A funny thing happens when I browse this fine site. Many times, I'm more interested in people's reactions (and the reasons for them) then the actual stories themselves. I find Destructoid not only to be an awesome place to get news and even make some friends (if you're into that sort of thing), but also an interesting community with a subculture all its own. I find that at certain times, the Dtoid community reacts to things in a way that no other site does in quite the same way. Figuring out why this is the case is a nice challenge from time to time. So of course, after braving the comments sections of a few stories related to Heavy Rain, I wondered why the game provoked such intense reactions.

What follows, fine folks, is the result of painstaking research, good ol' fashioned hard work and a little bit of just plain making shit up.

The question was obvious: what is it about Heavy Rain that pisses people off or even makes them give a damn at all? I, like most of us the majority of the time, can bypass stories about games I have no interest in without feeling compelled to stop in and comment (again) about just why I won't be playing said game. However, any Heavy Rain story (even early on, before the "games vs. movies" nonsense really got started) would attract numbers of people who simply felt the need to tell us why they wouldn't be playing it. Furthermore, people seemed to be a little more passionate about this game than they really should be, especially if they really didn't care (as they claimed). There had to be something about this game that got people's panties in a bunch, so to speak.

What I've realized is that Heavy Rain has inadvertently created a "perfect storm" of rant-inducing, argument-starting, fanboy-enciting madness. There are a few buttons that a game or its developers/publishers can push that will set people off a bit, and Heavy Rain pushes many of them, maybe more so than any game in recent history. Here they are:

It's a PS3 Exclusive



I don't have to point out to anyone who has visited a gaming website before that all you have to do to stir up the ol' controversy pot a bit is to release your game as an exclusive to one system or another. While scientists have quietly kidnapped console fanboys for years in order to perform grisly experiments on their underdeveloped craniums, they still have not found any real reason for the condition that has plagued gaming websites and forums since the beginning of time. Er, internet time, that is.

Still, it is an irrefutable fact that if a game comes out just for the PS3 or the Xbox 360, there will be drama. Lots of it. That's the most obvious reason that comes to mind for the shitstorm that ensues in the comments sections of even the most uneventful Heavy Rain story. It didn't help that last May, before the game was even on some people's radars, we got the obligatory "only possible on the PS3" comment. Of course, it wouldn't be a perfect storm with just that.

The Developers Love Their Game Too Much; Can't Shut Up

If there is one clear way to get many Dtoiders to hope your game sucks, it is to endlessly talk it up to anyone and everyone who will listen. How many times have we seen this happen? Peter Molyneux. Denis Dyack. Luc Bernard. Peter Molyneux again. Cliff Bleszinski.

Well, Quantic Dream's David Cage surpassed all but the most elite in this category with the rapid-fire quotes that were fed to the community regularly, inciting anger from members who do not take kindly to such cockiness. We heard Cage proudly state that Heavy Rain had morphed from being a game into something else entirely. We heard Cage say that he didn't want us distracted by Trophy alerts during play. We heard Cage call for more mature themes, characters and situations in games (he had a good point here). We heard Cage fire back at criticisms about his game, which almost no one had actually played yet, and the supposedly QTE-heavy gameplay . Cage also wished aloud that players would only play through the game once, in order to preserve their initial experience, which prompted quite a few incredulous comments.

And it wasn't all Cage, either. Sony reps boldly (stupidly?) stated that Heavy Rain graphically "blows Uncharted 2 away". They also stated that Heavy Rain is a "gamble" (which it is), and the game's producer even weighed in on the Modern Warfare 2 "No Russian" controversy.

Of course, this overexposure of Heavy Rain in general and Cage in specific worked hand in hand with another thing that is sure to get people riled up around these parts...

People are Too Damn Excited

There is a certain trend that emerges with a high-profile game, which Heavy Rain has surprisingly become, at least here at Destructoid. When the game is announced and first spoken of, reactions tend to be almost entirely comprised of optimism from those who think it's up their alley and non-commital comments from those who aren't sure whether they'll be into it or not. However, as more information comes out about the game, those who are pumped for it already become really pumped, and an interesting phenomenon occurs: those who aren't interested in the game somehow feel the need to counteract what they feel is an excess of hype or excitement by, well, shitting all over the game whenever they get a chance.

I don't know what this is all about; perhaps these negative Nancys feel as if they are somehow "bringing balance to the Force" or something. For whatever reason, though, people in general can't stand to see a game that they personally aren't interested in get too much attention. Particularly when that game contains...

Quick Time Events!



Just like Heavy Rain itself, Quick Time Events push all the wrong buttons for some folks. Which is ironic, because pushing the wrong buttons in one of Heavy Rain's Quick Time Events will likely get you crushed to bits in a junkyard compactor. Because Heavy Rain, like Indigo Prophecy (or Fahrenheit, if you prefer) before it does not appear to have dedicated controls for many of the actions you will perform in-game, its critics have taken to lobbing many a slight towards the game- including the ultimate critique of saying it's not a game at all.

To me personally, such statements have no merit whatsoever. I would like those in the "Heavy Rain's not a game" camp to make a couple of things clear to me. First of all, what makes a video game a video game? If you're so sure Heavy Rain doesn't fit the criteria, you must know what your criteria are, and I would love to hear them. Second, what makes Heavy Rain anything other than a game? Is it because of the emphasis on story? Is it because you aren't always using predefined controls, like "right trigger to shoot, B to crouch," etc.?

So, what other games aren't actually video games? Are point and click adventures games? What about console versions of board games? How about old-school JRPGs that require little more of you than to walk from place to place, select actions from a menu and watch the story unfold? After all, in many of these games, you don't even have an effect on the story, unlike in Heavy Rain, where your actions will determine how things proceed. One of the funnier arguments I read was that Heavy Rain isn't a game because you could play it with a DVD or TV remote. You couldn't do that with many of the Final Fantasy installments? The thing is, while no one wants to stand up and say that something like a Final Fantasy game or Secret of Monkey Island isn't a game, Heavy Rain hasn't come out yet and doesn't have that place in gamers' hearts where such a criticism would be met with a zillion "STFU"s. Still, it doesn't make the argument any less silly.

And a quick note on QTEs- you may hate them, but that doesn't make them any less legitimate of a gameplay device. Most of the time when you play a game, you react to a visual stimulus by pressing the appropriate button(s) on your controller. QTEs just break this down to its barest essentials, but make no mistake, pressing "X" when it pops up is essentially the same as jumping over a Goomba as it approaches. It's just a stripped down take on one of the core mechanics of video games. If you want to call them unimaginative or annoying, fine, but it's just not correct to say QTEs aren't gameplay.

GASP- It Wants to Be a Movie?!?!



Recent articles on Destructoid have highlighted this last fire-starter, as many have come forward to say that they aren't big fans of what they perceive to be an attempt to make Heavy Rain more like a movie than a game. The thing is, Indigo Prophecy already did the same exact thing- how big of an issue should this be in 2010?

Well, this is just poor timing and bad luck, honestly. Since Indigo Prophecy, we've had more "are games art?" debates than you can shake a frozen turd at, not to mention the continuing onslaught of awful film adaptions of games, as well as the continuance of the time-honored tradition of shitty games based on film licenses. Gamers simply don't want their games and movies to mix.

Then, there was Avatar. What normally would have been just another blockbuster got blown out of proportion entirely in the gaming community, particularly because James Cameron insisted upon making comments about certain characters being influenced by gaming culture, as well as insisting that his movie was even more immersive than a great game could be.

Now, I agree that games should focus on their strengths and not try to be something that they're not, but is Heavy Rain really trying to be a movie? No. The quoted blurbs from the review mailer Jim Sterling received compared two elements to that of films- the narrative and the production values. How many of you really want to say that gaming, as a whole, seriously competes with mainstream films in those areas? Come on, now. That's ignoring the fact that this type of crap is written to sell the game to people who are on the fence, and are not written by the people that actually created the game. So, Heavy Rain is bad for gaming because some marketing majors decided to compare a couple of elements of the game to movies?

Okay, So What Does All This Mean?

So, that's what I came up with. This all comes together at a perfectly bad time, as the "console wars", the tradition of cocky developers bragging up their games, people's dislike of QTEs (and the "casual gaming" fad that they supposedly represent) and the non-troversy regarding games trying to be movies have all built up to a high level. For one game to represent all of these issues means that there is probably no end in sight to the ridiculousness we've already seen in the comments sections of any and all Heavy Rain-related stories here.

I'm not naive enough to think that pointing out all of the characteristics that get people riled up about this game will change much, though. If you're the kind of chap that gets fired up about a game that you haven't even played yet because of something a developer says or gameplay elements that you haven't even tried yet, self-evaluation is probably not your strong suit. And as for the other stuff, well, we've already seen that nothing will bring an end to the great console wars.

However, if even one person can just acknowledge that maybe the reason that they hate (or love) Heavy Rain before it has even been released has little to do with the game itself, I will be pleased. Maybe at some point later this month, we can all give the game a chance and STFUAJPHR.

As posted in the title, this is not video game related, but I know there are a fair amount of horror fans here on Dtoid, and I had to see what you guys thought of the trailer for the Nightmare on Elm Street remake trailer that was just officially released. Here's the trailer for anyone who hasn't seen it.



Now, before I say what I thought, here's a little background on my Freddy fandom. I saw the first movie on cable when I was like 6 or 7 due to a lazy babysitter falling asleep and leaving me unsupervised. Needless to say, it scared the shit out of me, but I always loved the movies anyway. To me, Freddy is the most iconic horror character of all-time, but I recognize that I'm very biased on that matter, as well. Even though really only half of the movies (by my count, the original, the 3rd, New Nightmare and Freddy vs. Jason) are any good, I still enjoy all of them for different reasons, even the corny ones.

Having said that, I was not opposed whatsoever towards having a remake done of the movie. I firmly believe that a remake can't harm the integrity of the original, and is actually less harmful to the original than a bunch of crappy sequels are. A lot of people say, "it's all about the money, blah blah blah", but when is making a movie NOT about the money? I'm talking about from the studio's perspective. To the talent involved, from the director to the actors to the crew, whether it is a remake or not, it is still an exercise in trying to make the best film that can possibly be made. When did we start giving a shit about the motives of producers and executives? It's just like with video games. I don't care if Kotick or whoever else is a big asshole, because I know there are hardworking programmers, designers and developers who are trying to make a game worth playing. If you go to the top of any company, you will always find money-grubbing, greedy bastards.

But I digress. My original thoughts on Jackie Earle Haley playing Freddy were positive ones, and once I finally saw Watchmen, I was actually really excited for him to be playing the horror icon. However, after this trailer...I'm not so excited. First of all, let's talk about the makeup. More realistic in its depiction of what a burn victim would look like? Yes. The problem is, real burn victims aren't scary! I don't want to have a joke-telling Freddy, but that doesn't mean a sinister grin isn't welcome now and then. After all, Freddy is a sadistic bastard who enjoys what he does. How would he make any facial expression whatsoever with that makeup? I'm just not a fan of it.

Also...the voice. I thought Haley's voice in Watchmen was already close to ideal for Freddy, and the voice he used in the trailer was just...no. And what's with the lisp? The last, minor problem for me is just a matter of Haley's height. This may seem like nit-picking, but any Freddy connoisseur knows that Freddy has about fifteen shots of his silhouette in every one of his films. It builds suspense and adds a little creepiness. With Haley, it just doesn't work. He's just way too short. I would have preferred a stand-in for the silhouette shots, since you're not seeing the makeup or anything anyway at that point. I know Robert Englund was also not very tall, but still.

I'm still going to go see this for sure. I'm willing to give it a shot. However, I think I'm definitely an easy mark for this one, and I still managed to walk away from the trailer disappointed. If you're going to rehash the original movie so much (right down to individual kill scenes and dialogue being repeated), why change Freddy's makeup so drastically or give him a fruity voice? I will say that the opening parts with the origin of Freddy were pretty bad-ass though. And as to the kids he's terrorizing...meh, just more crappy young actors that look like they belong in a Dawson's Creek re-run.

Oh, to make this post a little bit game related:



What a brutal game that was.

There has been a lot of doubt cast on the upcoming EA Sports MMA game (aptly titled EA Sports MMA) based upon a perceived lack of star power outside of the Ultimate Fighting Championship. However, you can't fault EA for it's cover athlete: Fedor Emelianenko, the #1 ranked heavyweight MMA fighter in the world. Boasting a record of 30-1 (with the one loss coming from years ago from a doctor's stoppage due to a cut), Emelianenko has beaten everyone from former UFC champions to outright freaks of nature (see: 7'2", 350+ lb. Hong Man Choi).

During a press conference today where most hardcore MMA fans were hoping a UFC deal would be announced or at least hinted at, Fedor was excited to announce that he would be the headlining athlete of EA Sports' first foray into the quickly growing sport of mixed martial arts. Other fighters mentioned officially today include Gegard Mousasi and Renato "Babalu" Sobral.

Of course, there's no fun without a bit of speculation, and there are many more fighters that have either individually announced their participation in the game, or are highly expected to be included. Those would include Randy Couture, Nick Diaz, Frank Shamrock, Tim Sylvia and Jason "Mayhem" Miller. Really, I don't see this as a failure-in-the-making like many do because of the lack of UFC license and fighters. After all, there are tons of great fighters outside of the UFC to bring in the hardcore MMA fans, and many casual fans will give this game a shot solely based on the EA Sports logo. If the gameplay is as tight as it is with the Fight Night series, THQ could be in for some serious competition.

And hey...competition is good for all of us, right? We all know how stagnant franchises can get when there is no competition...say, due to an exclusive licensing agreement.

By the way, Hong Man Choi is also know for being the man who beat Jose Canseco into the fetal position recently. Despite such a great feat, he is not known for his tremendous skill as a fighter, believe it or not. Full press release follows.

FEDOR EMELIANENKO HEADLINES EA SPORTS MMA ROSTER

World’s Top Ranked MMA Fighter Joined by Gegard Mousasi and Renato Sobral as First Fighters Announced for All-New Product

Electronic Arts Inc. (NASDAQ:ERTS), announced today that Fedor Emelianenko, the world’s top ranked* MMA heavyweight, will headline the EA SPORTS™ MMA fighter roster. Emelianenko will be joined by Gegard Mousasi and Renato Sobral, both of whom will be featured in a title bout at the STRIKEFORCE fight on August 15, as the first of a long list of fighters who will appear in EA SPORTS MMA, the all-new mixed martial arts title coming in 2010.

"I have fought all over the world and I am excited to be in EA SPORTS MMA because this game is going to show the global appeal of mixed martial arts,” said Emelianenko. "I know MMA fans have been wanting to play as me and pitting me against any opponent. Now they will have their opportunity.”

Fedor Emelianenko, a 6’0”, 231 pound Russian heavyweight mixed martial arts fighter, who excels in Sambo and Judo, holds a 30-1 record and is the current WAMMA Heavyweight champion. Emelianenko defended his WAMMA championship by knocking out former UFC Heavyweight Champion Andrei Arlovski.

Gegard Mousasi, a former Dream Middleweight champion, has a current record of 25-2-1 and won his last match in Dream 9 against Mark Hunt this past May. The 6’1”, 185 pound Dutch-Armenian fighter will be taking on Renato Sobral to determine STRIKEFORCE’s Light Heavyweight champion and has a fight style that is a unique blend of Dutch kickboxing and judo.

Sobral, hailing from Brazil, is known for his aggressive style, grappling prowess, and high-caliber submissions. He is the current STRIKEFORCE Light Heavyweight champion and has a record of 35-8 with his last victory coming against Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou at Affliction: Day of Reckoning fight earlier this year.

"I am very excited to have Fedor, the number one heavyweight in the world, as one of the top fighters in EA SPORTS MMA,” said Executive Producer Dale Jackson. "He is one of the elite fighters in the sport today and will provide the ultimate competition for our gamers. The EA SPORTS MMA team at Tiburon has been working on the game for over a year already and we will have a lot more great fighters and other exciting news to talk about soon.”

In addition to appearing in the EA SPORTS MMA video game, Mousasi and Sobral will be sponsored by EA SPORTS for the STRIKEFORCE fight.

EA SPORTS MMA will feature the most authentic, intense and broad mixed martial arts experience to date – complete with a vast array of top fighters and fighting styles from around the world. EA SPORTS MMA will be available on the Xbox 360® video game and entertainment system and the PLAYSTATION®3 computer entertainment system.

For more information about EA SPORTS MMA, log onto www.easportsmma.com or follow the game on Twitter at www.twitter.com/easportsmma.

EA SPORTS™ is the leading interactive sports software brand in the world, with top-selling titles and franchises including Madden NFL, FIFA Soccer, NHL® hockey, NBA LIVE basketball, NCAA® Football and Tiger Woods PGA TOUR®.

* As ranked by Sherdog.com

About Electronic Arts

Electronic Arts Inc. (EA), headquartered in Redwood City, California, is a leading global interactive entertainment software company. Founded in 1982, the Company develops, publishes, and distributes interactive software worldwide for video game systems, personal computers, wireless devices and the Internet. Electronic Arts markets its products under four brand names: EATM, EA SPORTSTM, EA MobileTM and POGOTM. In fiscal 2009, EA posted GAAP net revenue of $4.2 billion and had 31 titles that sold more than one million copies. EA's homepage and online game site is www.ea.com. More information about EA's products and full text of press releases can be found on the Internet at http://info.ea.com.

EA, EA SPORTS, EA Mobile and POGO are trademarks or registered trademarks of Electronic Arts Inc. in the U.S. and/or other countries. John Madden, NFL, NCAA, NBA, FIFA, NASCAR, Tiger Woods and PGA TOUR are trademarks of their respective owners and used with permission. Xbox 360 is a trademark of the Microsoft group of companies and is used under license from Microsoft. PlayStation and PLAYSTATION are registered trademarks of Sony Computer Entertainment Inc.

So, as an underachieving blogger here at Dtoid, I’ve decided to find some of the barriers that keep me from blogging more often, and systematically eliminate them like some sort of genocidal dictator. Only, instead of leaving death and destruction in my wake, I will hopefully leave smiles and heaps upon heaps of comments from adoring readers. Or at least a half-dozen comments from really bored people who just feel bad that I’m not getting any comments. Whatever.

Most of the time, I don’t blog because when I do blog, I spend a couple of hours really thinking everything through, writing my post, etc. Sometimes, I just want to spew out some random thoughts like so much bile into the vomit receptacle that is the internet. In those cases, I’ll write an installment of “Games and Crap”. This way, I can write about a few different things, be more active in the Destructoid community, and maybe one day reach my ultimate goal of joining the ranks of Jim Sterling and Samit “the other guy here who likes sports games” Sarkar as an editor of this fine place. But enough about me…let’s get on to my biased opinions that I will oh-so-boldly state as fact:

inFAMOUS Doesn’t Suck, Other Than the Caps in the Title



Perhaps you were under the impression that inFAMOUS was an overrated piece of trash. Maybe you thought that it was just another AAA title gone wrong; yet another big game that doesn’t meet expectations. It could be that you thought that the formatting of the title was stupid, too.

Well, you’re wrong. Er…except about that last thing.

I picked up inFAMOUS as part of a sweet “buy 2 PS3 games, get 1 free” sale. I wasn’t even that interested in it, actually. However, given my fairly-strict policy of not picking up anything but exclusives for the PS3, I gave it a chance.

And guess what, you jerks? It’s fun. That’s right. The game that you mocked, slighted, insulted, persecuted and then forced to carry a cross before torturing it to death is FUN. No matter how badly you ridiculously biased haters wanted me to rip this game out of my system, break it into a zillion pieces and give it a “burial at sea” courtesy of my toilet, I overcame the odds.

But, this isn’t about me or my triumphant story of perseverance and bravery. This is about inFAMOUS, and how there is a lot of fun to be had zapping the shit out of bad guys and innocents alike, blowing crap up, gliding along power lines and somehow floating around in the fucking air occasionally, and pissing off Cole’s wet blanket girlfriend. If you had previously written off this game, give it a chance, with these caveats:

1. Play as an evil duder. Don’t mess around with trying to save all the idiot NPCs writhing around in pain and otherwise acting like despicable human turds. Instead, fry them! Fry them all!

2. Give it a try on “normal” difficulty. I’m not that great at shooters, and I rarely die playing as an evil Cole on normal. I heard a lot of complaints about the enemies being too accurate or Cole feeling underpowered, and I have to wonder if those fine folks were playing on a harder difficulty level, or whether they have opposable thumbs, for that matter.



I make no guarantees about the quality of the Sesame Street morality system, or that there will be no repetition in the types of side quests you’ll encounter. But, unlike Assassin’s Creed, most of the repetition involves fun things to do. Like frying the crap out of people.

Confession: I Never Beat Mike Tyson



I have a lot of skeletons in my gamer closet. For one, for many years I was more of a casual gamer. Not in respect to the games that I play, mind you. More in the respect of the amount of time I played games, which was somewhere between “zero” and “not nearly as much as now”. I never owned an SNES, never was a big fan of JRPGs (so I missed out on many games that most of you known inside and out), and generally played sports games. I think it’s a good idea to get it all out in the open, you know? Cleanse myself of gaming sins, if you will. So, every now and then, I’ll make a confession. Here goes.

I never beat Mike Tyson. In fact, I never even really got to him when I was a kid and Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out was actually a new game. Years later I made it to him, but I could never get past the opening uppercuts. Maybe once I did, but I didn’t last much longer than that.

I know, I know: when he flashes, dodge! Dodge! DODGE! But I can’t. I’m too twitchy. I get jumpy, and I’m dodging when he’s not doing anything in anticipation of him knocking my head off, and then he actually does punch, and I’m at the end of a dodge and get floored by a huge uppercut.

I like Punch-Out. I actually love it, it’s one of my favorite games of all time. That’s why my inability to beat Iron Mike stands out as such a glaring flaw on my already very flawed gaming resume. I enjoy beating Glass Joe’s ass, and beating the crap out of Von Kaiser, and knocking Bald Bull’s dick in the dirt, but the fun all comes to a halt when I face Tyson. Now, when I do play it, I feel like a man who is living a lie.

RIP Michael Jackson, Leave Your Molester Jokes in the Comments (le sigh)



Thanks for “Thriller”. Well, thanks for pretty much everything previous to “Bad”. You guys can rant all you want about molestation allegations and a crazy white dude with a skinny Skeletor nose and pet giraffe. Black Michael Jackson was the man, and he was somewhere inside that husk that passed away today. I would ask for a seven-day amnesty and ceasefire from little boy molesting jokes, but I know that’s not realistic.

Ask any gamer, and they will tell you that the most important parts of the game industry are the games themselves. That should seem obvious enough, right? With a nod to the consoles and computers that allow us to enjoy them, this entire hobby and the multi-billion dollar industry that it provides are both all about the games.

So why is it that E3's press conferences no longer reflect this simple truth?

Each year, we expect to hear details and see footage of the most highly-anticipated games coming out in the year or so to come, and usually we do get a certain amount of that from the "big three". However, in recent years there has been a steady increase in the amount of emphasis on objects other than games during Microsoft, Nintendo and Sony's time on the stage, whether those objects are peripherals, controllers (or lack there of), or system redesigns.

The question is not only, "when did E3 become less about games and more about peripherals, system upgrades and technical innovations?" but also, "why do we not only condone this, but expect it?" Of course, as with any intriguing questions, there are multiple reasons and events which led to a less game-centric E3.'



First of all, you have the changes within E3 itself over the last couple of years. E3 famously went from being a sort of celebration among gamers who wanted to test out the best upcoming games to a press-only affair that was as much about graphs and sales figures as game demos and videos. Sure, E3 is trying to go back towards what it used to be, but in the meantime, a lot of the mentality behind the original changes remains. Only one of the three major console manufacturers was able to resist the use of sales statistics in their presentation, and even that company still spent a large amount of time talking about things other than the upcoming games themselves.

Also, you can't understate the impact of all of the gaming blogs and websites in all of this. It would simply seem underwhelming to have a press conference consisting of simply the same video game trailers and gameplay videos that we have already seen on gaming websites, anyway. While console manufacturers want to wait to reveal their own changes and innovations until E3, most third-party developers see no real reason to wait until E3 to announce upcoming games or release gameplay footage or trailers. This means that at E3, we are usually unlikely to get our first look at a new third-party game, especially at the press conference of one of the "big three".

However, we can't have a discussion about the decreased emphasis on games themselves at E3's press conferences without looking at perhaps the biggest reason behind the trend: the continued courtship of the ever-elusive "casual gamer". Since the Nintendo Wii and DS alike attracted never-before-seen numbers of folks who traditionally didn't play video games, all three companies have decided that it is in their best interest to implement new ways to not only keep the hardcore gamer interested, but also to attract legions of new gamers, albeit in sneaky ways that avoid the traditional stigmas surrounding video games (ie the overly-complicated controller, or the guy sitting almost lifelessly on his couch, with a trance-like stare towards the television).

Thus, this year the big news at E3 wasn't just the announcements of a new Metal Gear game for the Xbox 360, Final Fantasy XIV for the PS3 (when XIII isn't even out yet, gotta love that!), or some new Mario and Metroid action on the Wii, but also the addition of motion controls for the PS3, body and voice recognition for the Xbox 360, and ummm...a "vitality censor" for the Wii. Whether your reaction to the previous announcements was one of awe, being vaguely creeped out, or just shaking your head, it's undeniable that E3 has become center stage for the annual revealing of new and improved video game gadgetry...even at the expense of video games themselves, perhaps.



It's perhaps unsurprising, then, that we have begun to expect these types of announcements at each year's E3, as a sort of Pavlovian response. At this point, it would be more shocking if Microsoft didn't feature a British girl chatting up a creepy robot boy, or if Sony didn't announce yet another redesign of one of their systems. I'm still surprised that we aren't getting a SuperDuperElite Xbox 360, complete with limited addition Halo: Teabag graphics, to be honest. In other words, we can't blame it all on the companies themselves, because if Microsoft had unveiled Natal and Sony had just been like, "oh, here's some really cool games that are coming out", we'd be talking about how underwhelmed we were by their presentation, and wondering how they're going to counter Microsoft's new technology.

Still, at times it makes little sense to reveal some of these new items to this particular audience. Did anyone in attendance or watching via the internet really care about the Wii Vitality Censor? It's hard to think that the target audience for some of this stuff is the person sitting at home, watching the press conferences on G4. Most people who will be taking advantage of the new Wii Fit functionality probably don't even know what G4 is. Did any of us ever see the day when a company would even bother mentioning a Hannah Montana game during an E3 press conference?

For better or for worse, E3 isn't just about games anymore. In the big business of 21st century gaming, the games themselves are just one aspect of our favorite hobby, and the fascination with new gadgets, technology and Skynet-esque, I-Robot creepiness is now along for the ride. If you're lucky enough to be there in person, E3 is probably still seen as mostly a great chance to play and see the most anticipated games that the industry has to offer. For those of us stuck at home, living through the coverage of gaming blogs and the press conferences themselves, the focus has definitely shifted.

As so many have pointed out over the last month, we're all guilty of being cold-blooded killers. However, I would propose that my crimes are even more demented than those of the majority. I would suggest that what I've done is even sicker than curb-stomping alien foes during battle, or recklessly smooshing an entire race of Goombas.



For gamers like myself, it's the character that I'm controlling that should be nervous. When I have the controller, nobody is safe, but the protagonist is probably in more danger than anyone else. This is because my questionable motor skills, lack of elite level reflexes and general ineptitude has led to the deaths of thousands of characters who trusted their lives to me.

Let me explain. It all started with the NES. During that generation, games were famously more difficult than they are today. Trial-and-error gameplay was not the exception, but the rule. You simply had to die a certain number of times while figuring out things such as enemy placement, how to time your jumps, or what items to use at what time.

At least, that's what I always told myself. Still, even after my brothers and friends had safely guided their characters past the dangerous obstacles and hideous monsters that presented themselves, I was still behind, leading my helpless minion into a never-ending hell of repeated deaths. Some of the greatest heroes in the history of video games were mistreated, tortured and put to death by my hand(s). I led Mario away from the safeness of solid ground and into pits which appeared to have no end. I recklessly forced his brother to jump into the menacing, sharp teeth of killer plants, when all he wanted was to collect some coins and help out a damsel in distress. There's no telling how many times I slaughtered the noble Simon Belmont, keeping him from saving the world from the evil Count Dracula.



Even when I was kept from doing great harm to my character or others, I still managed to make the lives of those who trusted me into a living hell. I quickly turned my garden of beautiful pinatas into a sort of black market, where I would force them into procreation and then sell their children, while answering all protests with a brutal swing of my trusty shovel. When I was allowed into the Sims' neighborhood, I quickly used my god-like abilities to bar Sims from going to the bathroom, forcing them to soil themselves and cry in shame. Or, even worse, I would seal them into an area with nothing but walls, quickly building a tomb in which they would spend their last frantic hours.

Then, there was the dark side of myself. When I found out about the (at the time) very gruesome and graphic ways that your character could die in The Immortal, I couldn't help myself. I led him to be eaten alive by giant worms, forced him into the paths of arrows, and stood idly by, refusing to help as his skin and organs were devoured by flesh-eating slime. Little did he know that I never had any intention of helping him to survive, and I just wanted to see him suffer in as many ways as possible.

I've done the same with many games over the years. Even when Leisure Suit Larry was just looking for love (in all the wrong places), I giggled with glee as I led him into a dark alley to be beaten to death, forced him to have unprotected sex with a hooker (knowing full well of the terrible diseases he'd contract), and threw him into the path of oncoming traffic. Long before I ever took Larry to meet Eve, the woman of his dreams, he had already endured countless deaths, including drowning in a bathroom stall when a clogged toilet filled the bathroom (and his lungs) with water.



As time went on, not a whole lot has changed. Oh sure, I managed to save Cyrodiil, and I led a team of heroes who stopped Gongora, as well. There have been other successes, to be sure. Still, the combination of my lack of top-notch skills and tendency towards the demented side of playing games has ensured that no character that is guided by my controller is safe.



Still, you should not judge! Even the most skilled among you has blood on your hands. The next time you think of death and killing in video games, don't just think of the monsters that you have slain or the evil that you have vanquished, but also the brave heroes that you betrayed; the ones who trusted you with their very lives. Surely, I am not alone in leading so many great men, women and creatures to their violent and untimely deaths.