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5:58 AM on 05.30.2009

Goodnight and Sweet Dreams. I'll see you on the other side.

It's been a long time since I checked in on you, and now... this... .

To me, this MxO is like the ex that you know you should hate, but you had so many good memories together, you could never not love. She was always being mistreated, always catching a lot of undue harassment from the popular crowd at school, but she stuck through. And while she may have been a crazy bitch at times, in the end, she's just the sweet girl you always knew, and will always love.

My Career in MxO started when I was a Junior in High school. I just got out of school for the summer, and had finally saved up enough money to buy a new video card to play the game. I remember jacking in for the first time without the video card, only to find that all the enemies were black and white, and any realizing that any blue pill seeing that would be lose their sh*t and die. So, after inserting the new graphics card, I was on my way. I remember when I was first contacted by Agent Grey, and when I choose to align myself with the machines. Now, As a machine, I fought for the humans that remained inside the simulation, and those selfish Zion terrorists were going to destroy Humanity. And I'd be damned if I let that happen.

From there, I remember running some of the same missions over and over for the machines, building my reputation and experience, and while at times it got tedious, the grind was always more fun when you had friends to help you out.

I remember I had joined Method, and at the time, I was a no body, but for some reason, a random guy started helping me out. A lot. Today, I can't remember his name, but he was the one that kept me in MxO, and he introduced me to a woman who would be at the center of a lot of things in the world of the Matrix Online Player Community. Through her, I was able to mingle with a lot of influential players, and eventually, garnered enough of a friendship with these individuals to level me up to the level cap. Level 50. And that's when the fun started. As a level 50, I could hold my own if a battle broke out against the Zion's, which was almost an everyday occurrence over the hardline and surrounding area named Mara Central. Mara C, in Beta, acted as a player gathering spot, and usually, the event's would occur there. I remember I jacked in once to find Morpheus speaking in metaphors about his crazy blahdy blah-The man was a lunatic.

I played as a sniper, and I laid down support anytime someone got into trouble, even figured out how to one shot people who didn't keep their guard up in a war zone. And I can't tell you the satisfaction experienced when you catch a cocky Zionist with his pants down. As a matter of fact, I remember sniping Ghost... Of course, I couldn't kill the guy, but the satisfaction that I hit a Dev was pretty awe-inspiring. Also, I've never experienced a fear and an exhilaration like when I would run from agents. These bastards would two shot you, easy, and even as a machine-aligned player, you still had to play by the rules, and some areas you just weren't allowed to go to. Those were the area's that were fun to play in. Super Jumping, to this day, still remains one of my most favorite experiences in any game, ever. The first jump, you never make, but in my case, I laughed all the way down.

I've played through the merging of the servers, the assassination of Morpheus, the assassination of the assassin. The subsequent rise of the E Pluribus Neo, the terror of Anome. I killed I don't know how many Exiles, and splattered Zionists brains all over the hardlines in almost every corner of the game. I was there when Neo's body surfaced in code. I was there when we fought back the Merovingian forces and the Zion's to take back 01(A construct). I've played the hell out of MxO, and I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything.

It's a shame that some of you Dtoider's never really got the chance to play this game. I know that those that did never really dug the game, but I can tell you, she was as sweet as candy when she wanted to be. She'll always be the one I loved first. So, to all those who played it, remember those good times and carry them with you as you continue you fight against whatever enemies you have.

To all those that didn't give her the time, you really did miss out.

Goodnight sweetie, and sweet dreams. I'll see you on the other side.

MalakAlhaq - Machine - Recursion

P.S. I may just jump in just so I can get my RSI pretzeled into oblivion, just one last time. If you Dtoider's care to join in the festivities, look me up.   read

4:25 PM on 05.27.2009

Destructoid TCG UPDATE: D:E.K. MANUEL!

So, here's the basic set up for D:E.K.
Players: 2-3 players
Deck size: 50 cards, no more no less.
Deck Limits: No more than 2 of any card.
Initial Draw: 5 card draw, No more than 7 cards in your hand at any time.

Objective of D:E.K.
As a player in the card game, you are a blogger on the website and you have to try and score points through posting blogs while stopping other players from scoring with your comments. Calling upon the aid of Editors, Trolls, and other community members alike, you could quickly rise above the common fray of the ordinary bloggers to become a Gent of the web, or you could fall victim to the world around you and become the worst troll ever to happen to the internet. It's your choice.

Turns are split up into, what else, phases:
Draw phase
Writing Phase
Post phase
Score phase

Play Area:
Each player has 5 "In-writing" zones with which he/she may fill with 1 blog per turn during his/her writing phase.

