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bigboss0110 avatar 4:55 PM on 06.09.2012  (server time)
Quackshot: a forgotten Genesis gem?

Quick, when someone asks you to name great games for the Sega Genesis, what is the first thing you say? Sonic 2? Gunstar Heroes? Barbie: Super Model? Sure, everyone knows THOSE games, but what about Quackshot? "Quackshot? What the hell is a Quackshot? Is that a hockey game with the Mighty Ducks, but you play as ACTUAL DUCKS?! Remember that animated TV show? They had laser guns," I hear you say in response, your mind wandering to nonsensical things. No, my imaginary internet friend, Quackshot is basically Indiana Jones with Donald Duck instead of Harrison Ford. And you can plunge the shit out of people's faces. Hearing this, I know your face has properly been melted, and you are ebaying Quackshot and a Genesis this very second. But since I like to talk, let me tell you why Quackshot is so great, and why it is up there with Flashback and Rocket Knight Adventures as one of the Megadrive greats.

I replayed Quackshot today in order to write about it with a non-hazy memory (it doesn't take much longer than an hour and a half if you know what you are doing). After blowing on the game at least twenty times, it finally booted up, and I pumped up the volume to drown out the terrible hum that comes from my lovely Genesis. After a Raiders of the Lost Ark-type opening cinematic, you press start, and are thrust into the DEEP NARRATIVE; which basically equates to Donald coming across a map to a lost treasure that he wants to give to Daisy so he can get some sweet duck sex. You can fly to different areas of the map; though you can't explore certain places without getting tools from another, so you're gonna have to use the old trial and error approach (or Gamefaqs if you are a dirty cheater). There are many fantabulous places to visit, including: Duckburg, Transylvania, the South Pole, Egypt, and a VIKING SHIP OVERRUN BY THE SPIRITS OF THE UNDEAD. The music is quite good for the crappy sound capable Genesis, and each area has a nice, unique theme. Donald has a gun that shoots plungers, that he upgrades to different colors: you start with the yellow plunger, which sucks donkey balls; the red one sticks to walls that you can bounce off of; and the green one sticks to flying bird penises, so Donald can latch onto them for easy flight (the plunger, not the bird penis). Can't ducks fly?

Anyway, Donald can plunge enemies directly in their smug faces, and if they are wearing a pouch, an item pops out. If it is food, Donald gets health, but if it is a chili pepper, and Donald gets five of them, he LOSES HIS SHIT AND THROWS A TEMPER TANTRUM, KILLING EVERYONE IN HIS PATH. Unfortunately, you can only stun enemies with your plunger, so you have to move past them quickly to avoid damage. You can kill them with your other two weapons: popcorn and bubbles. Yay, game logic. Donald can't jump very well, so you have to work on your timing and get used to how far he can go. The game has some tricky platforming, and some mazes and puzzles that will make you think. It isn't too hard, though you might lose some lives with some of the jumping sections.

The great thing about Quackshot is that it is EXACTLY WHAT THE BOX ART SAYS IT IS. It is literally Indiana Jones starring Donald Duck. That was the original title, but lawsuits and licensing forced Sega to change the name to Quackshot at the last second (a proper citation is needed here). There are mine carts and pulleys and megaphones that will kill you with sound effects. There is a great sense of adventure, and nods to Indy throughout (especially a part towards the very end that I won't spoil here). It doesn't overstay its welcome and is fun to pick up and play and beat in one sitting. Donald has an annoyed idle animation where he winks at the player while his butt feathers point to the direction he is facing, HOW COOL IS THAT? Honestly, sentient butt feathers are enough for me to recommend this game to everyone. Hunt it down for the Genesis or the Saturn and give it a try! You might love it just as much as I did when I was six, and as much as I love it now at twenty-seven.

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