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7:26 PM on 01.05.2012

Metal Gear Solid 5 Legitimate Box Art

It's coming out you guys! Like Adele to a cake or Cookie Monster to Walter White, I have legitimate sources on the inside of major company's, such as Little Debbie,and Crack Cocaine, a subsidiary of major market seller "I'll Suck Yo Dick Fo These Cheeseburgers Man" INC, that this game will be released and on the market before they realize that jesus christ these books sucked.   read

10:12 PM on 10.15.2011

What is this


10:42 AM on 03.04.2011

Never forget

Also, I miss some of you guys but I have to save up money for this guy from Nigeria. I'm gonna be rich, bitch!   read

10:32 AM on 11.22.2010

Video Games As Art

Deal with it.   read

9:07 AM on 05.20.2010

I Have Countless Experiments and Book That I... Dat Ass...

Girl Cammy-

You know, I really donít want to come off that this line is acceptable by any means whatsoever. Itís this thong that set off a fire of remarks in total disregards to all the points I was trying to make in my last bewbs entry. Keep in mind though, again, while I donít accept this nonsense on my behalf and should be corrected, thereís something that has to be said for this type of digression, a type that can only be produced by the cosplayers.

For people not in the know, yesterday I posted a picture about video game art and what the focus of the medium should be (i.e., Zangeif). In a rush to respond to comment, I made this stupid response instead of what I MEANT to say(i.e., Chun Li).

But it really bothers me that genders are this undiplomatic in public media regardless of environment. Gamers need to understand that these types of random fat people arenít that funny beyond our circle of life. I mean, when are we going to get past this, ďMufasa Mufasa MufasaĒ nonsense as a culture?


2:06 PM on 05.12.2010

APPLE: Enemy of the FUTURE

Itís no wonder that oranges have been taking their aim off the nonsense Fruit Salad market when apple shows up to the tree front. I personally donít own a fruit grove but my brother does. After actually eating some apples myself, the reasons are very clear why they would target oranges, a fruit with such a different taste, that many people often speculate about merger. NOT NOW THOUGH.

Bananas, at an investors meeting finally identifying the fact that Apples are chewing down the very ďcasualĒ market that pomegranates were designed for, ďEnemy of the future.Ē He declared.

From my take on the matter, itís about time we level the playing field with a competitor that takes a real pride in the same fundamental philosophies that apples do. The battle before with bananas and oranges was COMPLETE nonsense and had no honor in the integrity of fruit and innovation. Competitors like Apple are as close as to the day of Aunt Jemimah versus waffles as itís going to get. Eaters need to back Apple and oranges for the betterment of the entire industry going forward, itís very important.

Personally, Iím looking very forward to watching both of those tasty fruits out-innovate each other in order to capture the audience versus todayís condition; where companies are using a constant monkey-see/monkey do tactics in order to manipulate the buyers to buy fruit roll-ups. I am looking very forward to buying both products that these companies release in the future.   read

10:21 AM on 04.29.2010

Bungie and Activision Sitting in a Tree

I've seen a lot of hate and fear and misgivings being thrown around due to this "news" article that I skimmed through and read the first five or six comments of but then it reminded me of comments on and I poked my eyes out and it's really hard to type but thanks to the little finger grooves on my keyboard it's all good, and I just have to say "Your wrong is so wrong that it's wrong." I mean, is it wrong to make a lot of money? Is it wrong to sell yourself to the highest bidder, and willingly give your body (of work) up for a ten year contract?

I say no. Just step back for a minute and consider the possibilities from this merger. How many prepubescent little cunts are going to get their hearts desire from this? Say what you will but Activision sells buttloads of games. Bungie sells buttloads of games. Together they will sell, literally, assfucktons of games. And while you exlusivists here whine and moan of "oh how could bungie sell out like this oh the huge manatee" just think of what you would do if you'd sold millions of games and got offered a ten year partnership with a company so big that they pretty much imploded the developer that made them the biggest selling game of ALL TIME (not necessarily) and still laughed their way to the bank to pick up their yacht full of money to offer you. Would you say "oh gosh no I have morals" or would you buy a cowboy hat and drop out of a plane riding an atom bomb? I think the answer is pretty clear.

