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ace of knaves's blog

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ace of knaves avatar 6:52 PM on 09.01.2009  (server time)
Arkham Asylum is INSANEly Fun

Just released for the Xbox360 and that Sony one was Arkham Asylum, a game starring everyone's favorite Man of Steel, Batman. This is probably almost if not the best game with Batman that there ever was. It starts when you are taking the Joker (played last summer by Jack Nicholson and now in the game by Han Solo) to Arkham Asylum to be executed for his crimes against humans, who he feels are persecuting all the mutants. The Clown Prince of Magnetism escapes, unfortunately, and you have to fight through Alcatraz to stop him.

A very good game then ensues. You have to fight lots of bad guys. Sometimes you can see their skeletons with X-Ray vision, which would be better if it just went through their clothes. You punch and kick them and sometimes punch them with boomerangs, but if they have guns you must run up to them even faster and start punching them before they shoot you, which happens a lot sometimes. It kept telling me to hide, but like Frank Miller said, "I'm the Juggernaut bitch," so I knew hiding was for pussies.

I liked this game because it took Batman back to before that Nolan guy ruined it with that man who was a professional and we found it funny when he told everyone. This game is much better, almost as good as those movies where Batman had nipples and was at the peak of his quality along with Mr. Freeze, who was that governor from Rambo. He still doesn't have nipples in the game, but his forearms are big enough that it's okay.

The worst parts of the game are when Scarecrow shows up, because there are lots of annoying glitches. It's like the developers didn't even try. Sometimes most of the wall was gone and Scarecrow was bigger than he should be. I can't believe such a ridiculous flaw was allowed to happen! Shoddy work indeed. I bet Eidos thought they could fool us by paying reviewers like they did that one time, but they didn't trick me. Luckily, they didn't have to, because it got an award from Guinness, so I knew for sure it must be the best, because so is Guinness beer.

Spoilers are given away in this next part, because I am going to talk about the end of the game, which was really super great. Joker gets big like those other bad guys in the game that got big and you must fight him. This was very clever because normally the Joker is sized like you, which isn't scary at all, but when he's bigger his punches can hurt more and that's the sign of a good villain like that Russian in Rocky IV or Hitler. Batman outsmarts Joker with an exploding fist and saves Metropolis, so I knew the game was done then. Then you must race off to fight Tommy Lee Jones, which is what the sequel will be about. I can't wait, because if you didn't like this game, you must be Jokering.

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