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2:20 PM on 08.25.2010

Drastically Overthinking Pokemon

To be honest this is my first blog on D-Toid. So play nice.

The term “overthinking” implies no rhyme or reason for the analyzation of data, and no real benefits or learning come from the experience.

Which bring me to this blog.

Part 1: The government.

Pokémon. How does its government work? This will cover only the first two generation games, because I don’t want to have to write a fucking novel.

The first theory I will introduce is that the Jhoto/Kanto Pokémon League is a government run organization. The only time someone other than you investigates Team Rocket, the frikin’ Pokémon mafia, it’s the champ, Lance. He was sent to investigate the polluted lake, and battle through the underground Rocket Hideout. Controlling pollution is definitely a government responsibility (at least in America), and shutting down crime rings is a job of the police. LOGIC!!

The league is also HUGE, and spread fully throughout Jhoto and Kanto, so it would make sense that it was part of the government. But such a large organization needs cash. Which brings me to my next point.

Part 2: The PokéMart.

In case you haven’t noticed, the healthcare in these regions is absolutely free. So how does it afford this? I propose that every PokéMart is government-owned and run. This can be gathered by the inclusion of a PokéMart section in the Indigo Plateau. One argument against this, however, is pretty strong: it’s not actually labeled as a PokéMart. However, whoever decided to bring logic in a discussion about the governmental inner-workings of a land field with mice who shoot lightning needs to GET THE FUCK OUT. Anyway, it can be gathered that PokéMarts have a large profit margin. I assume that since the sellback price of items is half, and that PokéMarts are a business who wants to make teh moneyz, the sellback price is at minimum the purchase price the PokéMarts have to pay, thus reducing any possibility that they lose money. Based this theory, PokéMarts make double on what they sell in comparison to cost.

Now on to the final useless topic.

Part 3: The Pokémon Mansion Disaster.

My theory is that the scientists who created Mewtwo were hired by the government. This explains the circumstance behind #150’s residence in the Unknown Dungeon, aka the Cerulean Cave. I believe the Elite Four, dispatched by the government to clean up after another branch, fought Mewtwo back into the cave, but were too weak to defeat it. That’s why only trainers stronger than the 4 can enter. The reason Mewtwo stays in the cave is a 2-parter. 1: He knew if he tried to leave the Elite Four would return to beat him back into the cave. 2: He wanted to train so that we he finally tried to jailbreak, he would be strong enough to take down Lance and co. This explains why his level was so high.

So basically, Cerulean City was in fact the center of an entricate government cover-up.

Now that you all have read through all this, feel free to use this knowledge to impress girls and get laid. You are now qualified to put “Pokémon expert” on your resume.

If you actually perform any of the feats previously mentioned, please tell me of the results.   read

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