If you are one of the Xbox 360 owners that have taken advantage of the streaming Netflix titles option that was added with the New Xbox Experience, it may be hard to separate the good titles from the crap. Hell, it may be hard to even find anything that looks remotely interesting, given the relatively limited selection of mostly obscure and older titles. However, if you take a look around, you might find some pretty good stuff. Here's my contribution to your Netflix viewing experience. If you saw anything that was awesome on Instant Queue, let me know and I'll give it a shot as well. Here are a few of the more memorable things I've watched so far that come to mind first:



Talking Heads: Stop Making Sense (1984)

I love 80's music (I should get a free pass here, since I actually *remember* the 80's, for the most part). That's why I gave this Talking Heads concert film a try. I'm a bit ashamed after watching this that I wasn't more aware of how completely and ridiculously awesome the Talking Heads were, as I was only really aware of a few hit songs and the fact that the lead singer was a nutball. Well, I was amused, entertained, confused, and rocked to the very core of my manhood by this kickass concert film. And you will be, too. Unless you're a girl- in which case, change "manhood" to "womanhood".

Why you'll like it-

Cause it's got great music, the antics of the band are highly entertaining and a little fruity, and the film itself (completed with footage from three shows) is widely cited as one of the best concert films ever. The choice to have David Byrne begin on stage by himself with just an acoustic guitar and cassette deck for "Psycho Killer" before adding a member (and parts of the set, which begins in disarray) for each subsequent song is pretty awesome.

But you might not like it if...

...you're not entertained by crazy stage antics, energetic bra-less backup singers, keyboard players who obviously were doing lines of coke, and a Big Suit (which is exactly what it sounds like). Oh, and if you hate the 80's and music from the decade.



Teeth (2006)

I suppose this could be loosely considered a horror flick, but if we're going to call torture porn "horror", what's the harm? Basically, lemme break it down for ya- a teenage girl has very sharp teeth in her happy area, which will promptly bite anything that doesn't belong down there. The synapsis kind of goes like this:

1. Girl is freaked out by sharp vag teeth, and swears off sex.
2. Unfortunate event happens to her, immediately followed by very unfortunate event happening to a stupid young man.
3. Girl slowly realizes the awesomeness of having vag teeth.
4. Hilarity ensues.

And no, those aren't spoilers, as this is all spelled out even in the movie description. This movie is not high-brow (should I even have to say that?), despite any kind of feminist overtones or messages about women's roles in conventional horror movies that lie beneath. However, it's a pretty fun movie and you won't forget it anytime soon.

Why you'll like it-

Because it's about a girl with sharp teeth in her vagina. Oh, and because the director (Mitchell Lichtenstein) and cast take full advantage of the disgusting yet hilarious awesomeness that can result from such a scenario. There is also some pretty bad (in an entertaining way) acting at parts, and it's got the kid from Nip/Tuck who ended up looking like Michael Jackson by the more recent seasons (though he looks slightly more normal here).

But you might not like it if...

...you don't want anything to do with the events that might transpire when gerkin and toothed beaver collide.



Dead Man's Shoes (2004)

I happened upon this relatively recent British film and gave it a shot based upon the interesting premise. A soldier who is gone away to God Knows Where doing God Knows What comes back to find that his mentally challenged brother has been...treated not so nicely by some local ne'er-do-wells. What does big brother do? He kicks some ass.

Why you'll like it-

The premise is compelling (at least to me), the film has some great moments, and there's a good amount of bloody violence to fall back on if none of that works for you. The performances are pretty good, and you may find that the whole thing sticks with you for a little while. I'm very close with my brother, and though he's not mentally handicapped and has never been messed with by a gang of idiots, the storyline resonated with me.

But you might not like it if...

...you aren't British and you absolutely demand to know what all the characters are saying all the time. (Yeah, crazy, I know) I was wishing that there was a captioning option available a few times, but maybe that's just me. I mean, I could even understand what the hell people were saying on "Deadwood", but I was lost a few times here.

At the risk of losing the respect of my fellow Dtoiders (at least the four of you who recognize me, as I'm not that active here), I have a startling admission to make. I know it's not wise to say this, and I will get a verbal tongue lashing (or total apathy) in the comments for it, but the overwhelming guilt I feel forces me to do so.

I joined an online Madden league.

That's right. I knowingly forced myself into the cesspool that is the world of online Madden players. I have willingly put myself into a situation where I will be forced to share bandwidth with popped-collar, polo-sporting Frat boys and 4 XL throwback jersey-wearing pseudo-thugs.

