At 120 mph, mosquitoes feel like jagged hail, white-hot engines sear leather onto flesh and the asphalt below threatens to permanently disfigure any rider foolish enough to blink. But those things don't matter to me. Right now my wind-burned, bloodshot eyes are fixed on the bike less than a hundred feet ahead of me: first place. The engine strains as I crank the throttle higher, trying desperately to gain on my rival. I slowly creep closer as we jackknife through traffic and barrel through sharp turns. Just about twenty feet left. I reach into my boot and pull out the cattle prod I had placed there before the race. My opponent takes his eyes off the road just long enough to spot his approaching fate in his rear-view. Before the image can register as panic, I blast him with 5000 volts of electric vengeance. He lets go of the throttle as his body goes into violent spasms, which lets me easily catch up to him. For miles I've been tracking him down and waiting for this moment. Now I am in first place, and he in second. But second is too good for my nemesis, I think. So just as he begins decelerating into second place -- still twitching uncontrollably -- I muster all of my strength and swing my boot right into the side of his engine and send him careening into the side of a billboard. I barrel through the last mile and cross the line to accept my dual prizes of glory and sweet, sweet cash, while he has to fight to stay conscious until the ambulance comes. These are the stakes.

Welcome to Road Rash



Anyone who knows me will inevitably hear me rant about the goldmine EA is missing: they have, as of yet, failed to bring Road Rash to a system more advanced than the first Playstation. Not only would it be an instant bestseller, but it has potential to be a quality game. If we put this game on the the 360 or PS3, the adrenaline fueled racing and unabashedly mischievous, yet malicious, violence combined with the graphics power of the current-gen systems and the unquestionably deep pocket of Electronic Arts would be an unstoppable mix.

So why has this EA overlooked such potential?

-- Maybe they just don't like making sequels.
-- AHAHAHAHAHA *falls of chair*

But seriously, the occasional tease keeps me hoping for the future. A future where men can race souped up crotch rockets at breakneck speed. A future where battle is fought not on foreign soil, but on American Asphalt. *begins raising flag* Yes! A future where children will ask their father, "Daddy, how can I become an underground, no-holds-barred, street racing vigilante?" WILL YOU DENY YOUR CHILDREN THIS FUTURE?!?! *rips of clothes to reveal Gen. Patton outfit* WILL YOU?!?! THEN FIGHT FOR YOUR FUTURE!!! FIGHT FOR GLORY!!!! FIGHT FOR A NEW ROAD RASH!!!!