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About Me
Real name: Mike

Amazing gif!



bleh, man
Age:29
Lives in: Dallas, Tx
Occupation: Mayor of Metro City
Member of: Official Destructoid Beard Club
Consoles: 360, ds, snes, ps2
Hobbies: Games, reading, guitar, drinking

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Old Blogs:
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For Wiisucks:
Hi! My name is Jack Klassen.! I'm a completely ordinary teenage boy from San Diego, California. My interests include soccer, surfing, writing poetry, and luge. I am homeschooled by my father who fought in the Korean War and was exposed to nerve gas. He is kind of crazy but I still love him. We got the Internet two years ago and I started making new friends on Yahoo! messenger. Surprisingly, most of these new friends were older men who wanted to have illegal, underage sex with me. Needless to say, I got a boner like a rocketship and cybersex quickly became my favorite thing in the entire world. Wait, did I say boner like a rocketship? I meant my vagina got as wet as Lake Titicaca. I started saving all of the hot chat sessions I was having with the Pakistanis, lesbians, child molesters and other monsters who were instant messaging me all day and all night, and I decided to put them up here on this website so you can see exactly how disgusting the entire human race is. Since then, I have been in a waterskiing accident that mangled my genitals beyond repair, been diagnosed with cerebral palsy, brain cancer, and Crohn's disease, learned to speak Urdu and French, covered my naked body in superglue, went to French lesbian camp, made a Hindu eat a roast beef sandwich out of my vagina, and ruined perfectly good cybersex for at least one hundred people. Use the menu above to find out more about me and start reading my sexy adventures,





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Also, X-mas Shake(a.k.a. itemforty is teh sex)
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A Cast of Thousands: Tellah
blehman | 2:00 PM on 07.09.2008 12 comments


"You spoony bard!"



These are the words Tellah will forever be known for. But besides those words, Tellah is one of the more memorable characters created for any game. From his inauspicious start waiting for help in the cave to Damcyan to his death at his own hand against the sinister Golbez, he has cemented his legacy as one of my favorite game characters.

You first meet Tellah in the cave from Kaipo to Damcyan. There you learn that he is trying to get to his daughter, who has run off with some damned bard, but cannot due to a monster blocking the tunnel. Being the friendly dark knight that you are, and seeing how you too must cross the darkened caverns you agree to go along with him. Tellah gives you your first real taste of magic outside of Cure and Ice due to him being a wizenend old...well, wizard, but due to the stress prolounged upon him by his daughter's abandonment and old age, he has forgotten most of his spells. However, he's still a helpful, friendly old mage, and helps you though on your trip. Until you get to Damcyan that is.

That's when Tellah loses the "friendly" part, and picks up his "consequences be damned" attitude. That's when Tellah loses his daughter. And to top it off, he lost his only daughter due to the cowardice of the Prince of Friggin' Damcyan, who's love for song drove him out of the throne and into a cape and gay hat. I'd be pissed enough to call him spoony too.



Unable to calm him down, Tellah leaves your party with only the memory of his anger and promises of vengance against Golbez. He's off to find the only magic that can stop him.

Eventually you regain Tellah, as you're on your quest to save yourself. By this time, Tellah has lost all moral qualms about his mission, he's vengence driven only at this point. But he sticks with you and actually gains all his magic back, plus the magic needed to fight the evil Golbez. So he sticks with you, hoping to get his selfish vengence.

Forward to the Tower of Zot, where you finally get a chance to confront Golbez. Keep in mind this is after the party has had to jump through hoops to even get the chance to get to the tower to save Cecil's girlfriend, who is being held captive. After fighting through floors of monsters, you finally reach the top where Tellah confronts Golbez and uses his most powerful spells on him. None are effective. So he uses Meteor on Golbez, which is powerful enough to weaken Golbez, break the mind control on Kain, and puts Tellah on his deathbed.

