Hi! My name is Jack Klassen.! I'm a completely ordinary teenage boy from San Diego, California. My interests include soccer, surfing, writing poetry, and luge. I am homeschooled by my father who fought in the Korean War and was exposed to nerve gas. He is kind of crazy but I still love him. We got the Internet two years ago and I started making new friends on Yahoo! messenger. Surprisingly, most of these new friends were older men who wanted to have illegal, underage sex with me. Needless to say, I got a boner like a rocketship and cybersex quickly became my favorite thing in the entire world. Wait, did I say boner like a rocketship? I meant my vagina got as wet as Lake Titicaca. I started saving all of the hot chat sessions I was having with the Pakistanis, lesbians, child molesters and other monsters who were instant messaging me all day and all night, and I decided to put them up here on this website so you can see exactly how disgusting the entire human race is. Since then, I have been in a waterskiing accident that mangled my genitals beyond repair, been diagnosed with cerebral palsy, brain cancer, and Crohn's disease, learned to speak Urdu and French, covered my naked body in superglue, went to French lesbian camp, made a Hindu eat a roast beef sandwich out of my vagina, and ruined perfectly good cybersex for at least one hundred people. Use the menu above to find out more about me and start reading my sexy adventures,
I'm delaying my blog about Bratz Horse Challenge's potential to change the entire gaming industry to get this out of the way and quickly.
10. That one reviewer, the fat one
I don't particularly hate him, but I've lost all respect for him because of his constant eating and writing.
9. That editor that does those posts about that system.
Just because you like to post things about your favorite system doesn't mean you have to do it on the site you write for. POST THAT SHIT ON FACEBOOK, YO.
8. The music editor guy
Rock Band 2 got a score and God of War 3 got a 10 and OH MY GOD IT'S NOT FAIR
7. That community member who's always posting comments
Why you gotta keep responding to me? I post things because I'm right, not because it's up for debate.
6. That one scrub with a name that I can be funny with
Yeah, bitches. You think that with a name like that you're being serious BUT I TOTALLY CHANGED THAT TO BEING FUNNY. Look at me. LOOK AT ME I'M SO FUCKING FUNNY FUCKING LOOK.
5. OH FUCK YOU THIS LIST IS TOO LONG
Like this cat.
tl;dr,baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw people has opinions that differ from mine so I hates them precious.