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11:41 AM on 03.26.2011

The Most Definitive Sucker Punch Review EVAR. 1800+ words and pictures

I watched Sucker Punch yesterday.

Here are my thoughts

Let me know what you thought here or there.   read

1:15 AM on 01.06.2011

1500+ word review of DC Universe Online Beta

Can be found here:

that is all.   read

12:17 PM on 03.17.2010

OMG, King3vb0 is in newest Mega64!

Imagine my surprise as I'm stumbling around the tubes this morning and I happen upon DToid's very own King3vb0 in the newest Mega64!

I dunno why exactly he said his name was something else, maybe he was incognito.


King you're internets famous now!!!

GRATS!   read

9:20 AM on 02.27.2010

A (mostly) comprehensive Heavy Rain review.

I had originally retooled it for display here, but apparently the site thinks somehow I am spam, with no indication of what it objects to.

So I guess you'll have to read it here.

that is all.   read

1:30 PM on 11.23.2009

My bi-monthly post: Dragon's Age: Origins the Anti-Jimpression Review

First of all, the goods:

The platform: PC.

I want to preface this by saying I love Jim Sterling. But in this one particular instance, when he reviewed DA:O, he complained about things that were actual SETTINGS (in case and point, just to name one, he could never find quest waypoints. There's an app for that. I mean, setting.)

I bought this for PC because I wanted the isometric view, and did not want the toned-down difficulty. Plus I wanted to be able to access the mod community.

Ok, so I'm officially 62 hours in. If I had to guess, I'd say I'm 80% through the main quest. I'm running out of places to go besides Denerim, but without spoilers, I will say that the Ogrimmar (dwarven city) portion is quite extensive. Also, I found a bug. There is a apparently a memory leak in the program, so if you run it for a very long time, the load times begin to approach 4 minutes. The solution? Save your game, exit out of the program and relaunch. Pretty simple.

I am still enthralled with the story, which is pretty amazing because it IS pretty standard tolkien-esque fare. I think my only real complaint is that I have my core party down (I use Allistaire, Morrigan, myself and another mage.) and with that said... I don't like it when I need to change! I have close to...8 party members and I only use 3 of them nonstop. But I also think that could be a personal thing.

The combat system is flexible enough to allow you to play how you like. Me? I'm a micromanaging bitch. You! Go there and stay the FUCK there! You! move over here and cast cone of cold. You! Sneak around behind those bitches and backstab them until their backs look like an old Tom and Jerry Cartoon, and that darkspawn just drank a pail of water. Only blood.

Blood spatter is... well, it's unintentionally funny; especially when you're trying to have a conversation with a noble and someone's spleen is stuck in your hair.

They keep finding the right mix of tactical combat vs. story for me; it doesn't hurt that there are over a million lines of text to read; and trust me when I say I have read every single codex entry that I have found. Plus it doesn't hurt that you get xp for finding them; but the reading is completely optional. I wouldn't trade it for anything; I really think I have a pretty good feel for 'the world' as it is, because of it.

Re: The DLC:.

Stone Prisoner: It took me an hour-ish to get through, it was an amusing little side-quest. As for the character you receive, he's middle of the road ok to good at best. Once you've played through the fade sequence (in the main game), you'll get all the things you liked about it in an NPC, but toned down. They also have an amusing story about his size, so that's kind of funny. The voice-over work is again, really good, and not at all what I was expecting. (A pissy golem, who wouldathunk it?)

Blood Dragon Armor - I'm level 15 with most of my characters; and I think my tank (Allistaire) has been using this for maybe... 7 levels now? Delicious. It also doesn't hurt that if you has the gold, you can buy multiple copies of it. Also, it will apparently transfer over to Mass Effect 2. Interesting. Plus, it doesn't hurt that it LOOKS BADASS.

Warden's Keep - buy this, and do it immediately. It'll take you probably a good couple of hours if you're dedicating time to it, but the reward is a never-ending chest that you can store infinite things in. Should it have been in the normal game? Meh. It is what it is. And it's crunchy and delicious; really well done. It also has non-spoilery a couple things you can't get anywhere else in the game. Just be sure to be thorough, however, because once you've completed the quest, you cannot return to the inside of the area. Also, when you get to 'the choice' in this (again, non-spoilery), I'd actually tell you to take the righteous choice. I took the mercy choice, and I have nothing to show for it. It would seem better to travel the road I did not (I'm a softy!.. except when it comes to demons. Then I lie to their face, and then kill them. I'm a double-dealing-dousche-to-demons.

Is this Duncan in a rare bit of downtime, or Yoj1mb0 sprinting to buy another fighting game?

Return to Ostragar - This one comes out at the end of the month of December; and I have to truly wonder how many people will really be done with the game by then (besides me). But at $5 and you get to fight in that massive battle... it's an interesting spin on DLC; as usually DLC takes you places *outside* the preexisting game, and here you get to revisit a key moment.

Final Verdict: Don't listen to Jim (this once). If you are a fan of RPGs, even if you're a diehard JRPG fan, this WACWGTFOOCWAASDRPG* will knock your socks off. Well worth the money spent.

I give it five out of five creepy King3bvo heads.

*(Western Action Combat We're Getting The Fuck Out of Control With Acronyms and Specialization Designation Role Playing Game)

that is all.   read

12:31 PM on 10.19.2009

An intended discourse on replaying games that you've red-headed stepchild(ed).

I checked the back of my box to be sure, Y0j1mb0 and I both definitely have

on the back of our boxes; and as such, I'd like to discuss a problem I've found I've had for the last several years: Game Completion.

First of all, this isn't an emopost™. I'm not complain-posting about how I have a life and I don't have time to play games yadda yadda. I'm stating that I am an adult with very large time constraints put upon me by my own doing. I am VP of a credit union, I have a side business doing website design. I DM and play in 2 D&D games per week. And I have to sleep in there, too. So there IS a limited amount of time that I can dedicate towards a game. And that may or may not be a contributing factor to what I'd like to discuss today.

You see, I have had an odd tendency over the years: I don't replay videogames I've beaten.

I find, once I've beaten a game, that it is very difficult for me to muster the gumption (that's a euphamism for sex in Louisiana, in case you didn't know. Tell your friends. Muster the gumption.) to pick it up again.

I used gumbo here because gumbo shares the first three letters with gumption, and isn't gumbo really just sex in your mouth with seafood? I think we all know the answer to that.

Let me use a recent example:

Demon's Souls.

I cannot extol the virtues and rewarding gameplay of this title enough. I contend that it's perhaps one of the greatest games ever published in North America within the last 10 years. AND THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY TO GET EVERYTHING THE FIRST TIME THROUGH.

And herein lies the rub for me. It took me 37 hours to beat it. My skill is WAY up, and I rarely die 'stupid' (on my part) deaths anymore. I'm a heavy-duty character, and my confidence in my demon-slaying skills is way up there. But I find myself burdened by the fact that I know what I have to do now to get the things I missed; which is start at square one once more and retrace my steps for the entire game. And that really doesn't appeal to me. It seems like a heavy burden as opposed to something I look forward to.

Another example:

I imported this game from Japan and played with the Japanese client in Japanese for 3 years. Then, my compy crashed and I had to get a new system. I switched to the PS2. I couldn't migrate my account to the NA servers. I played for two more years, never coming close to reaching where I was initially; again the burden of having to do the same thing over surmounted my enthusiasm to play the title.

A final offering:

I started playing CO on day one. In exactly 30 days, I max leveled a character (lvl 40). It's still a launch MMO, so other than grinding monsters for character costume parts that would only unlock on the character I have already perfected (hence, no desire there); there's no endgame content yet to speak of. I LOVE the game, and I have 7 other characters around level 20. But do I really want to take them to level forty; just doing the same thing again? No; again, the burden of knowing exactly what I have to do surpasses my enthusiasm to play the game.

Generally I try to invest in games that have infinite replayability, like Call of Duty 4 (I never did get the gold cross, it was too much!). Or I'll just take forever and NOT beat the game (FFVII, FFXII, Burnout Paradise) until I really have exhausted EVERYTHING there is to do.

I don't watch movies a second time (unless I REALLY love it), and I don't play videogames again after I've beaten them, unless there is some online component that makes it different. But even then, sometimes I don't, unless I feel like I'm making progress and the gameplay is just blow me out of the park. (Call of Duty 4 is a gem to me specifically because I beat single player, I achieved double rank prestige in multiplayer, but the game is that I keep on playing, even today, even tho I'm not gaining anything.)

So like I said, this is not

emo-post™ central.

What I am interested is hearing your opinions on whether you replay games and/or why you do/don't.

It's cawfee..let's tawk. Discuss.

that is all.   read

12:44 PM on 09.14.2009

Beatles: Rock Band: A Dialogue between friends.

The following is a real conversation between myself and King3VBO about Bealtles: Rock Band. I think it summarizes my feelings more than anything. Also, please play RB: Beatles responsibly and do not drink yourself into a stupor so you pass out during the middle of a song. [/psa] [/speakingofthingswhichIknownot]

did you get Beatles: Rock Band?

Of course
I loves me some Beatles
and subsequent Rock Banding

you know
I have so very mixed feelings about it. And they aren't subtle.
I am almost moved to tears at some of the songs; the presentation and visuals are amazing
but I feel gypped at 41 songs of 2.5 minutes or less.
(on average)
I don't feel gypped on the production values at all. I think it's horribly engrossing and fascinating; even the unlocks are great. I have no qualms about the game AT ALL, just the content (or lack thereof)

its short
but... so fantastic

yeah, and I think that's why I'm so torn.
It IS fantastic.
I can say NOTHING bad about it.
but the bear Jew in me is crying out 'foul play!'

playing I Want You (So Heavy) is like a religious experience

lol yes
and While My Guitar Gently Weeps

oh yes
oh god yes

and for me, Sgt. Pepper/Little Help from my Friends is probably my favorite song on the disc.

So Heavy is my favorite song just because... it is. But Sgt Pepper/Little Help is probably number 2
It's just so much fun to sing

I was surprised, there were quite a few I didn't know.


It's still a great experience; I am just not sure fiscally if we are getting enough songs. What do you think?   read

11:50 PM on 07.03.2009

I dreamed a dream, and then it was real. (NVGR, but PA related, d&d related and WIN related)

Someone pinch me because I feel like Susan Boyle. Only not looking like her. And not coming in second. I think I need to work on my analogies...

So, I've been mostly away from dtoid for a while because of work. I post sporadically, but a lot of time has been with work and a bunch of side projects I've been working on.

One of those projects is that I've become an Apple Developer for the iPhone/iPod touch. I made a little program with the help of two other wonderfully talented individuals called iNit Non iTunes folks can read about it here.

It's an initiative tracker for D&D or any other RPG you can imagine. After playing with a virtual tabletop for so long, when I finally went back to sit down at the table for real with a local group, I had a problem keeping track of everything. So that's where the idea came from.

We had a bit of hiccuping at the start with a crash bug, but we got the update online today, so I started a small guerrilla marketing campaign; giving away some codes here and there.

I sent some emails and included my phone number... and was working away at the credit union when my phone rings and I'm not recognizing the number AT ALL.

And the next thing I know, I'm talking to Jerry Holkins, aka Tycho Brahe from Penny Arcade. For 35 minutes!
He was really nice (I was freaking out a bit) and he said to me at one point, Mark, keep your shit together, Mark. And I laughed. We geeked out and I told him where I saw the program going and he offered some suggestions as well.

We also geeked out about role-playing and tech stuff and I was just floored. I don't think even reporters get 35 minutes of one-on-one time with those guys, but Jerry was extremely nice and had some great ideas. And he was on vacation, and still took the time to call me. I am floored, still.

All I can do to summarize my day is reflect upon the words of, I think, the voice of our generation, one Mr. Ice Cube:

I have to say it was a good day...

that is all.   read

12:53 PM on 06.23.2009

Hey dudes from White Stripes and Led Zepplin... Shut the F**k up.

I saw this story spammed across all the major news sites today:

If you haven't seen it, I'll spare you the story. Jack White of the White Stripes and Jimmy Page of Led Zepplin said the following about music rhythm games:

"You think of the drum part that John Bonham did on Led Zeppelin's first track on the first album, Good Times Bad Times," Page said. "How many drummers in the world can play that part, let alone on Christmas morning?"

Ok, I see his point, but he's obviously missing the point of the genre. The point of music GAMES is to PRETEND you are John Bonham, not to BE John Bonham. Otherwise we'd be in a band. Making real music. Some of us professionals don't have time for all that.

Then, the other guy (I sort of hate him; hated him before now, really hate him now) said the following:

"It's depressing to have a label come and tell you that [Guitar Hero] is how kids are learning about music and experiencing music." While he added that he doesn't try to limit "which format people should get their music in…if you have to be in a video game to get in front of them, that's a little sad."

You know what, Zack White?

That may seem an over-aggressive response, but it's people that have such a limited and narrow worldview that really gets my blood boiling. HOW people get your music as long as you get it in front of them? From sooooo many standpoints, his comment comes across as nothing more than egotistical, elitist bullshit. Let's break it down with the outline points:

1) You're a musician. Your job is to create something (music) and get it out to as many people as possible.

2) You're a businessman. You've already sold out, what do you care if you get another revenue stream?

3) You're a PR person. You have spoken negatively about a huge and growing cross-culture of fans, and a genre that introduces people to your music.

4) How could you possibly think, in the society that we live in today, that exposing people to music is bad no matter HOW it's done? With our schools consistently shrinking their programs for bands and music, as an active musician yourself, if you cared about your craft and truly wanted to see it grow, you'd encourage learning about it in every form and way possible.

Instead of sitting back behind your wall of RIAA nazis, look at bands and business models that aggressively seek to get their music in front of as many as possible. Reznor and NIN (whom I admittedly love) have done an excellent job of this. Releasing albums online AS WELL as traditional bricks and mortars, but to boot aggressively pricing their product to the point that it is TOO CUMBERSOME AND TOO MUCH OF A HASSLE TO PIRATE.

But, let's steer this back off the music industry's outmoded and outdated forms of thinking. We were talking about how Zack White *should* want everyone to have and hear his music.

But instead, he holds himself to an elitist pedestal placing himself above all those *pshaw* 'sad gamers' who happen to probably overlap with his fans, are mothers and fathers of the next generation of children yet-to-be-exposed-to-his-music and create more revenue streams that will allow him to retire a wealthy older man.

Page, I can see, doesn't get the point. I suppose what irks me even more is that Gamespot titled their piece [url=']Rock Legends rail against Guitar Hero'[/url]

Gamespot, what the fuck are you smoking? Page? Legend. White? Not even close. Come see me in 30 years and we'll see if anyone gives two shits about what Zack White has to say.

Now if you want to compare and contrast an educated statement of why not to have your songs in a music game, look at Prince. He cited his main reason for not wanting to list his songs as 'principle,' with the following explanation:

"I just think it's more important that kids learn how to actually play the guitar. It's a tough instrument--it's not easy. It took me a long time, and it was frustrating at first. And you just have to stick with it, and it's cool for people who don't have time to learn the chords or ain't interested in it, but to play music is one of the greatest things."

Now that, my friends, is an educated statement. He chose to think about his message and principles, and deliver something that stuck to his guns, but wasn't derogatory towards anyone.

I, for one, won't be purchasing any of the White Stripes tracks that evenutally WILL one day come to a music genre game. Not because I don't enjoy a few of the songs, but because I have a habit of using my money NOT in a way that supports douchebags.

By the way, if you doubt the validity of my personal opinion of Jack White, feel free to follow along with the example picture and flowchart provided.

that is all.


6:56 PM on 06.22.2009

Someone's got a case of the Mondays.

You know what? I'm bored.


not even

I mean Samuel L. Jackson

motherfucking bored.

And I don't swear. Much. Unless I've got the popeye suit on. But I digress...

See, here's the deal. I've got shooter A, shooter B, shooter C, shooter D... I am Michael Bay fatigued.

I've got Little Big Planet, from which I'm suffering from terminal cute fatigue AND terminal 'oh my god it will take me six months to make a level so I don't even want to boot the game' fatigue.

I can't play Rock Band by myself. It's against my religion. Stealing my spotlight.

Fallout 3 is fantastic, but there's soooooo much to do, still. And just meh. I have this catalog of games that just sits here, staring at me.

It asks me "Whatcha playin', Ash?' and then I'm stepped on with the OTHER giant robot foot. (continuity for those keeping up.)

It looks like someone's got a...

What's to be done? Well first, this is actually not just a pictogram post for those that aren't past the age of 13 and cannot stand to read. I have a point.

The point is this: videogaming, like every other industry on the planet, is cyclical. Comics are a prime example of this. When things are on a down cycle, invention and new storytelling ideas are brought forth. Once the upswing for the industry begins, stagnation in creativity sets in, leading to another eventual decline. Market analysis and trending helps extend the upswing as long as possible these days. Noone wants a repeat of the 80's crash.

And to an extent, videogaming is the same way. As I have gotten older, I sort of do trending with my friends, informally, of course. It seems we all 'fall out of games' for a while, and then come back bigger and badder than ever.

I have to say, after last holiday season's barrage of games released, I'm actually fatigued. I'm finally finishing all these games I wanted to play back then, and now I'm feeling blasé about the whole thing. Work, side projects (like my new iphone app (insert shameless plug for iNit here), starting up 3 other companies AND running/playing in 4 d&d games a week has sort of left me... not wanting for the current crop of games coming out. It probably didn't help that I plowed through *2* plays of infamous in 3 days.

And now...really.. until Beatles Rock Band, Modern Warfare 2 and Dragon Age: Origins, there's not much out there I'm interested in. But I know, as the summer heat wanes, so, too, will my case of the Mondays. And then it will be time to hit the controller just that much harder.

that is all.   read

5:14 PM on 02.19.2009

ƒl0w3r - A short review. Language Warning.

That Game Company (I always think of 'that 70's show'), the same company that brought us
has been hard at work for the PS-Triple putting together another very unique game called:


The setup: You're not dust on the wind, much to Kansas' chagrin (RHYMING, I HAS IT). Instead, you are a petal gently blowing on the breeze. If you wanted to do nothing more than use the game as an aesthetic simulator, you could do so; warm gentle breeze playing through your surround speakers, marvel at the pretty hi-rez pictures.

Oh ho, don't be fooled, tho! As Samuel L. Jackson would say, Pizza, Pizza, Motherfuckers! as he detonates the bombs strapped to his waist, killing all the terrorists.

What that has to do with 'flower' is not entirely clear, other than it is a vague attempt at an analogy to show that there is much more to this game. It uses the Sixaxxis controls to steer (pretty responsively) the petal in 3D. The interesting part is that this is secretly....

...wait for it...

That's right, this game is a racing game in a flower-coated shell. It has a track, namely the unopened flowers. And the more you hit, the faster you go. The wind whips behind you and in all your horrific 600 HP (that's Horse Petal) engine bears down on the course. Of course, there's no lap timer, you can take all the time you want in the world. But there is a course, and there are checkpoints (end of levels).

But don't let that fool you; it is a beautiful game that as everyone's favorite Beardtoid put it, in his nearly unintelligible Indigo Montoya accent, "Nearly a religious experience."

This game pushes the envelope of games towards art. It's that good. I think there is a strong narrative; the game sucks you in, but manages to keep making you think not only about the mechanics and the confines of which you play, but also about WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?

And that's where I'll leave it. I don't want to spoil the ending, but it's part existential and part philosophy. I believe That Game Company has made a genius of a casual/short/open game that pushes towards art.

I give it four out of five beardtoids.

(I'd give it five if it was longer, fyi.)

Also, addendum, I've been locked out of the site since the |-|@ç|<3R incident, props to Hamza for helping me get back in.

that is all   read

11:19 AM on 12.26.2008

Miss Suzi via Dtoid = sucky sucky?

When I woke up this morning, I found this in my inbox:

How are you and how is your work hope all is moving fine.i seek for honest partner and i meet you at and it was interesting and attractive then i drop by to know who this was, i will like to know more about you. if you wouldn't mind you can reply my mail.
i will be very glad to read your mail with all pleasure. it will be nice to meet you and also read from you. please do honor my invitation so that we can exchange our pictures and maybe become partner.
Remember the distance does not matter what matters is the love we share with each other.
i wait to hear from you soon.

Kiss Regards Miss Suzee

(Picture not included)

Just wanted to give others a heads up, as I'm not looking to 'partner' with anyone spamming via dtoid.

Also, Happy New Year!   read

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