The Main action of the game will be played out on the "front page": an area all the bloggers share which has 5 slots for which bloggers to play their blogs in their posting phase. Players must place their blogs on the corresponding "in-writing zone" behind the front page slots they wish to publish (place) the blog in.

Gameplay Breakdown:
Gameplay revolves around scoring points, and you can only do that by publishing blogs on the front page and making sure they stay there, while cutting down other bloggers with comments that are trying to do the same. So, we'll go phase by phase, functions of the cards, and give some scenarios.
Draw Phase: Draw a card.
Writing Phase: Used to place ONE blog card face down on an "In-writing" zone behind the slot he/she wishes to publish his/her blog in on the front page.
Post Phase: Used to post comments on an opponents blog or own blog or used to publish blogs from the "in-writing" zone. Can publish multiple comments or blogs in one turn.
Score Phase: Used to accumulate points from blogs in which you published and control. (Meaning you have the last comment on the card or it's not contested.)

Functions of the cards:
Blog Cards: Used to score during the players "scoring phase". Point accumulation can be halted by opponents comments.
-Blogs have a writing period to wait in the "in writing" zone until they can be played based on their point value. (100-300 pt blogs - Wait 0 turns. 400-600 pt blogs - wait 1 turn. 700-900 pt blogs - wait 2. 1000-< - wait 3 turns).
-Each Blog is assigned a Karma, and depending on your overall Karma presence (Those blogs in your fail pile and active blogs on the front page) will you be able to play certain tier 2 and tier 3 AID cards.
-Blogs can trump one another on the front page, meaning a blog taking up slot 1 on the front page worth 100 pts can be trumped by a blog worth 400 points in which the 100 pt blog would be sent to the owners fail pile. Comments score are NOT added to the blog when being trumped, it's straight up blog v.s. blog when attempting to be trumped.

Comment Cards: Used primarily to halt opposing players from accumulating points, but can also set a standard of comments in any blog (Preferably the owners). There is no wait time on posting comments, and they range from FAIL comments to 1000 point comments. (They are meant to trump one another. 200 beats 100. 300 beats 200. So on and so forth. Fail trumps everything, however is trumped by everything as well. *Fail comments do NOT add to the score, because they are fail.*)
-During the scoring phase, the score of the comments is added to the score of the blog. (A 400 pt blog with a 300, 400, 600, 900, and a fail comment gets 400+300+400+600+900 pts, which = 2600 points if the last comment is the owner of the blogs comment. If it is the opponents comment is the last comment then at the end of the owners posting phase, the blog with the comments is moved to the owners fail pile. (blog and comments get sorted to the owners)
-In the result of a stalemate on a blog card, the card remains idle (Meaning it still takes up the slot, but it does not go into the owners fail pile) until one of the players can break the stalemate with a higher leveled comment card.

Aid Cards: Used to aid the players with scoring, dealing with opponents, and/or other various tasks within the game. Can also be used to boost the overall value of a comment card, or subtract from the overall value of the blog card.

How It's Played:
Beginning of the game, both players decide 100,000 pts be the Goal. They shuffle the decks and get to work.

Player 1 draws a card. Places a blog face down in the "in-writing" zone behind slot 1 on the front page. Ends his turn.

Player 2 draws a card. Places a blog from her hand to the front page in slot 1 worth 200 pts with a - karma. Player 2 accumulates 200 pts. and ends her turn.

Player 1 draws a card. He published a blog from his "in writing" slot 1 zone into front page slot 1, trumping player 2's blog worth 200 pts with a blog worth 400 pts and + karma, sending her blog to her fail pile. Player 1 accumulates 400 points and ends his turn.

Player 2 draws a card. She publishes a blog from her hand into front page slot 2. This Blog has a point value of 300 and a - karma. Player 2 posts a comment, valued at 100 on player 1's blog. Player 2 accumulates 300 points for her blog and ends her turn.

Player 1 draws a card. He post a response comment on his own blog, valued at 300 points, trumping player 2's comment and saving his blog from being moved to the fail pile (graveyard). (The alternative here is if Player 1 didn't have a comment card to beat player 2's, the blog would be destroyed at the end of his posting phase, before his scoring phase). Player 1 posts another comment on Player 2's blog valued at 700. He accumulates 400(blog score)+100(Player 2's comment)+300(Player 1's comment) 800 pts, adds that to his already 400 and he's sitting at 1200 points. Player 1 ends his turn.

Player 2 draws a card and places a blog in her to "in-writing" zone behind slot 1 face down. Player 2 cannot play any comment card to save her blog, so the blog is lost to the fail pile. Player 2 does not accumulate any points.

So on and so forth, until the game reaches 100,000 pts. and the winner is victorious.

Cards look like this...

D:E.K. Blog Card breakdown:
- The Yellow Stripes: Marks the Tier of the card. This is a Tier 2 card.
- 200: Marks the number of points you would receive per Score Phase.
- 2: Marks the turns that the card has to spend in the "in-writing" zone.
- The white "-": Marks the Karma of the Blog.
- GTFO and following text: Effect of the card.
- Obvious: Blogs are played Sideways on the frontpage! :D

D:E.K. Comment Card breakdown:
- FAIL: Marks the value of the card.
- Yellow Stripe: Marks the Tier. (Tier 1 Comment)

D:E.K. Aid Card breakdown:
...It's pretty self-explanatory. :)

I do not have any artwork to fill the white spaces for now, because I wanted to focus on the gameplay first before I got artsy fartsy with it.

So, what do you think?

Also, it's getting a little late, so I'm sorry if I seem incoherent. I'll be back soon to clarify anything.
Also Also, these rules are subject to changes. Most things are final BUT NOT ALL!   read

3:45 PM on 05.24.2009

Unofficial Dtoid TCG Update: (Most) Everything has changed...

Last week, the Unofficial Destructoid Trading Card Game: Flame Wars was announced. Now today, the TCG formerly known as Flame Wars is now unnamed. What stands in it's place, is an acronym.

D: E. K.

But, what does D:E.K. mean? How is it relevant to the TCG I've created?

Well, that's something I'd like the community to participate in. This game is about you and I'd like to hear what you think D:E.K. should stand for.

Names should be clean, nothing like "ear-fucking kittens" or anything like that. Come up with as many names as you want to, and at the end, I'll pick the ones I like the best, and the community will vote for which name they would like to see be adopted as the Official name of the Unofficial TCG.

Of course, there will be a prize in the works for who ever gets the winning name. The contest will end on May 27th at 12:01 a.m. so get your entries in fast!

Now, it wouldn't be any kind of PR if I didn't have anything to add about the game. D:E.K. is now an intense, strategic, and very quick-paced TCG, which is easy enough to pick up in one play though. However, don't let that fool you, no matter how you build your 50 card deck, you'll always have a weakness the other bloggers could exploit. Do you go comment heavy, to block the opponents points? Do you go Blog heavy to score more? Do you choose to be a troll or a gent? And depending on these choices, you could control the front page, or, fade into oblivion.

Your choice.

Take a gander at a sneak peek of the cards.

The Back of the Cards! *subject to change*

Blog Cards!

Comment Card

Aid Card

Also, from now until May 27th, I'll be accepting user submitted entries for Aid cards. As long as they are balanced, I'll include them in the DEK card game! Or, if they require a bit of tweaking. ;)

Download the .PSD

Until next time, Chiiiiiildren!   read

5:00 AM on 05.17.2009

Announcing the Unofficial Destructoid: FLAME WARS TCG!

Announcing, at a very inconvenient time, the project I've been working on over the past couple of days!

The Unofficial Destructoid: TCG, otherwise known as
Flame Wars
Name Pending

The game is very much still in it's infancy, pre-alpha (Is there even such a thing?), and way too soon for any prototype to be released. However, I have very big plans for this little TCG and I've locked down a good set of rules to make this TCG/RPG worthwhile and, in my mind, fun for everyone participating. Just to give you a little glimpse, here's a bit of information for you.

Back Story:
The year is 20XX.
Years ago, you were known for your acts in cyber-space. You held a position of authority and respect, one that you were proud to carry, and one that you were sure you would never lose...

Now, due to an unfortunate run in with fate, you have nothing. Your life is pointless. You have no dreams, no goals, no future. You browse the web, desperately looking for opportunities to rise back to stardom, only to find that you are seconds too late, which might as well be Eons.

Hopeless, ruined, and forgotten; that is your destiny.

But, on one fateful day, you find your beacon of hope. You find and within it, the keys and the foundation to start a new identity. To build yourself back up, to conquer your foes, and claim your rightful spot in the internet volumes as an IG; an Internet God.

Defy your destiny and wage wars against the Internet Gods, and become "Internet Famous" once again.

In FLAME WARS You're an Internet has been, looking for a second chance as stardom. Using stored up hours (hrs), you can write own blog posts, forum submissions, comments, challenge other players to FNF-Offs, and even call in some special community favors. Through the use of Karma, you can choose to pursue a path to become a revered Destructoid Editor, or feared as the Greatest Troll Ever in the history of the Internet. Build up your points, build up your Karma, beat back your foes with a stick, and claim the victory that is laid before you in DESTRUCTOID: FLAME WARS!

