What you have to understand about me is that for the three unfortunate years I spent in middle school, I was absolutely, positively, whole-heartedly, obsessively, and depressingly attached to the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise. Of course, the only actual games from the series I had played at this point in time were Sonic Adventure 2, Sonic and the Secret Rings, Sonic the Fighters, and Sonic R. I still hold those games dear to my heart, but some of them I've realized are actually shit bubbles (I love them nonetheless). Back then, however, I put these games on a pedestal above many others. I loved the characters (yes, even the annoying friends) and the fast-paced gameplay. I was one of those people who shipped Sonic and Amy ferociously and would cry watching montages of the two together with "You're Beautiful" playing in the background. At school I wrote a serialized comic strip called, aptly enough, "Sonic the Comic." I also spent over $100 to get a set of 2-inch Sonic figurines that were probably worth closer to $20. I used these figurines to make a web-series called "Sonic's World" which surprisingly got a decent amount of views, and more surprisingly are not so bad upon looking back (if you can ignore my prepubescent shrill voice and horribly contrived jokes).

If you want to watch the videos, here's the link. It's good for a chuckle.



Now that you understand the sick dramatic irony of my situation, I think it goes without saying that when one of my friends mentioned a Sonic game had been released exclusively for the 360 I was both ecstatic and horrified at the same time. After all, it was great there was a new Sonic game to get my grubby hands on, but I was 11, had spent all my money on buying a Wii on day one, and always imagined I just wasn't ready to handle whatever the 360 had to give me.

But I needed Sonic. It was like an addiction--no, more than an addiction. I hopped from video to video until I had absorbed almost everything there was to know about the game without actually having a controller in my hands. I did read the comments, which were by and large very harsh but who was I to believe them? They just didn't get it. They weren't Sonic fans like I was. My excitement grew exponentially with every new thing I discovered. I started asking my friends if I could borrow their Xbox-es. I really did only intend to borrow it just to play this one game and then give it back, but looking back... yeah, that wasn't my brightest idea.

One of my friends straight up told me to just buy an Xbox 360 and get the game. I hadn't really even considered the idea... I didn't have the money and I certainly didn't think my parents would be willing to shell out that much for my hobby... but once the idea was in my head I couldn't get rid of it. I started scanning stores for used 360's every time I visited one. I finally found one for $180, which I could meet my mom halfway on. Of course, I got the warning that I would really have to make the most out of this system to make it a worthwhile purchase. This wasn't going to be just a one-game deal.



But I hadn't even considered any other games. As far as I was concerned, this might be the last game I ever played. Just based on all the things I had seen and heard, how could it be anything less than perfect? Would I need to justify the asking price with other games, when this could quite possibly be the only one I would need for the rest of my life? When I told my friends I had bought one I heard echoes of "The Orange Box" and "Halo" and "Call of Duty 4" and "Bioshock." BORING was all I could think. I had what I needed. I was ready to go.

And then I played it. Or rather, my friend who mentioned the game to me in the first place played it. That sniveling bastard started the game up without me and played through the opening scenes. We had a big argument when I came back about "How could you do this to me?" and "You're a guest here, this isn't your home" and blah blah blah... It's funny to think that there was a point in my life when one of my best friendships hung in the balance because of Sonic 2006. Not my proudest moment.

Anyway, I sat down and played the game. I had expected the abundant loading screens because of admonishing YouTube users. I had expected the glitches because I had read reviews. All of that stuff was inconvenient, yes, but because I saw it all coming I was able to write it off. But what no words or opinions can express to the nearest degree with littlest margin of error is the level of just how un-fun something can be.

Many people (myself included) enjoy bad movies. Some (also including myself) find bad movies more entertaining than good movies. I think the reason we're able to appreciate it for its total lack of quality is because we've seen enough good movies, and we've seen enough of the tropes and methods that work in these movies, that when we are faced with a bad movie, we get a kick out of identifying the individual aspects that work together to make the movie not work together. It helps when the filmmakers take the production very seriously--The Room, for instance--Tommy Wiseau really believed he was making a poignant piece. Each element of the movie therefore, was crafted with a specific purpose and idea behind it. This attention to dysfunctional detail is commendable, and makes it all the more fun for the viewers.

