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2:04 AM on 08.12.2015

Played Jet Set Radio Future and got a free pack of smokes, today was a good day.

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1:34 AM on 02.25.2015

Zyk's 9 Favourite DToiders

Well this seems to be the new trend with the community blogs, so I guess it’s my turn to tell you weird fucks who I like/masturbate to the most.

  1. Hyper Lemon Buster Cannon

One day I will earn your coveted stamp of approval, one day.

  1. Dreamweaver

You write blogs about Hentai. If that’s not enough to chuck you in my top 9, I don’t know what is. But not only that, you brought back Comments of the Week.

  1. JawshButturBawls

     6. Sonic429

You like Microsoft more than Sony, and you often act as Hoffmann’s foil. For this you will always be one of my favourites.

  1. Chist

My fellow clone of Phil, while you’re presence hasn’t been with us long, it has more than made an impact on this community.

  1. GajKnight

You got me to give Neon Genesis Evangelion another chance, and for that I am forever grateful. You also hit on me alot, and that makes me feel pretty. 

  1. Mike Martin (PhilKenSebben)

How the fuck have you not been jailed for sexual harassment yet?

  1. Occams_Electric_Toothbrush

I don’t think anyone could list their favourite DToiders without mentioning our resplendent black grandmother. You are quite possibly the weirdest person I have ever come into contact with, and I love every second of it. It’s also a joy watching you deal with angry commenters/ Hoffmann.

You’re also one of the few people that I’ve managed to talk to about Rule of Rose (even if it was briefly) 

  1. Nekrosys

Nekrosys is the sexiest DToider of all time (as proven in this piece here: http://www.destructoid.com/blogs/Nekrosys/nekro-s-top-5-sexiest-dtoid-ers-286345.phtml ). He’s a fellow Aussie Metalhead, and I have no idea how many comment sections we’ve de-railed with talk about Metal/Australian Politics. You also give me messed up Anime recommendations.

There’s also a hell of a lot more of you sexy cunts, like Cannibal Steven, Mr Andy Dixon, Elsa, CaltySlitorous, Isay Isay, Cosmonstropolis, Chris Carter, SeymourDuncan17, Cosmic Centipede, Solar Pony Django, elconrado, Brittany Vincent, Jonathan Holmes and of course Its About To Get Gay In Here. You guy’s make this community like my second home and I love each and every one of you for it.

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10:21 PM on 01.15.2015

Why the Refused Classification of Hotline Miami 2 is Censorship.

Recently Hotline Miami 2 was refused classification in Australia (where I live) due to a “graphic” rape scene. Destructoid reported on this with this little article.

http://www.destructoid.com/hotline-miami-2-refused-classification-in-australia-update--286233.phtml

In the article, the author claimed that it was not censorship. They claimed that being refused classification was like being given an AO rating by the ESRB, apparently oblivious to how video games are rated here.

The Australian Classification Board was set up by the government and can actually enforce laws. If the ACB refuses classification to any piece of media, it becomes illegal to sell/display and import said media.  Because the ACB is a government agency it is also illegal to sell a game rated MA15+ and R18+ to anyone under the age of 15 and 18 respectively.

The ESRB on the other hand is a self-regulatory organisation with no real power what so ever, and is used more as a tool for parents to decide what is appropriate for their children. If a game is given an AO rating by the ESRB it only means that they believe that the content contained in the game is only suitable for people over the age of 18. This means that even if ESRB ratings were enforceable by law, it’s still only the equivalent to Australia’s R18+ rating.

One last thing, this is what Oxford defines censorship as –

NOUN

The practice of officially examining books, movies, etc., and suppressing unacceptable parts:

So yes a government board banning certain media is censorship. And for more information on censorship in Australia you might as well check out the ACB's website.

http://www.classification.gov.au/Pages/Home.aspx

 

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11:41 PM on 01.10.2015

Zombie Movies For You To Chew On Pt. 2

Well it’s been a while; and I for one think it’s about time for me to recommend five more zombie movies for you guys.

