EA is like a dirty old wall street man, who's got the hots for this jailbait chick, Take 2, and is just standing outside her window holding a sign that says "LET'S FUCK!"

Take 2 is the hot lesbian who doesn't give a shit about what people think of her and is disgusted by the ugly old man, who's now naked, standing outside. He tries to impress her by shitting out a lump that says "Madden" on the side of it, but she just screams and closes the curtains.

So then EA gets pissed and he busts into the house and kills Take 2's parents and then adopts Take 2. Now Take 2 is EA's bitch and EA decides that Take 2's arms and legs are making her too independent, so EA cuts them off and demands Take 2 make him some dinner, but she can't even fucking move. So, tired of waiting for the magic to happen, EA just fucking buries Take 2 alive in the backyard, right next to Bullfrog, Westwood, Orgin and other unidentified mounds.

EA wipes it's brow then waddles back inside and begins thumbing through the white pages for Ubisoft's address.