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12:53 AM on 08.17.2015

I'm like "I wanna know what love is. I want you to show me." But she's like "I just think of you as a friend." Cruel fate.


12:01 PM on 10.01.2014

My Favorite Game: Final Fantasy IX. Or why Dale North is cray cray.

So Dale supposedly doesn’t like Final Fantasy IX. I don’t believe that. That’s like a music lover not liking Queen or Michael Jackson. When Dale first played it, there must have been something wrong with his Playstation that corrupted the game. Or maybe he had the flu, and it caused feverish hallucinations that warped his impressions and memories about the game. Either way, I’m here to tell you why Final Fantasy IX is awesome. These things aren’t necessarily why it’s my favorite game, but what makes it an unquestionable gem of a videogame that no one can say is bad.

It’s inclusive
Team Fortress 2 with your black, Scottish cyclops, eat your heart out! When a game has a genderless clown chef creature with severe case of macroglossia (that’s the medical term for having an unusually large tongue FYI) as one of its party members, it has to be one the most inclusive games ever. FFIX doesn’t care who you are. It’s a party and everyone’s invited.

It has people with blue skin, dwarfs, androgynous clones, moogles and all sorts of people/creatures. It also caters to furries with hippo people, bird women, boar men, cat folk, wale geezers and cattle gang members to name a few. Even your party includes a rat woman, a girl with a single horn on hear forehead, and an artificially created boy (?) who’s just mass of black magic. The main villain wears a thong in public, the queen is morbidly obese, and the regent is an insect. FFIX doesn’t discriminate and let’s everyone take a part no matter who you are or what you look like, and says “You’re different, and that’s why you’re a badass”.

It’s slow
Slow is good. People are too focused on speed. They “gotta go fast” and complain about others who choose a more leisurely pace, saying “you’re too slow”. Take a moment, smell the roses. Or in FFIX’s case, listen to the wonderful music and admire the gorgeous graphics.

Battles take more time so you can listen more to that excellent battle theme that never grows old. It’s just that good. Admire the heat of a fira spell, the coolness of blizzaga, and the magnificence of meteor. There’s so much character in the…well, characters. The way they sway back and forth waiting for their turn, how they leap majestically in the air when attacking, or their darling victory poses. The enemies are no worse, each excellently designed to awe and/or frighten you, not to mention the fantastic surroundings, like an upside-down castle or the deck of an airship in flight. Think about it: if FFIX was faster you would miss out on so much. It would all just pass you by in a blur. It’s one of the most gorgeous games on PS1. Take it all in. Enjoy the slow.

Its art style
Realism is boring. Realism is everywhere. It’s why we play videogames; to escape reality. Which is why FFIX is great. Look at the deformed characters, how big their hands and heads are. They’re so expressive. You can inject so much personality into a character like that. Their movements and body language are amplified to such an high degree. Their big faces can convey so much emotion. Who needs millions of polygons to express that, when you have such clear facial expressions. Not to mention the medieval steam punk fantasy style. Towns and cities overflow with charm, and the airships make you long for cruising through the sky on one.

There you have it. I could say so much more about the things I personally love with this game. How the characters have humor and are put in situations that makes them look silly. All the equipment you collect. The story that is fairly simple, yet still has a lesson to teach us all about life and what it means to live. The traditional battle system and all the cool abilities and attacks you learn. The fantastic soundtrack. The vast world full of secrets, side quests, people and history. All things I personally love, and why it's my favorite game of all time.

And that is why Final Fantasy IX is a game which no one can dislike. And if you do, you’re a poopy head.


4:23 AM on 05.25.2014

A Tribute to Conrad Zimmerman Ė The Mustache of Dtoid

A few weeks ago a small number of contributors/editors had to leave Destructoid, unfortunately. All these people are great in their own way, but if you are like me you have a soft spot for Conrad Zimmerman. Conrad was a part of the site for many years, so please join me as we take a look at some of his work on this wonderful site.

Like many others of the staff, Conrad started out in the C-blogs where he quickly became very involved. He wrote a lot of blogs, and even started a few blog series, many which were front paged, including one about retro games (RetRose Tinted), board and card games (On the Table) and bad video game cartoons (Death By Cartoon). If you're like me who have only been hanging around here for a few years, you probably missed out on these. Check 'em out, they're worth a read. Conrad also started helping out with C-blog recaps, and eventually the deities on Mount Destructus (or Mount Olymptoid?) looked upon him and smiled, and he became an editor. I'd also like to share a little New Years Day quote from one of Conrad's earlier blogs.

-ďI'm over ninety percent of the way to thirty years. I should not be getting so drunk that I vomit and pass out before midnight on New Year's Eve. There was a nice little wave of drunkenness for a while there, until some of the folks didn't want to wait to do Irish Car Bombs and I managed to get suckered into one. Bad, bad idea.Ē

I feel you, Conrad. Been there, done that.

As previously mentioned, I started visiting Dtoid way later, in 2011. But one of my first experiences with Dtoid was one of Conrad's shows on Dtoid's Twitch channel: Backlog. It was also one of my first experiences with people streaming themselves playing video games. I had watched a few Let's Plays on Youtube, but I had no idea that people did this live, together with a chat room. I was hooked, and started watching this mustache man play games like Pikmin 2 and Parasite Eve 2 quite frequently, despite the fact that he was streaming at 05:00 AM (my local time. Good thing I was a student at the time).

Conrad also hosted Saturday Morning Hangover on Twitch, where he played various XBLA/indie games and other games together with current News Editor Jordan Devore and Conrad's lovely fiancť, and later wife, Katrina, and Ramses the cat (who would miraculously start dancing when Conrad wanted him to). Hosting these shows were sometimes trialling, but Conrad was never too proud to ask for help when necessary, as shown here:

Backlog: Conrad introduces an old friend

So yeah, Conrad did a lot of audiovisual stuff, but it wasn't limited to just Twitch. Conrad produced and participated in Office Chat, a sort of predecessor to the current Hardline podcast, where he and other editors would discuss video game news. He has and still is helping out with Sup Holmes, he made The Daily Spelunk with Jordan where he played Spelunky way more than most video game journalists (something he seems to have continued doing on his own Youtube channel). And not least he also put his mark on Podtoid (now Dismal Jesters) with Jim Sterling and Jonathan Holmes where he had to listen to and be a part of the crazy antics of the other two.

By Truongasm

I can't talk about Conrad without mentioning his mustache. It is a glorious phenomena to behold, and many a tale could be told about its deeds. It even has its own Facebook page. Personally I believe its power is the reason why Conrad is so eloquent and manages to be so civil and calm even to the most trollish Youtube commenter. Or maybe Conrad's well-mannered personality and articulated tongue gives the mustache an ideal environment to thrive in. Either way, it's all pretty impressive.

All of the things I've mentioned are in addition to all the countless reviews, previews, news posts and features that Conrad made. This man did so many things for this site and was here for such a long time that it's hard to imagine it without him, and I'm sure there are so many other things that could be mentioned, things I've forgotten or just don't know about. So if you want to add something in the comments or share your favorite memory of Conrad's time at Dtoid, please do so. Speaking for myself, I can only say good luck with your future endeavors, Conrad, I'm certain you'll do great things, I look forward to seeing them, and I will miss seeing your face and mustache on this site.

Here's a bad photoshop I once made of Conrad buried in leaves.   read

8:39 AM on 10.27.2013

The final Final Fantasy ranking to end them all. Maybe.

What is the most popular Final Fantasy game? What is the least liked Final Fantasy game? Yesterday, a story went up on the main page about Final Fantasy XIV. As always it was inevitable that some would start discussing Final Fantasy XIII.† ďItís great!Ē ďIt sucks!Ē You know the drill. I chimed in with my stance which was basically ďEven if you like it, you canít deny that itís the least liked game in the main seriesĒ. Pretty soon I got replies like ďThatís just a very vocal minority of haters.Ē

And thatís just the thing. Is it really that simple? Iíve wondered about that before. So for the past few weeks/months Iíve combed through different comment sections and forums where people have made their own rankings of what games in the series they think are the best, and what games they think are the worst. I put them all in a handy little Excel file (I have a boner for stats and rankings and such btw). In total, Iíve basically polled over 200 people, and here are the results:

Just a few notes first: I only included rankings of people who had played and listed the majority of the games, at least 8 of them. Only games in the main series are in the results since that was what people mostly listed (it's worth mentioning that a fair number of people did put Final Fantasy Tactics as their favorite). No MMOs. Why? Again, not that many people listed them, and the gameplay is pretty different. We could've discussed whether or not the MMOs should have been included until the cow comes home, but let's just leave it for now. Also, I decided to include 2nd places to give a little more variety and perspective, and give the games that almost got 1st place but just didnít quite make it some glory. If you wonder about what sites I've gotten these lists from, just google something like Final Fantasy ranking and set results for the last three years. Thatís basically it, not much more complicated than that.

Now you can interpret these results as you will, but let me give you my conclusion.

VI, VII and IX, in that order, are the most popular. Highest amount of 1st and 2nd places, lowest amount of last places.

IV and V. Not that many 1st places, but not many last places either. These games usually ended up in the middle of people's lists, although IV ended up getting a lot of 2nd places.

X, VIII and XII, in that order, are the controversial ones. A fair amount of 1st and 2nd places, but also a fair amount of last places.

The NES games all received very few 1st and 2nd places, and lots of last places, especially II which didnít get any 1st and 2nd places, and the second highest amount of last places.

And then thereís XIII. Few 1st and 2nd places, most last places.

And there you have it. It's not the most accurate polling in the world, but I do think itís the best some random dude on the Internet can hope to achieve, and it gives a clear indication of what the most and least popular FF games are.

So let me talk a little about XIII. I didnít go out of my way to find sites and communities who donít like it. All the people where just random gamers who listed their favorite to least favorite FF games. They were just as likely to put XIII on top of their lists as to put it on the bottom.

Personally I canít stand XIII, I will admit that, but Iím not saying that itís wrong to like it. Definitely not. The game has a Metacritic rating of 83 on PS3 and 82 on 360. It has sold over 6 million copies. But if you were to judge its popularity among the rest of the main series, it doesnít exactly rank that high, to put it lightly.

And now, I invite you to rank the games in the comment section, whether youíve played just a few entries or all of them. Just remember to keep it civil and polite. I'll go first. And please include spin-offs if you want to.

XIII   read

9:19 AM on 02.20.2013

Save some money in the European, Australian 3DS eShop

Hopefully this isnít going to get buried in the current spam-alanche.
I donít know how it is for people in North America, but in Europe you can change your region on your 3DS. Doing that will change the currency used in the eShop. So hereís the kicker: Depending on exchange rates, you can actually save some money doing this.

Mmmm, greed

Usually not a huge amount, but some. And you can actually save a significant amount if you pick up the recently discounted Ocarina of Time (offer ends tomorrow by the way). Not all countries can save money by doing this, as it seems the prizes in pounds are the cheapest. Sorry, all you Brits. Iíll be using the exchange rates from, which seem pretty reliable. They are usually only 0.02 points lower than what my personal bank uses. And like I said, I donít know how it is for the North American 3DS. Maybe US prices are cheaper than Canadian prices. I donít have access to one, so I donít really know. Also, I don't know if you can do this on Wii U too.

Before I show of the fruits of my investigation, note that previously added funds you have stored in the eShop are not transferrable. Meaning that if you have 20 Euros, you will have zero pounds if you change your region the UK. And if your bank charges you a large fee for buying something in a foreign currency, or has really stupid exchange rates, it might not be worth it.

Now to the results. I havenít done all the eShop games, but a small selection of both first party titles and third party, full retail games, download-only and Virtual Console, which I think is a good representation of eShop prices. Take a look!

Big pic here

First the big one: Ocarina of Time for £19.99, which translates to Ä22.88. Now look at the eShop price for OoT in Euros. Ä 29.99! This means if you live in a country that uses Euros, you can save 7 Euros if you buy from the UK eShop. Maybe that doesnít sound like much, but take a look at what you can get for that amount in the eShop. Mighty Switch Force, Hana Samurai, Pullblox, Link's Awakening all cost less than 7 euros. So if you buy OoT from the UK eShop, the money you save is worth an entire downloadable-only game. Thatís a nice deal, isnít it? Two games for the price of one.

