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9:14 PM on 12.23.2008

Thank You for Introducing me to Fallout 3, Niero ["I Won" post]

Sorry for making this a short one, guys, but I tried posting a long thank you with a sonette last Tuesday and the Dtoid post editor ate it up. I think it happened because the title disappeared and I clicked post without a title. I don’t know, I just know that I was pissed as fuck.

Anyway, last month I won a random drawing on the WePC contest. I had my choice of Fallout 3, Mirror’s Edge, or Ninja Town DS. Seeing as how Mirror’s Edge was “secretly” bought as a Christmas gift to me (I found out because the cousin my mom took to pick out a game for me didn’t know it was a gift and asked me how it was. I know, he’s retarded) and I totally DIDN’T get Ninja Town for my R4 (not so impressed but quirky little game), I chose Fallout 3, even though I’m not too into western RPGs. The reason? Like the “RetroForce Go!” guys, I too think they’re too fucking complex. I prefer JRPGs ‘cause I’m a story-bound kinda guy and they’re not incredibly confusing.

After a shitty morning in which I was sure I bombed two semestral tests, I got home and lo and behold, a package was waiting for me.

“OMG! DESTRUCTOID”, this little man screamed. I teared the package* open and found this:


Having heard of the awesomeness that is a Dtoid package, I searched inside for Hamza/Niero armhair and found something even better:



Of course, I don’t exactly trust it but I’ll be sure to use it. Sadly, at my age true sex is scarce and so it shall remain in my drawer for a while (unless Santa brings me a girlie for xmas :)

This was the part where I talked about my Fallout 3 impressions in my original post, which the Destructoid gods deleted. This shall never happen again because I’ve wised up and will write posts on MS Word from now on, but if anyone’s wondering: I liked it. I really, really like it as in I put off studying for the test that I most cared about (Biology = my career) just to play it a few more hours. About 13 hours in one of the busiest weeks in the year might sound like a small feat, but it sure wasn’t.

So, thank you Niero, and thank you Destructoid. If you ever do a Dtoid Cancun again I’ll try to be there just to use the condom on you all.

* Niero, let me know if there was anything else inside. The package was ripped open in customs and the mailman wrote a note saying it looked pretty mauled.   read

1:36 AM on 07.05.2008

New Timer on Chrono Trigger Japanese Site makes me hopeful [UPDATE]

So I was checking out a fail blog a few cblogs under this one and I clicked on the Chrono Trigger DS japanese site again for no reason at all. Lo an behold, a timer has been added.

Doing some Jr. Matlocking, a.k.a. basic math, I discovered the timer is set to expire in 3.4 days. That gives me just enough time to fap furiously and then wash my sheets 10 times. I am happy.

Having never finished the original SNES one because my NOT emulator decided to forget 9 hours worth of leveling up, I'm really excited for the remake. I know the timer won't be something huge, but man, am I giddy as a schoolgirl.

Here's to a release date and/or videos/screens.

UPDATE: It seems like at the time I saw it, it looked like seconds. However, some people saw it change from 00 to 60, so it's hours. The time left is 31 hours. Sorry, but the lack of colons between the numbers made it confusing.   read

10:54 PM on 06.10.2008

Ron Workman, please marry me

Gay post is gay, but true

Today, I must confess my love to Ron Workman and Destructoid.

It all started with a simple contest. EternalDeathSlayer was having a contest in which the prize was a 1600 MS Points card. I participated as best as I could at the time but didn't really expect to win. I didn't, but the meng who takes ur yobz commented on my blog promising points. I e-mailed him about it to see if he was serious and he was, though he couldn't give me any at the time.

Months passed and on Sunday, I checked my mail to find this:

Code's been used so don't even think about it.

Seriously, I can't believe how awesome the people here are. Even though he didn't know me, he saw my suffering and decided to help. The most astounding part is that it has been almost 3 months since he promised to give me the points. I just can't express how grateful I am.

I also see that this is not just a staff-to-community thing to keep us happy. A lot of users have contests just to help people game. A lot of users send stuff to each other like true friends do. It's amazing how close Destructoid brings us.

