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I don't know what Bioware is doing, but this game looks really, really ugly. The second screenshot is definitely the worst.

Seriously, ew.
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Headline of the day right? Look, we all know Bobby Kotick is an evil corporate dick who can eat shit and die, it's common knowledge, but when I saw this section of an interview he did with the Wall Street Journal posted on Neogaf, it is just too much to ignore.

WSJ: If you could snap your fingers, and instantly make one change in your company, what would it be, and why?

Mr. Kotick: I would have Call of Duty be an online subscription service tomorrow. When you think about what the audience's interests are and how you could really satisfy bigger audiences with more inspired, creative opportunities, I would love to see us have an online Call of Duty world. I think our players would just have so much of a more compelling experience.

WSJ: Is that coming?

Mr. Kotick: Hopefully.

WSJ: Are the customers ready for it?

Mr. Kotick: I think our audiences are clamoring for it. If you look at what they're playing on Xbox Live today, we've had 1.7 billion hours of multiplayer play on Live. I think we could do a lot more to really satisfy the interests of the customers. I think we could create so many things, and make the game even more fun to play. We haven't really had a chance to do that yet, so that would be my snap of the fingers.


Yeah. What kind of dick head thinks the people who buy his product are "clamoring" to pay him more money, just so they can play Call of Duty?

You know what your audience is REALLY clamoring for? Call of Duty to be given away for free! Yes, but you can't do that can you? And just because you can put a subscription fee on Call of Duty, doesn't mean you should be. Medal of Honor's multiplayer really looks and seems to play like Call of Duty, so I'd gladly stop playing CoD if this was ever to happen, and I most likely will anyways.

So yeah... Bobby Kotick is pretty much just the new Lex Luthor, so theres one thing left to do...


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Are you fucking kidding me? Zelda issues aside, Nintendo just dropped the FUCKING BOMB.

Zelda Skyward Sword
Golden Sun
Epic Mickey
Kirby's Epic Yarn
Donkey Kong Retruns

and then that 3DS 3rd party lineup?

The fucking bomb, I'm telling you.

And the best part? no Cammie. I seriously hate that bitch.

Look man... Ubisoft had an awful press conference last year, and this year, I have to admit they started out strong. Child of Eden is the best Kinect game I've seen so far, just because its from Q? and Assassin's Creed Brotherhood looked fucking awesome. At this point, I was about to excuse Joel McHale again, who is an awful awkward host (Community is good though.) but then...

Fucking hell, don't give Microsoft the get out of jail free card you assholes! Seriously, ESA, don't give Ubisoft a press conference anymore.

3:27 PM on 06.14.2010

I'm going to start off this blog by going quick, then going into detail about certain aspects of Microsoft's E3 press event. And it begins

"Yeah, that's definitely Call of Duty… with a helicopter"

"oooooh Metal Gear Rising, with motion controls? hey, this Kinect thing could be pretty awesome."

"yep… that's Gears of War alright"

"yep… that's Halo alright"

"yep… thats Fable alright"

"you know, controlling the dashboard with gestures is pretty cool, Michael Pachter was right!"

"jesus christ this girl showing off the video chat has an annoying voice"

Now the Kinect onslaught comes… You know what I was thinking during this entire part? "Shut up, SHUT UP, GOOD GOD SHUT UP!!!" This is what I was fearing from Microsoft, motion control overload bullshit.

Okay, I know Kinect is a big thing for them, after all they want to get in on that ever expanding *coughsarcasmcough* Wii audience. So it was obvious that Microsoft was going to put all their chips on this one, but for the love of god, I never thought it would be nothing but pure shovelware. Kitectimals? Kinect Sports? Kinect Adventures? whatever the hell that cart racing game is? Are you fucking kidding me? First of all, NONE of those should be their own game, except maybe the animals one. Sports, Adventures, and racing should all be in one game. If they even charge $40 for those, I'm going to laugh. Remember when that racing game was supposed to be free? Yeah, definitely still looks like it should be free. And what got me is when they said you could experience things in that game that you couldn't in any other kart racer… uuuh, seen ModNation Racers lately? OH HEY! A fitness game, a dance game, and some Forza tech demo. UUUUUUUGH

Now to get to why this angers me so much. I absolutely hate when someone goes on stage with their motion controls saying theres fun to be had FOR EVERYONE. No, no there isn't. There's fun for kids, people in their middle ages, and other NONgamers. How about the cynical 21 year old gamer who is becoming more and more tired of this shovelware? Anything fun for me in there? No? Fuck you, then. I was at least hopeful when we saw MGSR, but then that hope died. As a gamer, I have no interest in this casual bullshit, dancing, and fitness games, and god damn it, so don't tell me for an hour and a half that I do, you misguided corporate fucks.

"OH BUT COVAH!!!! STAR WAAAAAAAAARS" Now, I enjoy Star Wars, but I'm not a fanboy, so with out jaded eyes, I'm calling that game a steaming pile too. If you looked there was absolutely no skill needed in that game. Just wave your light saber around in a random motion and as long as its close, it blocks the lasers. And on rails? Fuck off. That is an issue all REAL games would face if they went Kinect only, there is no real way for one to navigate an on screen avatar without a physical form of input. So have fun with all those on rails games, guys.


What else is next for Microsoft? I mean, I'm so used to them toting out big 3rd party partnerships, its hard to remember their exclusive lineup is really dwindling compared to that of Sony's. Halo is over after Reach, unless 343 milks that, and Gears of War is over after 3. So is Microsoft going to milk Fable year after year? Microsoft needs to learn from Nintendo's mistakes, DO NOT GO FULL FORCE INTO MOTION CONTROLS, KEEP YOUR ORIGINAL FANBASE HAPPY AS WELL. And I doubt they'll actually do that, because I mean honestly, does anyone expect Microsoft to bust out a bunch of new IPs for next holiday season to keep their gamers happy as well? Probably not, they're probably going to stick to the motion control nonsense.

I don't want to even think about this anymore, so lets get down to it

Final Grade

Holy crap... I had a hard time wrapping my head around the creating mechanics in the first game. Jesus christ they just topped themselves multiple times.

But lets get to the real point I want to make, that song.

"Sleepyhead" by Passion Pit.

You may have heard that song here and there... its been in commercials for the PSP, Palm Pixi, Footlocker, god damn everything. If not "Sleepyhead" some other song by them. Now, I like Passion Pit, I'm one of those people who knew about them before the hipsters got to them.* But they're bad examples. Why you ask?

See, the guy behind Passion Pit went to my college. Their original EP was some valentines day gift for his girlfriend at the time. Then when I got to school in Freshman year, he dropped out. Ha, college drop out, fucked for life, right?


They've blown the FUCK UP. Their music is EVERYWHERE. Here I am with my family paying loads and loads of money for some liberal arts college, and here they are dropping out and getting PAID.


But anyways... Little Big Planet 2, eh?

*the school in which I go to, those who knew of them first, are actually just a bunch of hipsters... so I'm refering to the OTHER hipsters