Nothing to do with this, just on the same GIS page as the top image

And just think of the gaming possiblities. From Guitar Halo to Olah (the spanish version of Halo) to Covenant of Halo 4: Modern Warfare 3 to Marathon, Bungie has a lot to offer with it's stable of games. With this signing Activision can offer a lot of support to the Halo universe. And by support I mean it can make a lot of special editions. Think of the new peripherals that activision can make and that Bungie can slap on to their Halo games! There are a lot of unsold plastic Guitar Hero: Van Halen controllers out there just waiting for their chance to be melted down and sold as something worthwhile. And by worthwhile I mean kitty helmet.

As self proclaimed gamers you like video games, right? Then why would you fret about the maker of one of the biggest franchises for the xbox signing with one of the most successful publishers of all times? What, Halo burnout? Do you not like for things to be successful? What are you, an indiefag who only buys games that are made by guys in their basement that have "meaning" and no explosions? Fuck no you aren't. You're a goddamn marketing executives wet dream that will buy anything a company puts out as long as it's presented correctly. So sit down, shut the fuck up, and buy some more games.

Because you will, regardless of what you say. Morals, lol. If you hate it and are sad because "oh their gonna ruin everything" (because you fucking assholes can't goddamn spell or grammar right) think about what would happen if Activision hadn't become a goddamn juggernaut. They've made pretty much the best selling games of this console cycle, and helped push vidja games over the top to become a household staple. Oh sure, they're evil and make money and fuck the little guy out of their IP's and what not, but so does every government in the world and you're not complaining about it. And if you are, so fucking what? It's not gonna change, you by yourself aren't gonna change anything, and all your little "helpers" are going out behind your back to buy the latest Guitar Hero game and Modern Warfare 2.

tl;dr baaaaaaaaaw all you want, you're still gonna buy the games   read

12:22 PM on 03.16.2010

Happy 4th, Dtoid

You're old now dtoid lol

Wow. Four years old, bigger than I'd ever imagined, and still rolling. Congrats, Dtoid, you deserve it.

Three years ago, if you'd told me that I'd still be contributing, hell, if you'd told me that I'd still be visiting a website, I'd have told you that you were crazy, who are you, why are you talking to me I'm trying to eat. But here we are.

I know that I've had my ups and downs with dtoid. I've sworn off of it, I've never wanted to leave. I've been more than a little displeased, as well as pleased, with some of the decisions on the site, with the direction of where it's headed, the future, blah blah blah, but when it all boils down, and it usually does, I come back here. All the time.

So, drink up, dear friends, strangers, lurkers. Go to the forums. Write a cblog. Hit up IRC, if you've got the balls or uteruses. Or is it uterusii? Join in on a flamebait Sterling post. Today is your day to do what you want. Just try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot.

Also, cocks.   read

4:49 PM on 03.12.2010


Am I doing it rite?   read

1:04 PM on 03.11.2010

MY Top Ten Most Hated Destructoid Members heheheh Penis

I'm delaying my blog about Bratz Horse Challenge's potential to change the entire gaming industry to get this out of the way and quickly.

10. That one reviewer, the fat one
I don't particularly hate him, but I've lost all respect for him because of his constant eating and writing.

9. That editor that does those posts about that system.
Just because you like to post things about your favorite system doesn't mean you have to do it on the site you write for. POST THAT SHIT ON FACEBOOK, YO.

8. The music editor guy
Rock Band 2 got a score and God of War 3 got a 10 and OH MY GOD IT'S NOT FAIR

7. That community member who's always posting comments
Why you gotta keep responding to me? I post things because I'm right, not because it's up for debate.

