In what is the coolest jobs I've ever had, I write about toys for a living. All day, nothing but toys. It's amazing. When I'm not writing at work I'm writing at home, either working on my screenplay or my children's novel. When I'm not doing any of that I try to get in some video game time. I'm currently rocking Nintendo only consoles because dammit, I love Nintendo. More than Nintendo, I love platform games. Even though my favorite game isn't a platformer (The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker), it is my favorite genre of games.
Follow me on twitter at www.twitter.com/thekillerbees and add me to your 3DS Friends List (1633-4277-3240 and let me know so I can add you to mine.) I'd love to meet some people who want play some Kid Icarus, Resident Evil: Revelations and Mario Kart 7.
First of all: yes, I know the title sounds like flame bait and the work of a pissed off Nintendo fanboy. Part of it is, I suppose; but mostly itís just Iím sick and tired of Ubisoft. The Rayman Legends issue is one of many I have with a developer that continually teases us with Beyond Good & Evil 2 by saying theyíll make it if you buy said game. I donít know about you, but I donít negotiate with hostage takers and I certainly donít give them my money. Itís a shame too because I was really looking forward to buying ZombiU when I got my Wii U, but Iíll have to pass altogether. Iím sure the multi-platform release for that game is right around the corner anyway.
Today Wii U gamers learned that the Wii U era will be no different than the Wii era when it comes to 3rd parties. Weíll see tepid support for the next six years with several exclusives that are sure to be dynamite. Weíll see more games pass us by, or as in the case of Assassinís Creed III, Wii U gamers will have to wait longer to get what the other systems have. Though it pains me to say that the last Ubisoft game Iíll buy is Just Dance 4 (because I did just buy it... itís a good workout), I have to stand my ground and say enough is enough even if Iím the only person saying it. Will it make a difference? Fuck no, Assassinís Creed III sold 12 million copies, 11.8 million of which were not on a Nintendo system. If I can survive one console generation with poor third party support I can survive another one. So this September Iíll probably be buying a Wii U. What I wonít be buying is Rayman Legends, even if that means hurting the developers. Instead, Iíll be doing one of the following seven things:
1) Playing Project X Zone
Like Tatsunoko vs. Capcom before it, Project X Zone is a game that has no business being released overseas. And yet this summer weíre getting it. The 3DS is already my favorite current gaming system and niche games like this will only make me love it more.
2) Seeing Machete Kills
The first Machete was a glorious, gory romp. I expecting nothing less from this sequel featuring Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen and Sofia Vergara. Thatís right, Iíd rather support a Mel Gibson movie than a Ubisoft game.
3) Listening to ARTPOP
Yes, Iím a Lady Gaga fan. Well, Iím a fan of her music and itíll be nice to have an album by her that sheís really taken her time with.
4) Reading Dr. Sleep
The sequel to The Shining is hitting bookstores in September and I am going to hate-read the shit out of that thing.
5) Watching The Arsenio Hall Show
Wuff! Wuff! Wuff! Wuff! Wuff! Wuff! Wuff!
6) Going to Disneyland
My credit card is supposed to be paid off by this August. To celebrate, Iím going to treat myself to a day at the happiest place on Earth. And after I leave the whorehouse, Iím going to Disneyland.
7) Catching up on Dexter
Americaís favorite serial killer is back for one final season this year, and Iím about four seasons behind. No doubt I will be catching up with Dexter before I watch the final episodes.
Iíll probably also find time to clear a few games out of the oleí backlog, catch some fish in Animal Crossing (if itís released by then) and maybe get around to reading the Millennium series. And if I magically finish all that within the month and find myself with nothing else to do and $60 to spare, I will spend the rest of my time researching charities in need of that $60. Sorry Ubisoft, I am not a crackhead with a video game addiction, I am a consumer that you have failed to appease; and Iíd rather give my money away than give it to you. That includes the upcoming Assassinís Creed movie (sorry Michael Fassbender, you big dicked bastard).