To finish:
Past (Character) Cards - 5
Activity Cards - 10
/Blog Cards - 10+ | 10-
\Short Blog Cards - 5+ | 5-
Forum Cards - 5+ | 5- | 5 ()
/Comment Cards- 6+ l 6 - | 4 () Completed 10/10 - Completed
\Quick Comment Cards - 2+ | 2- | 2 () Completed 6/6 - Completed
Community Favor Cards - 5+ | 5-
Specials- 10
FNF-Offs Challenges - 10



Completed: 16 /113 Total 14/79 + Deck 14/79 - Deck

In any case, if your interested, I've set up a tumblog to catch the information that I'll be dropping over the course of the next few weeks. I'm looking at a June release date, and to anyone that can predict the right day, I'll give you something special. ;D

Also, I'm completely open to suggestions. I'm not a professional when it comes to designing card games, so any suggestions, questions, or concerns you have, please tell me on here or email me!

Until next time chiiiiiiiildren!

Special thanks to:
The GHost
Twister1988   read

1:02 AM on 05.12.2009

10 cosas que son bastante aseada sobre BAHS (10 things)

10. I'm a lover of Trading Card Games!!

I pretty much love Trading Card Games. Almost as much as I do video games, and there is much joy explosions when they come together. (Think Pokemon TCG for Gameboy ColoH MY GOD!) It started with my older brother and the first generation of Magic The Gathering. I just loved how everything worked and felt, and at the time, I didn't know what I was becoming. Little did my brother know that he had given birth to a monster. MTG wasn't for me though, and it wasn't until I came across the Pokemon TCG that I became to realize I had a problem. I've still got my holographic mew card from the premier of the first Pokemon Movie, along with the Dragonite too. But with that card game, I was all about collecting. But when Yu-gi-oh Got released, I was all about trading and demolishing my opponents life points. Hell, I even competed regularly in a local tournament and won! But, all things must come to an end, and it was about the time that the Structure Decks started to come out that I gave up on it. (That and my cards got stolen...) Now, I'm desperately searching for a card game that will satisfy me. I've looked into I don't know how many, and I've now stumbled across Lackey to help curb my need. I've started to get interested in the EVE CCG which I'm sure now has been discontinued, but if you're interested in trying it out, email me!

9. I'm a HUGE Mobile gaming fan!

Not so much cell phones, but they work. I've always loved having a portable gaming device. I had the giant cinderblock of a gameboy, I had then upgraded to a Gameboy pocket (So slender, so beautiful.) I never really had an interested in the Gamegear and never heard of the NEOGEO pocket until I was older, so I didn't really bother with those. I then traded up to a Gameboy color. I fell out of it for a few years until my senior year of Highschool. I purchased my first system with my own money, a DS lite. I used the money I had to buy it and Kirby's Canvas Curse, and since then, I've never looked back. I've recently purchased an ipod Touch, and find the gaming library severely lacking.

8. I have been bitten by a squirrel...

Yeah, long story short, the ungrateful bastard didn't know I was trying to help it. So it bit me. And I killed the mother f*cker.

7. I don't have many gamer friends...

I'm kind of an anomaly in my department at school. I'm a big theater person, so all the people I hang out with... Love... theater... To the point where they randomly break out in the theme song to Rent of Wicked (Truth be told though, I love Wicked. :3) They all accept my gaming hobby for what it is, but they don't really understand it. I can't walk up to them and discuss the intricacies of video games, and how they can make you feel things, just like a theater experiance can. Video games just aren't that way for them and I accept it. They all understand it's fun, but that's about where it stops.

But, I can thank Destructoid for hooking me up with some friends that love video games just as much as I do, Twister1988, and Jackal27. Go check they're stuff out!

6. I'm going through a retro-phase...

It funny that I owned a bunch of the older systems, but I can't recall more than five games that I used to play on there regularly . Games off the top of my head that I can recall playing when I was smaller. Go!
Super Mario Brother 3
Super Mario Allstars
Super Mario World
... Umm....
Urban Strike!
...umm... ... d...

I know I played a lot more, but I never really appreciated them. So I'm going back and playing through the games that I missed out on, or played but remember nothing about. Currently I'm working on Chrono Trigger, mostly because it was released on the DS, and partly because It's supposed to get awesome. (Which, I'm still waiting for...) Also, many thanks to the Retroforce crew for aiding me in my quest. I love you all. Podtoid... Meh.

5. I find current gen games lacking in... Everything...

With the advancement of technology, I figured that we would see new games with better game play elements and better stories. Games made with a mutli-million dollar budget better be worth it, but I find in most current gen games, it's like they stuck their hand in a very small hat with three folded pieces of paper. Most games all have the same characters and the same plots. There's little difference in games like Halo and Mass Effect, where there should be a huge crevice. Gamers shouldn't have to choose between the two games for their best game, because it SHOULD be like comparing Oranges to Lettuce. They should be able to choose they're favorite genre of game, and stick to it, not this "OMG KZ2 iZ A HALOZ KYLLER! SO BALLA1" or from the opposite camp "HALOIS DABESSTS GAMES EVER!!1!OMGHEADSHOT!" That's why there is so much flaming because the gaming companies are all competing for the same market of people, not trying to become a better game developer, It's all about their Babylonian exploits and how many times can they change something little to the "space marine" formula to success.

4. I like Final Fantasy VIII over Final Fantasy VII...

Call me a hopeless romantic, but I thought most things about Final Fantasy VIII was better. Yes, Squall was an unlikable shit, yes the materia system in VII was awesome. But, when it's all said and done, I believe Final Fantasy VIII was better and a much better conclusion. I understand all the hype that surrounds FFVII, and I'm even a victim of it, but I think that all around, VIII was a better game. Now, to be fair, I'm not saying it's the best one, because I haven't played them all.

3. I hope a game makes me cry...

I now try to be completely engrossed in games, and in a lot of cases, I'm let down. I find that the older games had much better tear jerking moments than games now do. There's of course a few exceptions, like, COD:4, Fallout 3, Ikagura, and Windwaker, just to name a few. If you really want to know which games, most are over there in my profile.

2. My favorite period of gaming: The N64 Era...

No matter how many times I stare in awe at games now and games past, the N64 will forever be the system that brought about my love for games. When I first got the winged cap in Super Mario 64 and went flying through the first level, screaming "To Infinity and Beyond!" while my babysitter laughed at my enjoyment. I'll always look back and that is the system and that time period that hooked me into what I now consider a passion of mine.

1. It's pronouced, "BOSS"

BAH is my initials, and I've always searched for a justifiable nickname to be known as on the interwebs. Firstly, I've gone by a lot of names. I think the first one I ever created was for Neopets (Anyone remember the Fuzio?) in like 6th grade which was something like SepirothXX26. I then moved on from that to just whatever objects were around me at the time. Oldtoaster87, BeatupFord, Awkwardbonerinclass, etc.etc. My senior year, I was given the name brecksher by some friends of mine in my English class and it tried to stick, but like spaghetti thrown against the wall, it didn't really stick. Thus, a new pot of spaghetti has been thrown, and that pot is named Bahs.   read

3:00 AM on 03.21.2009

Friday Night Fights: To Be a Silly Sassy

An Epic tale of victory and defeat. A tale, the likes of which, has never been told. A tale underscored by Disney show-tunes sung by a chorus of Zombies...

Epic 'Stach

It was a dark and stormy night, a night that evil lurks in the shadows and heroes lie awake, terrified by what may be lurking just outside their door. I had just spent many perilous hours on the road, steering my steed though rain, and lighting, and gun fire, and explosions, and bears having sex with sharks having oral with crocodiles and a robot Tyrannosaurus Rex to reach a safe haven and attempt to sleep for the night with one eye open. Upon reaching my fortress of solitude, I was greeted with a hail from my cockass of a little brother, and a peace offering so I would not punching him in the teeth, of an Xbox 360 controller and a match with his already established party inside the world of Left 4 Dead. Exactly my kinda of game. I accepted, sat down with the controller in hand, and prepared for an epic battle of epic proportions and epic slaughtering ensued.

Chapter 1: The First Challenge.
(Dropping the "epicness". It's too hard to type like that, you know, with imagination? F*ck that stuff.)

I played on my little brothers LIVE account: SillySassy. Once the game started, it was pure bliss. We all laughed and cried. I can't remember how many times I heard screaming into the headset, followed by laughing and jeering from the other team. I had so much fun with this group of guys. (Blehman, ZekethePlumber, ArcticFox, CLIMAXOne, UB3RSLUG, and a lot more I can't remember. I feel bad, but if I played with you, leave a comment on here and I'll make sure my cockass of a little brother adds you for next Friday! You guys were incredible!) We made it all the way through until the rooftop of No Mercy and that's where we all died. But, even though that was disappointing, these guys made the game much more about just having fun, no matter whether we win or lost. It was just a blasty blast all around. And working together in the subway just inside the level on the stairs to take out 3/4 of their team felt incredible. We just rocked it all! The last time I had this much fun was when I got drunk on my birthday and sang Karaoke to "Killing Me Softly" while I couldn't feel my own ass. It has been such a blast to play with you guys, and I really do hope I get to play next week with the same batch of people and hopefully new ones that are just as equally awesome!

