Man, I haven’t even started watching tonight’s movie, The Fifth Element, and already I’m getting flack for it not being a Halloween movie. This isn’t the first movie that I have taken this flack over, but this is my list, not yours. I think that Halloween movies can be fun, they don’t have to be all blood and gore. So while you may not agree with all of my choices, they are the ones I have made based on the movies I had to choose from.

ANYWAY...

The movie starts out in Egypt in 1914, where an archeologist is in some ruins trying to decipher some hieroglyphics. In doing so, he discovers that the ultimate evil comes to destroy everything once every 5,000 years. After a botched poisoning by a priest trying to keep the secret, things are interrupted by some aliens landing at the site. When the professor turns around and sees the aliens, he asks them, “Are you German?” That line always makes me giggle. Yes, I said giggle, dammit.

The aliens open a chamber and take the stones because they are no longer safe on Earth. The last alien is trapped in the chamber after Luke Perry accidentally shoots it. It tells the priest that his new mission is to protect a key and hand it down from priest to priest.



From here, we jump ahead 300 years, when the Great Evil is supposed to arrive (and it does). As the military is trying to figure out what is going on, the latest priest, Vito Cornelius is trying to get President Zeus (the man who took on Hulk Hogan in the movie No Hold’s Barred) to call off the military ship that is going to attack the Great Evil.

The ship is destroyed, and we cut to Korbin Dallas waking up. Go figure, we ended up getting Bruce Willis two days in a row. Anyway, Korbin is an ex-major in the military turned flying taxi driver. After Korbin goes to work, we find out that the Mondoshawans (the aliens from the beginning of the movie) are on their way back to earth to deliver the 4 stones and the Ultimate Weapon. Before they can make it here, they are attacked by the Mangalores. The Mangalors then contact Zorg (Gary Oldman), to tell him he will have what he wanted soon.



The only crew member that is recovered from the Mondoshawan ship is a fist. They are able to rebuild the body into the perfect being a.k.a Leeloominaï Lekatariba Lamina-Tchaï Ekbat De Sebat. After she is reconstructed, she escapes by jumping off the building and lands in Korben’s taxi. After a flying police chase, Leeloo tells Korbin she needs to see a priest.

As usual, I will avoid any plot.

Some random thoughts on this movie:

I wish all McDonalds looked like the ones in this movie.

I would love to be able to play with one of the guns that Zorg offers to the Mangalors.

When the Great Evil hurts Zorg, it looks like his head is leaking barbecue sauce.

I would hate to have to drive in this future.

I wouldn’t mind having one of those strange little elephant thingies that Zorg has in his desk.

Anyway, if you like futuristic sci-fi with good humor, good action, and very interesting creature/costume/and overall world design, and for some reason you haven’t seen this movie, you should check it out.
Coming Soon:

The Evil Dead movies (1, 2, and 3, in order on consecutive nights)
The Lost Boys
Dead & Breakfast