First off, lets just get it out of the way. The Wii Vitality System?

What.
The.
Fuck.

I’m not even going to touch that. I thought Ubisoft’s piss poor press conference would be the “wtf” moment of the show, but um… Nintendo doesn’t take “wtf” laying down apparently.

Anyways, LETS DO THIS!

My final impressions of the Nintendo E309 conference are that it was a mix of highs and lows. The lows were par for the course but the highs were FUCKING AWESOME! And that’s all I care to talk about.

First off, New Super Mario Brothers Wii. At first I thought “Four player 2D Mario? That isn’t necessary” but after it set in I changed my mind. This looks to be fantastically fun and a great mix of old school awesomeness with a touch of Nintendo’s new way of social play. Good start!

Now, this isn’t all too awesome, but I have to say… Wii Sports Resort looks fun. It just does, and I’m looking forward to it despite how not “hardcore” it is, but whatever, fun is fun.

Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Crystal Bearers looks pretty awesome. A lot different than the past Crystal Chronicles games which I thought were pretty lame. Kingdom Hearts… I don’t know what the hell the story of those games are, but if I was a 15 year old girl, I bet I’d be all tingly inside when I saw that trailer.

GOLDEN SUN DS! THANK YOU NINTENDO, FUCKING THANK YOU SO MUCH! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Super Mario Galaxy 2! Unexpected to say the least! At first I thought “um, rehash?” but really, who am I kidding? Galaxy Was fun, and this does look like a whole new game, with new worlds, power ups, and YOSHI! Awesome.

It was good to see Nintendo give some third party love, even though we’ve seen it all before. The Conduit, RE:DSC, and Dead Space Extraction all got love. I thought this was where we were going to see Capcom’s secret second game. But whatever it’s coming today.

Then… holy damn THIS was the big show. TEAM NINA + NINTENDO = FUCKING AWESOME NEW METROID! HOLY CRAP! Metroid: Other M looks so fucking ridiculously awesome! It looks like a cross between third person action, 2D, and FPS. I don’t know how it is all going to work, but daaaaaaaaaaaamn.

And now, for the disappointments, cus you know, I will never be happy. First off, they didn’t really announce anything new for the Wii Motion Plus. Seeing things in Wii Sports Resort made me think of Pilot Wings and Zelda. They did talk about Wii Motion Plus a bunch but Nintendo’s only game supporting it right now is Wii Sports Resort.

Second and last disappointment, the absence of Miyamoto. I know he is behind New Super Mario Bros Wii, but I am still a little confused as to why he never actually showed up. After the press conference they kept the camera going for about a minute on the Nintendo stage and I thought it would be a “oh, and one more thing” moment with Miyamoto coming out… and announcing a new Zelda. I really thought, with all the hype about the Motion Plus, there would be some Zelda news which is Nintendo’s number one IP to make use of the tech. Oh well…

But overall, bravo Nintendo, bravo! You may not have as many heavy hitters as Microsoft and Sony, but your hitters hit hard.