In case you were wondering, those 1600 points are gone. Got around 13 songs with it and I love all of them so far. It really has made me enjoy the game even more with my friends because they know a lot of the songs I bought.

And it's all thanks to you...thank you Ron [/Princess Peach at the end of SM64]

Dtoiders hugging.   read

7:05 PM on 06.08.2008

Need opinions on sites

Before being a regular (albeit kinda unknown) at Destructoid, I used to be a very big community member in a site called DS-Play. After a bit, I got promoted to editor and later on, moderator. The site spread into a network and because of this, its traffic decreased and died. Needless to say, it hurt me how a place I put so much effort into became dead because people couldn't be bothered to write a different URL.

Now, the site's admin is trying a sort of comeback. I need to know if older people like the destructoid community like these layouts. The sites can be found here:


Gr00pz is a site where you can create your own mini-site with a blog, forums, chat, etc.(mainly for clans and guilds).

Anyway, opinions on the layout?

p.s. Before flaming, please note I didn't ask anyone to sign up.   read

9:07 PM on 06.04.2008

Rock Band DLC Launches in Mexico: PIXXX

Crappy pics provided by 2megapixel cellphone cam.

In before "power-glove missed this":

So I was about to start a singing carreer (shut up, I got stuck on expert drums and guitar) and the first thing I noticed when I signed in was this:

Wtf is a Rock band ad doing in MY Xbox. WHEN DID MY ACCOUNT GET ADS?

This called for investigation.

I booted up the Rock Band dvd and for the first time ever, it did not greet me with some bullshit "parental settings don't allow you to see the Music Store" warning. Just proceeding to the store was a beautiful experience.

You can kinda see it... my gamertag is there in the top left corner. Also, Disturbed is scary

Finally, EA saw there's money to be made outside the states and launched DLC in Mexico. Finally, I can stop importing point cards that cost me almost twice as much. And most importantly, I can finally download MOAR tracks with ease, which means more fun, which means more money for EA. Everybody wins.

My best Chad "Amazing" Concelmo face

If you excuse me, I must now fap and then proceed to find my fucking money and get paid by a few friends that owe me money. Rock Band is getting a second air for me (not that it was ever extremely dull, but you understand).

Rock out!


Yes, I know I made a blog out of nothing but it's my blog.   read

8:54 PM on 06.02.2008

Ninja Gaiden II Impressions

Recently, I got my hands on Ninja Gaiden II. As anyone who played the original Xbox's version of Ninja Gaiden, I was pretty excited to find out how the game had changed with the leap of generations.

After checking out the newest Rock Band tracks (holy shit I have so many songs on my to-download list), I booted Ninja Gaiden II. The first thing I noticed was a 5 sec loading even before the title screen. No biggie, I guess. Grand Theft Auto has been doing this since III with even longer loads.

I start up a new game and watch the opening cinematic. It makes me sad to inform everyone that the new Ninj Gaiden girl isn't as hot as Rachel. Those looking for big boobs will of course find them since this is a Team Ninja game. Anyway, the opening scene isn't that exciting and it certainly lacks the whole "next-gen" feel. Anyone ever noticed the difference between watching a TV show and watching a video on a video-cam? Well, the cutscenes felt like that.

Enough about that, though. It is the gameplay that matters, right? The gameplay is just filled with blood and flying limbs. That new feature where limbless enemies become kamikazes if you don't finish them off is truly a pain in the ass sometimes, but man, does it make the game feel even better. All your standard moves are here and after a bit of practice I managed to even pull off that move were Ryu grabs his enemy in the air and slams him headfirst into the ground. It's so empowering.

As usual, I'm quite bored with the weapon upgrades. The staff is just horrible, and the bear-like claws are useless against bosses and should be only used when surrounded by low-level ninjas.

Speaking of bosses, holy crap. They are so awesome and so punishing. Minor spoilers follow. The first boss (which is reused on the second chapter) is a huge spider-like creature the likes of which are born in hell. Now, maybe I don't know eneough about the series, but it'd sure be nice to know where the fuck it came from and how it was carried all the way up to the airship thingy you fight on. He's not that hard but if you're hit by his attacks, man, you're fucked.

