So I was searching the internets this morning, and over at drudgereport I found a link to some exclusive, new Resident Evil 6 details. These are EXCLUSIVE and NEW details ABOUT the NEW and EXCLUSIVE game Resident Evil 6. They're so new, and exclusive, in fact, that not even the developers know them yet, because they're exclusively new. Caution, spoilers will follow.

1. "It will be set in the 1800s, in the Old West."

This excites me, because I'm tired of all these "modern" settings for zombie games. Gimmie a six-shooter and "Native American" zombies, let me wipe them suckers off the face of the continent! They're on my land, they have the audacity to try and eat me, and they just don't have enough clothes on.

2. "Two-player co-op was an exciting new feature in five, so much so in fact that we're adding up to sixteen player co-op in this one. Imagine the fun to be had riding around with a "posse" and ethnically cleansing the frontier of "zombies".

Wow! It's like....like, two Left 4 Dead games at once, except everyone is on your side! Keen!

3. "Due to the racial issue of the last game, we've decided to take the high route this game and not make race an issue."

....wait...it's about killing India....Native Americans indescriminantly, and it's not going to be racially charged? Ok, I don't know how that's gonna work.

4. "Two words: Hooker Minigames"

Alright, that's what I'm talking about! Wiggle that stick! OH NO HIT THE A BUTTON TO AVOID THE CRABS!

5. "We've already started working on the multi-player aspect, and because it's set back in olden times, instead of "clans" of players getting together, we're going to set them up as "klans" of players."

Can't you see the unlockable costumes coming together in your mind already?

6. "We believe that people are tired of the "virus" that we've put in the last few games, and that the "zombie" aspect is played out. So the main villian in this game is going to be "rights".

Just like George Bush! Gitmo unlockable level for Mercenaries mode!

7. "In an unprecedented move, we here at Capcom are working with Activision to incorporate a Rhythm game into the main story line. Basically, you're going to be part of a band, and after fighting hordes of peace hating Native American women and children, you'll break out into songs. So keep those plastic guitars and drums close, because who knows when you're going to want to break out into song!"

...really Capcom? Guitar Hero: Old West? Ooooo-kay?

8. "Working with Activision is teaching us that people will buy anything rhythm game related, and so in another unprecedented move, we'll be working with Konami to incorporate DDR style "hoe-down" moves to be used in conjection with the band aspect. Imagine the fun gamers will have dancing, playing fiddle, and shooting Indians."

???

9. "It will be Wii exclusive."

Alright GO WAGGLE POWER!