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7:29 PM on 07.12.2010

Dragon Age II screenshots... are ugly as sin

I don't know what Bioware is doing, but this game looks really, really ugly. The second screenshot is definitely the worst.




Seriously, ew.   read


9:11 AM on 06.18.2010

Bobby Kotick is a delusional, evil man.



Headline of the day right? Look, we all know Bobby Kotick is an evil corporate dick who can eat shit and die, it's common knowledge, but when I saw this section of an interview he did with the Wall Street Journal posted on Neogaf, it is just too much to ignore.

WSJ: If you could snap your fingers, and instantly make one change in your company, what would it be, and why?

Mr. Kotick: I would have Call of Duty be an online subscription service tomorrow. When you think about what the audience's interests are and how you could really satisfy bigger audiences with more inspired, creative opportunities, I would love to see us have an online Call of Duty world. I think our players would just have so much of a more compelling experience.

WSJ: Is that coming?

Mr. Kotick: Hopefully.

WSJ: Are the customers ready for it?

Mr. Kotick: I think our audiences are clamoring for it. If you look at what they're playing on Xbox Live today, we've had 1.7 billion hours of multiplayer play on Live. I think we could do a lot more to really satisfy the interests of the customers. I think we could create so many things, and make the game even more fun to play. We haven't really had a chance to do that yet, so that would be my snap of the fingers.

...

Yeah. What kind of dick head thinks the people who buy his product are "clamoring" to pay him more money, just so they can play Call of Duty?

You know what your audience is REALLY clamoring for? Call of Duty to be given away for free! Yes, but you can't do that can you? And just because you can put a subscription fee on Call of Duty, doesn't mean you should be. Medal of Honor's multiplayer really looks and seems to play like Call of Duty, so I'd gladly stop playing CoD if this was ever to happen, and I most likely will anyways.

So yeah... Bobby Kotick is pretty much just the new Lex Luthor, so theres one thing left to do...

CALL THE JLA!

  read


12:12 PM on 06.15.2010

To sum up Nintendo's E3 conference



BOOM!

Are you fucking kidding me? Zelda issues aside, Nintendo just dropped the FUCKING BOMB.

Zelda Skyward Sword
Golden Sun
Metroid
Epic Mickey
Kirby's Epic Yarn
Donkey Kong Retruns
KID ICARUS UPRISING

and then that 3DS 3rd party lineup?

The fucking bomb, I'm telling you.

And the best part? no Cammie. I seriously hate that bitch.   read


7:48 PM on 06.14.2010

To sum up Ubisoft's press conference

Look man... Ubisoft had an awful press conference last year, and this year, I have to admit they started out strong. Child of Eden is the best Kinect game I've seen so far, just because its from Q? and Assassin's Creed Brotherhood looked fucking awesome. At this point, I was about to excuse Joel McHale again, who is an awful awkward host (Community is good though.) but then...



Fucking hell, don't give Microsoft the get out of jail free card you assholes! Seriously, ESA, don't give Ubisoft a press conference anymore.   read


3:27 PM on 06.14.2010

My grade for Microsoft



I'm going to start off this blog by going quick, then going into detail about certain aspects of Microsoft's E3 press event. And it begins

"Yeah, that's definitely Call of Duty… with a helicopter"

"oooooh Metal Gear Rising, with motion controls? hey, this Kinect thing could be pretty awesome."

"yep… that's Gears of War alright"

"yep… that's Halo alright"

"yep… thats Fable alright"

"you know, controlling the dashboard with gestures is pretty cool, Michael Pachter was right!"

"jesus christ this girl showing off the video chat has an annoying voice"

Now the Kinect onslaught comes… You know what I was thinking during this entire part? "Shut up, SHUT UP, GOOD GOD SHUT UP!!!" This is what I was fearing from Microsoft, motion control overload bullshit.

