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2:06 PM on 07.27.2012  

The answers to the Destructoid Retrolympics!



Hey, everyone! If you haven’t taken the Retrolympics quiz on the front page of Destructoid, stop reading this right now. I mean, you can read a little further ... but stop before you get to the part where you have to scroll down.

These are the answers to the Retrolympics, a quiz on all things retro games. Hopefully you are in the process of taking the quiz right now. (If not, click here to participate!) Just start scrolling down to see all the correct answers. You can keep this window open as an answer guide as you make your way through the questions.

Okay, this is the last warning. I am going to post all the answers below. DON’T SCROLL DOWN IN FEAR OF BEING SPOILED!

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Answer #1
B.

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Answer #2
B.
Princess Peach would be a great coach for the Long Jump, but Luigi is easily the highest jumper in Super Mario Bros. 2.

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Answer #3
B.
Kain is a dragoon, and dragoons love to jump really high with really badass spears.

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Answer #4
C.

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Answer #5
A.
Did you remember correctly?

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Answer #6
B.

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Answer #7
B.

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Answer #8
A.
So cute!

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Answer #9
C.

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Answer #10
A.
When Pegasus Knights are hit with an arrow, it almost kills them instantly.

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Answer #11
A.
The boomerang is in there, too!

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Answer #12
B.
Extreeeeeme!

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Answer #13
D.
Jaws the videogame is awful, but I secretly love it.

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Answer #14
D.
The dragon is guarding the magic mirror. Don’t all dragons guard ... something?

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Answer #15
D.
No Colin Powell in the game.

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Answer #16
C.

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Answer #17
B.
Sabin is amazing.

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Answer #18
B.

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Answer #19
D.

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Answer #20
B.
I seriously go back and forth on which version I like better. They are both so good!

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Answer #21
D.
Frog is awesome.

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Answer #22
C.
Contra III: The Alien Wars is the only one of the listed Contra games that features the homing gun weapon upgrade.

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Answer #23
A.
The red capsule gives you the laser.

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Answer #24
C.

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Answer #25
D.


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Thanks again for competing in the Destructoid Retrolympics! How did you do?   read


2:18 PM on 05.16.2011  

COMMUNITY HELP NEEDED! E3 2011 Predictions!



In the past two years, I have asked for your help in providing some yes/no questions to help with our annual E3 predictions post. And, boy, you never disappoint. (THAT’S BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL AMAZING!)

Last year these questions were used to ask animals at the L.A. Zoo about what would happen at E3. The year before that they were used to talk to a psychic.

So, what is in store for this year? Well ... it is not really decided yet. (Or is it?) Some ideas are working themselves out, but nothing is officially set in stone. (Or IS it?!)

Either way, we need your help! Just like the last two years, please leave some yes/no questions in the comments about this year’s upcoming E3! They can be about anything! What games do you want to see announced? Who will “win” the press conferences? Will Sony completely ignore the recent PSN controversy? Or will they handle it with humor?

Check out the last questions post to get an idea of what we are looking for.

Thanks in advance! This is the best community on the Internet and I love you all like family!

OMG E3!   read


2:15 PM on 05.18.2010  

ALERT! COMMUNITY HELP NEEDED! E3 Predictions



Pic unrelated. I just love Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem.

Hey everyone! I need your help!

As some of you may know, last year I went to a real-life Los Angeles psychic to have her do some E3 predictions (you can read the post right here). I wanted to see if a random woman who knows nothing about videogames could make better predictions than the highly paid analysts that seem to just make educated guesses for a living.

The entire experience was incredible, ridiculous, and surprisingly accurate. The psychic did a pretty good job of predicting what would or would not be announced at last year’s big show.

Well, this year I am going to do another prediction post ... although this one will be a little different.

One thing that is not changing, though, is I still need a bunch of yes or no questions from you guys!

Last year you all did not disappoint when I asked you to provide a list of yes/no questions about things that could or could not happen at E3. In fact, the questions you provided were fan-freakin’-tastic! So let’s do it again! (To get an idea of what I am looking for, you can click here for last year’s question post.)

Basically, just have fun and ask anything you want – as long as it is a yes or no question.

Curious if they will announce a certain game? Want to know if a new console will be revealed? Interested in proving or disproving all the E3 rumors that are already starting to circulate? Anything relating to E3 is welcome!

I may not be able to select all your questions for the upcoming prediction post, but please feel free to ask as many as you want. The more I have to choose from the better!