I can't say why I did this, although I know in my heart that my intentions are pure. I want to play against other people. I wouldn't say I'm a huge Madden fan, as I've bought probably 5 editions of it ever, but I am a huge football fan, and I do enjoy picking out plays from a huge list of them, and then watching little digitized men carry them out on my television. Let's avoid the whole "yearly roster update" just this once, sports game haters, this is not that post.

So it's true, I have no idea when I actually decided to join a league. But I do know when I realized I had made a big mistake.

See, I went to great lengths to make sure I would avoid the sea of douchebags that are always swimming just below the surface on Xbox Live, occasionally rising up en masse to snag an unsuspecting noob and drag him or her down to the icy depths, where they will be converted and start speaking only in racial slurs and homophobic rants. I did this by joining a "sim league" which is easily explained to even a football laypersons, as it basically means "you play like a real football game, including punting on fourth down, going for field goals, and not running the same 'money play' over and over again."

I thought that these rules would form an insulating layer within which I could hide from them, a sort of electric blanket which would allow me to retain my dignity and keep the bed bugs out of my otherwise harmonious gaming life.

I was wrong.

The moment I realized I was wrong was a day or so after I joined, when I got my first friend request from a league player. When I saw the gamertag, which was latingangsta187, I knew how foolish I'd been.


I guess I'll be playing that one with my headset off.

I don't want to be too presumptuous here, but I will make the assumption that a person who immediately thinks of "latingangsta187" when prompted to pick a gamertag is not someone I want to spend my recreational time talking to.

I don't know what other horrors await me. To tell you the truth, I haven't even looked at the other players' names, but I shudder to think of the possibilities. I'm still trying to rationalize why a latin gangsta is spending time playing Madden online and not, you know, out gangstering things. Or acting. Perhaps Noel Gugliemi has taken all the good parts already, I don't know.

There's nothing quite like the feeling you get when a stereotype turns out to be true. I can defend sports games (and the fine folks who play them) all day long, but at the end of the day, I sign up for a "sim" Madden league and still get a friend request from latingangsta187.

Sigh.

With all the drama that ensues after nearly every Destructoid review comes a lot of finger-pointing and insults. One of the things I'm starting to see, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, is an "us vs. them" mentality where Dtoiders are accusing those who dare to disagree with said reviews of being sheep, and saying things like "Kotaku is that-a-way", lulz.

Now, this particular discussion is not about the reviews themselves.

Instead, I'd like to focus on the question, "who are the real sheep here?" Who are the real sheep, when every time you see a negative comment toward a writer, an opinion, or a review, a dozen Dtoiders flock to the scene of the crime to defend their Toid-brother like a mother bear fiercely protecting her cubs?

Why is it that anything and everything is fair game to be mocked or disagreed with...other than Destructoid itself? Suddenly, the cynicism and sense of humor goes out the window when someone has the AUDACITY to criticize something written on the front page.

The behavior here recently in comments sections reminds me of the discourse here in the U.S. when the Iraq war was going full steam. For every one or two people who wanted to disagree or maybe voice their opinion a little, there were three or four rednecks ready to say, "You don't like it, commie? MOVE SOMEWHERE ELSE!" In a sense, "Kotaku is that way ->" and "Go to CNet then" has become our "Move to France if you don't like it!" And that saddens me.

It is no better to blindly agree with everything a Dtoid writer or editor says than it is to blindly follow anyone. Similarly, someone doesn't need to "GTFO" of Dtoid simply because they don't like a review or article here.

Dtoid is special in part because the writers are really just like us. They are gamers like us, they interact with us, they visit our blogs (well, YOUR blogs...heh), and essentially are no better than us...and that's a good thing. Let's not ruin that by putting the writers on a pedestal and being afraid to disagree with anything they say.

Also, like it or not, this site is growing. Niero and company WANT it to grow. So should you. The folks who work their asses off to provide us with entertainment and lulz should be rewarded for that effort. The only way that's going to happen is to continue to have new folks check out what Dtoid is all about. And shockingly enough, the mob mentality that has taken over much of the Dtoid flock will be foreign to them. They may just go as far as to criticize or disagree with something related to the site or its writers. And (say it with me), that's okay.

Dtoid is all about saying what you think, whether people agree with it or not. So let's take it easy with the ass-kissing, people. The writers don't need it and Dtoid isn't better for it.

So, in the last couple of months, I've read about EA doing a couple of cool things. One was sending a free game to those who had Rock Band peripheral troubles, and the other was bitch-slapping Fox News on behalf of Mass Effect and gamers everywhere. Yet, predictably, EA hate could be found in the discussion of both events, even when they went above and beyond expectations by offering a *choice* of free games and, well, bitch-slapped Fox News.

What I want is for some of you EA haters to make me understand your intense hate of EA. Yeah, I get it, they paid for an exclusive NFL license. You think they rip us off with yearly "roster update" sports games. Surely though, there has to be a better reason. They are not the only company to ever pay for a license, and they certainly aren't the only company that's ever "phoned it in" on a new game or a sequel. That's also taking into account that most of you who rip EA's sports games don't even play sports games, or like sports for that matter.

So please, I'm begging you. Help me understand why EA is so evil. I really want to know. I won't flame you unless you decide to flame me. We can have a civilized discussion here. Although, like any of my other rants where I attempt to appeal to people's common sense, I get zero responses justifying some of the nonsense we see everywhere. Come on, EA haters. I'll be nice. Just stand behind your disdain for EA and illustrate to me why they are so deserving of it, and all the other evil companies scheming to get your money are not.

I'm quite sure someone may have posted this, but I will endure the flames in the hopes of helping my fellow Dtoiders get some free shit.

Over at Joystiq.com they are offering a free year of EGM to the first 22,000 to sign up. Why 22,000? Only Jack Bauer and Jesus know for sure. The point is, it's free, and...it's free. They don't ask for credit card info or anything else, and according to Joystiq, you won't be billed automatically after the first year, you will have to sign up yourself if you want to extend it, so you don't have to worry about canceling. What are you waiting for? Oh. The link, maybe.

https://www.zdmcirc.com/forms/secure...tiq_Partn.html

And before you Dtoid loyalists flame me for reading Joystiq, I actually found this at the Cheap Ass Gamer forums. So there.

Usually my rants get some props, but don't attract real disagreements, lively debate, or even a few well-placed flames. I have a feeling this one will change that, and that's okay. Why? Because many of you are bitching for no good reason.

You know what I'm talking about. Acting like whiny bitches when many of you are grown men (and possibly women)- "UNDERTOW?!?! But I don't WANT Undertow!!!" *kicking and screaming* "I want Microsoft points! I want a different game! I want free Xbox Live! WAAAAHHHHHH!"

Seriously. Most of us that did experience problems only had them intermittently and for a few weeks at worst. A 13-month subscription for a Gold membership is what, $50? So we're looking at less than $4 a month here, or a dollar per week.

You guys are bitching about paying a dollar or two for something that didn't work right?

Would you take a half-eaten candy bar back to the store if it didn't taste right? Would you demand a free value meal if McDonald's put onions on your dollar double cheeseburger? Perhaps you would write an angry letter if the toy your kid got in the very same McDonald's trip broke after a day or two. Hey, maybe you're That Guy who hounds his friend mercilessly after buying him a Pepsi at the gas station when he didn't have his wallet on him.

Or maybe you would even join a ridiculous class-action lawsuit to recoup your $2-3 in lost services.

What's that? It's not about the money? Oh, of course!

That's right, it's actually about the fact that merely not being able to get on Xbox Live ruined your day/week/life and now you must exact your revenge from the evil corporation that screwed you royally. I will admit that it's inconvenient to not be able to play a game online when you want, or to experience other problems as a result, such as not being able to play certain arcade games since you purchased them on a prior (broken) 360. But in no way is it a big enough deal to warrant the spectacular amount of bitching that I've witnessed here and elsewhere.

First of all, let's look at it from Microsoft's perspective. That's right, they have one! I will assume that you, dear reader, are able to concede the following points-

--Microsoft in no way wanted the problems to occur.

--Microsoft had people working their asses off to fix the problem once it did occur.

--Many people have very different opinions over what Microsoft should have done to "make things right". (View any thread on the topic and this is easy to see) Thus, it would be impossible to appease everyone with any reasonable gesture.

Let's also not forget that, as said lawsuit-happy idiots are about to find out, Microsoft has no legal obligation to keep the service working perfectly 365 days a year. Otherwise, Mediacom and other cable/internet companies would already be bankrupt. So legally, they had no reason to offer anything to make you ungrateful Xboxers happy.

Also, it is very, very unlikely that anyone is going to sell their Xbox 360 and buy a PS3 because their Live wasn't working for two weeks and they didn't get anything to make up for it. Logic tells us that anyone who cares that much about their Live access being down obviously really, really enjoys their Xbox 360. Maybe too much. So it's not as if they had to worry about losing a bunch of customers, and they didn't have significant pressure to offer anything from a PR standpoint.

In other words, their offer to extend anything- anything to make amends is a kind gesture indeed. The fact that they are offering 800 points to those who already bought the game is going a step further with it, and is a detail that most did not predict would be addressed when the free game was announced some time ago.

Yet, people are still pissed. Pissed because they're getting something for FREE that they don't like.

Well, boo fucking hoo. If you have nothing better to get fired up about than Live not working, or getting a "sucky" FREE game, you have a pretty good life. Although if you're that quick to bitch, you probably take that for granted, too.