time.
crackedbat is a list man, so if you want to know the list
of the top games he played this year, well here comes your wish:
3D World is number one, followed by Dark Moon
Now there was a little game that made crackedbat swoon.
Follow that with Gunman Clive and the worldís greatest Duck,
who provided a challenge that would make anyone scream FUCK!
In fourth we have Fire Emblem, followed by New Leaf
though his town has been neglected by its poorly appointed chief.
The sixth spot belongs to the fun Pikmin 3,
with graphics so stunning, from the plants to each bee.
Rayman Legends is next, followed by Infinite,
next comes Pokemon X, though crackedbat has yet to win it.
Finally at 10, letís give this a whirl
crackedbat selects The Legend of Zelda
A Link Between Worlds.
Those were the best, the games were quite great
but there is one title that crackedbat just hates.
He thought he would like it,
so he bought it with no reviews to be seen,
but Hometown Story was the blurst game crackedbat played in 2013.
It was a game he anticipated, but the end product blew
with game design that had been left behind in 1992.
A shop isnít a farm, it shouldnít be built so far away,
from the customers youíre seeking to come shop there today.
So there you have it, now you all know
the games that were played that made 2013 glow.
Now as he waits for The Wonderful 101,
a game he knows will be a dream,
crackedbat wishes you a Happy New Year,
see you in 2015!