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Defeating My Rebonack - Destructoid


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In what is the coolest jobs I've ever had, I write about toys for a living. All day, nothing but toys. It's amazing. When I'm not writing at work I'm writing at home, either working on my screenplay or my children's novel. When I'm not doing any of that I try to get in some video game time. I'm currently rocking Nintendo only consoles because dammit, I love Nintendo. More than Nintendo, I love platform games. Even though my favorite game isn't a platformer (The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker), it is my favorite genre of games.

Follow me on twitter at www.twitter.com/thekillerbees and add me to your 3DS Friends List (1633-4277-3240 and let me know so I can add you to mine.) I'd love to meet some people who want play some Kid Icarus, Resident Evil: Revelations and Mario Kart 7.



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9:08 AM on 07.05.2013

Zelda II is a fascinating game. Clearly different from every other game in the series, Zelda II has the distinction (for me at least) as being one of the few Zelda games I have not beaten. In fact Iím not even halfway done with it. The last time I played it, I reached the third palace and was unable to defeat the boss.

But the great thing about Zelda II is that you donít have to defeat the boss in order to move on. You can skip the boss, skip all bosses in fact, to grab the tools and upgrades from the palaces that can make the game a hell of a lot easier. So thatís what I did. I went to the next few palaces and leveled up Link as I grabbed all the tools and moves I thought I would need to defeat Rebonack, the third palace boss. After collecting everything I thought I needed, I went back to the third palace and was once again defeated. Because I havenít beaten this game yet it eats away at me; I feel like a failure.

The reason Iím bringing this up and writing a blog about it is because Iím dealing with a Rebonack of my own. I have my own unbeatable boss that is eating away at me and making me feel like a failure. Scratch that. My Rebonack isnít eating away at me, Iím eating away at it. Because my Rebonack is obesity.

My Rebonack is one I thought I had defeated. A few years ago I managed to lose 40lbs. with the help of EA Sports Active NFL Trainer and a treadmill. For the first time since middle school I was hovering around the 200lbs mark. It did wonders for my self esteem; so much so that I quit my job and moved to LA to pursue my dream of working in Hollywood. Thatís when Rebonack fought back.

After moving to my shitty apartment in West Hollywood with my shitty roommates, I realized that being around 200lbs in West Hollywood is the equivalent to being 250lbs where I used to live. Just like that, Rebonack was winning. So I did what I did in Zelda II: I went and got the tools I would need to defeat my Rebonack. I got a gym membership. The first time I went I found I was once again the fattest person at the gym. My self esteem plummeted and Rebonack laughed. Because I didnít have a good paying job, I couldnít afford a personal trainer who would help me defeat my Rebonack. Where I lacked the skill in Zelda II to defeat this boss, in the real world I lacked the money.†

After spending a nearly a year in West Hollywood, Rebonack was making a comeback. By the time I left that apartment I had re-gained 20lbs. I moved away from that toxic environment to my new apartment where Rebonack would unleash its greatest weapon yet: AM/PM Nachos. Those things are fucking delicious. Those things fucked me over. You see part of what made me so successful with NFL Trainer and the treadmill was that I did all my exercising at home, in a house where I wouldnít bother anyone with my jumping and running in place. In West Hollywood there wasnít enough room in my apartment to exercise and my unpredictable work schedule kept me from hitting the gym with consistency. When I moved out here, and purchased NFL Trainer for the second time, I found I couldnít do many of the most effective workouts because I lived on the top floor and the people below me would be annoyed. So instead of working out I ate AM/PM nachos.

My Rebonack fought back and fought back hard. With low self esteem and no self control, I gained back the rest of the weight I had lost. It is not healthy to lose a bunch of weight and then gain it all back. So instead I start from square one. Rebonack beat me but he hasnít defeated me yet. I still have an extra life left. With Wii Fit Plus, a couple of resistance bands and some running shoes I just may be able to defeat it yet. I have the tools. Letís see if this time I have to skill to kill this boss once and for all.

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