I think we need to talk. There's this game called Rayman: Origins, ya see, and I have a hunch that it wasn't purchased by you. I'm not angry, dear reader, I'm not. I just think that you made a mistake. You were all caught up in the hype of lesser games such as Battlefield, Modern Warfare, Skyrim, and Zelda.

I forgive you. But you need to learn the error of your ways.

To get this out of the way, Rayman is excellent. It far surpasses any other 2D platformer, or even video game in general, released in the past century. And video games haven't even been around that long. Gameplaywise, it does what Mario does best, except far batter. It takes the momentum-driven mechanics of the 2D Sonic games and improves upon them immensely. It even has a better balance of difficulty than that of Kirby. FUCKING KIRBY, I SAY. With all of these components comes the most responsive, easy to use, and fluid controls in a platformer. You can't have a more rewarding gameplay experience than this.

Unless, of course, Natalie Portman is offering free blowjobs to anybody who can beat the first level of Contra. On that thought, let me get my NES...




Keep smiling, Natalie. Keep smiling...


Okay, fuck it, I still can't beat the first level. Anyways, what were we talking about again? Oh, right, why you are a terrible person if you didn't buy this game. On with it, then.

The Rayman looks amazing, too. Thought Battlefield 3 was the most visually appealing game on the market? Well, you would be wrong. 1080p, 60 frames-per-second, hand drawn by professional artists. Speaking of art design, this game offers Super Mario World levels of creativity. You can go from traversing a sinking iceberg in the middle of a piranha-infested sea of Hawaiian Punch, to riding wind currents in a vast, beautiful desert littered with flutes, drums, and didgeridoos making stunning music, all the way to avoiding cannon fire from flying pirate ship hovering over a tropical bay.





This is also a game that doesn't short-change you. It has 70+ levels, a bunch of unlockable characters, sidescrolling shooter stages in the vein of Gradius, speed-run medals, and tons of incentive to get 100% completion. Ubisoft gives you a lot of game for your buck with this one and, even after you get everything there is to get and do everything there is to do, you can invite a friend over have them play it with you for even more fun.

The game's sound design is also great, with crisp quality throughout and a great soundtrack to boot. It really adds a layer on to the experience, to help bring as many of your senses into the game as it can.

Most of all, Rayman is silly, goofy, unapologetic fun. It's dedication to making sure the player is having fun is so pure, that no game can outclass it. It makes me smile the minute I boot it up until the minute I (reluctantly) shut it down. It doesn't try to be mature and it doesn't try to sell itself as the heartwrenching gaming experience of the century. It just wants to show a good time.

This game is magical. Let me tell you a story about a friend of mine. Die-hard Call of Duty fanboy, Roy was. He refused to play games that were not military shooters like Modern Warfare and Battlefield. Sounds like the type you would want to smack across the face, right? Well, I pop in my copy of Rayman: Origins and, to my disbelief, he liked it. I was talking to his brother a month later, who told me that Roy had been playing the Rayman: Origins demo repeatedly for hours and even days on end and couldn't wait to get the game. Yes, you heard that right. Call of Duty devotee turned Rayman fanatic in ONE game of Origins. That is a true testament to it's greatness.





That's right, my limbless friend. Party on.