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brainderailment avatar 1:22 PM on 05.11.2008  (server time)
"6 Ways to justify your allegiance" Wii edition.

This post wouldn't be complete without this image.

6. What Nintendo does, they do it right, always. You should never EVAR criticize our mother for making an online system that requires you to use numbers to identify yourself. Never question the mother's sustenance or she'll take it away. Mother will not accept your input. It's perfect anyway, why would you want to change it? Mother is intuitive too, she knows what's best for you.

5. Online? It's totally sweet! You can check the weather, look at the internet, and all that cool jazz. All I have to do is make send an invite to my buddy (1784 2382 6090) and we're off, and brawling, or racing, whichever one we feel like doing. Anything goes. Free is awesome, I don't have to worry about those annoying [screen name is online] messages, or get my inbox cluttered with voice messages. It's very intuitive.

4. Make sure you check up on any forums and blogs that are talking about the next upcoming Wii game. You are the only one that is going to be able to police the madness. People will be trolling around saying completely bias things like, "this game isn't for me" and "I've never been very good at smash brothers". You must intervene when they cross those lines. Remember intuitiveness. Remind the foolish sheople that they are only doing what they are being brainwashed to do by the giant marketing campaigns like the ones for Halo3 and GTAIV.

3. Everyone is buying it, so it must be the best. Console sales are extremely important, because if the mass market is gobbling up your favorite device, it means it's perfect for everyone. Nintendo didn't change their console to fit a mass appeal, no they made their machine for you, the hardcore. It just so happens to appeal to the mainstream. Being that it's so intuitive and all.

2. Graphics don't matter, it's the game-play that counts. All those people playing GTAIV, they aren't having fun. Graphics =/= fun. That whole COD4 craze, that was all just people standing around in the game looking at all the pretty textures and lighting effects, they never actually completed any missions or anything, they never stop to realize that they aren't having fun. Plus those games aren't very intuitive anyway.

1. Whenever a game gets rumored to come out, let people know how good it will be with motion controls. Okami? Awesome game on the PS2, flawless for the Wii. Metroid's controls are also the most perfect first person shooter controls ever devised. It's all about intuition. If you didn't notice, you should be spewing the word intuitive all over the internet so much that it shows up on every forum imaginable. Forget what intuitive means, just know that the reason there are so many control schemes for Brawl is because the game's controls are so intuitive that you can use your intuition to decide which control you like the most.

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