It's a great time of the year again, where you can basically dress up as a fool, run around drunk with your buddies and just have some good ol' fashion fun.. while in a costume. For me, Halloween's a ritual of waiting until the last possible day to buy a costume and then just winging it. When I'm running around Vancouver looking at costumes, I'm always keeping in mind a classifying system a couple of buddies and I came up with. We were discussing how you can classify Halloween costumes, and I think we've nailed it!

All Halloween costumes can be broken down into one of four different categories. Sexy, Scary, Funny, or Disturbing. The catch, to this classifying system is that every costume is comprised of two category choices, a primary and a secondary category if we want to get technical. Example: Sexy Scary, Disturbing Funny, Disturbing Sexy.

The Four Main Categories:

Sexy - This is your typical 'shwing' costume. You are going for straight sex appeal (personally my favorite, and probably the favorite of countless young underage girls) This is fishnets, short skirts, exposing of the breasts and (hopefully) a panty shot or two. A woman dressed as a peacock but only wearing lingerie and a few peacock feathers would fall into the sexy sexy category.

Scary - This is your typical scary costumes. Witches, goblins, vampires, and bears. These are the costumes where people smother blood over the face and walk around molesting people as zombies. They are your horror buffs, who probably have a friend who's taken make-up school to help get them ready. This category is probably the polar opposite of sexy... sadly. However, when combined with sexy, then you are getting into those hot vampire sluts, or the dead hookers... you know, the really classy stuff.

Funny - Funny is more what I see every Halloween at house parties with my buddies. These are the completely random costumes that are just a good time to wear. The Trailer Park Boys, a pill popping midwife, 80's workout instructor's, Borat, and Robert Goulet would fall into the Funny category. The funny category is perfect as a secondary category, with a bit more raciness into it.

Disturbing - Personally where my costumes usually start. It's a perfect base to work in another category. These costumes are the inappropriate, offensive costumes. A man with a blow up doll strapped to his waist, or me in a speedo. These are the costumes that make you kinda laugh, but cringe when looking at them. This is probably the starting point for a lot of the people who just couldn't make the Sexy Category cut.


The real beauty of this system is when you start mixing categories to create the ultimate costume. Sexy Disturbing, Disturbing Funny, Sexy Sexy, and Funny Funny are a few of my favorites. Who doesn't like seeing a foxxy blonde walking down the street wearing black angel wings, volleyball shorts, and a lingerie top??

C'est Halloween! I'm off now to the store to pick out my Halloween costume (thinking disturbing funny, just so I can be an idiot) Be safe, stay fit. Have fun!