First up is the British film Cockneys vs Zombies.  Directed by Matthias Hoene and released in 2012, Cockneys vs Zombies is about a zombie outbreak in the East of London and primarily follows brothers Terry and Andy MacGuire, their cousin Katy and their grandfather Ray (as well as all of the other residents at Ray’s retirement home). The acting and gore are pretty well done and the soundtrack is fairly amusing.  

Next is the 2006 Canadian film Fido, directed by Andrew Currie. In a c. 1950s alternate universe space radiation turns the recently deceased into zombies. This causes the people of earth to unite together to combat a zombie apocalypse called “The Zombie Wars”. While humanity survives, residual radiation continues to turn the dead into zombies. In order to live a somewhat regular pre-zombie life, people live in small fenced in communities kept safe by the heroes of The Zombie Wars, Zomcom. Zomcom has also discovered a way to “domesticate” zombies with a special collar to supress their hunger. The actual film concerns the young boy Timmy and his family’s new zombie, the titular Fido. Needless to say hijinks ensue and that the final act is both awesome and hilarious with some fun gore.

The next film I want to suggest to you guys is New Zealand’s Black Sheep, directed by Jonathan King and released in 2006. It’s a film about mutant zombie sheep that feed on human flesh; also people that are bitten also turn zombie sheep. Inspired by the classic Braindead (Dead Alive if you don’t use the metric system), there is plenty of humour and gore, with a touch of bestiality. Sure there’s some environmental message but honestly who gives a fuck about that when you can watch a herd of sheep graze on a crowd of people, or watch a hippie get attacked by a mutant-zombie sheep fetus.

Now if you want something a bit more serious you should give the 2008 film Pontypool a watch. Adapted from the Tony Burgess novel “Pontypool Changes Everything” (by Burgess himself), Pontypool follows the employees of Pontypool, Ontario’s local radio station during a zombie outbreak. All of the acting is great with not a single weak perforce, the only downside to some people is the fact that there is very little in the way of gore or zombies on screen. However I absolutely loved how the zombies spread and I don’t want to ruin it for anyone. Please just watch this one and find out for your selves.

Lastly, I want to recommend 2009’s Dead Air, directed by Corbin Bernsen. Dead Air has a similar set up to Pontypool with the employees of the local radio station reporting on the recent zombie outbreak. This time, the zombies are caused by a terrorist attack that unleashes a virus that turns those infected insanely violent (and somewhat resilient). The film also follows the terrorists responsible as they try to make their way to the radio station that our main hero Logan Burnhardt (played by Bill “Chop Top” Moesley) is currently announcing from. Dead Air makes numerous references to society’s post-911 Islamaphobia as well as paranoia in general, and while I still enjoy Pontypool more than this, it’s still a really good watch with a lot of the gore that was missing from Pontypool.

Well there you go five more Zombie movies for you to chew. Hopefully you give them a shot and have some fun.  If you know of any somewhat unknown zombie movies (or fuck it just horror movies in general) please don’t hesitate to tell me.

Thanks for reading - Zyk

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4:16 PM on 12.24.2014

Zombie Movies For You To Chew On

So my last series of blogs about horror movies from down under was a lot more successful than I imagined it would be. It’s been a couple of months since my last one and I for one think it’s time to do another. The gimmick this time? All of these movies are Zombie movies and I won’t be limiting myself to Australian productions.

First up, as sort of a bridge between my last series and this one, is the 2013 Australian short film “Cargo”. Directed by Ben Howling and Yolanda Ramke and a finalist in the Australian short-film festival Tropfest. “Cargo” concerns a father trying to protect his infant daughter during a zombie outbreak.  It’s only 7 minutes long, so why don’t you check it out right now?

                                              http://youtu.be/gryenlQKTbE

Next up let’s head over to Norway for the sequel to 2009’s “Død Snø (Dead Snow)”,” Død Snø 2 (Dead Snow 2: Red vs. Dead)” which came out this year. Again directed by Tommy Wirkola, “Død Snø 2” picks up immediately after the events of the first film. This time our heroes are trying to prevent the Nazi Zombies from taking over the world. Funnier and gorier than the first, “Død Snø 2” is worth the watch for any fan of Zombie Comedy.

Seriously this movie is so fucking awesome

For my third recommendation, I’m going to go deep into one of my favourite director’s filmography. Yes it’s David Cronenberg’s 1977 classic “Rabid”. A young woman has a motorcycle accident and is rushed to hospital. After she receives some tissue to help save her life, she grows a phallic stinger under her armpit. The stinger is used to drain blood from other people; however people she “feeds” on become rabid monsters. I consider this to be one of David Cronenberg’s best films and it’s a shame that no-one talks about it like they do about “Videodrome” and “The Fly”

                                                                              Fun Fact: This film is set around Christams, so like Die Hard it's offiacially a Chritsmas movie

 

Let’s stay in Canada for a bit because my next recommendation is 2013’s “13 Eerie”, directed by Lowell Dean. A group of forensic undergrads go on a fired trip to a remote island, that unbeknownst to them used to house life-term prisoners. You can already figure out that the island was used for illegal biological experiments on the prisoners, but for as clichéd as the premise is it’s still a fun little romp on a zombie infested island. With some really good practical kills expecially for such a low budget and the actors also do a pretty good job.

Lastly, let’s get a bit kinky as we look at “The Walking Dead: A Hardcore Parody”. Directed by Joanna Angel and Tommy Pistol and released in 2013. The title pretty much gives away what the film is about, it’s a parody of “The Walking Dead” TV series but the characters fuck zombies to death. The reason I’m adding it is just because of how fucking hilarious it is, even for a porn parody.

Well that’s 5 Zombie movies for you to sink your teeth (or penis) into. I will make another one, but most likely after New Year’s. As always, feedback is greatly appreciated.

Happy Holidays - Zyk

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12:20 PM on 12.24.2014

Happy Holidays Destructoid

It's 5am Christmas morning here in Australia as I'm writing this, so don't expect anything good or witty.

Hey DToid, I want to wish you guys a very happy and safe Holidays. Over the past year and a bit I have started to interact more with the community and my only regret is not doing it sooner.

I would also like you give a special Holiday shout out to the following

- Occams_Electric_Toothbrush

- Nekrosys

- PhilKenSebben

- Christ

- sonic429

- Mr. Hoffmann

- GajKnight

- Mr Andy Dixon

And also, BetterCallSaul, who somehow thought I was good enough to follow

Oh, whould you look what we're standing under

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8:41 PM on 10.29.2014

Horror Movies From OZ For Halloween Part III

Ok, part 3 lets do this another 5 Australian horror movies to get in you. 

First up, check out the 2003 zombie film Undead. Directed by Michael and Peter Spierig, Undead follows the inhabitants of an Austalian town overrun by zombies casued by aliens. It's funny with some good gore effects and both a tri and a quad shotgun. It's a hell of a lot of fun a definitely worth a watch for all you zombie lovers. 

Fun Fact: Steven O'Donnell, host of Austalian show Good Game has a bit part as a zombie. 

After Undead, the brothers made Daybreakers. Comming out in 2009, Daybreakers is set in a world where most of the population are vampires. Daybreakers as about what happens when they begin to run out of food, our blood. Short awnser, they turn into freaky bat monsters that feed on regular vampires. I wont really add much to this besides just a few things you should know. The film stars Ethan Hawke, Sam Neil and Willem Dafoe, there is a human resistance group that fights vampires with muscle cars and crossbows and that this film has one of the craziest/ bloodiest final acts of any movie ever. If that dosen't sound awesome to you, than you are obviously the worst person ever.

 Fun Fact: This was filmed in Nekrosys' home town of Brisbane.

If you enjoyed The Tunnel you should also check out Lake Mungo. Directed by Joel Anderson and released in 2008. Lake Mungo is another Found-Footage Mokumentary concerning the family of 16 year old Alice Palmer after she drowns while swimming with her family at a dam. Weird things begin to happen around the house and there are numerous reported sightings of Alice. Like The Tunnel, Lake Mungo relies less on jump-scares and is more of a psychological horror.

I always like to add an older movie to these lists, and this one is no different. Like Patrick, this is another classic Ozploitation film loved by Quentin Tarantino. 1978's Long Weekend directed by Colin Eggleston is about a couple Peter and Marcia as they go camping over a long weekend. While camping they act like complete pieces of shit by littering and killing animals for fun. Soon however nature fights back and because we side with the animals and hate the people it's fun watching them get what's comming. The remake however is pretty bad so maybe avoid it and stay to the original.

The final film for this part is going to have to be another classic, 1984's Razorback. Directed by Russell Mulcahy, Razorback is about a gaint razorback pig messing up an Australian town and slobbering all over everything. It's really dated and the pig looks pretty bad but I can't deny it's a fun little film. Just get some mates together, crack open a few beers, smoke some weed and behold the majesty that is Razorback you wont regret it.

Well that's another five films to watch for Halloween and I can still give you more. And I most likely will as I'm really enjoying making these lists and going through my back catalogue of Horror movies. As always feedback is greatly appreciated.

Happy Halloween - Zyk

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12:39 PM on 10.29.2014

Horror Movies From OZ For Halloween Part 2

So yesterday I gave you guys some suggestions for some horror movies to watch this Halloween. Not content on just telling you about 5 films, I have decided to give you guys another 5 Australian horror movies to sink your teeth into. First up Wolf Creek director Greg McLean's 2007 film Rogue

Rogue is one of those killer animal films. Set in the Australian outback, a tour boat is attacked by a gargantuan salt water crocodile. Our heroes are Pete, an American travel writer and Kate, the woman who runs the boat tour. A fairly simple film, it's still a fun watch with some fun kills and Sam Worthington pre-Avatar. A must watch for any fans of films like Jaws and Piranha.

Next up we have Howling III: The Marsupials. What happens when an Australian tries to make a warewolf movie, it turns into a waremarsupial movie. Directed by Philippe Mora, words really can't describe this film. You have a group of nun/waremarsupials & a scene where the main character giving birth and actually watch her newborn crawl into her pouch. Just watch it if you want to see some weird shit.

(I mean just look at this fucking thing.)

How do you follow up something like that, well how about 2009's The Loved Ones. Directed by Sean Byrne, The Lovend Ones follows teenager Brent. Six months prior to the events of the film, Brent while drivng swerves to avoid hitting a man in the road and ends us causing a crash in which his father is killed. In the present time line he has a best friend and girlfriend but still resorts to smoking pot and cutting himself. Anyway, there is an upcomming dace at his school and the weird chick asks him the go with her. He refuses and lets just say it dosen't end well for him. With some very dark humor reminiscent of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, The Loved Ones is a pretty good watch unless you are squeamish about torture. It does have some boring subplot about Brent's best friend trying to sleep with some goth chick.

Well now after watching The Loved Ones, there is no reason for not checking out 2007's Storm Warning. Directed by Jamie Blanks, Storm Warning concerns married couple Pia and Rob as they go for a fishing trip. This goes wrong when they get lost and wind up on an island where the only other people happen to be psycotic rapists. With some reallly strong performances, the stand out is Nadia Fares who plays Pia. You get some pretty cool and interesting kills as well as one the best rape prevention devices. Again, it's not the greatest thing ever made but is still worth your time.

Ok last movie recommendation for this time is 2008's Dying Breed, directed Jody Dwyer. Dying Breed follows a young woman Nina who goes deep into Tasmania's woods to find proof that the tasmanian tiger is not actually extinct. Nina brings her boyfriend Matt, who also invites his brother Jack and his girlfriend Rebecca. While searching around the area that several years earlier Nina's sister was mysteriously killed, they come across a very small town. The inhabitants happen to be descendants of Alexander Pearce the pie man and live up to the family legacy. There's not much to this film besides some pretty good kills, but it's still worth a watch if you're into films like Wrong Turn and The Hills Have Eyes.

So there you go, another five Australian horror movies for you to watch this Halloween. As before feedback is greatly appreciated and I will try to get one more done before the end of the month.

Happy Halloween - Zyk

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12:23 AM on 10.29.2014

Horror Movies From OZ For Halloween

Ah, Halloween. A time for candy, slutty costumes and all things scary, if you're from North America. No here in the land of OZ, halloween is a very recent thing. I never went trick or treating as a kid, but I do use it as an excuse to watch horrror movies. And I know a lot of you problably do the same thing, so I want to give you guys some suggestions of what to watch. All of these have a common theme of being made here in Australia. First of all is a classic and a favourite of Quentin Tarantino, 1978's Patrick.

Patrick, directed by Richard Franklin is about the titular character Patrick, a man in a coma who also happens to possess psycokinetic powers. Three years prior to the events in the film Patrick kills his mother and her lover while they are in the bath. Patrick falls in love with the new nurse Kathy and uses his powers to communicate with her through an electric typewriter. Patrick also uses his powers to control and kill all of the men in Kathy's life, while also defending himself against Matron Cassidy who wants him dead. It's a little dated by todays standards but is a classic of Australia's golden age of cinema held along side other classics like Gallipoli & Mad Max.

 Fun Fact. When filming Kill Bill Tarantino wanted The Bride to have her eyes open when she was in a coma because that was what happened in Patrick. The scene where she spits is also a reference to Patrick.

Next we have 100 Bloody Acres. A 2012 horror/ comedy driected by brothers Colin and Cameron Cairnes, 100 Bloody Acres concerns the explots of the brothers Reg and Lindsay Morgan who run a small Blood and Bone fertilizer buisness. After younger brother Reg finds a fatal car crash, he decides to take the deceased driver back home but on the way home he also happens to come across 3 city folk on the way to a music festival. Being the nice guy he is, offers to give them a lift while trying to hide the dead body in the back of his truck. Needless to say, they discover the body and the brothers aren't going to let them go. The best horror/ comedy since Shaun of the Dead, it perfectly combines the laughs with some pretty good gore and is perfect for those who find feeding someone into a mulcher humerous.

This next one most of you should have seen before, but just in case check out 2005's Wolf Creek. Directed by Greg McLean and loosely based on Austalian serial killers Ivan Millat and Bradley John Murdoch. Wolf Creek concers English backpackers Liz ans Kristy, as well as their companion Ben from Sydney. After a hike and lunch at Wolf Creek National Park, they come back to the car to find out it wont start. After waiting some time for someone else to show and and possibly help them, Mick Taylor a local pig shooter (a psychopath) shows up and offers them a tow back to his place where he can fix their car. After chatting around the campfire, they do to sleep only to come too tied up to be used as Mick's play things. Not for the faint of heart this film is not recommended for those squeamish about torture. You should also check out the 2013 sequel, it focuses more on Mick and has a quicker pace comparred to the first. But again if you're squeamish about torture, maybe give this one a miss as well.

The last film I want to suggest to you is The Tunnel from 2011 and directed by Carlo Ledesma. A Found-Footage style movie that follows a reporter Natasha, and her crew (Peter, Steven and Tangles), in the abandoned railway tunnels under Sydney. After being refused entry by the security guard, they find another way in. At first they only find abandoned homless squats and shelters used for air raids during the 40s. After a while though, one of them goes missing and while looking for him, the group discovers that they are being stalked by a mysterious figure. With great acting and some pretty great moments. Relying less on jump scares like most others in the genre, the Tunnel deserves to be considered one of the best Found-Footage films alongside REC and Man Bites Dog.

 Fun Fact: This film was crowd-funded and filmed with a budget of $36,000 AUD

So there you go, give 'em a shot this Halloween. This is the first one of these I've done and so I would greatly appreciate some feedback. And hopefully I'll have another one of these done with some more suggestions for you guys before the end of the month.

Happy Halloween - Zyk

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