Hello, cheeel-drun! [insert fallout radio announcer here]

Today I would like to talk to you about a game for the PS3/360 (Wii and Ps2 also have it, but gimpified versions, so we won't discuss them) called:



First, let me tell you that I HATE WWE. As in, I want to kill Vince McMahon, should I ever get the chance and noone would ever know. I'd I'd stab him to death with an icicle while shouting 'You actually PAY writers to write things like Mae Young giving birth to a HAND!?' and the icicle would melt and there'd be no murder weapon.

Not that I've thought about it.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE wrestling. But not WWE. No Bromance wanted. Ring of Honor. Some TNA (non ex WWE ppl with the exception of Christian Cage who really has stepped up since going to TNA). When the wrestlers get out of Vince's control, sometimes you have excellent WWE matches like Rey vs. Tajiri and Rey vs. Evan Bourne (ex ROH alum Matt Sydal); but those are the exception, not the rule.

Anyways, I bought TNA: Impact because I have [u]*HATED*[/u] 2007 and 2008's iterations of the Smackdown franchise.

1. They took away my beloved N64 controls. I'm still upset. Seriously, how hard is it to allow someone to make their own frigging control scheme. I mean, really. In this day and age? Get with it, Yukes/Jakks/THQ.

2. 30 or 32 created wrestler slots. How 1997. We have hard drives. Hello!?

3. Significantly less moves with the reworking to next gen consoles. Weaksauce.

4. Online characters not usable if you put any kind of markings/decorations on them. Double Weaksauce.

5. Match pace is equivalent to a snail slugging uphill in the middle of a blizzard with a shaker of salt on it. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, typical gameplay in 2007/08 consisted of Punch... mash x mash x mash x, repeat for 30 more seconds, get up if no other moves had been done to you. So building a luchadore style match was painfully slow and impossible to do.

6. Couldn't edit superstar's movesets

I purchased TNA, but although the gameplay was EXTREMELY entertaining, the CAW system was horrible. Although the Canadian Destroyer looked awesome. One thing it FORCED me to do was learn a new control scheme. And it wasn't half bad. So I decided to give SvR2009 a try and see what could be done.

I will start by saying that only #5 and #6 are off my list of complaints above. You can edit movesets, and match pace is a bit faster. But there are a lot of plusses that aren't on that list, as well.

1. Create a Finisher - Greg Miller's IGN review hit the nail on the head when he said it's there, but it feels unfinished. I believe they agreed on a set number of moves to work with, instead of really opening the potential of what could have been done. But, most of what folks want is being approximated over at caws.ws (for those looking for created finishers for their favorite wrestler CAWs). Hopefully they will expand on this either by patch (doubtful) or by new monetary iteration (more likely)

2. WCW Roster - That's right, you can make additional rosters and transfer people where you want. Want to put Rey and his homies back into WCW? Go right ahead.

3. Road to Wrestlemania - I actually like this. Seven storylines that are fun and well thought out, that you have to play multiple times in order to collect unlockables. The match commentary is altered to talk about the storylines, it actually feels like you're watching the show (even when the WWE logo and copyright 2008 pop up at the end of that week's storyline, as if the show was going off the air). It's little touches that really make it interesting.

4. Graphics. With the exception of some yelling mouths (their jaw kind of unnaturally hinges as if to imply they are going to suck you in a vortex), the graphics are PHENOMENAL. Just stunning, in a lot of cases.

5. Tag team finishers - This is a nice touch, but implemented rather poorly in some regards. See drawbacks section below. What is super nice is that if you have a stable, you can assign different tag finishers based on who you're teaming with in the stable. Me likey.

6. Career Mode - While it's no GM mode, I really like the ladder climbing you have to do to win all the belts. This mode is simple, but fun, IMHO. I'm totally cool with the lack of story option, half the fun is making that up in your head, anyways. Did I just commit that to virtual paper? Disregard the man behind the curtain. Anyways, I have already made my proverbial provisional persona, Balpocalypse, in the game. But this time, I'm building up the stats of another CAW of mine, a kickass Diva named The Red Menace (she's totally awesome). What's nice and different in this game, is you can take your divas through ANY championship career path. Red is currently my Women's Champion, Intercontinental Champion and ECW Champion. She's Hardcore ;) The only thing I DON'T like is if you try to go for Tag Titles, you don't get to choose who your partner is... that is to say, they give you a list, you cannot choose from anyone.

7. Career Mode Patch - if you are playing as a Create A Wrestler (CAW), then you build your stats by doing things in game. This is kind of cool RPG style, but you'd have to do it with EVERY wrestler and it will take, to perform some gimmick infringement, for-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvvvaaaaaaaaarrrrrr, Junior. So they are releasing a patch to allow you to mod all your other CAWs' stats once you've finished it once.

8. DLC - extra costumes, arenas and wrestlers. Awesome do it. If they were smart, they'd offer the entire roster of superstars from ECW, WWE, WWF and WCW. ALL of them. Take the Rock Band approach. They won't do it, but it would be nice!

Wow it sounds like I'm glowing about the game at this point. And I would have to say I AM pretty satisfied with it, actually. But I do know that's the 'new wife smell.' Or is that 'new car smell'? I always get those two confused.... I know that eventually, several drawbacks I've noticed will eventually leave me pining for a more complete experience.

Here's what I have noticed:

1. Online hasn't changed in four years. At all.
2. See complaints 1-4 above
3. Two, maybe three interactive submissions. That's it.
4. Create A Finisher (CAF) is from the front standing position ONLY. So don't think you're going to be able to make submissions of any type, or anything complicated, really.
5. Once you drop/slam an opponent in CAF, you're done. It forces you to end the move. So no, you can't Piledrive someone three times (yes, I really wanted that.)
6. Still a limited number of moves, down from what even SVR 2006 had.
7. Still no way to manually change targets of who you are facing. This year's auto targeting system seems to be a little better, but I still like my manual option.
8. AI is still retardedly lame. I'm not asking for skynet, folks; but I would like a *challenge* from the computer.
9. It still takes 3 finishers to pin someone to the mat, even with the 'finisher damage' slider set to max. It's called a 'finishing move' for a reason, otherwise it would be a 'signature move'
10. Custom ring entrance music is almost unbearably loud. I'd listen to what you were saying now, but my ears are bleeding.

So, in closing, it gets a passing grade. It's kind of like Eugene. It has GREAT wrestling potential, but when all is said and done, ends up being a little 'yellow bus special.'

Just like me.

Six and a half out of ten robot heads of domination and destruction.



that is all.