Chapter 2: Late Thank-You's
I want to thank Niero and Destructoid for creating a site like that. I don't know how long I've waited for a community like this, and I'm so glad I have found it when I did. We all love video games, good times, and meeting new friends. So, basically, I'd do dirty things to the Destructoid staff with my mouth. I love this place and the people so much, so thank you, Thank You, THANK YOU!

Chapter 3: d


Chad said my name in this weeks Retroforce Go! and he pronounced it right! I squealed like a little girl when I heard him ask my question, but more on Metal Slug tomorrow. Right now I'm going to get back to playing my DS and my Pokemon Pinball.

In other words, I'm going to ... You know...STFUAJPG

Niero, Please please please fix the way Safari publishes stories. It really cocks it up pretty bad. And not in the good, lemon-party way. I mean like the guy getting the jar broken inside his rectum cock-up. The glass cuts Niero, the glass cuts.   read

3:07 AM on 01.04.2009

I hugged David Hayter and the rest of the MGS Cast...

And they needed it... They hurt on the inside...


It's all improv, and these guys really do a good job of staying in character with this. It's a little long, but piss off, this is brilliance.   read

7:26 PM on 11.22.2008

Acting 101: Play Video Games.

Theater is a dying art; and as an actor, that's a hard pill to swallow. There are potentially a million reasons why theater is going extinct. Some people say it's because of television, or because people no longer want to see local talent as opposed to watching big names in multi-million dollar productions of "Alvin and the Chipmunks" or "Sex in the City". Some people claim that theatre just isn't what it used to be.

In my acting class at the beginning of the semester, my new instructor made a very interesting assertion; "Theater is a dying art and actors are no longer needed because people have video games to do what theater used to do." And I had to take a step back because I was at a loss for words. My professor had just said that my two greatest passions are entirely conflicting, and that video games are a reason why theater is dying. I sat through the rest of the class in a daze, I never really thought about it before, but they do. Video games do things that theater is meant to do, that it's supposed to do, and as technology advances, it's only going to get worse for us actors. But, then something else hit me. I couldn't be an actor without my experiences in video games.

And It all started when I actually let myself be completely immersed into a video game. And that game was Call of Duty 4.

For those of you who haven't played it yet, please stop reading, and go play it. Now. I don't want to spoil it.

I never had enough money to buy an Xbox 360 of my own, but my little brother received the console the month I moved out of my house. Kinda shitty, huh? Anyway, I would come home and play it every now and again, playing Halo 3 or Assassin's Creed, whatever game that was out that I thought would be mildly entertaining. It had to be enough to take my mind off of my shit grades I had that semester at my new school. One day though, my little brother felt sorry for me, and decided that I could take the 360 back to my apartment and play it for a week. And just my luck, Call of Duty 4 had released a few weeks earlier, and I thought "What the hell, right? It could be fun to kill a few hours with..." So I rented the game for a week from Movie Gallery and drove home eagerly awaiting a few mindless hours of playing through another mindless FPS.

I got home, loaded the disk, and expected to be mildly entertained, as I am with most FPS's. But something was different. Yeah, the opening scene was amazing, but that wasn't enough to pull me into it. And sure, in the beginning when my team mates died, I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel any loss, I just thought, "Well shit, more of the baddies are going to shoot at me now." But, by the time I had to rescue a downed helicopter pilot, I cared more. I don't know why, but I started to get scared for my life and the pilots. While I was running back for the rescue chopper with the pilot on my shoulder, I thought everything was going to be honky dory. So, I get in the chopper, thinking to myself, "I'm going to get a medal for that save," I toss a few frags at the enemies that tried rushing the chopper as it was lifting off and feel a smile slide across my face as I see them be blown back by the concussive force of the grenade. Time to get the hell 'outta dodge.

Then, I look off into the distance. I hear screaming over the comm's. The screen goes a blinding white, I feel it in my hands as my chopper is hit by a shock wave. My heart starts racing, and I don't know what to do. I see a fellow soldier be thrown from the chopper as we spin out of control, and everything is engulfed in flames before I lose consciousness and everything goes black.

And I wake up in a different world. I see the team mates that I had grown to value, dead. I see the pilot that I rescued, dead. I stumble to the ground outside of the chopper, looking to see if anyone had survived only to see dust and ashes. I can hear broken chatter on the communication link, and I think I've survived. My breathing starts to be in sync with the sounds of the soldier's breath. I can hear my heartbeat in the speakers of the television. Slowly, I turn around to see only what I knew what was going to be there, the horrific mushroom cloud, and I whispered to myself, "Oh my god..."