Sorry to keep the subject of all this a mystery. But, just like last year, I will save the big reveal for the actual post in a couple weeks.

Rest assured, though, that these yes/no questions are going to be put to very interesting use ...

NOW GET TO ASKIN’! The more creative and varied the better!

I AM SO EXCITED! Thanks in advance!   read


4:59 PM on 02.25.2010  

Review: Showgirls: The Return trailer



As some of you may know, I am obsessed with Showgirls. The movie is absolutely brilliant on so many different levels and has some of the best scenes ever put to film. It also features my single favorite line of dialogue in the history of cinema. I feel a little bit uncomfortable repeating it here, but let’s just say it involves “previous jobs” and “bodily fluids.”

Amazing.

It also helps that I own the Showgirls VIP Edition on DVD, which includes many fantastic trinkets, my favorites being the pin-the-pasties-on-the-stripper game and the Nomi Malone shot glasses.

But I digress. *does signature Nomi Malone hand/arm shuffle*



Late last year, when it was announced that some random German filmmaker was making a sequel to my beloved Showgirls I had two reactions. At first, I screamed in excitement that there would be more Showgirls, but then I was angered once I heard what the movie would be about: something concerning a murder and some kind of vengeful woman and some crazy sex ring ... or something. Basically, the sequel would have NOTHING to do with the original movie and is only using the name “Showgirls” to grab attention.

Argh.

But I held in my disappointment in someone not making a proper Showgirls sequel that obviously should take place with Nomi Malone making it in Los Angeles (if you’ve seen the end of the first film, this cliffhanger is made very clear). I decided to give the crazy German filmmaker the benefit of the doubt, with the hopes that a brand new Showgirls sequel could be so bad it’s good, just like the classic original.



Well ... a trailer was just released for Showgirls: The Return this week, and I have held in my thoughts on it ... until now.

The trailer for Showgirls: The Return is the worst thing I have ever seen in my entire life.

Like it or not, at least the original Showgirls had a budget and looked semi-professional. Showgirls: The Return looks like it was shot for ten dollars.

Okay, just so you can follow what I am saying, you can watch the trailer right here, but please keep in mind it is RIDICULOUSLY NSFW! It is basically porn. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

(You can also click here if that first official link doesn't work. Apparently the movie's Web site just blew up. Ha!)

Now that you have watched it, what do you think? Yeah, I know, it’s the longest, most boring trailer ever, right?

ARGH!

This German filmmaker is ruining the good name of Showgirls!

Since I am assuming this movie will never be released here, I still hold out hope that a true sequel to my precious will be made someday. Heck, maybe some of you want to work with me to get that done! I’m not kidding.

I give the trailer some “so bad it’s good” props for that HILARIOUS scene when the girl “hits” the other girl in the head with the gun. That may be the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen in my life.

Which, when talking about Showgirls, is the biggest compliment I can give.

Score: 0.5   read


1:12 PM on 02.05.2010  

The #1 reason to watch the Puppy Bowl this weekend



Okay, I was going to do various countdown posts all week in celebration of the glorious Puppy Bowl that comes on this weekend, but ... well ... it was a crazy week and I didn’t have time. I feel like I let down my precious puppies. Don’t hate me, you cute scamps, you.

So, since my week is still out of control, I will make this quick.

Puppy Bowl VI is on this Sunday (2/7) on Animal Planet (during the Super Bowl).

It is by far better than the Super Bowl could ever wish to be.

Watch it.

And, the main reason you need to watch -- aside from the adorable pups, the now-classic Kitty Half-Time Show, and the never-gets-old bowl cam -- is the brand new, featured addition.

Brace yourself. You are not ready for this.

This year there will be bunny cheerleaders.



Yup. This is happening.

Now you really have no excuse to not watch this extraordinary television event. It easily has the potential to be the greatest things your eyes will ever see.

I can’t wait.   read


2:14 PM on 02.01.2010  

Countdown to Puppy Bowl VI! Six more days ...



F*** the Super Bowl.

As most of you probably already know, I am obsessed with the Puppy Bowl. So obsessed, in fact, that starting next week I am going to start a letter-writing campaign to try to be the referee for next year’s show. Sure, I will probably be the only one writing letters, but, hey, if I write enough, maybe it will happen!

For anyone that doesn’t know (gasp!), the Puppy Bowl is Animal Planet’s counter-programming to the annual Super Bowl. Basically it is a bunch of adorable puppies playing in a stadium-themed pen for two hours.