6. That one scrub with a name that I can be funny with
Yeah, bitches. You think that with a name like that you're being serious BUT I TOTALLY CHANGED THAT TO BEING FUNNY. Look at me. LOOK AT ME I'M SO FUCKING FUNNY FUCKING LOOK.


Like this cat.

tl;dr,baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw people has opinions that differ from mine so I hates them precious.   read

1:34 PM on 02.10.2010

No, You Listen

Bioshock 2. No controller support on PC.

You tards say that PC gamers should stop whining and use KB+M. I'll tell you why you're a fuckshitcock.

Ok, this is a GAME FOR A PC.

...wait, what was I bitching about again?

Be sure to read the rest of my poorly thought out blogs over on dtoid!


11:38 AM on 02.01.2010

Jim Sterling Blog (a.k.a. Will His Name Alone in a Blog Title Get me Hits?)

James Sterling in his past life as an Anne Rice vampire.

Jim "Burrito" Sterling has a secret. A secret that he's tried for years to hide, be it behind his wife, his country, or his PS3. Because the PS3 is big and black. But to this I say, no more! No more hidden shame, because today I reveal his biggest secret to you, the blog reading community that sits idly by masturbating and refreshing to get the most faps possible out of life. Or whatever it is you call what you're doing sitting there with your pants around your ankles, frantically trying to maintain your erection. You're at work, have some decency for christ's sake.

But I digress.

Jim Sterling has an addiction. An addiction to hedgehogs.

Like this, but with feelings.

That's right. While all of you out there in radioland have been arguing over which console Jim is a bigger fanboy of, he's been busy robbing pet stores of their spiny packages. He then goes to home improvement stores and uses his name and intimidating figure to procur vast quantaties of blue paint. And not only that, but, using the extra money he saves by stealing them instead of buying, he's been getting little tracks that he sets up around his house, much to the chagrin of his wife. After spending hours setting up loops and odd angles that go nowhere and take forever to figure out if you're going the right way and why does he go fast if you can't see what's ahead of you you'd think that they could make a goddamn 3d game worth a fuck how hard is it to go fast and not run into a fucking wall and stop what's the fucking point...

I'm sorry, I got off topic. It won't happen again.

Anyway, after spending hours setting up the tracks, and painting little signs that say "Shag Carpet Zone" in the living room, "Strange Room Wife Disappears to Before Food Magically Appears Zone" in the kitchen, and "The Place Where Poo Goes to Die Zone" in the back yard (he does live in Mississippi), he goes off to the garage where the magic happens. Usually by this time the hedgehogs are dead from being left in a small airless container for the two weeks it takes to set up the tracks, and he has to go back to the same pet store he robbed last time, using the excuse "but they didn't have a price tag on them, how should I know they weren't free". After manually stapling price tags to a few, he gets kicked out of the store, only to return later with a dress on and a sassy attitude. 'Cause no one messes with Pam Grier as Jane Sterling, coming soon to FX.

I'm getting off topic again. Sorry.

After gathering all the necessary ingrediants for his Sonic stew, Sterling then proceeds to paint the hedgehogs using the old tried and true method of putting them in a ladle and dipping them in the paint buckets. Blinded and burning from the toxic chemicals from the old blue material he's using, Jim then loads the hedgehogs into little mine carts, put them on the track, yells "SONIC AWAY" and proceeds to dropkick the cart down the first hill. Yes, dropkick. Both feet off the ground, four feet in the air, wrestling style dropkick. It's glorious, you should really see it. It's like if that really big guy from wrestling, I don't know his name now, they always switch 'em up on me anyway you shouldn't really be watching wrestling anymore don't you know it's fake sure they really do stuff and I bet it's pretty hard to do enough HGH to get that big to go on tv in your tighty whities and touch other men...

Aaaaand that happened. Back on track.

ANYWAY, what I'm really trying to say is this: Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is the worst game ever made.

Thank you. You may now return to your regularly scheduled fapping session.

Who wants to touch our balls?   read

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