Suddenly, my sight starts to crane back, and everything goes white. It took me a few minuets to realize it, but when it did, I couldn't stop staring at the screen. I just died. And not just me, everyone I fought with shoulder to shoulder, died. It was then I realized that tears had started to fill under my eyes, and that my mouth was dry from being slack jawed for five minutes. I had just experienced death.

From that point on, I fell in love with falling head first into video games. I started to replay games that I hadn't touched for years to see what kind of emotions I could get from them. I felt terror as I took on the Los Ganados in Resident Evil 4. I felt like a hero when I finally conquered the Combine in Half Life 2. I felt compassion and sorrow for the deaths of the Colussi. And I felt love when I met the companion cube, and sorrow when I had to kill it. Well, maybe not the last one so much...

In my way of acting, I call on images, sounds, and feelings that trigger certain emotions. So, when I need to feel compassion, I could conjure up the images of Alyx or Eli Vance, depending on what kind of compassion I would want. When I need to feel evil, I could conjure up the images of Kefka or Sephiroth. What it boils down to is that video games allow me to expand my "library" of emotions, and without them I'd be just another expressionless actor on stage

Video games have allowed me to feel things I never could on my own, and for that, I have to thank the creators. Sure, video games and theater don't necessarily go hand in hand, but both give me a chance live and grow through the eyes of another human. And whether it be on stage or through the television, my two passions have allowed me to live and grow as my own human being.

Side Note: Check out the Gallery for my Halloween Costume. Yay for almost a month late!
Second Side Note: Neiro, why does the spacing f*ck up when you publish a story using Safari?   read

4:59 PM on 08.17.2008

I'm Giving Up School to Pursue My Dream to Become a Professional Gamer.

I was so inspired by Mr. Blake Peebles, that I've decided to take the plunge myself and show the world what I'm really made of! By playing one of the most festive games ever, Elf Bowling.

The almighty 300. That's what I'm aiming for every time I load in one of my 5 different copies of Elf Bowling for the DS (Back-ups just in case I break due to my awesome skills). My former dreams of trying to get into the game industry the hard way? Actually graduating with a degree and go in to work for a company? Only pussies do that.

Man, I'm tired of going to school for a degree, when my calling is obviously mowing over Santa's little helpers with a bowling ball. Man, already, I've dropped all of my classes, I've already started my daily regiment of breakfast at the crack of noon, consisting of a fruit roll up and a pepsi. Move right into 8 strenuous hours trying to strengthen and develop my throwing hand. dinner is a bowl of spaghetti O's, a bologna sandwich with MAY-O (Who actually spell's out mayonnaise? Pussies do, that's who.)

And then, another 8 hours working on my form. I end the night with rough regiment of jazzercising with Richard Simmons, my hero, and then masturbate to pictures of Ms. Clause listening to "Jingle Bell Rock". I don't have time for women, I'm just to busy, but I do want to introduce my favorite little friend!

This, boys, is the way to live. Now, I need to go because my mom wants me to go take out the garbage.

Pro-Elf Bowling League for Life!

Also, for those of you who think I'm an idiot without a back up plan, I have my shaq-fu skills to fall back on!

Also, Season's Greetings.   read

12:39 AM on 08.14.2008

I Love Me Some DS Homebrew: LoneWolf DS

Do you remember those Choose Your Own Adventure books?

Because, I sure as hell do. They used to be such an incredible idea to me, even thinking about them now transports me back to 6th grade, to the time when I could read at an 8th grade equivalent and be damn proud of it too.

Goose-bumps? Pshaw.
Harry Potter? Pleeeease.
gamebooks, motha fucka!

If you're like me, then you'll find this weeks DS Homebrew game interesting, Lone Wolf DS.

The Lone Wolf Series is actually a collection of over 28 gamebooks, penned by Joe Dever that got it's start way back in the 1984. The Series ceased publication in 1998, but the dedicated fanbase created Project Aon in 1999 and converted many of the books to a format to be enjoyed on the interwebz. Since then, the series has been struggling to get back into the lime light, spanning from computer games, a table top RPG, a MMORPG, a FPS and even a movie! But, sadly, nothing's seen the light of a public release.

That's where the designer for LoneWolfDS comes in. This man (Who's name I can't find) was looking for a concept to develop code for the NDS Homebrew scene, when he stumbled upon Project Aon and the Lone Wolf Series. He developed an engine that would allow the players to be "really immersed in the story" and not have to worry about silly things like, you know, action.

The story revolves around you, a young monk of the Kai Lords. And, after an assault on your ancient fortress by an seemingly unstoppable evil, you must make your way across the land to warn your king, and that's where your adventure begins, but where it ends, is entirely up to you.

