Hi! My name is Jack Klassen.! I'm a completely ordinary teenage boy from San Diego, California. My interests include soccer, surfing, writing poetry, and luge. I am homeschooled by my father who fought in the Korean War and was exposed to nerve gas. He is kind of crazy but I still love him. We got the Internet two years ago and I started making new friends on Yahoo! messenger. Surprisingly, most of these new friends were older men who wanted to have illegal, underage sex with me. Needless to say, I got a boner like a rocketship and cybersex quickly became my favorite thing in the entire world. Wait, did I say boner like a rocketship? I meant my vagina got as wet as Lake Titicaca. I started saving all of the hot chat sessions I was having with the Pakistanis, lesbians, child molesters and other monsters who were instant messaging me all day and all night, and I decided to put them up here on this website so you can see exactly how disgusting the entire human race is. Since then, I have been in a waterskiing accident that mangled my genitals beyond repair, been diagnosed with cerebral palsy, brain cancer, and Crohn's disease, learned to speak Urdu and French, covered my naked body in superglue, went to French lesbian camp, made a Hindu eat a roast beef sandwich out of my vagina, and ruined perfectly good cybersex for at least one hundred people. Use the menu above to find out more about me and start reading my sexy adventures,
I've seen a lot of hate and fear and misgivings being thrown around due to this "news" article that I skimmed through and read the first five or six comments of but then it reminded me of comments on CNN.com and I poked my eyes out and it's really hard to type but thanks to the little finger grooves on my keyboard it's all good, and I just have to say "Your wrong is so wrong that it's wrong." I mean, is it wrong to make a lot of money? Is it wrong to sell yourself to the highest bidder, and willingly give your body (of work) up for a ten year contract?
I say no. Just step back for a minute and consider the possibilities from this merger. How many prepubescent little cunts are going to get their hearts desire from this? Say what you will but Activision sells buttloads of games. Bungie sells buttloads of games. Together they will sell, literally, assfucktons of games. And while you exlusivists here whine and moan of "oh how could bungie sell out like this oh the huge manatee" just think of what you would do if you'd sold millions of games and got offered a ten year partnership with a company so big that they pretty much imploded the developer that made them the biggest selling game of ALL TIME (not necessarily) and still laughed their way to the bank to pick up their yacht full of money to offer you. Would you say "oh gosh no I have morals" or would you buy a cowboy hat and drop out of a plane riding an atom bomb? I think the answer is pretty clear.
Nothing to do with this, just on the same GIS page as the top image
And just think of the gaming possiblities. From Guitar Halo to Olah (the spanish version of Halo) to Covenant of Halo 4: Modern Warfare 3 to Marathon, Bungie has a lot to offer with it's stable of games. With this signing Activision can offer a lot of support to the Halo universe. And by support I mean it can make a lot of special editions. Think of the new peripherals that activision can make and that Bungie can slap on to their Halo games! There are a lot of unsold plastic Guitar Hero: Van Halen controllers out there just waiting for their chance to be melted down and sold as something worthwhile. And by worthwhile I mean kitty helmet.
As self proclaimed gamers you like video games, right? Then why would you fret about the maker of one of the biggest franchises for the xbox signing with one of the most successful publishers of all times? What, Halo burnout? Do you not like for things to be successful? What are you, an indiefag who only buys games that are made by guys in their basement that have "meaning" and no explosions? Fuck no you aren't. You're a goddamn marketing executives wet dream that will buy anything a company puts out as long as it's presented correctly. So sit down, shut the fuck up, and buy some more games.
Because you will, regardless of what you say. Morals, lol. If you hate it and are sad because "oh their gonna ruin everything" (because you fucking assholes can't goddamn spell or grammar right) think about what would happen if Activision hadn't become a goddamn juggernaut. They've made pretty much the best selling games of this console cycle, and helped push vidja games over the top to become a household staple. Oh sure, they're evil and make money and fuck the little guy out of their IP's and what not, but so does every government in the world and you're not complaining about it. And if you are, so fucking what? It's not gonna change, you by yourself aren't gonna change anything, and all your little "helpers" are going out behind your back to buy the latest Guitar Hero game and Modern Warfare 2.
tl;dr baaaaaaaaaw all you want, you're still gonna buy the games