This is where the bad differs from the mediocre. Watching a mediocre movie or playing a mediocre game is like watching an Olympic runner celebrate his victory too early, just to get passed by the harder-working guy in second place right at the end. You want to say "Focus!" The runner clearly knows what he is doing! After all, he's in the Olympics, and leading at first place at that. But his hubris gets to him and there's nothing anyone can do about it. The same goes with mediocre entertainment. You can see where it's going and its heart may be in the right place, but it just won't get there and it ultimately hurts to watch.

Take this feeling and ramp it up to eleven to imagine my disappointment at Sonic 2006. I wanted so desperately to like it... I tricked myself to think I did... I depressed myself to think I did... I wanted to hold onto the idea that this game was everything I thought it might be. Maybe it was guilt, considering $240 total had been dumped into GameStop just for me to play this one game. Maybe I felt a small amount of betrayal. But when I ultimately admitted to myself that I just didn't like it, I felt a lot better about myself. I was able to kick my sudden buyer's remorse and experience more games to, as my mom put it, "justify the purchase."

And you know what? Even though that game did put me into a brief, but shockingly deep depression, I'm glad I played it and I'm glad I put out the money for it. My stubbornness pushed me into a folly, but I picked myself back up and--Oh my!--I still had a fully-functional HD console with plenty of other games to try out. I did end up getting all those other games my friend had suggested, and loving them. Over the years I've enjoyed some excellent experiences on my 360, including Bioshock, Oblivion, Deadly Premonition, Alan Wake, Prototype, Halo 3, Fallout, and so much more.

So yeah. Sonic 2006 is about as big as failures get. But without it, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Because when I accepted Sonic 2006 was a bad game, I started to adopt the motto "You win some, you lose some." Is it always worth it to risk it for the hypothetical biscuit? Perhaps not, but even if you don't necessarily win, you can always take your failure and make your own silver lining out of it.

Wow guys, I can't tell you how embarrassed I am that you guys had to read this clearly misinformed list of the best game endings ever.

However, as a representative of Guiness, I'm here to tell you all that I've just been delivered the REAL list of the best video game endings of all time. That last one? Someone got drunk and threw some titles on there. Guiness is a beer company after all. But here I am, completely sober, typing in complete sentences. Giving you the list.

10. Super Mario Bros 2
Everyone here at Guiness could agree on this one because we could all relate, since we are all middle-aged Italian men who dream about mushrooms and shit. It was all a dream?! GAH! That means it's just like Inception! Inception was the shit! You can play a drinking game with Inception. Every time you see someone's totem you just shotgun a can of Guiness.

9. Helicopter
I cry every time I play it. Such a tragic tale, full of dramatic irony.

8. Super Smash Bros Melee
Because we've all wanted to know what it was like to beat the ever-living fuck out of Michael Jackson's glove.

7. Indigo Prophecy
This guy's such a Casanova he fucked a cop who was trying to arrest him earlier. Oh and did I mention that he was a fucking zombie while he did it? And he knocked her up? Lucas is the kind of man every person wants to be (yeah, even women).

6. Flower
Pretty colors.

5. Citizen Kane
It was his sled! Never would have guessed it!

4. Ghostbusters
Conglaturation indeed.

3. Scribblenauts

2. Super Scribblenauts

1. PONG
YEAAAHHHH MOTHERFUCKER FIRST VIDEO GAME EVER MADE BEST ENDING EVERRRR!!!

So yeah, sorry about the mix-up earlier, but I think now you'll be much more content with this list. This is Guiness, signing off.

Mwahaha no text for you!!! Just a vlog this time. Click the link. I dare you. Cutie.

Psychonauts 2, Double Fine Adventure, and Power to the Players!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for my friends and I to do a charity marathon. We are the BROgamers (an unfortunate name, yes, but the one we've stuck with) and our past accomplishments include a Mariothon, Spyrothon, Dead Space Mini-thon, Megathon (Mega Man), and Crashathon. We are still a small group but we have recently obtained sponsorship from Child's Play and been collecting donations for their cause.

This time around, we have a 48-64 hour time slot to finish DKC1, DKC2, DKC3, DKCR, DK64, and Jungle Beat. There are six players rotating in and out, broadcasting our success and/or impending failure on Ustream. The fun begins Friday the 16th at 4:30 PM Eastern Time.