This is how Tellah is remembered. His overwhelming drive for vengence is the sole purpose of his part in the tale. He starts by trying to "recover" his daughter from some filthy bard. He then tries to beat to death the reason his daughter is dying, the love she had being so great that she gave her life for him. So Tellah switches his anger to Golbez, to a greater evil, but even by him doing this seems like it's for the greater good, his selfish reasons are the only reason he goes after him. He learns Meteor for the sole reason of destroying Golbez, even though he knows if he ever uses it his life is forfeit. He eventually gives his life in vain in the fight against the enemy, his drive for vengance so great that he's blind to it until his dying breath, and passes away lamenting.

And you remember him for "You spoony bard."



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11 comments | showing # 1 to 11
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king3vbo's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/09/2008 15:00
king3vbo
Haha, this is awesome
Spartacus's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/09/2008 15:06
Spartacus
I love Tellah.
Demtor's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/09/2008 15:11
Demtor
Hehe, his glasses are what makes the character for me. Interesting take on the revenge angle. Never gave it too much thought before, but it has been a loooong time since I've played that game.
Chad Concelmo's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/09/2008 15:30
Chad Concelmo
YES! Just ... yes! :)
naia-the-gamer's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/09/2008 15:42
naia-the-gamer
Where did you find that picture of Tellah and Edward? That's awesome!

I have to disagree over the significance of Tellah. Yes his convictions were noble, but did you ever try to level him up much? I got him to level 99 (I'm a sadist) and nearly all of his stats (including magic power) go down. Sure it makes sense since he's old, but when it comes down to it, he turns into your only magic user at one point in the game (I HATED the earth cave with a passion) and a shitty one to boot. As a playable character, he sucks.

It is fun to break the game and feed him tons of Soma drops to boost his MP into the triple digits and then use Meteor like it's Fire 1.
blehman's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/09/2008 15:44
blehman
Ummm...Naia? Did you read the post?
naia-the-gamer's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/09/2008 16:11
naia-the-gamer
@Blehman:

I did read your post. I read it over a couple of times. Maybe I'm missing something. You talk about Tellah's convictions to avenge his daughter regardless of the cost. He takes it out on both Edward and later on Golbez. It's very deep and noble, especially for a game that came out in 1991.

However it doesn't change the fact that I think he's a shitty character to play as. He's weak as a magic user compared to every other magic user in the game. Furthermore he's placed in the earth cave as your only magic user, in a dungeon where you can't wear metallic items and thus your whole party is gimped. Convictions or not, the player can get frustrated dealing with such a weak character (or at least I did).

You're highlighting his qualities, and I'm saying that his horrible traits as a party member overshadow his touching story. We can agree to disagree, but I'm making my piece, that's all :)

Am I missing something?
blehman's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/09/2008 16:21
blehman
@Naia

No, no, don't take it the wrong way, I really like your take on it. I just wrote it to point out that his convictions are not good qualities, but in actuality bad qualities, as his part in the story is just a selfish one-minded quest for revenge to make himself feel better regardless of the party around him until it's too late. Not like most people see him, that is as a bard-beating, lovable old mage.

I didn't even touch on him as a playable character, because as you stated, he kinda sucks. He's helpful in the beginning section of the game, because compared to kiddie Rydia he's more powerful(barring summons), but later in the game when you get him back he's more of a beating then a help. I usually end up with him healing the party.
KyleGamgee's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/09/2008 16:57
KyleGamgee
Yeah, I always thought that Tellah's story was a sad one, and that he and the party suffered from his single-mindedness.

I always thought what he did showed a real lack of respect for what he saw Palum and Porum do.

I mean, sure he got in his one shot, but then he died. He hurt Golbez, but Golbez recovered. I always thought it was pretty futile, and a waste.
KyleGamgee's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/09/2008 16:57
KyleGamgee
Yeah, I always thought that Tellah's story was a sad one, and that he and the party suffered from his single-mindedness.

I always thought what he did showed a real lack of respect for what he saw Palum and Porum do.

I mean, sure he got in his one shot, but then he died. He hurt Golbez, but Golbez recovered. I always thought it was pretty futile, and a waste.
Takeshi's Avatar - Comment posted on 07/09/2008 18:46
Takeshi
Great! <3
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