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I arrived on Earth when Zeus let me ride a thunder bolt he hurled from Mt. Olympus in 1983. Upon landing, I tossed the thunder bolt back to Olympus with a note reading, "I'm coming back some day to claim my throne, motherfucker." Then I got laid, picked up a NES controller and the rest is history. Awesome history.

8===================================D ~ ~ ~

Game Boy(not even color)
DS - black (like my semen)

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This is me

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This is Vargas. Of course. Vargas does not drink...does not smoke...does not make love.

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If you want to get your vagina slapped around in some Brawl, here's my code:
0473 7435 0363

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Favorite games (in no particular order):

uno) Resident Evil 4 (GC)
dos) Super Smash Bros.
tres) Raiden II (arcade)
cuatro) Super Mario Bros. 3
cinco) Halo 1 multiplayer
seis) Super Metroid
siete) Megaman 2
ocho) Super Dodge Ball
nueve) Half-Life 2 (along with TF2)
diez) Tecmo Super Bowl
once) Flashback (SNES)
doce) Street Fighter II Turbo
trece) RBI Baseball (NES)
catorce) Ocarina of Time
quince) Soul Calibur
dieciseis) TMNT II Arcade
diecisiete) GTA: Vice City

8===================================D ~ ~ ~

My willy is 4 miles long.
Following (4)  

This is, by far, the funniest shit I have seen today.
The first word is 'shit', so turn the volume down, if you have to.

Well, as you may become aware after looking at this, I am not a huge fan of Dragonball Z. In fact, I don't like it at all. In fact fact, I hate it. The few times I have watched it, the same thing happens: Two people are fighting...well are about to fight, so it seems....and they sit there talking back and forth about why they're about to fight, both looking like they're trying to squeeze a turd the size of the Statue of Liberty out. Then it goes on for a century until the episode ends.

Anyway, I'm taking myself out of this, to save it for some DBZ nerd who actually likes that show. I was initially entering just for the 360, but that's kind of shitty, so I'll use this as an excuse to make fun of that worthless show.

taste it
Photo Photo

4:39 PM on 06.27.2008

Someone took some Quake gameplay footage and made it look like the A-Ha - Take on Me video. Pretty sweet, if you ask me.

Don't know how old this is...if it is at all, but...

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

I've actually never played Quake, so if it's not Quake, don't cast your stones

Since I had to hide my last deal blog, I found a not-so-spectacular one. Micro Center is selling Madden '08 for $10 on all consoles, and $8 on PC.

There may be 1...2 people who may be interested in this, even though '09 will be out in August.


let's hope this one hasn't already been posted

How badass is it that the term "robot legislation" exists and is being commonly used? Pretty badass, if you ask me. As badass as that sounds, it's pretty frightening, as well. It seems that Japan is worried that South Korea will start the inevitable robot/human war before they can, so they're stepping up development of "intelligent service robots"

"Takamoto said the new group will initially focus on expanding the market for simple service robots designed to "hedge risk" - keep grandma and grandpa engaged with life, monitor pets, watch children. "

"But I don't necessarily know that robots should do everything." Yea. You'll be screaming that into the blank stare of one of your own, while it crushes your skull betwixt its hands.

full article

I can only hope Old Glory Insurance starts up soon.

First and foremost, let me say this. I AM NOT a Halo fanboy. My hatred for Halo 2 and Halo 3 is directly proportional in magnitude to my love for boobs, or as some of you prefer, bewbs. In my opinion, boobs are the greatest thing on the planet.

That said, I come from a generation where multi-player only meant friends coming over or going to a friend's house to play a game with more than one player at a time. It meant getting our controllers dirty and stained with pizza roll grease that the host's mom nuked. It meant hitting A & B together and taking one of your friend's extra lives. It meant playing a game with your friends without interruption.

Now, multi-player means putting a head set on, getting online via game console or computer and most of the time playing with people you have/will never meet. It will involve people like 13375NiP3|2, H4XXrK00L or W33Dsmoke420BoNgRiP, instead of Jason or Mark. I don't mean to say multi-player is absolutely terrible now, but (call me old fashioned, or just old) I prefer the simpler times.

For me, Halo 1 is the best multi-playing action I got out of a video game. It surpassed Goldeneye and that's no simple task. I remember going up to my friend's church and seeing Halo for the first time. There were two big screen tv's, a 30" in another room, and another smaller one someone brought from his house. All 16 slots were filled and we had to wait for the game to end for our turn. At first, we weren't that into it. It was just a pretty cool game that you could play with a lot of people....ok, that's cool, whatever. I had no intention of buying an XBOX. Then something happened that would change the game in mine eyes forever.

This, of course, means capture the flag at the map Blood Gulch (I punctuate it like it's a proper noun. That tells you how much respect I have for this).
The following criteria had to be met for a good game of CTF BG:
1. Murder mix. This was our custom soundtrack of slaying music including bands such as White Zombie, Slayer, Pantera, Vision of Disorder, Lamb of God, Buckethead and many more!! Call now to get your Murder Mix today and we'll include a set of earplugs valued at $9.99 at NO EXTRA CHARGE!!!!!
2. Only one vehicle. Warthog.
3. No radar
4. No plasma weapons. Only manly weapons. Pistol. Shotgun. Rocket Launcher. Assault Rifle. Sniper Rifle.
5. Multiple flag. 3 caps. Had to have your flag secure in your base to score.
6. 3 vs. 3 or 4 vs. 4 is the only way to fly.
7. optional: the partaking in the inhalation of plants (hey, man it's college).

I recall so many instances where I swore nothing greater could ever happen in a video game, only to be outshined by something a week later. Our games would always start the exact same way and everyone of us knew exactly what to do. White Zombie's Electric Head pt.1 starts up, we get in our respective warthogs and head for the middle. Full-throttled warthogs with a manned fully-automatic .50 cal on back headed toward each other with one purpose and one purpose only: slaughter.

I can't express the feelings of happiness, frustration, amazement, heart break and temporary hatred for an opposing player I felt throughout the time we played that game. Nothing is more satisfying than hearing a loud thump come from the other room where you know your friend is gritting his teeth trying hard not to let you know how pissed he is that you just did something to make him wish he had never tried to tangle with you in the first place....but you know how pissed he know. The kind of pissed off where you don't talk shit about it, because it happening in the first place is sufficient enough for the time. The look of desperation on the last surviving opponent's face (even though it's hidden behind a mask and non-existent) as you look through your scope letting him live long enough to watch his flag vanish into the distance before you put a hole in his computer is a very pleasant feeling (run-on?). Seeing your teammate barreling down the hillside one hand on the wheel, the other holding waving victory as a rocket screams at his bumper is almost as terrifying as hearing your girlfriend's dad open the front door mid-coitus. The disappointment you feel as you make a brilliant half-aimed half-judged rocket blast at the warthog carrying your flag, just to have it blow up and launch the flag 3 feet from their front door is unmatched.

Here are the things that went wrong in the transition from Halo 1 to 2 (contains lots of sarcasm).
-No pistol. Wow. Congratulations, you took out the best weapon in the game and replaced it with what? Oh, another assault rifle and an air soft pistol. Bravo. F'ing Bravo.
-Warthogs take damage. You've got to be kidding me! Do you remember this video?

I mean what is cooler than launching an indestructible turret-mounted ATV through the air that may or may not land perfectly and keep rolling like nothing happened, especially if you are driving? Nothing. Nothing is.
-The grenades have about 1/100 of the power they had. Then, if a grenade landed anywhere near you, there was one thing you had to do. Run. Now, it's like hurling a pine cone at someone. (pine cones are abundant where I live)
-Heat-seeking rocket launcher. Oh, thank you!! Now, I don't have to bother with aiming to kill someone. What a relief, I mean why should I have to aim to get a kill? That's just too much work. Thank you, Halo 2. I love you.

-You know, there are too many things to say on this subject and the little kids with microphones is a whole other issue I won't delve into. This is about my Halo 1 experience, not about the disgrace and absolute disappointment Halo 2 was.

We didn't only play CTF BG. I swear. We had some excellent custom game modes.
Bird Nuts was a king of the hill game where there were only shotguns, infinite grenades and invisibility the entire time. Chill Out was the best map for that one.
Shit Race was a race, where you had to get the checkpoints before the other team did. I think it was usually 3-5 laps. Only rocket launchers. I can't remember if there were infinite grenades or not. I don't think there were. We would elect one person to drive, one to watch the driver, and one to take out the other warthog.
...just to name a few

In about an hour, I am actually scheduled for a Halo 1 multi-player outing. "At least 3 on 3" is what I was told. People who still prefer Halo 1 and play from time to time get my stamp of approval, child-rapist or not. Work is going to suck tomorrow.

The reason I got an XBOX, as I'm sure was the same reason a large percentage of people did, was for Halo 1. I didn't buy another XBOX game. The only other XBOX game I played was Psychonauts, which is great, by the way, for anyone who has never played it. I don't even feel bad about that. I should, but that game gave me so much, it made up for everything. I remember the first day Halo 2 came out. We started playing it immediately with the same people that always played and one hour later, we were playing Halo 1 again.

Just returned from Halo. I'm hungry.

Halo 1 had its fair share of glitches, which some people hated the game because of. I can understand that, but that's the kind of thing that you have to accept and play with as if it were made to be in there. Everyone took advantage of the glitches. One of my favorites is how you double-tap the reload button and switch to the other weapon and the first keeps reloading. In fact, I probably did that about 300 times tonight not even thinking about it. A glitch I hate is the term we coined "phantom rocket". This is when you fire a rocket launcher while turning and it vanishes like a black man when he sees the po-lice acomin' (no offense). Ooooh the squat jump is great. You can fall from really high and if you time the squat just right, you take no damage. That's a good one that actually requires a bit of skill and practice.

Those Red vs. Blue videos came from Halo 1. How can you not like that?

And this was made.

Damn, that's sweet.

I will say this about Halo 3 that is actually a great idea. The replays. If we had that during our games, I would have endless amounts of entertainment on hand.

Best game ever? Not even close.
Best multi-player game ever? So far. In my opinion anyway.

And to further clarify my love for boobs: