**This is a re-post of a blog I wrote last night, in a drunken fit of heightened hopes.  Now, hours after, the reality of this Nintendo direct was like the terrible hangover of my drunken expectations. Now I'm updating with verdicts! I hope you enjoy**

Destructoid friends!  I'm sitting here in front of my computer, drinking a rum and ginger ale, slightly persperating in my gross apartment, and I'm unable to shower because my hot water isn't working.  I stew in my existential sweat, sipping my drink and rewatching Breaking Bad from season 1 in preparation for the finale.  Wait, what was I blogging aboOH YEAH NEW NINTENDO DIRECT TOMORROW FUCK YES here's a list of stuff because I'm bored and I hope you're just as bored as I am so you read this or something:


WHAT I WANT FOR XMAS OR I MEAN NINTENDO DIRECT 5/17
STEP 1: a summer's worth of Virtual Console Announcements

-_-obligatory picture of earthbound-_-


Hey Nintendo....I own a Super Mario game for each of my testicles. Instead of the mustachioed plumber dripfeed (no homo){a little homo},let's turn both the cold and hot knobs all the way open.  I want Super Castlevania, some Final Fantasy's (Final fantasies*?), some Megaman X's, Contras, Ghouls and Ghosts, Dragon Quests, hell, how about just hit that giant red button under Reggie's desk and magically convert all of what's already on the Wii Virtual Console to the Wii U Virtual Console.  I know it's there.

Verdict: All Virtual Console announcements for the 3DS. Nothing about the Wii U VC. 0 points

[b][size=3]part 2- the Wrath of Khan: Pikmin 3 demo announcement to come out the next eShop update
[/size][/b]

Nintendo, throw us a bone.  All of us assholes who bought your system were under the impression that Pikmin 3 was coming out sooner than August 4th.  Give us a demo; you know, the one you played for us at e3 last year.  


Verdict: update on what the story is about, another confirmation of release date. However, there was that Best Buy thing. So...half a point

3's company: Wonderful 101 release date that is sooner than I expected and makes me jubilant in the pants area
You know another reason I bought a Wii U so early? It's because I assumed Wonderful 101 would be in the damn system by now.  I love Platinum Games, I loved Platinum Games when they were called Clover Studio and lived in Capcom's basement.  LET ME BUY THIS GOD DAMN GAME BEFORE IT GETS TOO HOT IN MY APARTMENT TO PLAY VIDEOGAMES FOR LONGER THAN 10 MINUTES BEFORE HAVING TO SHOWER, PLEASE.

Verdict: It's coming out later than I expected, so it nets negative 1 points.  But then again, September should be cool enough, so at least it addresses the gross sweaty apartment problem.  It evens out to no points.
oh right and speaking of which:


Lethal Weapon 4: Bayonetta 2 release date
How do you copy paste without right clicking again? You hold down the control key and press...something. anyway. 

Verdict: Nintendo forgot it exists. no point.


5 below: super sexy sneakpeak 80's montage of what we're going to see at e3


This is SO easy.  SO VERY easy.  But then again, last E3 Nintendo closed with a "fireworks display" from Nintendoland.  Let's hope this is the year Nintendo does the Wii U right.  Also, side note: spell check knows that "Nintendo" is a proper noun, and should be capitalized.  I guess they're not doomed after all.

Verdict: They did mention E3, but no video. no point.

666: Reggie's delicious hershey kiss nipples

Can something be Freudian AND intentional? hmm... 

[color=#ff3333]Verdict: no titillation, no point.
[/color]

AND LUCKY 7: super special 3DS announcement that Zelda: LTTP2 is coming out in June!


I'd probably cream my pants if this happened.  Fuck...I'm a fanboy.

Wait, I creamed my pants anyway. CHEERS EVERYONE! Also this is the best thing I've ever written.

Verdict: this was possible extra credit. Didn't actually expect it to happen.


**TALLY** Nintendo didn't even earn a full point out of the possible 6 (7 if you include the bonus). So .5/6...it's definitely worse than almost every other Nintendo Direct. Let's hope E3 will be awesome.

Destructoid friends!  I'm sitting here in front of my computer, drinking a rum and ginger ale, slightly persperating in my gross apartment, and I'm unable to shower because my hot water isn't working.  I stew in my existential sweat, sipping my drink and rewatching Breaking Bad from season 1 in preparation for the finale.  Wait, what was I blogging aboOH YEAH NEW NINTENDO DIRECT TOMORROW FUCK YES here's a list of stuff because I'm bored and I hope you're just as bored as I am so you read this or something:


WHAT I WANT FOR XMAS OR I MEAN NINTENDO DIRECT 5/17

STEP 1: a summer's worth of Virtual Console Announcements

-_-obligatory picture of earthbound-_-


Hey Nintendo....I own a Super Mario game for each of my testicles. Instead of the mustachioed plumber dripfeed (no homo){a little homo},let's turn both the cold and hot knobs all the way open.  I want Super Castlevania, some Final Fantasy's (Final fantasies*?), some Megaman X's, Contras, Ghouls and Ghosts, Dragon Quests, hell, how about just hit that giant red button under Reggie's desk and magically convert all of what's already on the Wii Virtual Console to the Wii U Virtual Console.  I know it's there.



part 2- the Wrath of Khan: Pikmin 3 demo announcement to come out the next eShop update


Nintendo, throw us a bone.  All of us assholes who bought your system were under the impression that Pikmin 3 was coming out sooner than August 4th.  Give us a demo; you know, the one you played for us at e3 last year.  




3's company: Wonderful 101 release date that is sooner than I expected and makes me jubilant in the pants area

You know another reason I bought a Wii U so early? It's because I assumed Wonderful 101 would be in the damn system by now.  I love Platinum Games, I loved Platinum Games when they were called Clover Studio and lived in Capcom's basement.  LET ME BUY THIS GOD DAMN GAME BEFORE IT GETS TOO HOT IN MY APARTMENT TO PLAY VIDEOGAMES FOR LONGER THAN 10 MINUTES BEFORE HAVING TO SHOWER, PLEASE. oh right and speaking of which:


Lethal Weapon 4: Bayonetta 2 release date

How do you copy paste without right clicking again? You hold down the control key and press...something. anyway.

5 below: super sexy sneakpeak 80's montage of what we're going to see at e3


This is SO easy.  SO VERY easy.  But then again, last E3 Nintendo closed with a "fireworks display" from Nintendoland.  Let's hope this is the year Nintendo does the Wii U right.  Also, side note: spell check knows that "Nintendo" is a proper noun, and should be capitalized.  I guess they're not doomed after all.


666: Reggie's delicious hershey kiss nipples

Can something be Freudian AND intentional? hmm...


AND LUCKY 7: super special 3DS announcement that Zelda: LTTP2 is coming out in June!

I'd probably cream my pants if this happened.  Fuck...I'm a fanboy.

Wait, I creamed my pants anyway. CHEERS EVERYONE! Also this is the best thing I've ever written.

Hello, Destructoid community! I'm calling on the good folks here to help fund Dreadout, a very, VERY scary, fatal frame-esque survival horror being developed for the PC.  Here is a little video of people playing the demo:



  


This very fantastic game is being developed by a humble team in Indonesia, and they are $10,000 short of their modest $25,000.00 goal.  I know there are plenty of survival horror fans that frequent this site.  I truly hope this game gets funded, and I hope those of you who are interested will help!  You can visit their website at www.dreadout.com to get more details and download the demo (don't play in the dark), or you can jump right to their indiegogo donation page here: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/dreadout.

Far Cry Blood Dragon starts off hilarious with its spoof on the tutorial, poking fun on a common annoyance in games today.  We've all experienced the obnoxious hand-holding, and that is why the joke landed so perfectly.  Anyone who's played Blood Dragon has been enjoying all of the comedy the title has to offer.  It makes me wonder if THIS particular annoyance I encounter nearly every time I pause the game is also a spoof on our modern day, always-online gaming culture: 




Thanks to always-on DRM and always online singleplayer (Diablo III), PC gamers in particular understand how frustrating it gets when connectivity issues bring the pace of a game to a screeching hault.  Now we have Blood Dragon, which, nearly every time I pause the game to check how I leveled up, or to tweak the video options, it gives me this bullshit stop sign as the game tries (for a solid 30 seconds), and fails, to access the Far Cry Blood Dragon servers.  And for what do we need to "access the servers for", exactly, Ubisoft? And it wouldn't be so bad if it happened one time for each time I started up the game, but it happens often. 

I WISH that this was another joke, another "let's laugh at modern games together" moment.  I truly do.  It would've worked SO well.  In fact, sometimes I think it is a joke, considering how often it happens.  But unfortunately, it may just be a little teaspoon of irony, or a "pot calling the kettle black" scenario.  Those who throw stones shouldn't live in glass houses.




http://www.destructoid.com//ul/user/1/128482-253135-errorjpg-620x.jpg

Good afternoon, Destructoid community. At the current moment, I'm suffering from one of my countless at-work existential crises, so I figured I'd take some time out of this slow burn that is my spritually unfulfilling 45 hour work week to type out an unfocused-albeit-time consuming blog entry.

I dragged my partner along with me to my local Gamestop a couple of nights ago to pick up my copy of Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance. I was stuck behind a couple of folks who were trading in all of their gunked up old shit (If you've ever worked at Gamestop, you know the kind of Gunked up shit i'm talking about). I can see the pain on the clerk's face as he eyed up each disc, wondering how anyone could expect as much as a dime for a game that looks like it was drawn on with a dead pen. My girlfriend and I waited patiently, pointing out all the giant Destiny posters wallpapered on a wired display rack and made jokes about how the protagonist of the game is the giant moon featured on the biggest poster of them all.

It was my turn in line before too long. I tried to be as courteous as i could be, half out of natural discourse to treat other people not as automatons behind a counter but as human beings, and half out of sheer empathy of knowing how painful it is to deal with stacks of grimy games and crusted controllers with buttons that don't press in, and consoles with the guts ripped out, and then having to explain to that same gentleman all of the reasons why you can't take his items for trade, as if he didn't actually know everything he brought in was entirely damaged and/or downright disgusting. The clerk was too numb to give me any kind of positive feedback, so the transaction was a very cold affair regardless.

We walked back to the car and drove to the local Trader Joe's for dried fruit and cookie butter (whoever reads this: go to a Trader Joe's and buy some cookie butter. It's like peanut butter, only...cookie-er.) I actually found a spot really close to my apartment, which by the way, after 8 pm, is a miracle in Bergen County, NJ. We walked in with shopping bags and a new game in hands. And you know what? I didn't even play right away. We ended up having some beers while watching a good 4 or 5 episodes of Battlestar Galactica.

I did, however, have ample time with Metal Gear Rising the next morning. I ended up playing well into the afternoon. If it wasn't for the Zandatsu mechanic, I don't think I would've stayed on the Xbox as long as i did. I am having a blast playing it; although for a co-creation from both Platinum Games and Kojima Productions, I'm not as impressed with either the protagonists or the antagonists as I was expecting to be. I'm currently on level...4 I think?? I'm certainly looking forward to playing more a little later tonight. I was planning on visiting my parents back home in the wonderful New Jersey countryside (yeah it has that, trust me), but I'm going to use my precious minutes to cut more virtual cyborg soldiers into ribbons.

Oh yeah and a bit of a sidenote (although this whole post is entirely unfocused), I downloaded the BLOPS II free weekend multiplayer client on Steam last night, but I couldn't connect at all to anything. Kind of a drag. But hey! Good news fellow Destructoiders; I somehow managed to kill 45 minutes typing up this nonsense...Probably would've been less time if I wasn't at the same time keeping up the appearance (and actuality) of busy-ness. So I guess I'll end this post by apologizing for taking up the bandwith where a tighter, more videogame oriented, much more interesting blog could have been.

Like many independent twenty-somethings in America, my disposable liquid income dries up fairly quickly. Lucky enough for me, my close friend/roommate doesn't have the same issue; he works as an animator for the Adult Swim cartoon Super Jail, and does pretty ok. So whenever a new game is released, he tends to pick it up, which means I get a chance to play it. Last week he came home with a copy of Halo 4, the latest installment in the very title that sealed our friendship 11 years ago (really, we met playing halo at a LAN party). Naturally, last weekend we held a mini LAN reunion party, invited a couple of good friends over (whom i also met at that LAN party) and we played well into the early morning. I even spent a little time with the campaign.

I already get a sense that this installment of the series is going to be one of my favorites, and I'm almost sure it's not simply because it's the newest, shiniest one (although that doesn't hurt). The campaign, from what I've played, is a breath of fresh air for the series. I'm finally interested in Master Chief as a character, something i lost after playing through the disappointing Halo 2 campaign. The multiplayer is well balanced, and the ability to customize my loadouts is a very welcome addition to the series. All of my favorite playlists are still available with new tweaks, such as the ability to throw the oddball, (in oddball and in grifball) infected mode being populated by the flood, etc. There's a lot to love about Halo 4, especially if you've been a fan of the series but have been losing interest (such as myself). There is, however, this ugly thing about Halo 4 that kind of vexes me; and I suppose it's just the face of modern console shooters, yet i still dislike it.
The unlock system is obnoxious, always in my face, constantly reminding me how many kills i need with X gun to get Y experience, and how I'm halfway through this or that daily challenge. I'll level up, and a popup centers itself on my screen telling all of the armor pieces I've "unlocked". When I check my armor inventory though, my new items are only viewable, and i have to complete some commendation to actually use it. I may be the only one who doesn't particularly like this system, but i personally feel that it's the worst sort of gameplay lengthening scheme, creating an extrinsic motivation for playing the game (playing simply to beat the challenges, earn the unlocks, etc) as opposed to an intrinsic one (playing simply because I want to). Earning unlocks isn't a bad thing; I just feel that 343 has completely overdone it. The sheer amount of commendations is overwhelming, and so many armor pieces are locked until you spend a ridiculous amount of time playing - hence the gameplay lengthening scheme. I don't think it'd be the worst thing in the world if the next installment in 343's new trilogy eased up on that kind of stuff, don't you agree? I'd love to hear from everyone. Thanks for reading