Hi! My name is Jack Klassen.! I'm a completely ordinary teenage boy from San Diego, California. My interests include soccer, surfing, writing poetry, and luge. I am homeschooled by my father who fought in the Korean War and was exposed to nerve gas. He is kind of crazy but I still love him. We got the Internet two years ago and I started making new friends on Yahoo! messenger. Surprisingly, most of these new friends were older men who wanted to have illegal, underage sex with me. Needless to say, I got a boner like a rocketship and cybersex quickly became my favorite thing in the entire world. Wait, did I say boner like a rocketship? I meant my vagina got as wet as Lake Titicaca. I started saving all of the hot chat sessions I was having with the Pakistanis, lesbians, child molesters and other monsters who were instant messaging me all day and all night, and I decided to put them up here on this website so you can see exactly how disgusting the entire human race is. Since then, I have been in a waterskiing accident that mangled my genitals beyond repair, been diagnosed with cerebral palsy, brain cancer, and Crohn's disease, learned to speak Urdu and French, covered my naked body in superglue, went to French lesbian camp, made a Hindu eat a roast beef sandwich out of my vagina, and ruined perfectly good cybersex for at least one hundred people. Use the menu above to find out more about me and start reading my sexy adventures,
Well labias, genitalmen, furries and traps, it's been awhile now. Over a year in fact, but I missed that date due to actually having to work while at work, as opposed to days like this where teh internets is my saving grace. So I just wanted to write a little commemoration about it, specifically dedicated to you, the community.
It kills you with love! And biting your head.
After lurking for awhile, a month, maybe six, getting over my fear of interacting with anonymous weirdo's online, I kinda got to know some of the members. Well, not really, but I thought they were pretty f'n funny and had some good stuff to back it up with, and I thought that was pretty keen.I never used to read comments on gaming sites, due to the fact that most people that post at other sites are BORING. Not here. No, here we get the worst of the worst, and the best of the best, and alot of filler. In my time here, I've seen (and sadly, been involved in) numerous flame wars, I've seen horrible trolls that have nothing to bring to the table besides "sheeple," and the vicious gang-raping of various reviews. But I've also seen epic community based threads, trolls that really aren't too bad once you've actually communicated with them, and the vicious raping of my eyeballs too many times. Seriously, stop posting some of that shit.
Anyway, back on track, after commenting for a while, getting called a cunt by Nex for awhile, and getting used to the waters and different personalities floating around, I finally got the "blogging urge." I took my time and I made sure I wrote what I really wanted to present to the community as my first impression. However, reading about how I feel Ayn Rand relates to gaming in general is not a very interesting read. So I moved to the random, which I've slowly tried to get away from recently, but feel moved to write occasionally. The internet is big folks, and sometimes you miss cool stuff.
I'm not going to do an epic list like I did last time, as it takes a looooong time, and I feel bad for leaving people out. So, here's a generic copout grouping thank you.
To Niero: Thanks for the site.
To the Editors, writers, and podcasters: Thanks for all the fish. And all the time and effort you put into what you respectively do. You make the site great, and attractive enough to get people to read it in the first place.
To everyone who considers the forums their home: I think the less mongrols from the cblogs find the forums, the better. Keep up the...well, whatever it is that happens down there that's so magical. And rapey.
To Longcat: I miss you buddy. I really do.
To everyone who loves the cblogs, and refuses to go to the forums: Hey, some of you guys are really missing out. But you do what you do in the cblogs and try to keep the greatness to crap ratio balanced, so keep on blogging little gamers.
To the forum/cblog users: I don't know why this demographic is so small, but all I can say is we get the best of both worlds. So, :D
To the really keen cbloggers (you know who you are, and if not you can pretend you're really in this category, even though you're not): You're all awesome. Even when you're not on the top of your game, you're on the top of everyone elses.
To the CBM: Thanks guys (and gals), you make the day pass even more better. Or whatever the right phrase is. Anyway, it's always entertaining and I seriously can't wait to meet the rest of you. :D
To everyone I haven't seen around in awhile: COME BACK! The community is better with more people in it. Awesome people like you.
To everyone I've met IRL: You're awesome. Pats on the backs all around. Seriously, I can't wait for fucking PAX just to see some of you kids again. It's going to be epic. King3vbo style epic, even though he may or may not be a whiny bitch....but I'll figure that out in a few weeks.
And if you're a new member, or an old member who isn't comfortable meeting strange people from the internet, don't fear. Truly the people on Destructoid are wonderous beings, as I've been to several get togethers, most memorably the Cinci NARP, and have yet to see anything besides awesome people being awesome to each other Bill and Ted style.
Now, back in the day I'd post some lolcats here, but as the internet decides what gets popular, mothers found them and made them all stupid. So, no lolcats, so here's George Burns(the later years) monkey: