An Epic tale of victory and defeat. A tale, the likes of which, has never been told. A tale underscored by Disney show-tunes sung by a chorus of Zombies...


Epic 'Stach

Prologue:
It was a dark and stormy night, a night that evil lurks in the shadows and heroes lie awake, terrified by what may be lurking just outside their door. I had just spent many perilous hours on the road, steering my steed though rain, and lighting, and gun fire, and explosions, and bears having sex with sharks having oral with crocodiles and a robot Tyrannosaurus Rex to reach a safe haven and attempt to sleep for the night with one eye open. Upon reaching my fortress of solitude, I was greeted with a hail from my cockass of a little brother, and a peace offering so I would not punching him in the teeth, of an Xbox 360 controller and a match with his already established party inside the world of Left 4 Dead. Exactly my kinda of game. I accepted, sat down with the controller in hand, and prepared for an epic battle of epic proportions and epic slaughtering ensued.

Chapter 1: The First Challenge.
(Dropping the "epicness". It's too hard to type like that, you know, with imagination? F*ck that stuff.)

I played on my little brothers LIVE account: SillySassy. Once the game started, it was pure bliss. We all laughed and cried. I can't remember how many times I heard screaming into the headset, followed by laughing and jeering from the other team. I had so much fun with this group of guys. (Blehman, ZekethePlumber, ArcticFox, CLIMAXOne, UB3RSLUG, and a lot more I can't remember. I feel bad, but if I played with you, leave a comment on here and I'll make sure my cockass of a little brother adds you for next Friday! You guys were incredible!) We made it all the way through until the rooftop of No Mercy and that's where we all died. But, even though that was disappointing, these guys made the game much more about just having fun, no matter whether we win or lost. It was just a blasty blast all around. And working together in the subway just inside the level on the stairs to take out 3/4 of their team felt incredible. We just rocked it all! The last time I had this much fun was when I got drunk on my birthday and sang Karaoke to "Killing Me Softly" while I couldn't feel my own ass. It has been such a blast to play with you guys, and I really do hope I get to play next week with the same batch of people and hopefully new ones that are just as equally awesome!

Chapter 2: Late Thank-You's
I want to thank Niero and Destructoid for creating a site like that. I don't know how long I've waited for a community like this, and I'm so glad I have found it when I did. We all love video games, good times, and meeting new friends. So, basically, I'd do dirty things to the Destructoid staff with my mouth. I love this place and the people so much, so thank you, Thank You, THANK YOU!

Chapter 3: d

d

Epilogue:
Chad said my name in this weeks Retroforce Go! and he pronounced it right! I squealed like a little girl when I heard him ask my question, but more on Metal Slug tomorrow. Right now I'm going to get back to playing my DS and my Pokemon Pinball.



In other words, I'm going to ... You know...STFUAJPG

QUICK RANT:
Niero, Please please please fix the way Safari publishes stories. It really cocks it up pretty bad. And not in the good, lemon-party way. I mean like the guy getting the jar broken inside his rectum cock-up. The glass cuts Niero, the glass cuts.