Not only is it far superior to the stupid Super Bowl (sorry, Samit!), it is one of the most ingenious pieces of television programming ever. I have never missed a year!

To celebrate this amazing, once-a-year event, all this week I will be counting down the days to the Puppy Bowl (2/7 on Animal Planet) by offering three compelling reasons to watch! One new reason today, Wednesday, and Friday!

Obviously, watching puppies play is reason enough to watch, but let’s get into some of the specifics that will make this year’s Puppy Bowl one of the best ever!

Reason #1 – The starting line-up

This year’s crop of puppies is one of the best ever!

Take a look of these, my early picks for potential MVPs (most valuable puppy):

Bandit


Bear


Chamomile


Dixon


Eenu


Kiva


Mason


You can check out the whole line-up by clicking here.

So, what do you think? Cutest line-up ever? Who is your favorite (I have dibs on Kiva and Mason!)? Are you going to tune in? It’s my personal life goal to see the Puppy Bowl get higher ratings than the Super Bowl, so every new viewer helps!

Check back Wednesday for Reason #2!

6 more days ...

[UPDATE: In order to not spam the cblogs and make people annoyed with the Puppy Bowl before it even begins, I am only going to post three of these this week (today, Wednesday, and Friday). I blame my over-eagerness on how excited I get about this every year. Haha. PUPPY BOWL!]   read


2:55 PM on 12.11.2009  

Ranking the series: The Legend of Zelda



Hey, guess what comes out today?! A NEW ZELDA GAME! Woo hoo!

The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks for the Nintendo DS hits stores today and I really can’t wait to dive into Link’s newest adventure. While some people had trouble falling in love with the last Zelda game on the DS, Phantom Hourglass, I personally adored it. I felt the touch-screen controls worked brilliantly, and it really made things that were starting to feel old-fashioned in Zelda games (i.e. throwing the boomerang) seem fresh and exciting.

So, in honor of Spirit Tracks’ release, I thought it would be fun to rank all the games in the Zelda series, from my least favorite to my most favorite. Yeah, this is going to cause a lot of controversy, but, hey, what’s a good list without a little Internet arguing, right?

Keep in mind that when talking about The Legend of Zelda series “least favorite” translates into “the game is still a 10 out of 10 and amazing, but even in a bakery full of delicious cakes, there has to be some cakes that are slightly less delicious than the chocolate mousse one sitting on the top shelf.”

Make sense? Here we go!

13. The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons (Game Boy Color)
12. The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages (Game Boy Color)
11. Zelda II: The Adventure of Link (NES)
10. The Legend of Zelda (NES)
9. The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventures (GameCube)
8. The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap (Game Boy Advance)
7. The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask (Nintendo 64)
6. The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (Wii)
5. The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker (GameCube)
4. The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening (Game Boy)
3. The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass (Nintendo DS)
2. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (Nintendo 64)
1. The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (SNES)

What do you think? Do you agree with my choices? Which ranking do you disagree with the most? What is your list of favorite Zelda games (it's harder to rank them than you think)? Are you excited about playing The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks?

OMG ZELDA! :)

  read


12:07 PM on 12.08.2009  

The ten best (worst?) Disney villains EVER!



The Princess and the Frog -- Disney’s glorious return to classic, 2D (musical!) animation -- comes out this week (December 11th). To celebrate, I thought it would be fun to make a list of the Top Ten best Disney villains ever. Yup, this is what I did. I have no shame.

Villains in Disney movies are arguably more important than the main heroes (or heroines) that drive the story. As much as I love Aladdin and Ariel, what kind of movie would Aladdin and The Little Mermaid be without Jafar and Ursula? When new Disney movies come out, people are dying (pun intended) to know whether the movie’s antagonist will join the ranks of the all-time classic villains.

Will evil voodoo priest Dr. Facilier from The Princess and the Frog be a memorable villain? (From what I hear, the answer is a resounding yes!) I guess we’ll all find out this Friday. We all will find out, right? You all plan to go and support this movie so more 2D Disney movies are made, right? RIGHT?

Here are my picks for the ten best Disney villains ... EVER!

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10. The Hunter (Bambi)



The Hunter is barely seen and has a ridiculously small part in Bambi. But (SPOILER!), he is responsible for shooting poor Bambi’s mom in the face. I actually get teary-eyed every time I think of that tragic scene. It is one of the saddest and most shocking moments in any movie.

The Hunter is a giant asshole.