Okay, I know Kinect is a big thing for them, after all they want to get in on that ever expanding *coughsarcasmcough* Wii audience. So it was obvious that Microsoft was going to put all their chips on this one, but for the love of god, I never thought it would be nothing but pure shovelware. Kitectimals? Kinect Sports? Kinect Adventures? whatever the hell that cart racing game is? Are you fucking kidding me? First of all, NONE of those should be their own game, except maybe the animals one. Sports, Adventures, and racing should all be in one game. If they even charge $40 for those, I'm going to laugh. Remember when that racing game was supposed to be free? Yeah, definitely still looks like it should be free. And what got me is when they said you could experience things in that game that you couldn't in any other kart racer… uuuh, seen ModNation Racers lately? OH HEY! A fitness game, a dance game, and some Forza tech demo. UUUUUUUGH

Now to get to why this angers me so much. I absolutely hate when someone goes on stage with their motion controls saying theres fun to be had FOR EVERYONE. No, no there isn't. There's fun for kids, people in their middle ages, and other NONgamers. How about the cynical 21 year old gamer who is becoming more and more tired of this shovelware? Anything fun for me in there? No? Fuck you, then. I was at least hopeful when we saw MGSR, but then that hope died. As a gamer, I have no interest in this casual bullshit, dancing, and fitness games, and god damn it, so don't tell me for an hour and a half that I do, you misguided corporate fucks.

"OH BUT COVAH!!!! STAR WAAAAAAAAARS" Now, I enjoy Star Wars, but I'm not a fanboy, so with out jaded eyes, I'm calling that game a steaming pile too. If you looked there was absolutely no skill needed in that game. Just wave your light saber around in a random motion and as long as its close, it blocks the lasers. And on rails? Fuck off. That is an issue all REAL games would face if they went Kinect only, there is no real way for one to navigate an on screen avatar without a physical form of input. So have fun with all those on rails games, guys.

THE BIGGER ISSUE

What else is next for Microsoft? I mean, I'm so used to them toting out big 3rd party partnerships, its hard to remember their exclusive lineup is really dwindling compared to that of Sony's. Halo is over after Reach, unless 343 milks that, and Gears of War is over after 3. So is Microsoft going to milk Fable year after year? Microsoft needs to learn from Nintendo's mistakes, DO NOT GO FULL FORCE INTO MOTION CONTROLS, KEEP YOUR ORIGINAL FANBASE HAPPY AS WELL. And I doubt they'll actually do that, because I mean honestly, does anyone expect Microsoft to bust out a bunch of new IPs for next holiday season to keep their gamers happy as well? Probably not, they're probably going to stick to the motion control nonsense.

I don't want to even think about this anymore, so lets get down to it

Final Grade
D+   read


8:39 AM on 05.10.2010

Little Big Planet 2 reveal trailer

[embed]173298:29741[/embed]

Holy crap... I had a hard time wrapping my head around the creating mechanics in the first game. Jesus christ they just topped themselves multiple times.

But lets get to the real point I want to make, that song.

"Sleepyhead" by Passion Pit.

You may have heard that song here and there... its been in commercials for the PSP, Palm Pixi, Footlocker, god damn everything. If not "Sleepyhead" some other song by them. Now, I like Passion Pit, I'm one of those people who knew about them before the hipsters got to them.* But they're bad examples. Why you ask?

See, the guy behind Passion Pit went to my college. Their original EP was some valentines day gift for his girlfriend at the time. Then when I got to school in Freshman year, he dropped out. Ha, college drop out, fucked for life, right?

WRONG

They've blown the FUCK UP. Their music is EVERYWHERE. Here I am with my family paying loads and loads of money for some liberal arts college, and here they are dropping out and getting PAID.

Fuckers.

But anyways... Little Big Planet 2, eh?

*the school in which I go to, those who knew of them first, are actually just a bunch of hipsters... so I'm refering to the OTHER hipsters   read


8:57 AM on 04.12.2010

Ex-Infinity Ward heads Respawn on EA's side.

