Why PAX was great and why I might be around less

I should have done this sooner but I'm lazy and have been recovering from various illnesses slowly. This would have been done later had something not happened today to make me do it. You see, PAX was the best week of my life. It was supposed to be one week of good to outweigh two of the worst years you could imagine and it certainly was that and more. When I got back into my house, I didn't miss anyone because well, we're all on the internet and speak to each other anyway.

PAX was also meant to help get my university course back up and running and provide me a bit extra push to get me the one and only thing I have ever really wanted, a job programming games. It did that a lot and I was all ready to sort things out but today I was given the choice between a year out from uni, which I could in no way afford, and changing to a lower degree, which would mean me getting a job programming games would be so much harder as to be near impossible. The room I am in has to be payed for and I can't do that with option 1 and option 2 reads quit to me because it's a useless option. Option 3 is I do my final year and do the placement I didn't manage to secure afterwards but that will be one of the most hard fought for things I try to get that isn't PAX and I don't much believe in that much good happening all at once.

I'm not going to go into it but the past two years have been rough. The first was pretty bad and after seeing the fun people had at PAX last year I decided last October I had to go. As the second year picked up a little I got happier and then around february it all sort of fell apart and got so bad over summer that PAX was one of the very few reasons I didn't kill myself. If I have any reason to just keep on now, it's you lot.

While there I managed to accomplish a number of my own mini life goals. I played Rock Band with some people from Harmonix, and we ruled. I also full on death screeched Black Dahlia Murder and we came off to some clapping. I also played Rock Band with Necros. I had a great talk with Nick Chester and a lot of other editors. I had Niero wish me luck on my game portfolio. I spent at least part of a night with Knives and Mandi and alcohol. I wore a full suit and top hat and didn't feel stupid. Best of all though, I got Niero to wear my stupid cardboard helmet that everyone signed and then wore the full size one.

A phrase I often heard was "I love you Bunny, you're such an awesome guy" and I still don't quite understand how so many people could like me so much. I have massive trust issues like you would not believe but for some reason with you guys I just don't care. I'm sitting here crying as I write this because I could never wish for a nicer bunch of people to even consider knowing me. My life would not be anything like it is without this site and it hurts so much that because of my life here continuing to go downhill it may mean I can't come on as much and spend time with the people here.

I'm completely losing it now and need to stop crying so I'm just going to leave you with this picture