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9. Stromboli (Pinocchio)



Pinocchio is one of the most underrated Disney movies of all time -- it is an absolute masterpiece. And Stromboli is totally underappreciated as the film’s main villain. But think about it. He kidnaps Pinocchio, forces him to star in his puppet show, locks him in a cage, abuses him, and threatens to turn the sad wooden hero into firewood. SO CREEPY!

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8. Hades (Hercules)



To this day, no other villain has made me laugh more. James Woods’ performance as Hades in Hercules is completely classic.

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7. Si & Am (Lady and the Tramp)



I had a Siamese cat in college named Oscar and he was the sweetest, cutest cat ever. Si & Am -- the two Siamese cats from Lady and the Tramp -- are not. They are creepy, unbelievably mean, and kind of a little awesome for it. Also, “We are Siamese if you please ...

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6. Cruella de Vil (101 Dalmations)



What a bitch! Seriously. Not only is Cruella de Vil crazy-looking, she actually kills little puppies and uses their skin to make fur coats. She kills puppies and uses their skin to make fur coats! Out of control.

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5. Scar (The Lion King)



Scar is as devious as he is amazing. Never mind the fact that he is voiced by the incomparable Jeremy Irons. Scar is such an ass to hero Simba (worst uncle EVER!) and he pushes his own brother into a pack of stampeding wildebeests, killing him. And then he blames everything on his own nephew -- a nephew he then tries to murder! God, he is a dick.

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4. Ursula (The Little Mermaid)



Ursula is evil, don’t get me wrong, but what I love about her the most is her look. I just adore the fact that she is an octopus -- the way her eight tentacles slither and crawl around her throughout the entire movie is ridiculously cool and super creepy. Ursula also excels as Vanessa, the human form she takes when she tries to seduce Prince Eric.

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3. Jafar (Aladdin)



For a skinny, weak vizier to the Sultan of Agrabah, Jafar is a badass. He does whatever he can do destroy Aladdin and marry Jasmine. And while that would normally make me hate him, he does it with such style and ... badass-ness that I can’t help but admire the guy. Plus, the red genie he turns into at the end of Aladdin is the best final form of any Disney villain since ...

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2. Maleficent (Sleeping Beauty)



Out of all the Disney villains, Maleficent may be the most “classic.” As just mentioned, her final villain form is ridiculously amazing. She turns into a huge, towering dragon that really is one of the coolest things of all time. Maleficent also just looks cool, with her horned headpiece and magical staff/raven accessory. There is a reason she is the primary villain in PlayStation 2 classic Kingdom Hearts.

----------

1. Gaston (Beauty and the Beast)



Although Disney villains are awesome, most of them are given less than exciting songs (if any song at all). That is completely not the case with Gaston -- his rousing, hilarious theme may be the best song in masterpiece Beauty and the Beast (“And every last inch of me’s covered with hair!” is the best line from any Disney song).

But even looking past that, Gaston is still the greatest villain of all time. He is smarmy, ruthless, rude, vicious, and heartless all at the same time. He is such a cocky bastard ... but I love him for it. Gaston will always be Disney’s biggest douchebag. He has moments that will make you laugh, and others that will genuinely terrify you.

----------

So, what do you think? Do you agree with my picks? Who are your favorite Disney villains of all time? THERE ARE SO MANY GOOD ONES!

And remember to go see The Princess and the Frog this Friday (12/11)! Let’s all support this wonderful movie and make sure the era of classic Disney 2D animation never comes to an end.   read


11:59 AM on 10.29.2009  

Last night's episode of South Park



First of all, it was an episode about slaughtering dolphins. It was brutal to watch when the Japanese would spear the poor dolphins in the face, but it was absolutely hilarious. I loved it.

But, let’s get to the point of this post.

The dolphin trainer at the very beginning of the episode was named Chad.



Um ... yeah.

Let’s just pretend that Trey Parker and Matt Stone read Destructoid. (Who knows? They probably do!).

I was so happy last night. <3

Well, I was happy until I saw this:





NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!   read


11:38 AM on 10.06.2009  

The first five minutes of The Princess and the Frog



I haven’t hidden my excitement for Disney’s upcoming hand-drawn 2D animated feature The Princess and the Frog. As anyone who knows me can tell you, I adore all Disney movies and am ecstatic that Disney (under the new leadership of my hero John Lasseter) decided to bring back the classic hand-drawn animated movies that made the mega-company famous in the first place. Choosing to also reunite the same animation/directing teams from the Little Mermaid/Beauty & the Beast/Aladdin trilogy of amazingness didn’t hurt either.

