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Community Discussion: Blog by bbrigg1 | The video game flamethrower through the agesDestructoid
The video game flamethrower through the ages - Destructoid






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I arrived on Earth when Zeus let me ride a thunder bolt he hurled from Mt. Olympus in 1983. Upon landing, I tossed the thunder bolt back to Olympus with a note reading, "I'm coming back some day to claim my throne, motherfucker." Then I got laid, picked up a NES controller and the rest is history. Awesome history.

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Systems:
NES
SNES
N64
Game Boy(not even color)
XBOX
PS1
PS2
Wii
DS - black (like my semen)
360
PS3



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This is me


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This is Vargas. Of course. Vargas does not drink...does not smoke...does not make love.


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If you want to get your vagina slapped around in some Brawl, here's my code:
0473 7435 0363

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Favorite games (in no particular order):

uno) Resident Evil 4 (GC)
dos) Super Smash Bros.
tres) Raiden II (arcade)
cuatro) Super Mario Bros. 3
cinco) Halo 1 multiplayer
seis) Super Metroid
siete) Megaman 2
ocho) Super Dodge Ball
nueve) Half-Life 2 (along with TF2)
diez) Tecmo Super Bowl
once) Flashback (SNES)
doce) Street Fighter II Turbo
trece) RBI Baseball (NES)
catorce) Ocarina of Time
quince) Soul Calibur
dieciseis) TMNT II Arcade
diecisiete) GTA: Vice City

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My willy is 4 miles long.
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While the above picture is indeed badass....as far back as I can recall, I have always hated flamethrowers in games. Even when the pyro updates came out for TF2, I had no interest in it. If anything, it would further fuel my hatred for the weapon much like the mechanics of the weapon itself. If you are reading this and remember another game with the weapon in it and say, "well, what about the flamethrower in _____, it was good", this is only about the ones i have played/remember. Whether it be a shitty weapon to use or an annoying one that gets used on me, it receives my disapproval.

not me

1. Contra
Triple flipping through the jungle with Bill or Lance brings about some of my fondest memories but any Contra fan knows the worst gun on there was the flamethrower. Some may argue that the laser was the worst, but at least the laser made a cool sound when fired. Nothing was worse than having the spread and accidentally picking up the flame (which we called it back in the day).
conclusion: crap

this is too sweet not to put in here


2. Army Men for N64
A few friends and I rented this for a few straight weekends in a row and, from what I can remember, the multi-player was pretty damn fun. The flamethrower was a murder machine. This may be the most pleasant experience I have ever had with this weapon in a game. Everyone knew where it was on the maps and a smart sniper would always know where to look for someone. The coolest thing about it was that your plastic ass would melt if you died via flame. It was still a bullshit weapon since it was an instant kill basically.
conslusion: bs, but could be worse


3. Metal Gear Solid 3
Fuck you, The Fury. You ass. I knew as soon as I saw that bastard, he was going to annoy the piss out of me and, indeed he did. "Yea, let's make the flames shoot down the entire 40-yard hallway in the form of flame arrows." It was a pretty sweet character, I'll admit. An astronaut with a flamethrower and a jetpack is a pretty rapetastic idea, if I do say so myself. He pissed me off, nonetheless. I used the sniper I got from The End, so I could get his camo when his stamina ran out, so that was a challenge in and of itself, but when I couldn't see whether I was still on the ground or on my feet because I was engulfed in flames, I wanted to jump out of my window.
conclusion: I repeat, fuck you The Fury


4. Team Fortress 2
In my opinion, the pyro in this game is good for one purpose: getting the WTFBBQ achievement (kill someone with the Hadouken taunt). Other than that, I don't care for the class. Most people just run around holding down the left mouse button like a retard that just escaped from the looney bin. It requires little skill and since I like playing as the spy, it's especially annoying for me when a pyro comes around a corner and randomly shoots a spurt from the gun and ignites my invisible/disguised body. Plus, the pyro is a pussy in the game. I have played a few times as the pyro, it's definitely the lowest played class. I always feel cheap when I'm playing, like I don't deserve any of those kills.
conslusion: rrrtsh rrrrrp (translation = it's crap)



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