Holding the DS like a book (See Ninja Gaiden DS, or Hotel Dusk), you battle your way across the country of Sommerlund. And when I say battle in this instance, I mean clicking a button that says "fight!" and pray to god you roll a high number. I'm not going to lie, for the action junkies of today's youth, you may not appreciate or "get" Lone Wolf, but for people who can immerse themselves into stories without having two thumbsticks and at least one gun in your hand, you may appreciate Lone Wolf DS.

It's not extremely engaging. But if you dabble in table top games, this will be the best thing since homemade Chicken Noodles.

The whole experiance feels a lot like a table top game, compacted down, and tied up into a nice little package, even adding a mini-game or two into the mix to break up the monotony of making crucial decisions to get to the end of the story.

The best thing about this project is that it's a very well polished homebrew game, allowing you to become completely immersed into this world, despite the limited interaction with the surroundings. Not only that, but it presents us with a very compelling thought, "Can we create our own stories with this engine?"

The creator has stated that the engine will become available after he feels he's done with the lonewolfDS series, but two in and another on the way, it may be a while before we could create our own epic gamebooks

My overall opinion on it, I'd say it's definitely worth a try, especially since it's such a polished package. If you don't like reading, or dislike passive interaction with your video games, I'd say you might not enjoy it very much. But, I DID enjoy it, and I hope you download this little gem and start thinking of your own epic gamebooks to publish! I know I've already got a few ideas! Dtoid Gamebook, anyone?

Download Here

Previous ILMSDSHB:
Protein DScratch
Still Alive DS   read

5:40 PM on 07.25.2008

Up-DStes : Square Enix's Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days

Square unveiled a new website for their upcoming game, Kingdom Hearts 528/2 Days. Now, I can't read moon-speak but just hearing the music and thinking about the prospect of playing a new Kingdom Hearts on the DS is enough to make my pants damp.

When I first heard about it Kingdom Hearts, I HATED the idea of Final Fantasy-esque characters mingling with the likes of Disney. Because that's how fucking hard core I was. I thought that it was the worst idea to come out of the company (This was before I knew about Tom Sawyer). Against my blessing, my little brother picked up the game and after spending a few days with it, he talked it up to being the next best thing ever, ever. After several days of listening to my little brother rave about this... "thing"... I finally, I gave way, and fell head first into the game.

And I LOVED every. frickin'. minute. I even loved the Gummi Ship! YEAH, EVEN THE FRICKIN GUMMI SHIP WAS AWESOME!

Oh, I could spend hours with you...

Sadly, my PS2 died and I never got the chance to pick up and play Kingdom Hearts II (I did watch the last cut-scene on youtube). But, I did pick up Chain of Memories for the GBA and I have to say it's one of my favorite GBA games of all time. (Although, I did miss the trips in my Gummi Ship.)

Now, Square Enix has been very short on details about the game since they announced it was in development a year ago. Thanks to the website, we know the game is now in the hands of H.A.N.D., the team that developed Final Fantasy Fables: Chocobo Tales. The game will follow the story of Roxas and the mysterious Organization XIII.

iFlamboyant Hair styles? Check. > 1 Zipper per article of Clothing? Check. Must be a Sqeenix

One cool feature I've heard about is that the game will feature 4-player Coop multiplayer, following a story separate from the single player campaign. I'm not sure if this means it will make use of the DS's Wifi capabilities or remain local, but I'll keep my hopes up.

The game is set to come out in Japan in 2008, with no release window for the US or Europe, however, the devs have said they plan to release the game outside of Japan.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to my favorite new RPG, Final Fantasy IV which I'm sure I'll have something to say about later.

-Via [NWR]

[NOTE: The title is a typo. I mistyped "updates", and found the result clever, so I kept it.]   read

4:18 PM on 07.22.2008

Officially Unofficial Destructoid DS Theme

Now that Final Fantasy IV is out, I'm sure you will be putting your DS through a lot of use in the coming days/weeks. So, how about you bring a little piece of destructoid along with you? Introducing the Unofficial Destructoid Theme for you DS.

Download HERE

Walk through for installing themes on your R4:

1. Make sure you have the latest update for your R4(At least v1.18)
2. Install the kernel on to your DS.
3. Open up the folder named _system_ that should be in the root directory (The first menu that pops up)
4. Copy the folder "Theme 07" that you downloaded into Themes.

* In Themes, you will see 12 folders marked THEME01, THEME02, etc. The number corresponds to the month your DS calendar is set at. For instance, it's July now, so if you wanted to see the theme for July, you would select and open THEME07.

5. Boot up your DS.

If you did it right, you should see your brand new shiny Dtoid Theme!

Hope you enjoy it!   read

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