We may not be a big name group like the SpeedGamers, but we've got a lot of heart and our broadcasts are always a helluva lot of fun. Last time we made Crash Bandicoot cupcakes, wrote songs to our viewers on the spot, and had an epic onscreen battle with a demon cockroach. More hilarity is likely to ensue! So if you're interested, you can check our Facebook page, our Ustream channel, and our website.

Facebook page (even if you don't click like, please send it around to your friends):
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Kongathon-for-Childs-Play-Charity/302700269770004

Ustream channel:
http://www.ustream.tv/user/BROgamers

And last, but not least, our website:
http://www.brogamers.webs.com/

We'd really appreciate your support!

As the final hours waned before the clock hit midnight signaling the start of a new week and a new "Bloggers Wanted" prompt, I slammed Skyrim into my PS3 and started wandering the snowy plains looking for some sort of crazy glitch or adventure that I could claim for my own. What I got was rather bland. It was as if the game was mocking me. I encountered a few elk, some wolves--and honestly I've reached a point that I assume many of you have as well where I don't even bother to loot wolf corpses anymore--and one Spriggan. I started to realize that perhaps that crazy moment just wasn't going to come.

I thought to myself... maybe I can just make something up? I came up with this whole story about how I initiated a dragon battle, climbed up to some ledge but fell off onto the dragon's back and rode it around in circles... yeah, it's a shitty story with plenty of holes and peppered with filthy lies. I knew I wanted to tell the truth. Maybe the time I climbed that mountain just by spamming the jump button up a slope of at least 80 degrees? No, anybody who played Oblivion probably knows that trick by now. I lost hope of anything, finally realizing that perhaps I'm just a really uninteresting Skyrim player.

Then it happened.

I saw a sabre tooth tiger in the distance. I crouched and shot it with an arrow. Got my sneak attack bonus, but that only brought its health down about a quarter. I got about two more shots in before it reached me. I drew my sword taking pitiful swipes at it. Not like the tiger was doing much damage to me anyways. Slash, slash, slash, it wasn't intense or entertaining combat, it was more like a chore. R1, R1, R1. And then something strange happened.

My character sheathed his sword without a button press to prompt it. My HUD went blank. The cat stopped attacking. All that was left was my line of sight--I couldn't pause, I couldn't open my inventory--it was just me and the cat. Staring. At first I thought the game froze. Like the patch did more damage than it did good... but I decided to wait it out before I rage quit.

After a second of staring I started to think. You see, my character is a Khajiit. For those of you who aren't familiar with the Elder Scrolls (you know, those three of you who have an account on here because you thought it was a flash gaming website) Khajiit's are cat-people. In the context of the game, they're from the region of Elsweyr which has been invaded by the Dominion (evil communist elves). Their people have faced hard times. I sympathize with them. I don't like to fight my own people. Of course, I understand I can't just run from every fight, but I always feel guilty killing a fellow Khajiit. So bad, in fact, that I always leave money or valuable items on their corpses to repent.

When it came to the sabre tooth tigers, I had never thought of them in the same way. But technically, we're both felines. The only difference is that I walk on two legs, I have opposable thumbs, I can speak, and I can use magic. Okay so there's a lot of differences. But looking at that tiger in that moment, I saw his face and how similar it was to my character's.

We were locked in a staring contest. And let's face it, staring contests are reserved for people who are bored, too scared to fight, or respect each other too much to engage in any other sort of conflict. I felt as if it was the third one. I stared at the tiger, and it stared back. And then--the tiger fell over, limp. My character drew his sword again and I went on my way. But not before I left behind some amethyst on its body.

I'm pretty sure I know what happened. The game triggered an autokill scenario, but it couldn't quite process the animation so it just left both of us standing blankly until the game told the tiger to die. Regardless, the moment impacted me pretty deeply. I mean how many people can have a staring contest with a sabre tooth tiger where the prize is being allowed to keep your life? I stared Death in the face and won. But like people who flatline and make a miraculous comeback on the operating table, I came out of this life-locked situation with a new lease on my in-game life. It's about respect, and that's all it is.

You want to know some games I think are obscure? Katamari Damacy. ICO. Gitaroo Man. Brave Fencer: Musashi. Tomba. Deadly Premonition. Zack and Wiki. Dog's Life. The list goes on and on and on, but you know what--you all probably know those games. Everyone on this site has probably played through Katamari Damacy at least 20 times. Same with ICO. And everyone HAS to be familiar with Deadly Premonition by now.

I can at least proudly say that I picked up 6 of those games that I mentioned without having ever visited this site, but my point is this: These games are obscure to the average gamer, but not necessarily to the "hardcore" or "well-rounded" gamer. I was having trouble at first trying to decide what game I should pick to write about for this blog. I went through Tonic Trouble, Rocket: Robot on Wheels, No One Can Stop Mr. Domino, Chulip, etc... but I realized that if even one person leaves a comment saying "Oh I've played that" or, more drastically, "Hey bro, everybody's played that game" then it completely derails the entire blog post.

I'm not ashamed to admit that most of the interesting new games I hear about, I hear about on Destructoid. Hell, I can't just scan Wikipedia pages for cool-sounding titles for hours, I have school to worry about. That does, however, mean that I can't bring up games like Tower of Heaven, Deadly Premonition, or Killer7 without a swath of people telling me that those games are too mainstream to be considered obscure anymore. (Ladies and gentlemen, the hipsters of the world!)

Now I'm gonna shift gears for a moment to identify a problem I have with the split between indie and mainstream. Neither is inherently better than the other. Surely, they can be for different crowds OR people can enjoy bits of both. But it's like indie has suddenly become a dirty word. You can't say "indie rock" anymore, you have identify it in way too specific terms like "garage surf punk" so that people don't identify you as a hipster. And personally, I think the word hipster is the most horribly abused slang words in our vocabulary. When you think hipster, you think of a person who is deeply invested in the indie scene who has pretentious opinions about how what they like is better than what you like. The term is spreading to effect people who really don't fit the bill at all. Like my brother. He wears skinny jeans, thick-rimmed glasses, and has natural red hair. When you look at him, by Internet definition he would be a hipster. But he's one of the least pretentious people and even though he dabbles with indie stuff, he very much likes mainstream stuff too.



I became passionate about this subject when I read some of the comments underneath the "Indie Game: The Movie" trailer on youtube. For every objective statement saying "This looks like it could be interesting," there were probably 2 or 3 in response saying "Who plays this siht platformers are crap graphics look dum HAHA have fun stoopid neckbeard devs being hipsters". Fucking come on, already! They're just developing games for personal expression and for others to enjoy.

Hipsters, by the actual definition, really do deserve the crap they get. They constantly look for stuff that is completely unknown and get offended whenever anyone else has heard of it. I look for lesser known stuff, I'll admit that much, but it's because I like the experience of discovering something new. Then I share them with my friends to see if they like them. If they don't, then I don't push the matter.

My local Play N Trade had a sale recently--I stuffed about 25 PS2 games into a black bag and paid $30 for all of them. In the bag there were games like Shadow the Hedgehog, The Godfather, Red Dead Revolver, and other big (or at least recognizable) titles. Then I just looked for whatever else on the shelf looked interesting, and I picked out games like Metropolismania, Cold Winter, Th3 Plan, and Rygar. Whenever I reach them on my backlog I will play through them and develop an opinion on them, just like any other game. If I like them, I'll let my friends borrow them. More often than not, they have never heard of the games I send their way.



That's what I think obscurity is all about: sharing enjoyable experiences with the people you think would not typically get the chance to. For instance, I introduced one of my best friends to Katamari Damacy and the first thing he said to me after touching the controls was "I didn't know games like this existed". And for a person who grew up on Call of Duty and Halo, it has now become his favorite game series. Similarly, my brother shares obscure movies (Big Man Japan) and music (Jay Reatard) with me since he knows that movie-watching and music-hunting are not big hobbies of mine.

So no offense, but if you comment saying "You should try out Game A and Game B because they're just like Game C, but more obscure" then I will probably shrug it off. Trust me, I know what I'm doing as a gamer and I'll continue to find my own interests. Now if you have suggestions on movies, books, music, then go ahead and mention those. I'm open, and I'm objective.