STILL MINOR SPOILERS. The second boss is the leader of the Black Spider clan and even though he's also not impossibly difficult (this is, of course, just the second chapter), you'll likely reach him without any health revitalizers left. This made this battle awesome and incredibly rewarding to me, and if you're in the same position as I was, you'll probably love it, too.


The worst thing I found about Ninja Gaiden II is that it is completely last-gen. The graphics may look a bit nicer, but all of the environments are closed off, invisible walls abound, and loading times can occur in the most inopurtune times (I've had some 5 sec loads whenever I perform a Flying Swallow attack that goes out of the "area").

Anyway, I'm sure you've already made up your mind about getting this or not, but I thought the community would like a regular gamer's point of view on this. It's not that I don't think you should trust Nick's opinion (which, strangely enough, is very much like mine), but I know reviewers can feel jaded after playing so many games, having being one myself.

p.s. Amazing glitch time: in the second chapter, I was surrounded by enemies in a low-ceiling building. I perform the air-grabbing headfirst landing move and the games glitched out. I was out of the building in a black hole of emptiness for about 10 secs until the game resetted and put me back in the building. The enemy I had attacked disappeared into oblivion, though.   read

11:00 AM on 04.26.2008

GTA IV Impressions

So through amazingly arduous work (read: piracy), I have obtained the game that everyone's waiting for: GTA IV.

First thing I noticed was how well done the intro was and how it exhumed that whole GTA feel (there's some S&M going on right at the beginning). The characters, while not exactly as good as the ones in say Gears of War, looked ok and their movement looked fine. During the intro, you will listen to an awesome jazzy tune. It was here that I knew I was gonna love the music like I did GTA III's.

Anyway, on to actual gameplay. As usual on the Xbox 360 you now accelerate using RT and that change feels pretty strange to someone who doesn't play a lot of racers, like me. One of the best things in GTA IV is the minimal HUD and the radar that always highlights a route to your destination. Even when you're not on a mission, you can go to your map, set a destination point, and the game will then provide the fastest legal route for you.

Also, the new melee combat is a cool touch. You can now push, dodge, and punch the fuck out of any one. It definitely felt better than other GTAs, but so far, I haven't used it to its fullest because of how used I am to the "punch, punch, punch" melee in prior GTA games.

Another cool addition is that Niko can date. You meet this girl in one of the early missions and she makes it clear she has the hots for you. You guys exchange phone numbers and then go separate ways. If you call her, she will invite you to her place or you will set a time and location to meet at. I'm not sure what the ultimate goal with this whole dating thing is, but I'm guessing it's probably having sex with her, which seems a little odd seeing as how big the Hot Coffee thing was. Anyway, that's Rockstar for you.

As a side note, anyone worried that GTA IV doesn't seem as randomly funny as prior GTA games can calm down. Going through the stations or simply going through the missions will reveal hilarious dialogue in true GTA fashion. Also, the radio stations are all freakin' awesome (except for San Juan Tunes or something like that. Hip hop shit is shit).

ProTip: Braulio09 cums over the Liberty City Hardcore station.

As a final note, it's pissing me off how hard it has become to escape from the cops. Sometimes it looks like you're out of the search zone and there are no blinking blue/red dots in your radar and suddenly a police car will show up in front of you. What's worse is that I haven't gotten any guns yet so I can't shoot the shit out of those sons of bitches. These assholes will just come out of nowhere and rape you up the ass.

Anyway, that's all I've gathered from about an hour of game time.   read

1:07 PM on 03.28.2008

Why I need EDS' Free Points: I'm Mexican Edition

First of all, I'd like to inform you, EDS, that even though I'm Mexican, I'm elligible for the MS Points because I have a US account that I use for Rock Band DLC and other stuff.

Anyway, why do I need the free MS Points? Well, it's simple: I'm 16 years old, living in Mexico, and supporting 2 whole families with the salary of a farmboy. Ok, that last part may not be true BUT being 16 years old and living in Mexico is not the best thing to do when you're a gamer.

I'm sure you've all heard about the ridiculous markup stores apply to all electronic items in Mexico. Why? I don't know. Shipping costs, maybe (although that makes no sense due to NAFTA but whatever)? The point is: having to pay around $90 USD for the first Pikmin is a freakin' rip-off.

How does this relate to MS Points? Well, the 1600 MS Points card costs around $40 USD and seeing as how I have other things to spend my money on like, y'know, games, food, and friends, I never save enough for Wii Points or MS Points.

All this means is that I need the free MS Points to game, which is something I'm sure we can all aprove of. So give me the points or I'll slit your throat and have a lemon party at your funeral.


Seeing as how this thing is supposed to be 500 words or more, I will use the bullshit generator 2000.

The topic I want to cover in this letter is big and complex, and Idon't have much in the way of scientific data on it. Nor do I have alot of hard statistics, just a number of general observations and agood bit of specific anecdotal material. What follows is the story ofhow Mr. Paper - EDS can be so rich in the rhetoric of democracy andyet so poor in its implementation. His principles symbolizelawlessness, violence, and misguided rebellion -- extreme liberty for afew, even if the rest of us lose more than a little freedom. In hiscodices, voyeurism is witting and unremitting, purblind andexploitative. He revels in it, rolls in it, and uses it to reopenwounds that seem scarcely healed. Here, too, we can see how EDS isalways prating about how he can scare us by using big words like"indistinguishability". (He used to say that free speech is wonderfulas long as you're not bashing him and the feckless, sappy knee-bitersin his coalition, but the evidence is too contrary so he's given up onthat score.)
EDS, with his craftiness and effrontive intimations, willentirely control our country's exuberant riches some day. EDS willthen use those riches to weaken our mental and moral fiber. The moralof this story is that he does not tolerate any view that differs fromhis own. Rather, EDS discredits and discards those people whocontradict him along with the ideas that they represent.

There =D   read

2:48 PM on 01.04.2008

[NSFW]Quest for AMAZING Naked Chicks: I seriously like Mudkips now

I might make this a feature of my blog if you guys like this. Maybe I'll do it even if you internet-rape me.

I was searching the internet for hawt ladies last night along with an internet buddy of mine (UKer) thanks to Ron's reference to THE HOOF. One thing led to another and before we knew it, we were at GameTrailers watching Sexy Beach 3 stuff.

But I digress.

Anyway, I went to sleep at around 4 a.m. (10 a.m. UK time I think) and my UK buddy kept searching. I wake up and find he sent me a link during the time I was sleeping. Said "so i herd u lyk mudkipz" so i thought it was gonna be a pic of lulz.

The link:

Sample pic:

Her Lambdas are the stuff of legend.

As you can see, Mudkips are now totally hawt.

p.s. i can't be a furry for a pokemon girl....right? RIGHT?

EDIT: pic censored because i wasn't sure if it was breaking the rules or not. uncensored pic at the link (even though it's pretty much the same)   read

11:50 PM on 12.26.2007

The rise and fall of my XBL

*sigh* More shit happening. This time it doesn't involve drug lords and abuse of authority, though.

So after the story told in my previous blog, my parents were really worried about me. They accompanied me to the station for my stolen/confiscated/probably-lost-forever cellphone. In case you're wondering, they said I can pick it up on Monday cause they haven't "examined" it. Makes no sense, and my dad complained but it didn't work.

Anyway, I had been asking my parents to lend me their credit card to get XBL Gold. They have been fearful of giving away their info ever since my older brother stupidly bought an m3 through a hoax site and my parents had to pay like 600 dollars in expenses that were made in Canada. Today, though, they agreed, and after reading through the whole policy and privacy statements for them, I was a proud member of Xbox Live Gold.

My dad was interested in this "online fad" I'm part of, so he had me set him up a game of Rock Band for him (side note, he plays drums). After selecting Dani California and going halfway through the song, tragedy striked. My router had disconnected us from XBL. This has happened before and every time it increasingly annoyed my dad.

This time, though, he had had enough and tried to fix it. He gets on the router's setting and changes stuff. I'm pretty sure he's gonna mess it up but say nothing 'cause there's always the "restore preset values" button. So he tells me to test it now and I do so. Great, the Xbox won't connect. I run the connection test and find out there's something wrong with the wireless network. I tell my dad to restore preset values but then he tells me there's a thing that wasn't preset and that he changed it. I try to fix it but the drop down menu won't show that option.

Now, I'm gonna ask you sexy men with balls as epic as Zangief's, does anyone know how to fix this?

Hopefully you guys can help, but if you can't, I think my brother might be able to help. If not, the computer guy who set up the network will have to be called, but that's ok.

Looking forward to playing with you guys on FNF/whenever. Add me for games of Rock Band/CoD4/GoW/Halo 3/PGR4/TF2

GT = Braulio09   read

1:31 AM on 12.26.2007

So the cops came a'knockin

First of all, I failed at my quest to get the all powerful pics. Someone please shop a few, k?

Anyway, let's set the bases of this event. My parents went to check on my sick grandma, my brothers are out, I'm home alone. It's 1:20 a.m. and I'm at the Wiisucks liveblog.

Then, I hear the sirens. I see the red and blue lights. About 6 police trucks are outside my house. I start hearing screams. The cops want my neighbor to open up. The neighbors don't seem to answer, so the police threat to break the door to get in. Someone at my neighbor's house screams "DEJALOS ENTRAR NOS VAN A DISPARAR" ("LET THEM IN DAMMIT THEY WILL SHOOT US") and I gather it's the wife.

I hear thumping on my ceiling. I think they might be setting up snipers or some shit (dunno if a sniper would be needed at this range...we're like 20 meters apart). All of a sudden, an engine starts and then I hear shooting. I'm all like "que chingadoes" ("WTF) and stupidly duck. I stand up and try to see what the fuck is going on. The cops are now taking out a dude I've never seen in my life from a car and beating him up. It's brutal. The car looks a bit roughed up but I can't see much.

Finally, the husband (my neighbor) screams he's gonna turn himself in and opens up his door. While getting handcuffed he screams to his wife to get the kids. The wife seems to be doing this.

I stupidly think it's safe to go out, so I open my door to try and take pics. I take a couple of the roughed up car, whose tires were shot out, and a couple of the police trucks. The cops are throwing the arrested men into their trucks and I stay there watching. I'm kinda hidden by a tree, but I still don't feel safe.

All of a sudden, a cop shouts out "¿Ey wey que haces? Ven p'aca." ("Hey, what are you doing? Come here") The policeman tells me that I shouldn't be out taking pics and that it was dangerous. He tells me to give him the cellphone and that I can pick it up at the station tomorrow after they check it. In my fear and nervousness, I hand it to him and he then writes up a note saying that he took it and will return it. I find it weird that he can do this but say nothing (you have to understand, mexican cops don't exactly inspire trust).

Moving on, the wife and kids come out and are forced (in a non-violent way) to hand the house keys in. They do so and get on their Hummer. Two cops get off my roof. Everyone's leaving now. They are all going to the same place, it seems. I get the fuck in my house, still feeling weird about what just happened and kinda scared about what could've happened to me and what my parents will do/say when they come home and find me cellphoneless and the whole street buzzing about this.

P.S. I'm thinking they were drug dealers. My region has recently become full of them (like 5 "drug lords" have been taken in this year) and a lot of shootings for "turfs" have happened (not in the city, but around here).

P.P.S. I'm meeting some of my non-criminal neighbors for the first time. They give me hot chocolate.   read

8:31 PM on 11.23.2007

Funniest Mario Comic I've seen in a while (possibly NSFW)

So a guy in another site was asking for ideas for a Mario comic. Everyone started saying the usual shit. "OMG Mario on magic mushrooms." "z0mg lyk u shud make sumthin like taht mario has seckz and then sez this b easier than saving peach"

It was pissing me off. So, I just told him to make a comic where Mario masturbates to Toad porn.

Here you go[url]

innernetz i win? =]   read

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