Itís quite strange really. For some reason, Nintendo decided to cut the price for OoT in the UK by 50 % but for other regions the discount is closer to 20-30 %. If youíre from New Zealand you can save 23 NZD. That amount gets you Dillonís Rolling Western or Mutant Mudds + maybe a Virtual Console game. If youíre from Sweden, you can save 87 Swedish kronar (kronas?), which nets you Crimson Shroud. And so on. I havenít compared all the prices, but thereís money to be saved here if youíre willing to put a little effort into it.

As for the rest of the eShop prices, they donít differ that much. On the smaller titles the difference isnít that significant, but you can still save some cash on the more expensive titles. Australians can save 10 kangaroo bucks on full priced first party retail stuff like Super Mario 3D Land if they use the UK eShop. Euro-countries can save 5 Euros on Sonic Racing in the UK eShop. Scandinavians can save 70-80 Skyrim dollars on Zero Escape by using the UK eShop. People in Poland and Switzerland can also save something on Zero Escape in the UK eShop And so on. You just have to be willing to look yourself, because my brain canít handle any more currency fiddling.

Thereís not much to gain for people in Russia, Poland and Switzerland. My general impression is that New Zealanders, Australians and Scandinavians are the ones who can benefit the most from changing regions, but, depending on the title, you can usually save a little even if youíre just from mainland Europe. Regardless, the main thing to look out for in the future are these special deals like OoT. Hopefully we will get more of them.   read

11:12 AM on 03.08.2012

3DS eShop censorship? On region-locking within a region

On Thursdays the 3DS's eShop gets updated. So naturally, I turned on my 3DS today and opened the eShop to check out what's new.

But not only that! I had heard that us here in Europe would get a demo for Dead or Alive Dimensions (I don't know if US will get it today too). I pressed the Demo-button in the menu, but couldn't find any new demos. I checked the News-section, and saw no mention of it. So I checked several sites and all of them, even Nintendo's UK-site, mention it. Then I remembered something. The game was never released where I live.

Dead or Alive Dimensions was not released in the Scandinavian countries.

For those of you who don't know or remember, the game wasn't released in Sweden, Norway and Denmark due to Sweden's child pornography laws. It was a stupid and ignorant decision by Nintendo of Europe and Bergsala, the company which imports and distributes Nintendo games in Scandinavia, as even the police themselves dismissed that the game could equate to porn.

Sorry, Scandinavia. Too offensive for you.

So I tried changing my regions to the UK in the settings and lo and behold, there was the demo. Even the News-section was now mentioning it. Dead or Alive Dimensions Demo.
And I had no problems downloading or playing it. So Nintendo actually went out of their way to try to prevent access to a demo. As if they wanted to say that the rest of Europe is allowed to download and play it, but not us.

Now, we are all annoyed when a game is released in one region but not another. There was a time when it looked like the US wouldn't receive Xenoblade or The Last Story, and I have several times expressed my annoyance that Sakura Samurai has not been released in Europe and there has been no mention of it on release schedules. Just to mention a few recent examples. But a company intentionally going out of their way to hold back simple demo from a few countries within a region? Seriously?

Idiocy, in my opinion. Simple as that.

So this is not only a heads-up to other Dtoiders from Scandinavia with a 3DS if they want to try the demo and how to get around the restrictions, but to everybody to still be aware that sometimes companies will try to pull the wool over your eyes.

So, if you will excuse me, I'm now going to ogle Hitomi in all her 3D-glory. Because as a European, that is my right.   read

6:54 AM on 11.13.2011

Dtoid gifs!

So, yeah. During the last few months I've made some gifs and pics of various Dtoid staff.
I thought I might as well put them up somewhere, so why not here.

Now this is just for laughs, but if any editors featured here don't like it, I'll remove any pics that include them.

Also, be sure to check out the awesome Dtoid show gifs from
Blasster's!/Maxgifville and

Jim Sterling's hypnotic finger waving dance will put you in a trance.

Especially if you've looked at it for 10 hours straight.

"Cool game, bro." Your game does not impress Hamza. You have failed.

O.o Oh my...*blushes*

It's a revolving door of piŮata abuse.

Tara likes to flirt with the camera. Hey, at least it's not a boob jiggle gif.

Teh floppiness!

Come on, Max. Not in front of the internet.

And that's it for now. I'll post new gifs when I make them. Who knows when that will be, though.
Leave some gifs or links to other Dtoid gif collections in the comments if you've come across any ^_^   read

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