So, just today the first five minutes of The Princess and the Frog was released on YouTube.

Even though some of the footage is obviously still unfinished, I have to say I am excited. Really excited.

The clip is so beautiful, so rich, so wonderfully nostalgic that I am going to have a lot of trouble waiting until the film’s December 11th release date to see the entire thing.

Check out the opening sequence below:

[embed]151131:23310[/embed]

What do you think? Pretty gorgeous, huh? How nice is it to see a brand new, hand-drawn animated movie from Disney? And the hint of one of the songs sounds absolutely beautiful. I can’t wait to buy the soundtrack and listen to it over and over again in my Jeep until I get strange looks from people at stoplights.

I actually got a little misty-eyed watching this clip. It made me feel like a kid again.

I am so happy right now.   read


12:57 PM on 09.09.2009  

The Heart of Destructoid: A song for the community



PAX is always such an amazing experience for me.

I have always had such an immense respect and admiration for the Destructoid community, and finally getting to meet the people I love so much is an altogether overwhelming and emotional experience.

After this weekend I really wanted to put all of you in my pocket, take you back to Los Angeles with me, and pull you out whenever I was feeling blue (Which, if my sad feelings writing this post are an indication, is right about now. Where is my pocket keener when I need him?!)

So, first, a few thank yous.

Thank you to all the people that gave me gifts while at PAX. While I still don’t feel like I deserve anything, it doesn’t change the fact that I am completely honored and touched that you all went out of your way to bring me presents that you knew would make me happy.

And, trust me when I tell you this: I love my gifts. From the singing dolphin to the beautiful Destructoid comic sketches; from the Japanese Chrono Trigger poster to the freakin’ PAL PlayStation 2 that will allow me to play SingStar Disney. Everything I received has found a special place in my heart. You guys are too amazing for words.

I also want to say thanks to all my fellow Destructoid editors. It is an absolute honor to write on the same site as you guys, and for the ones that showed up at PAX, it was great having a drink with you.

And, finally, thanks to everyone that is part of Destructoid in one way or another. This Web site has completely changed my life and I really can’t find the words to express my gratitude and adoration for every person that has ever written for, read, or even clicked on Destructoid.com.

I want to put babies in each and every one of you.

Okay, now I am done being really gay. Let’s get to the main point of this post: Musical theater! ;)

This year at PAX, during the Destructoid panel, I decided to create the ultimate love letter to the community. As we all know, Destructoid prides itself as being a site where the community is key. Obviously, I agree with this sentiment. So much so that I recruited a bunch of Dtoid editors and community members to help me deliver a musical surprise ending.

Here is the result.

Actually, before you watch, just know two things:

1. I have not watched this video. I get to the 30 second mark, become horribly embarrassed and then turn it off. Hopefully the quality is okay.

2. This was created 100% because I love all of you. What better way to express your love of an online community than with a super gay musical number set to the tune of “Belle” from Beauty & the Beast?!

Okay, go ahead and watch. Just don’t make fun of me too much!

[embed]148024:22321[/embed]

Thanks to everyone involved in the performance of the song.

And, most of all, thanks to the Destructoid community. Without you guys, my life would not nearly be as interesting.

I <3 you all more than words.   read


2:04 PM on 07.31.2009  

Disney's next animated classic



Although I am the biggest Pixar fan of all time, I don’t consider Toy Story, WALL-E, and Up to be Disney movies. I know they technically are, but I will always look at them as straight-up Pixar movies that happen to have a fancy, CG Cinderella’s castle logo at the beginning.

But when Disney bought Pixar, my hero John Lasseter made a vow that he would bring back the classic 2D animated movies that made Walt Disney famous in the first place.

Even better, he rehired the same filmmaking teams that made the The Little Mermaid/Beauty & the Beast/Aladdin string of hits.

As much I am looking forward to the first of these “classic 2D animated movies” -- the gorgeous Princess and the Frog coming out this fall -- Disney just released some additional concept footage for its next piece of feature animation, Rapunzel.

Check out a few of my favorite images:







Seriously. I am not ready for this movie. It looks absolutely breathtaking.

If rumors are true, and Alan Menken -- the musical genius who composed the songs for The Little Mermaid and Aladdin (among many others) -- is writing the music for Rapunzel, I actually may have a heart attack and die from happiness.

You can check out all the jaw-dropping concept images right here (click on the “more” button to scroll through them all).

I am not ready for this. Is classic Disney back? Only time (and a princess and a frog) will tell. :)   read







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