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Well this seems to be the new trend with the community blogs, so I guess it’s my turn to tell you weird fucks who I like/masturbate to the most.
One day I will earn your coveted stamp of approval, one day.
You write blogs about Hentai. If that’s not enough to chuck you in my top 9, I don’t know what is. But not only that, you brought back Comments of the Week.
You like Microsoft more than Sony, and you often act as Hoffmann’s foil. For this you will always be one of my favourites.
My fellow clone of Phil, while you’re presence hasn’t been with us long, it has more than made an impact on this community.
You got me to give Neon Genesis Evangelion another chance, and for that I am forever grateful. You also hit on me alot, and that makes me feel pretty.
How the fuck have you not been jailed for sexual harassment yet?
I don’t think anyone could list their favourite DToiders without mentioning our resplendent black grandmother. You are quite possibly the weirdest person I have ever come into contact with, and I love every second of it. It’s also a joy watching you deal with angry commenters/ Hoffmann.
You’re also one of the few people that I’ve managed to talk to about Rule of Rose (even if it was briefly)
Nekrosys is the sexiest DToider of all time (as proven in this piece here: http://www.destructoid.com/blogs/Nekrosys/nekro-s-top-5-sexiest-dtoid-ers-286345.phtml ). He’s a fellow Aussie Metalhead, and I have no idea how many comment sections we’ve de-railed with talk about Metal/Australian Politics. You also give me messed up Anime recommendations.
There’s also a hell of a lot more of you sexy cunts, like Cannibal Steven, Mr Andy Dixon, Elsa, CaltySlitorous, Isay Isay, Cosmonstropolis, Chris Carter, SeymourDuncan17, Cosmic Centipede, Solar Pony Django, elconrado, Brittany Vincent, Jonathan Holmes and of course Its About To Get Gay In Here. You guy’s make this community like my second home and I love each and every one of you for it.
Recently Hotline Miami 2 was refused classification in Australia (where I live) due to a “graphic” rape scene. Destructoid reported on this with this little article.
In the article, the author claimed that it was not censorship. They claimed that being refused classification was like being given an AO rating by the ESRB, apparently oblivious to how video games are rated here.
The Australian Classification Board was set up by the government and can actually enforce laws. If the ACB refuses classification to any piece of media, it becomes illegal to sell/display and import said media. Because the ACB is a government agency it is also illegal to sell a game rated MA15+ and R18+ to anyone under the age of 15 and 18 respectively.
The ESRB on the other hand is a self-regulatory organisation with no real power what so ever, and is used more as a tool for parents to decide what is appropriate for their children. If a game is given an AO rating by the ESRB it only means that they believe that the content contained in the game is only suitable for people over the age of 18. This means that even if ESRB ratings were enforceable by law, it’s still only the equivalent to Australia’s R18+ rating.
One last thing, this is what Oxford defines censorship as –
The practice of officially examining books, movies, etc., and suppressing unacceptable parts:
So yes a government board banning certain media is censorship. And for more information on censorship in Australia you might as well check out the ACB's website.
Well it’s been a while; and I for one think it’s about time for me to recommend five more zombie movies for you guys.
First up is the British film Cockneys vs Zombies. Directed by Matthias Hoene and released in 2012, Cockneys vs Zombies is about a zombie outbreak in the East of London and primarily follows brothers Terry and Andy MacGuire, their cousin Katy and their grandfather Ray (as well as all of the other residents at Ray’s retirement home). The acting and gore are pretty well done and the soundtrack is fairly amusing.
Next is the 2006 Canadian film Fido, directed by Andrew Currie. In a c. 1950s alternate universe space radiation turns the recently deceased into zombies. This causes the people of earth to unite together to combat a zombie apocalypse called “The Zombie Wars”. While humanity survives, residual radiation continues to turn the dead into zombies. In order to live a somewhat regular pre-zombie life, people live in small fenced in communities kept safe by the heroes of The Zombie Wars, Zomcom. Zomcom has also discovered a way to “domesticate” zombies with a special collar to supress their hunger. The actual film concerns the young boy Timmy and his family’s new zombie, the titular Fido. Needless to say hijinks ensue and that the final act is both awesome and hilarious with some fun gore.
The next film I want to suggest to you guys is New Zealand’s Black Sheep, directed by Jonathan King and released in 2006. It’s a film about mutant zombie sheep that feed on human flesh; also people that are bitten also turn zombie sheep. Inspired by the classic Braindead (Dead Alive if you don’t use the metric system), there is plenty of humour and gore, with a touch of bestiality. Sure there’s some environmental message but honestly who gives a fuck about that when you can watch a herd of sheep graze on a crowd of people, or watch a hippie get attacked by a mutant-zombie sheep fetus.
Now if you want something a bit more serious you should give the 2008 film Pontypool a watch. Adapted from the Tony Burgess novel “Pontypool Changes Everything” (by Burgess himself), Pontypool follows the employees of Pontypool, Ontario’s local radio station during a zombie outbreak. All of the acting is great with not a single weak perforce, the only downside to some people is the fact that there is very little in the way of gore or zombies on screen. However I absolutely loved how the zombies spread and I don’t want to ruin it for anyone. Please just watch this one and find out for your selves.
Lastly, I want to recommend 2009’s Dead Air, directed by Corbin Bernsen. Dead Air has a similar set up to Pontypool with the employees of the local radio station reporting on the recent zombie outbreak. This time, the zombies are caused by a terrorist attack that unleashes a virus that turns those infected insanely violent (and somewhat resilient). The film also follows the terrorists responsible as they try to make their way to the radio station that our main hero Logan Burnhardt (played by Bill “Chop Top” Moesley) is currently announcing from. Dead Air makes numerous references to society’s post-911 Islamaphobia as well as paranoia in general, and while I still enjoy Pontypool more than this, it’s still a really good watch with a lot of the gore that was missing from Pontypool.
Well there you go five more Zombie movies for you to chew. Hopefully you give them a shot and have some fun. If you know of any somewhat unknown zombie movies (or fuck it just horror movies in general) please don’t hesitate to tell me.
Thanks for reading - Zyk
So my last series of blogs about horror movies from down under was a lot more successful than I imagined it would be. It’s been a couple of months since my last one and I for one think it’s time to do another. The gimmick this time? All of these movies are Zombie movies and I won’t be limiting myself to Australian productions.
First up, as sort of a bridge between my last series and this one, is the 2013 Australian short film “Cargo”. Directed by Ben Howling and Yolanda Ramke and a finalist in the Australian short-film festival Tropfest. “Cargo” concerns a father trying to protect his infant daughter during a zombie outbreak. It’s only 7 minutes long, so why don’t you check it out right now?
Next up let’s head over to Norway for the sequel to 2009’s “Død Snø (Dead Snow)”,” Død Snø 2 (Dead Snow 2: Red vs. Dead)” which came out this year. Again directed by Tommy Wirkola, “Død Snø 2” picks up immediately after the events of the first film. This time our heroes are trying to prevent the Nazi Zombies from taking over the world. Funnier and gorier than the first, “Død Snø 2” is worth the watch for any fan of Zombie Comedy.
Seriously this movie is so fucking awesome
For my third recommendation, I’m going to go deep into one of my favourite director’s filmography. Yes it’s David Cronenberg’s 1977 classic “Rabid”. A young woman has a motorcycle accident and is rushed to hospital. After she receives some tissue to help save her life, she grows a phallic stinger under her armpit. The stinger is used to drain blood from other people; however people she “feeds” on become rabid monsters. I consider this to be one of David Cronenberg’s best films and it’s a shame that no-one talks about it like they do about “Videodrome” and “The Fly”
Fun Fact: This film is set around Christams, so like Die Hard it's offiacially a Chritsmas movie
Let’s stay in Canada for a bit because my next recommendation is 2013’s “13 Eerie”, directed by Lowell Dean. A group of forensic undergrads go on a fired trip to a remote island, that unbeknownst to them used to house life-term prisoners. You can already figure out that the island was used for illegal biological experiments on the prisoners, but for as clichéd as the premise is it’s still a fun little romp on a zombie infested island. With some really good practical kills expecially for such a low budget and the actors also do a pretty good job.
Lastly, let’s get a bit kinky as we look at “The Walking Dead: A Hardcore Parody”. Directed by Joanna Angel and Tommy Pistol and released in 2013. The title pretty much gives away what the film is about, it’s a parody of “The Walking Dead” TV series but the characters fuck zombies to death. The reason I’m adding it is just because of how fucking hilarious it is, even for a porn parody.
Well that’s 5 Zombie movies for you to sink your teeth (or penis) into. I will make another one, but most likely after New Year’s. As always, feedback is greatly appreciated.
Happy Holidays - Zyk
It's 5am Christmas morning here in Australia as I'm writing this, so don't expect anything good or witty.
Hey DToid, I want to wish you guys a very happy and safe Holidays. Over the past year and a bit I have started to interact more with the community and my only regret is not doing it sooner.
I would also like you give a special Holiday shout out to the following
- Mr. Hoffmann
- Mr Andy Dixon
And also, BetterCallSaul, who somehow thought I was good enough to follow
Oh, whould you look what we're standing under
Ok, part 3 lets do this another 5 Australian horror movies to get in you.
First up, check out the 2003 zombie film Undead. Directed by Michael and Peter Spierig, Undead follows the inhabitants of an Austalian town overrun by zombies casued by aliens. It's funny with some good gore effects and both a tri and a quad shotgun. It's a hell of a lot of fun a definitely worth a watch for all you zombie lovers.
Fun Fact: Steven O'Donnell, host of Austalian show Good Game has a bit part as a zombie.
After Undead, the brothers made Daybreakers. Comming out in 2009, Daybreakers is set in a world where most of the population are vampires. Daybreakers as about what happens when they begin to run out of food, our blood. Short awnser, they turn into freaky bat monsters that feed on regular vampires. I wont really add much to this besides just a few things you should know. The film stars Ethan Hawke, Sam Neil and Willem Dafoe, there is a human resistance group that fights vampires with muscle cars and crossbows and that this film has one of the craziest/ bloodiest final acts of any movie ever. If that dosen't sound awesome to you, than you are obviously the worst person ever.
Fun Fact: This was filmed in Nekrosys' home town of Brisbane.
If you enjoyed The Tunnel you should also check out Lake Mungo. Directed by Joel Anderson and released in 2008. Lake Mungo is another Found-Footage Mokumentary concerning the family of 16 year old Alice Palmer after she drowns while swimming with her family at a dam. Weird things begin to happen around the house and there are numerous reported sightings of Alice. Like The Tunnel, Lake Mungo relies less on jump-scares and is more of a psychological horror.
I always like to add an older movie to these lists, and this one is no different. Like Patrick, this is another classic Ozploitation film loved by Quentin Tarantino. 1978's Long Weekend directed by Colin Eggleston is about a couple Peter and Marcia as they go camping over a long weekend. While camping they act like complete pieces of shit by littering and killing animals for fun. Soon however nature fights back and because we side with the animals and hate the people it's fun watching them get what's comming. The remake however is pretty bad so maybe avoid it and stay to the original.
The final film for this part is going to have to be another classic, 1984's Razorback. Directed by Russell Mulcahy, Razorback is about a gaint razorback pig messing up an Australian town and slobbering all over everything. It's really dated and the pig looks pretty bad but I can't deny it's a fun little film. Just get some mates together, crack open a few beers, smoke some weed and behold the majesty that is Razorback you wont regret it.
Well that's another five films to watch for Halloween and I can still give you more. And I most likely will as I'm really enjoying making these lists and going through my back catalogue of Horror movies. As always feedback is greatly appreciated.
Happy Halloween - Zyk