First things first, let me give you some backstory on this that'll maybe help you understand what I mean. A few days back I was reading Rev. Ant's post about why Mr. Resetti is the "most heroic video game character ever." Being that I prefer sex and violence in my games, I'd never given Animal Crossing a second look. Something about it's too cute, or it's pointless, or I can't rape animal characters because that'd be too similiar to what those damn furries do, or there's nothing to blow up...something like that. Rev's article changed all that. So, long story short, I went out to my local game store and picked up a copy of Animal Crossing: Wide World.


Crack has never had a cuter cover...

No big deal, right?

So I get home, plug it into the DS, and start playing. Alright, let's name myself...name the town...answer these stupid questions...who are you to judge me anyway, taxi driver!?! What do you mean am I sure I'm a boy?!? Nosy prick...Anyway, he drops me off, and on with the game.

I play for a while, maybe an hour or so, and shut it off, Because there is literally nothing for me to do. Tom Nook, bastard that he is, has me locked in debt, and on top of that, because I did such a swell job working for him, he FIRED me. Now, I don't recall being told in the first place that I was getting a ridiculously price house that can barely hold my stuff. Not to mention that I can't decorate the upstairs portion. What gives with that? I can make the living room portion of my house look like several crazy interior decoraters threw up in there, but I can't put a fucking chair in the room with my bed?

Well, I let the game sit for awhile, watch some tv, decided tv is going downhill (much like the cblogs), then decided maybe I'll play for a little while longer. At this point I'm just collecting random things and selling them to that bastard Tom Nook for minimal profit, but I eventually get enough to buy myself a fishing pole. Sidenote here, does it piss anyone else off that you can't call Tom Nook a dirty coon for fear of being called racist? Anyway, I gets my pole and proceed to spend the next hour and a half fishing, going to the museum to drop off donations, and fishing some more.

This is when I notice that Mr. Nook has a shovel and net for sale. "Really?" I says to myself, "Moar collecting?" But when you see all the stuff that you've found all placed together in the museum, it kinda makes your pants happy. Well, my pants happy anyway.


Fish taco's are indeed relevant to mah interests

I also noticed the next day when I started playing, Oh, someone else has moved in. Let's go say hi. That was when I was introduced to the most assholest character I've ever met in a game, Apollo. Seriously, he would rather be a zombie sasquate than a pirate ninja? Laym. Also, everytime I talk to him it's like I just interrupted him doing the most important thing in the world to talk about something stupid. Screw you, you arrogant eagle.

Then there are the other animals, poor Daisy who can never find a fossil, anorexic, pill popping Pom-Pom, who is so insecure she even needs your advice for her sayings, and Opal, who I hate on an equal level with Apollo. Fun fact: While the game did turn my phrase "cuntbucket" into " bucket," it did allow the phrase "Also, cocks." Me and dvddesign discussed that maybe it was the plural form that let it get by, and he suggested making it possesive next time. So I'm gonna give that a shot.

As you can probably tell by reading this, I'm starting to get madly addicted to this game. I'm almost done paying off my mortgage, and I got the game less than a week ago. I keep thinking to myself, I wonder if anything new has popped into village? I wonder if anyone new has moved in? I wonder if Apollo has taken the bribe I mailed him to stop being an ass? All this, and more. Hell, I can't go for an hour or two without kinda wanting to get back in the game and check out how my nice (albeit very rainy) village is doing.

And for this, I hate you Rev. Ant. The last thing I needed right now was to get addicted to this game. I have so much more stuff I need to be playing, but how can I focus on chopping ninja's up when there may or may not be a new fish or bug depending on the season? Argh. Argh indeed. And the worst part of it all is I haven't even seen Mr. Resetti, the reason for Rev's article and the reason I bought the game, because I'm having so much horribly cute fun there's no reason to turn the game off without saving. Hell, I don't even know if he's in this one, because I always do something that makes it necessary to save. I brought my DS to work, and have it tucked away in a hiding spot, turned on, just so I can check in occasionally when no one is watching.

tl;dr: I hate you so much for turning me on to this.