So, remember those Infinity Ward studio heads that Activision fired? Yeah, they formed a new company already, shits called Respawn Entertainment. Oh, and they signed with EA. QUICK!

ACT SURPRISED!









  read


7:35 AM on 04.01.2010

BREAKING: Halo 4 announced for PS3, lol

APRIL FOOLS L O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O L



I got you guys SO good.   read


8:41 AM on 03.26.2010

For those attending PAX East... (READ THIS)



Listen to that comic strip, seriously. I don't know if Gabe and Tycho even know that currently, Boston is getting F'd in the A by the norovirus. It's kind of like when everyone was flipping out about the Swine Flu, except this time, it actually IS spreading like wildfire, instead of a bunch of media bullshit. At least 60 kids from my school have been taken down by it, yet another reason why I'm glad I live off campus.

What does the norovirus do you ask? Well... it makes you violently shit diarrhea and vomit two days straight, and believe me, they don't wait for each other.

So aside from treating everyone like a leper, what else should you do? Good question, the answer is make friends with this:



Seriously.

So yeah, Boston is sort of disease ridden right now, that's what I'm getting at. Everyone at PAX is going to be in a confined space, touching a whole bunch of things other people have touched, and are probably going to be riding the T as well. Stay clean my friends.

Also, take the second to fap this up, just to make sure it can at least get to the front C-blog panel so everyone can have a greater chance of seeing it, thus decreasing their chance of spending Pax on the toilet holding a bucket.   read


9:46 AM on 03.24.2010

Villains that SHOULD be in Arkham Asylum 2: Red Hood



So, with Batman Arkham Asylum 2 coming out presumably this year, I’ve been contemplating which baddies should be included to go up against good old Bruce Wayne. Black Mask, The Penguin, Catwoman, and Two Face were all hinted at in the teaser trailer. I take issue with these though; they’re not good for a video game format. For one, Catwoman can hardly be considered a villain anymore; she’s pretty much neutral. What’s the Penguin going to do? Sit on you? The Black Mask is hardly a fighter, his MO is more guns and torture. And at best you Two Face might hold his own in a fight, but not for long.

So with that, as a fan of Batman, I am going to post a few blogs on villains I think (yet, doubt) should show up in Arkham Asylum 2. I’ll give some history and why they should be in the game. The first is my favorite, so I’m going to have a lot to say, so here we go.



Who is The Red Hood?

Well, if you want to be technical, The Red Hood was a “villain” working for the mob early in Batman’s career. He was a different person during each “job,” the most famous of the Red Hoods was the man who would eventually become the Joker. But that’s not who I’m talking about, I’m talking about Jason Todd, the second Robin.

After Dick Grayson leaving the shadow of Batman and eventually assuming his own identity as Nightwing, Batman came across a young street punk trying to jack the wheels of the Batmobile. This street punk was a young Jason Todd. Seeing potential in the boy, Bruce took him under his wing and trained him to take up the mantle of Robin. Bruce would soon come to find, Jason Todd was no Dick Grayson, he was too rash, angry, and violent. There’s debate as to whether or not Jason actually killed a serial rapist by pushing him off a 22 story building, (his explanation to Bruce was that he spooked him, and he slipped.)



In pre-crisis (crisis being “Crisis on Ifinite Earths” an event in the 80s that organized all of DC’s shitty continuity) Jason Todd was introduced due to DC being worried they’d lose readers with Dick Grayson assuming the roll as Nightwing, and Batman not having a Robin. In post-crisis, the reader’s views on Todd were the exact opposite of his original intention. Readers saw him as an annoying brat who was far too rash and violent to be Robin. So then comes the most definitive Jason Todd stories, A Death in the Family. While in search for his mother, Jason Todd is brutally beaten with a crowbar by the Joker (who was blackmailing his mother) and is left for dead next to a time bomb. At the end of the issue, DC gave the readers a choice. By phone, they could vote if Jason would live or die. And due to someone who REALLY didn’t like Jason voting an extrodinariy amount of times (yet the vote was still close) Jason died.



So why suggest a dead character to be a villain? BECAUSE THIS IS COMIC BOOK LAND, BITCH. No one fucking dies. Hell, Bruce Wayne just died, but not really cus he be traveling through time, and shit. Anyways, in DC’s next “crisis” Infinite Crisis, there was the “Super Boy Punch” a dimension shattering punch that “fixed the wrongs of the past” IE, stuff that wasn’t supposed to happen. To this day, writers in the DC universe use “the punch” as an excuse for when their stories contradict older stories.

One of the wrongs? Jason Todd was supposed to live. So nearly six months after Jason’s death, his life is restored. After digging himself out of a coffin and wondering for miles he is found by police and shortly slips into a coma for years. After waking up he eventually makes his way to live on the streets until he is found by Talia al Ghul, Ra’s al Ghul’s daughter. Keeping him for another year or two, Talia eventually slips Jason into one of her father’s lazarus pits, and his memories come back to him. Her father angry, Talia helps Jason escape and gives him money/resources as to look into what happened after his death.



Jason finds that his death was never avenged. Countless times the Joker has been captured by Batman, only to shortly escape soon there after. So Jason teams up with Hush, an enemy close to Bruce (that’s for another blog) to investigate further. Thinking Bruce had no regret caused by his death (where at the time, Bruce thought he was fighting clayface, who took Jason’s place shortly after his escape) Jason decided to take his own revenge.



Jason dawned the same identity his killer had originally worn and showed up in Gotham as a murderous vigilante “finishing the job” that Batman couldn’t. It all leads up to Jason throwing the Joker in between himself and Batman, demanding Bruce kill him or else he will. Bruce being Bruce, beats Jason who retreats.

Ever since then Jason has shown up through out the DC universe, fighting for “good” but doing it in his own murderous way. He assumed a copy cat role of a murderous Nightwing, dawned the identity of Red Robin, acted as a murderous Batman, and most recently re-assumed the role of the Red Hood to act as the antithesis of Dick Grayson (the current Batman.)

So why would Jason be a good candidate for a villain in Arkham Asylum 2? Well, to counter my previous points of the other semi announced villains, he can fight, he can fight well. Ask Tim Drake, the Robin after him, whose ass he has kicked multiple times, Jason nearly took his life while under the mantle of Batman. The original Arkham Asylum never had a boss that was actually as good as fighting fist to fist as Batman was, so having a gameplay mechanic where you actually have to fight some nearly as trained in the art of fighting as you are could be a welcome change.



Reason number two is the setting. Gotham seems to be in chaos, this is hardly surprising. A No Man’s Land sense of anarchy seems to be running through the streets, and of course it is left up to Batman to fix everything. So, I propose this: Jason Todd isn’t necessarily trying to stop you, he’s just trying to beat you. He could be a recurring character through out the game that tries to beat crime in his own way. Assuming the game is a little more open world this time around, there could be missions where you have to race across Gotham in order to stop The Red Hood from offing someone. In Grant Morrison’s “Revenge of the Red Hood” arc in Batman and Robin, Dick Grayson and Damian Wayne are tasked with trying to protect The Penguin from getting two bullets to the face delivered by Jason Todd.



The third reason is emotional effect, the big ticket word in games today. Bruce Wayne is a deeply disturbed man. When the Joker “jokes” he deserves to be in Arkham Asylum as much as anyone else, its not that big of a stretch. Bruce is haunted by the demons of his past, and if you exclude the murders of his parents, the death of Jason Todd is what he feels was his greatest failure, and when it came to sidekicks he constantly doubted himself when it came to Tim Drake and Stephanie Brown assuming the role as Robin. Bruce feels that it was through his failure that Jason didn’t receive the training he was meant to receive, and therefore Bruce feels responsible for his death.

Jason on the other hand is really not all that evil. Sure he was rash as a child, but now he is nothing short of a very disturbed, confused, and misunderstood individual. He is the classic middle child. He felt he could never live up to Dick Grayson, and after his return he felt that Tim Drake was given every chance he didn’t receive. He’s a victim of circumstance, he wanted to be the best Robin he could have been, but his emotions got in the way. And when he hears of Bruce referring to him as his “biggest failure” he feels that its him who failed, instead of Bruce. Jason's frustration to Bruce is illustrated on this page from Battle for the Cowl.



So naturally, this could all conclude in a final fight something along the lines of both of them on top of a building at night, rain falling, Jason yelling about how he tried as hard as he could blah blah blah failure, blah blah blah. It could end in the classic Todd hanging off the edge of the building, Bruce tries to save him, but he lets go sort of thing. Because god knows that hasn’t happened enough, hell Tony S. Daniel even did that recently with the final fight between Dick Grayson and Jason in Battle for the Cowl.

Anyways, thats my two cents for Jason Todd/Red Hood. If you actually feel compelled enough to read into the character here are some stories that would help...

- A Death in the Family
- Hush (to an extent, the ending was detailed in...)
- Under the Hood Vol. 1 & 2
- Batman and Robin 4-6, Revenge of the Red Hood   read


3:17 PM on 03.16.2010

The great Jim Sterling conspiracy!



You almost got away with it you son of a bitch. You were this close, but thanks to my gang of meddling kids and their dog, I uncovered THE GREATEST COVER-UP IN VIDEO GAME HISTORY!

JIM STERLING IS JEFF GERSTMANN! They're both the same person, bent on destroying video game journalism from the inside out! He has turned the whole medium into a giant black hole that is imploding on itself untl there is nothing left. This son of a bitchery constantly degrades every awesome game that deserves a fucking 11 out of 10. The reputation of these games will never recover! Because of this slander caused by one man, the games are doomed to fail, because obviously no one will buy them now, thus losing developers and publishers ONE MILLION DOLLARS!

The industry is at its end. But now that we know the truth, we can stop it! Still not convinced? Well gentlemen… and like the six girls who come to this site, I present you the evidence.

DID YOU KNOW!?

Both “Jeff” and “Jim” begin with the letter “J”
FACT.

They’re both fat
FACT.

They’re both totally Microsoft fanboys
FACT.

“Jim” gave Final Fantasy XIII a 4, and that’s fucking wrong
FACT.

"Jeff" gave Twilight Princess an 8.8, and that's fucking wrong
FACT.



WHAT THE FUCK Destructoid? Trying to hide the truth? The truth can not be hidden! not this time! My voice will be heard!

Basically... what else I was going to say is that "Jeff" gave Kane and Lynch a 6, and of course that's fucking wrong. Anthony Burch gave the very same game a 3, and Jim is twice as big as Burch, so by flawless logic, you multiply that 3 by a 2 and you get a 6! THE SAME SCORE, MOTHER OF GOD. Then there was this thing about how they're totally gay because they don't like the games I like, and if you type "Jim Sterling" into google image search with no filter, you see a dude flashing his dick, thus confirming the gayness. Um, there was this:



and this...



Then at the end I told everyone that these reviews are just fucking opinions, and if they ruin your day that much that you feel the need to argue with random internet people about it, instead of playing the game in question, then you need to get a grip. And I preemptively countered potential nay sayers to that, with the fact that I am at a job on campus that involves me doing nothing, thus I have nothing better to do at the moment then write this blog.

It was a pretty sweet blog, but the fucking Destructoid Nazi PIGS are keeping me down, man... whatever.   read


2:11 PM on 03.12.2010

SEAKING, MOTHER #$&@ER!


SEAKING
MOTHER
FUCKER
KA-BOOM!

YEAH!

[embed]166756:28193[/embed]
Side note: I don't actually like Dragonfroce, they're pretty lame   read


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